Box Office Top Ten 10/15

Hello world! Man here we are sitting on the other side of another epic series of Disney style grading leaving me once more with that classic dilemma: what to write about? And once more I will answer it classically, bombastically, and colonoscopy… I think. Anyway, let’s move on from that totally not the right word typed sentence and look at this week’s Box Office Top Ten. Where I go from least to most grossing and talk about why you should watch each movie!

10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Yay, she’s back!! Who are those guys?

An uplifting story about a group of mis-understood teens who band together and find warmth and understanding in each other’s company. Also, Hermoine Granger!!! I mean… Emma Watson. Who played Hermoine Granger (the best actor of the HP Trifecta) and was at one point or another the crush of every person on earth. Seriously, this is supposed to be a really good movie based on a really good book about really cool people. Also seriously: Emma Watson.

You should see it because: You have a Harry Potter poster hanging in your room with a picture of your own face hot glued over Ron Weasely’s. Or you like good uplifting movies about finding acceptance in a cruel world. Whatever.

9. Seven Psychopaths

An indie-comedy/kidnapping story about a group of friends who steal dogs so that they can return them for profit. It’s working great until they steal the dog of some crazy person who then hunts for them everywhere and tried to murder there faces. I honestly haven’t decided how I feel about this movie… it’s got a really interesting cast in Collin Farrel, Woody Harrelson, and Christopher Walken and the story looks different and interesting… I honestly don’t know. Most people really seemed to like it and think it was funny in an intelligent way as opposed to funny in a way that makes my brain try to drown itself in its own sad childhood memories… We’ll have to see.

You should see it because: you’re looking for something different and interesting and don’t mind risking ten of dollars to see what it’s about.

8. Looper

You should watch Looper. It’s an action/sci-fi movie featuring a really cool premise and the acting styles of Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Bruce Willis. In a summer that was mostly full of re-makes and wannabees Looper is the real deal. It is R rated though so please do bear that in mind and leave the kiddies at home.

You should see it because: It’s awesome.

7. Frankenweenie

Its name is Frankenweenie. Do you really want to see it? Me. Either. Here’s the thing: I really like Tim Burton as a director but the one thing he struggles with at times is that a lot of his movies feature the same basic premise and the same basic characters. This movie has classic Tim Burton written all over it. There will be weird quirky/morbid humor, misunderstood characters who find a way to use their abilities for good, and Claymation characters with HUGE eyes. I’m not saying Frankenweenie will be a bad movie, just that it’s probably gonna be a lot like most of Tim Burton’s other movies.

“What do you mean big eyes?”

You should see it because: You already watched Looper and have never seen a Tim Burton movie before… in which case you should probably just go watch one of his other better ones… so nevermind. Don’t go watch this.

6. Pitch Perfect

Pitch Perfect is a movie about a women’s a cappella group taking on a men’s a cappella group in some sort of a cappella throwdown of some sort…. Cause that totally happens. Seriously though from what I hear Pitch Perfect is funny and has good music to it. If it’s your thing you should probably check it out and see what’s happening. Or (as my wife described it) “It looks kind of like Glee, except good!”

You should see it because: You like funny movies and catchy tunes. And/or you’re a closet a cappella-ist waiting for your time in the sun. (P.S. This is not it… nor will it be soon… or ever.)

On a side bar who knew A Cappella was two words? I know I didn’t. Then again my knowledge of grammar is about the same as what a small duckling understands about Plutarch’s Lives so it’s not exactly a great litmus test.

5. Here Come’s The Boom

Oh look!! It’s Kevin James… yay… Kevin… I’m so happy to see you. You didn’t happen to bring Will Smith and the cast and storyline of Hitch did you? Then no, I’m probably not interested. Seriously this movie doesn’t look nearly as bad as “Zookeeper” was, but that’s like saying that a raging death filled wildfire isn’t nearly as bad as a nuclear explosion… neither one is exactly what you’re going for.

Somewhere deep down I want to like Kevin James’ movie… but then Kevin James keeps being in them.

You should see it because: umm… you’re Kevin James’ brother?? Nah still don’t see it James James. Just tell Kevin you’re going to watch it and then watch Looper. He’ll never know.

4. Hotel Transylvania

Adam Sandler AND Kevin James are in this movie!! And Andy Sandberg! Man… it’s like all the people I hate in the world got together in one movie so it  would be easier not to watch them!! Thanks guys.

You should see it because: You died in the theater watching the movie before this one and nobody has come to collect your slowly rotting corpse yet.

