Archive for the ‘Weekly Headlines’ Category

Well hey audience! Welcome to Thursday, you did the thing… mostly. I mean sure it’s not REALLY the weekend yet, but Friday is basically just Weekend Lite. Nothing truly profitable has ever happened on a Friday. Friday’s are just days for half way doing things that you will inevitably have to re-do on Monday anyway.

The Weekly Headlines 6/15/2017

Jessica Chastain is in talks for the villain role in the upcoming ‘X-men: Dark Phoenix (what do you mean we already made Dark Phoenix.)’ Do we HAVE to make this movie guys? I mean… I mean really can we just leave the X-men alone for a little bit? Also, you guys are aware that there are other X-men stories than Dark Phoenix right?? We’ve done this one twice now and neither time has it worked. So now we’ve got an unremarkable cast, telling a tired story, that the audience is tired of. Nothing about this movie interests me. Literally nothing. I just don’t care anymore X-men, go home take a nap, check in with me in a few years.


Remember these boring people??? Well… they’re back. Apparently. Yay…


Oh hey, speaking of things I don’t care at all about, Cars 3. That’s happening this week. Cars 3 is really going for the Nascar sort of “sit through 10 hours of nothing for like a ten minute stretch of interesting things, during which somebody probably got hurt real bad. In this case the injury occurring to me: the person watching it.

The “Dark Universe” as we’re apparently calling it now took a hit this week when ‘The Mummy’ failed to make even a tiny bit of ‘The Money.’ For those of you who don’t know ‘The Dark Universe’ is what Universal studios is calling it’s new Monster Franchise and when I say ‘new’ I mean new! They tried this with Dracula Untold and it failed, so they semi-tried it again with Frankenstein which also tanked but if Universal studios has learned anything over it’s years as a viable movie making company it’s that constant colossal failure doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do the exact same thing again. Included in the Dark Universe Monster Mash are The Mummy (sort of), Frankenstein(‘s Bride), the Invisible Man (as played by Johnny Depp for some reason,) Dracula (a new one… again) Dr. Jekyll, the creature from the Black Lagoon (cause apparently that is still a thing that exists) and then just to make the creature from the Black Lagoon look less fantastically out of place they’ve also included The Phantom of the Opera and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Wait, what????? The Hunchback of Notre Dame isn’t a supernatural character even a little bit. He’s a deformed creature with a heart of gold who may or may not marry a gypsy woman depending on what version you’re watching. And the Phantom of the Opera??? He’s just a guy with some acne, who happens to know a lot about one specific theater, and stalks a girl!!! That’s not a supernatural force of darkness. That’s like… most Best Buy employee. We all thought this was a really bad idea when you were just going to team up the good monsters in a shameless attempt to mimic the Avengers. Now you’re including irrelevant characters who are almost hilariously outgunned?? Wait that’s Hawkeye isn’t it?? Anyway: this is a terrible idea.


The members of the Dark Universe everyone… or at least… three to four of the good to okay ones.


The first trailer for Goodby Christopher Robin came out this week and punched me right in the childhood. Maybe that’s why I just wrote a 200 word rant insulting most of the employees of a national electronic story. Maybe I’m also hungry I don’t know. This movie looks good though!


I just… the tears…. I can’t.


Oh also a trailer came out for ‘Daddy’s Home 2’ because why settle for just one cinematic garbage fire when you can make a second, bigger one!!

Seriously, I am salty today… hang on let me try and find something positive to end on umm… Oh yeah: Wonder Woman is at the top spot in the box office again guys and that’s great! DC finally made a good movie, women everywhere finally got a decent solo film, yay for positives!

There you have it guys, thanks for reading and hey, if you were ever curious about the tiny island called Guam that I grew up on give the latest episode of my podcast a listen! We talk about some real weird legends and just a little bit about my fear of water.

The Weekly Headlines 3/14/17

Posted: March 14, 2017 by Micah in Weekly Headlines

Well hey Internet, I’m back. It was a long, crazy, and unfortunate week but here we are yet again staring at a blank page and trying to figure out how to entertain ourselves for a few minutes in this weird and crazy world of cinema! Well what say we wade back into these warm and silky waters with some of that sweet, ancient, concoction we call:

The Weekly Headlines: 3/14/17

Netflix has renewed A Series of Unfortunate events for a second season. This should come as zero surprise given that the show was well reviewed, well received by the public, and perfectly cast. Cancelling A Series of Unfortunate Events would be like if some famous and delightful food product was cancelled for forever.


Wait, they did what????


