Hello world! Man here we are sitting on the other side of another epic series of Disney style grading leaving me once more with that classic dilemma: what to write about? And once more I will answer it classically, bombastically, and colonoscopy… I think. Anyway, let’s move on from that totally not the right word typed sentence and look at this week’s Box Office Top Ten. Where I go from least to most grossing and talk about why you should watch each movie!

10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Yay, she’s back!! Who are those guys?

An uplifting story about a group of mis-understood teens who band together and find warmth and understanding in each other’s company. Also, Hermoine Granger!!! I mean… Emma Watson. Who played Hermoine Granger (the best actor of the HP Trifecta) and was at one point or another the crush of every person on earth. Seriously, this is supposed to be a really good movie based on a really good book about really cool people. Also seriously: Emma Watson.

You should see it because: You have a Harry Potter poster hanging in your room with a picture of your own face hot glued over Ron Weasely’s. Or you like good uplifting movies about finding acceptance in a cruel world. Whatever.

9. Seven Psychopaths

An indie-comedy/kidnapping story about a group of friends who steal dogs so that they can return them for profit. It’s working great until they steal the dog of some crazy person who then hunts for them everywhere and tried to murder there faces. I honestly haven’t decided how I feel about this movie… it’s got a really interesting cast in Collin Farrel, Woody Harrelson, and Christopher Walken and the story looks different and interesting… I honestly don’t know. Most people really seemed to like it and think it was funny in an intelligent way as opposed to funny in a way that makes my brain try to drown itself in its own sad childhood memories… We’ll have to see.

You should see it because: you’re looking for something different and interesting and don’t mind risking ten of dollars to see what it’s about.

8. Looper

You should watch Looper. It’s an action/sci-fi movie featuring a really cool premise and the acting styles of Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Bruce Willis. In a summer that was mostly full of re-makes and wannabees Looper is the real deal. It is R rated though so please do bear that in mind and leave the kiddies at home.

You should see it because: It’s awesome.

7. Frankenweenie

Its name is Frankenweenie. Do you really want to see it? Me. Either. Here’s the thing: I really like Tim Burton as a director but the one thing he struggles with at times is that a lot of his movies feature the same basic premise and the same basic characters. This movie has classic Tim Burton written all over it. There will be weird quirky/morbid humor, misunderstood characters who find a way to use their abilities for good, and Claymation characters with HUGE eyes. I’m not saying Frankenweenie will be a bad movie, just that it’s probably gonna be a lot like most of Tim Burton’s other movies.

“What do you mean big eyes?”

You should see it because: You already watched Looper and have never seen a Tim Burton movie before… in which case you should probably just go watch one of his other better ones… so nevermind. Don’t go watch this.

6. Pitch Perfect

Pitch Perfect is a movie about a women’s a cappella group taking on a men’s a cappella group in some sort of a cappella throwdown of some sort…. Cause that totally happens. Seriously though from what I hear Pitch Perfect is funny and has good music to it. If it’s your thing you should probably check it out and see what’s happening. Or (as my wife described it) “It looks kind of like Glee, except good!”

You should see it because: You like funny movies and catchy tunes. And/or you’re a closet a cappella-ist waiting for your time in the sun. (P.S. This is not it… nor will it be soon… or ever.)

On a side bar who knew A Cappella was two words? I know I didn’t. Then again my knowledge of grammar is about the same as what a small duckling understands about Plutarch’s Lives so it’s not exactly a great litmus test.

5. Here Come’s The Boom

Oh look!! It’s Kevin James… yay… Kevin… I’m so happy to see you. You didn’t happen to bring Will Smith and the cast and storyline of Hitch did you? Then no, I’m probably not interested. Seriously this movie doesn’t look nearly as bad as “Zookeeper” was, but that’s like saying that a raging death filled wildfire isn’t nearly as bad as a nuclear explosion… neither one is exactly what you’re going for.

Somewhere deep down I want to like Kevin James’ movie… but then Kevin James keeps being in them.

You should see it because: umm… you’re Kevin James’ brother?? Nah still don’t see it James James. Just tell Kevin you’re going to watch it and then watch Looper. He’ll never know.

4. Hotel Transylvania

Adam Sandler AND Kevin James are in this movie!! And Andy Sandberg! Man… it’s like all the people I hate in the world got together in one movie so it  would be easier not to watch them!! Thanks guys.

You should see it because: You died in the theater watching the movie before this one and nobody has come to collect your slowly rotting corpse yet.

3. Sinister

Some guy finds some old movies and watches them and his family gets haunted. Isn’t just The Ring and Amityville Horror run into each other at high speeds? I realize horror is a genre I am strongly biased against (I’m a big fan of storyline and in Horror movies that’s reduced to; “Someone does something and then… Monsters??”) but Sinister is, from what I’ve heard, bad by even horror standards so… yeah.

You should see it because: You already watched Looper, Seven Psychopaths, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Pitch Perfect and still have money that you hate saving.

2. Argo

This is a movie by Ben Affleck who I have long since forgiven for being in Daredevil… mostly. I still haven’t forgiven him for that dumb duck commercial but whatever. Anyway this being a Ben Affleck movie there are a couple things you can expect: At least one person in this movie will be nominated for an academy award and the movie will be good, kinda slow but worth it in the end. This is also one of those: based on a true story things, and those are always interesting too.

You should see it because: you’re in the mood for a more quite, thinky sort of movie, and you don’t mind Ben Affleck’s new man-beard.

Give him a flannel shirt and this whole movie becomes about logging.

1. Taken 2

Ah, Liam Neeson. You crazy punchy man you. Taken 2 is basically Taken 1 except this time there’s a two at the end of it. But let’s face it, we’re not watching this movie for it’s great storyline. We’re watching it cause Liam Neeson is cool and because he’s really really good at punching people. Neeson is one of the few actors who can ground action characters into something more than random punching machines and for all my talk about how cool he is (which he is) the thing I appreciate about him the most is the connection he always manages to make with the audience. You go Liam… you go!

You should see it because: you want more sweetness in your life.

My pick of the week: Toss up between Looper and Taken 2 which is gonna land on…. Looper.

Looper: It’s exactly that cool.

Yup. It’s so hard these days to find a movie that isn’t a sequel (Taken 2) a re-boot or just another version of an idea that somebody else already had. Looper looks to be that rare combination of a well executed new idea, with a stellar cast, and a great script!

So there you have it interfriends! Happy Monday and I’ll see you Thursday afternoon  for another topic which I will call: Five Tips for Working With Children’s.

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