3. Sinister

Some guy finds some old movies and watches them and his family gets haunted. Isn’t just The Ring and Amityville Horror run into each other at high speeds? I realize horror is a genre I am strongly biased against (I’m a big fan of storyline and in Horror movies that’s reduced to; “Someone does something and then… Monsters??”) but Sinister is, from what I’ve heard, bad by even horror standards so… yeah.

You should see it because: You already watched Looper, Seven Psychopaths, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Pitch Perfect and still have money that you hate saving.

2. Argo

This is a movie by Ben Affleck who I have long since forgiven for being in Daredevil… mostly. I still haven’t forgiven him for that dumb duck commercial but whatever. Anyway this being a Ben Affleck movie there are a couple things you can expect: At least one person in this movie will be nominated for an academy award and the movie will be good, kinda slow but worth it in the end. This is also one of those: based on a true story things, and those are always interesting too.

You should see it because: you’re in the mood for a more quite, thinky sort of movie, and you don’t mind Ben Affleck’s new man-beard.

Give him a flannel shirt and this whole movie becomes about logging.

1. Taken 2

Ah, Liam Neeson. You crazy punchy man you. Taken 2 is basically Taken 1 except this time there’s a two at the end of it. But let’s face it, we’re not watching this movie for it’s great storyline. We’re watching it cause Liam Neeson is cool and because he’s really really good at punching people. Neeson is one of the few actors who can ground action characters into something more than random punching machines and for all my talk about how cool he is (which he is) the thing I appreciate about him the most is the connection he always manages to make with the audience. You go Liam… you go!

You should see it because: you want more sweetness in your life.

My pick of the week: Toss up between Looper and Taken 2 which is gonna land on…. Looper.

Looper: It’s exactly that cool.

Yup. It’s so hard these days to find a movie that isn’t a sequel (Taken 2) a re-boot or just another version of an idea that somebody else already had. Looper looks to be that rare combination of a well executed new idea, with a stellar cast, and a great script!

So there you have it interfriends! Happy Monday and I’ll see you Thursday afternoon  for another topic which I will call: Five Tips for Working With Children’s.

Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2012

So looking at the site numbers for the last week it really turns out that we did just about the same amount of business last week as we do weeks when I actually post something! So I’m not posting anymore. Although… I have to post to post that I’m not posting anymore so I guess I might as well post about something….. I think.

Happy 2012 everyone! I had some great holiday days filled with family and friends and time with my girlfriend and the loss of hearing in my right ear (yes this actually happened… and continues to be happening). And now here I am sitting in front of my computer gazing into the massive real of stuff that I could write about. But at this festive time of year full of… fests… I guess. What better way to welcome in the new year then with:

The Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2012 

Number 10: The “Sort of excited about but not sure” list. Or (as it’s more popularly known) “I couldn’t limit the list to ten” Anyway here’s a list of this category.

      The Raven: Probably will be a good movie featuring John Cusack (an underrated but very talented actor) playing Edgar Allen Poe as he tries to hunt down a murderer who uses Poe’s short stories as the inspiration for his killings. I would be more excited for this if the cast (aside from Cusack) wasn’t comprised of B list actors who have definitely never read Poe.

     Taken 2: Yes it’s the sequel to one of my favorite movies and yes it does star one of my favorite actors but… I don’t know… this didn’t feel like a movie that really needed a sequel. It was an amazingly awesome slice of cinematic chocolate cake but… I’m not sure seconds are really called for. If the movie turns out to be awesome then great, but I wouldn’t be overly surprised if it wasn’t.

     Les Miserables: Yup… this movie is here. Hugh Jackmen, Helen Bonham Carter, and Russel Crowe might actually make me sit through a musical without making me want to stuff my ears with movie popcorn… maybe.

      Skyfall: The latest in the James Bond series will still star Daniel CraigAND will feature Javier Bardem as it’s main villain. Yes, I’m interested, no I don’t really have very high expectations for it.

Number 9: The Bourne Legacy

I’m a big fan of the Bourne series on the whole…. also a fan of being born… and the word borne… and Beorn from Lord of the rings… anyway, I liked Matt Damon in the originals, thought the idea was cool and the characters were well defined. The fourth movie in the series starts things off fresh with a new star (the increasingly cool Jeremy Renner) and a whole new storyline. No one’s really saying much about the plot of this newest installment but I’m interested enough to keep the movie on my radar anyway.