In tragic, unexplainable news CBS has recently announced the creation of a spin-off series to the longest running, but somehow most relevant show in CBS’s huge collection of completely un-relatable, irrelevant shows. That’s right Big-Bang Series now on its 45th season of vaguely geek related references, is spinning off a show called “Young Sheldon.” Yup… it has come to this. The old, mostly irrelevant shows are creating new completely irrelevant shows. Thank you CBS.

Doctor Who season 10 premiers on April 15th. This marks the last season for both Peter Capaldi and showrunner Stephen Moffat and while I have no problem with Capaldi specifically, and I love Stephen Moffat, I think this’ll be good for the show. The last couple seasons have felt a little uninspired and while there were still some great episodes, I think some new blood will help revitalize the show a lot!


Say what you want about Peter Capaldi, but the man can reach for the camera like no one else!


Oh and there’s a new Smurfs trailer… because apparently the fact that Minions 3 is a thing that exists wasn’t enough of a burden on our children.

Kong: Skull Island took the top spot in the box office this week. Honestly, this movie has gotten very good reviews and I’m very excited to see it… for some reason. Maybe it’s the cast?? I have a very limited desire to see a giant monkey smash some things… on the other hand this is an even gianter monkey than the previous giant monkeys so… I guess that’s what I wanted?? Maybe?


“I know I left my skull around here somewhere…”


Fox’s upcoming X-men TV series has now been named “Gifted” which makes me more than a little nervous that this is gonna turn in to some weird teen soap opera. I mean doesn’t “Gifted” sound like a show where Bobby is in love with Stacy but Stacy loves Billy who’s in love with Kelly? This is one-thousand percent judging a book by its cover but I’m more than a little suspicious of “Gifted”…

Avatar 2 has been delayed… again. Everytime they do this I get the mixed emotions of A: Desperately hoping this movie never comes out, or B: I wish it would just come out already so we can watch the horribleness and just get it over with. It’s the difference between a punch in the face now, or a maybe punch in the face later. It’s very annoying.


James Cameron’s: Maybe-Later-Atar


Finally: A new trailer came out for Wonder Woman and that movie just keeps… just keeps looking good. I refuse to believe guys! I got burned by Suicide Squad, I got very badly hurt by Batman V. Superman. I won’t believe Wonder Woman is good until I am sitting in the theater watching the movie and thinking “wow… this is good!” And even then I’ll be waiting the whole movie for someone to grumpily grumble about how terrible it is to have superpowers, or for Jesse Eisenberg to show up and be just generally insufferable. But assuming none of those things happens and  Wonder Woman is actually a good movie maybe JUUUUST maybe, DC can save itself. But that seems VERY unlikely… after all: Zach Snyder’s still involved.

And there you have it guys! The news that happened except for the stuff that hasn’t happened yet. Check back Thursday when I make a desperate and feeble attempt to hop on the Beauty and the Beast publicity train before it passes me by!

Well hey Internet and welcome to another thrilling and chilling month of December. That’s right, December, the last month of 2016. And with all due respect to 2016: let’s just get this mess done shall we? Once Star Wars comes out I’m good with just skipping to the end of the year guys. Just beam me right up on our of here! But what better way to leasurely pass the time till then, than a heaping helping portion of:

The Weekly Headlines 12/15/2016

So first things first guys: Star Wars: Rogue One (A Star Wars Story: From Star Wars, and Stories) has gotten pretty dang good reviews!! That’s right fellow nerds and nerdettes, it’s safe. This isn’t Episodes 1-3 where you’ll go to a theatre and sit for 2 hours as your childhood hopes and dreams are crushed. It’s all okay. Fanboy/girl out!! We put George Lucas away, okay? He’ll never hurt you again.


Apparently she fell asleep on a VERY uncomfortable pillow before this picture was taken.


The Cruella de Vil movie found it’s director in Alex Timbers this week. I mean… I’m still VERY wary of this because we all remember Maleficent, which was the last time Disney did a solo villain movie, and that movie was VERY bad. Just a train wreck of sight and sound. Hopefully this movie doesn’t feel the need to turn Cruella into some sort of tragically misunderstood villainess who… I don’t know… how exactly do you justify wanting to make a bunch of puppies into a coat and then stealing those puppies?? I mean all Maleficent wanted to do was… umm… what did Maleficent want? I mean she didn’t get invited to that party but… no that was it. Anyway, to summarize: this probably won’t be very good.

The next (and 8th) Fast and the Furious movie, “Fate of the Furious” or (and brace yourselves for this) “F8 of the Furious” released its first trailer this week. Look, I don’t understand why these movies keep getting made but at the same time they do maintain a certain level of “marginal watch-ability.” People drive cars, people punch things, people say things about family in growly voices. That’s basically the plot of every one of these movies except for “Tokyo Drift” which we all have universally decided to pretend never happened. But anyway, F8 of the Furious is happening, and I look forward to it’s inevitable sequel: “The Fast and the F9.”


F8 of the Furious: Battle of the Balds


Oh hey: Moana is still number 1 at the theater. Disney basically has owned the box office since Dr. Strange came out at the beginning of November. Why do other people keep making movies at this point?

Oh other hey, remember how I said Office Christmas Party would be dumb and stupid despite its good cast? It is.

The first trailer for The Mummy starring itty bitty Tom Cruise came out recently and… I don’t know guys. It could be good? I’ve been fooled twice now by this “bring the classic monster movies” movement. The new Dracula and Frankenstein were both passable, but neither ever really reached super entertaining levels. So we’ll just see what happens with the Lady Mummy movie. Also: is Tom Cruise aging backwards somehow?? His face just looks… weird. Like they’re doing that CGI de-aging thing but hit the wrong button at some point. It’s downright unnerving.


Is there Visine for that?


This has been a very un-Christmasy post so let me throw out some holiday cheer real fast: I still freekin’ hate the movie Elf. Sorry. It’s a long standing, deeply rooted loathing. It shall never be fixed. It shall never be sated.

Oh also: this movie is still happening!! So be excited about that at least!


In less good news: you know how I said Collateral Beauty could be really good?? It really is not. Just throwing that info out there for everyone. It’s very not good, I’m sorry I talked about it so much. Frankly I’m sorry I’m talking about it right now. So I’ll probably stop at some point. Soon. Soon-ish.

In even other trailer news, Nicolas Cage’s new movie “Arsenal” and… OOOOHHH boy is it a fun train wreck of happenings!! I mean… just… the hair and the mustache and the complete and utter serenity to the great and ancient god of madness. He’s just… he’s just insane. Legitimately. Insane. And it’s wonderful.

Oh: also there’s a new trailer for Despicable Me 3… cause the gods apparently hate us all.




And there you have it friends and countrymen! The weekly headlines! I’ll see you next week when I promise I will give in more fully to the Christmas madness.


Well hey Internet, and welcome back to the thrilling and chilling world of Thoughts We Might Have Had. A world fraught with danger, hijinks, and small after-dinner mints. I had a whole other big article planned for today but there has been a lot of moving and/or shaking in the world of Hollywood in the last few days so it seemed like a good time to dust off that classic little novella we keep under our seats just in case…

The Weekly Headlines 11/15/16

So… according to multiple sources Fox is taking a strong look at re-booting the X-men franchise after the new Logan movie comes out (Logan is also Hugh Jackman’s last movie as everyone’s favorite small mammal: The Wolverine.) Granted Fox basically JUST did this with the whole Day’s of Future past thing but… I mean this isn’t necessarily a terrible idea. I mean, X-men: Apocalypse was one of the least interesting super-hero movies I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t just bad (there were worse comic book movies this year), the whole movie felt tired. We’d been to all these places before, we’d seen all these things. It was just uninteresting. Fox has already cut dies with that movies director, Bryan Singer, which seems like a very good idea and is currently trying to decide how hard they want to kick this whole thing with the old re-boot.


If it’s possible to re-boot something out of existence I’m ALLL for that.


Should they try and bring back Michael Fassbender and James McCavoy? Should they call Jennifer Lawrence and ask her if she’s interested in getting covered in blue paint so she can play a role that won’t win her an Oscar?? I mean definitely not that second one. Maybe the first one but… I mean how many times can Magneto waffle between evil and good before we slap some syrup and butter on him?? I don’t… I don’t know what happened with that metaphor. Frankly, they really just need to shut this whole thing down for a few years but equally as frankly, there is no way they will actually do that. I think a re-boot is probably a good idea and honestly the harder the better. After Apocalypse it’s gonna take a LOT to get me excited about another X-men movie… Though Logan looks fantastic. Curse them and their emotional Johnny Cash songs!!

Jason Bourne the new Jason Bourne movie about Jason Bourne is out on DVD today. That’s just a fact. Like it’s a thing that exists now. For some reason.

Beauty and the Beast released an official poster and trailer and… look you guys are just gonna have to accept that fact that this movie will break you into a thousand nostalgic pieces. It just will. Disney made all those other weird live-action adaptations as practice for this: and that practice has paid off in a big way. You’re crying at least once in 2017. Just accept it.


Curse you Disney!!!