Number 8: Looper

Cool idea, cool cast, cool poster... I'm in.

An interesting sounding movie that features a cool plot, a solid director and a good cast led by Jospeh Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis. Basically what’s going down here is that Levitt plays a futuristic assassin who kills people and hides their his crime by launching the evidence into the past. He’s murdering his own happy way through dixie land when he runs into an older version of himself (played by Bruce Willis). A version of himself that had been launched back in time!! And let the drama ensue. Sounds interesting if nothing else and could be a cool idea. Granted I said the same thing about “In Time” a movie that came out this year and managed to be absolutely horrible but “Looper” has the extreme advantage of not having Amanda Seigfried in it.

Number 7: Snow White and the Huntsman

Feed the birds tupons a bag...

I got on this train after the first trailer for this movie came out and was awesome! And yes I have taken ridicule for it! Yes the commoners have laughed at me for backing a movie that features the cement laden face of Kristin Stewart. But ya know what internet? I’m sticking with it. I think a good director, a cool visual style, and the meaty frame of Chris Hemsworth (Thor) are enough to save a movie from Kristin Stewart’s one and only one expression. So there!

Number 6: The Grey

Liam Neeson: this years nominee for coolest thing ever.

Liam Neeson and a bunch of people who aren’t nearly as cool as Liam Neeson crash in some snowy place and have to survive the wilderness and some seriously ticked off wolves in order to make it back home. Or (to simplify things) Liam Neeson vs. Wolves. I’m watching this.

Number 5: The Avengers

Yes, this movie is only listed at number 5. Calm down comic book fans I have not deserted you. I really think this will be a great movie. I do. BUT it has the potential to be horrible. Yes it has a great cast (Jeremy Renner, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo etc.) and one of my favorite writers/directors (Josh Whedon) but it’s also an ensemble cast movie and those horrify me. Did you watch Fantastic Four? Do you remember the utter pile of putrid failure that was that movie? Do you? I do. And I have not recovered.

Number 4: Dark Shadows

Another Tim Burton movie!! I feel better about 2012 already!

Johnny Depp plays a vampire. Helen Bonham Carter plays a live at home psychiatrist. And Tim Burton directs another incredibly freaky but AWESOME movie. Honestly the only reason this isn’t higher on this list is because the last three movies are just that epic. Anytime Burton and Depp get together it makes something worth watching and adding in the crazy premise this movie is built on will only make things that much better.

Number 3: The Amazing Spider-man

Andrew Garfield is awesome and spiderman... are you?

I have literally comprised a 1500 plus word Thesis on why it’s okay for us to make a new Spiderman movie now. And nothing that The Amazing Spider-man has done so far has shaken me from the firm belief that this will be good for Spidey fans everywhere. Andrew Garfield (the new spider man) is brilliant and I think this movie will be dramatically different enough from the original Spider movies that even the most ardent fans of the old ones will have to admit that it was well worth the re-boot. Also someone has to free me from the nightmares I still have of Tobey Maguire crying while wearing a Spider-man suit… ew…

Number 2: The Hobbit

There's an actual poster for this movie now but it involves a not dragon. So... I used this one... for the dragon.

After YEARS of production halts and director switches The Hobbit movie is finally coming to town!! And I am excited. Sure the new trailer didn’t really feature any of the awesome climactic battle sequences that punctuated the original trilogy but the movie has almost an entire year before it actually hits theaters. A lot of orcs and horses and things left to be animated, I guarantee it. Unless I am completely wrong and have no business writing about movies (shut-up) this will be an awesome movie.

And finally in what is a surprise to exactly no one my most anticipated movie of 2012 is…

Number 1: Star Wars Episode 1 in 3D 

Cause the only thing better then watching a decent movie with an iffy script and one of the most annoying characters in the entire galaxy... is doing it in 3D.

Ba ha ha, no. Re-releasing a movie in 3D is like trying to sell me a candy bar wrapper without the candy bar inside!

For real number 1: The Dark Knight Rises.

Was there ever any doubt?

Yup. Look I realize I may be sorely disappointed by this movie. I realize that lightning is unlikely to strike a series twice and that the Batman trilogy has already produced one of the great movies of our generation but this is a top ten most anticipated list and if I can’t get excited about a movie like this then there is no reason at all for me to keep watching movies.

Well there you have it America…. or at least the very small percentage of America that reads this blog. Carry on into the new year knowing that it will be filled with singing Hugh Jackmens, falling Batmans, and (of course) Johnny Depp being insane.