With Fantastic Beets and Where to Find Them right around the corner we… Beasts. Sorry. Fantastic Beasts, no one would watch a movie call Fantastic Beets and Where to Find Them unless the answer to that was “in the trashcan.” Anyway, with that movie coming out soon more info has started come up about the next movie in the series which will feature Grundelwald and a very Young Dumbledore!! I’m very excited about this and have every intention of discussing this with great excitement and HUGE amoutns of nerdiness on Thursday. Hang in there Potterites.

Walking Dead Fans continue to hate the show, watch the show, and then complain about the show and how much better the show used to be when they had less to complain about (but still complained.) Don’t know what to tell you guys on this one…

Marvel and ABC are officially teaming up to make an Inhumans movie. For those of you who have no idea what “the Inhumans” are, congratulations on having a normal social life!! The Inhumans are basically just the X-men, but aliens. They’re a team and they have powers and one of them doesn’t speak and has a giant teleporting dog. And no I am not making that up. The Inhumans (or at least the idea of them) has played very heavily into the world of Agents of Shield so this is in no way surprising to anyone but it’s good to get some confirmation. The Inhumans were originally gonna be getting their own movie but that got scrapped with little to no aplomb a while back. So welcome back Inhumans! You get to be on the small screen!! No, no. It’s not Netflix… it’s ABC… have fun with that.


Have fun making THAT work ABC.


Ghost in the Shell came out with its first trailer and it looks umm… very Ghost in the Shell-y. I mean I’ve seen both versions of the anime movie and they were… fine? Maybe. Good?? I had a lot of questions afterwords and the whole thing just sort of… ended. With no real conclusion. So yay??? I guess.

Dr. Strange took the top spot in the box office again this week! And hey, why not. It’s got magical circle portals that swirl around and bring people to different places!!… When you describle something as a “Swirling circle portal” it really makes it sound like some kind of magical toilet device doesn’t it?? … Well that movies ruined now.

Shut In a movie starring Naomi Watts and her one facial expression is now (to no one’s surprise) sitting at a whopping 0% on Rotten tomatoes. I mean it takes a LOT of work to have zero percent on there. You’ve got to COMMIT to being a bad movie. I mean Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 managed to squeak out a 4% and that movie was the worst idea ever! So congratulations Shut In, for being the worst you, you could be.


Unless you see a Zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes. You can believe that.


And congratulations to all of you, for making it through another episode of: The Weekly Headlines.

Well hey Internet, and welcome back to your usual Thursday infusion of sarcasm, cheese nibblins, and movie news! And lo, upon this Thursday, let us return to familiar fields, strewn with what grasses, and our own familiar footprints! That’s right folks: it’s time for the weekly headlines!!

Weekly Headlines 11/3/16

First off: Congratulations to Cubs nation! Winning the World Series for the first time since 1908! It was a crazy, awesome, fun season in the MLB this year and if my Red Sox couldn’t have won (which they VERY didn’t) there’s no one else who deserved it more.

Triple X: Return of Xander Cage released its first official trailer and… Ah man… this looks SO stupid, and I am SO excited. I mean come on, Vin Diesel bounces a motorized skateboard off a bus??? It’s like they just walked through a warehouse filled with things marked “X-TREME” by the 1990’s and were like “Oh yeah… were using that!” I mean let’s be clear: this will be bad. Maybe even really bad. Maybe even terribly bad. But this is the ultimate stupid guys movie. The ultimate.


Wait, is that… is that a thing we’re doing now?? The finger x’s??


Deadpool 2 has now lost both its directors and its composer over the last week or so. I mean look guys, maybe Deadpool just shouldn’t get a sequel. It was such a perfect storm of underdog, timing, and comic action it… maybe it was too beautiful. It’s SO hard to do a movie like this right and the fact that Deadpool was so good and now Deadpool 2 is having as much trouble as it seemingly is… maybe we should just be happy with the Deadpool we have guys. Granted the composers name is (and I’m not making this up) Junkie XL so… ya know it probably wasn’t a huge loss…

The Dark Tower movie was delayed from January 2017 until summer 2017. I mean this isn’t necessarily a death sentence or anything. If it was moving from the summer TO January that would be very bad, because (as we all know) January is where bad movies go to slowly and agonizingly die. Maybe they’ve decided them movie will be more of a blockbuster than they originally thought? Maybe it just needed more polish? Maybe Mathew McConaughey was too busy being in completely non-sensical car commercials with cattle or something. All in all, I’m still very excited for this and hope they do justice to what is a fantastic book series.


I refuse to believe that a movie responsible for a coat this beautiful could be evil… I mean bad.


Disney (to the surprise of no one) has officially announced that they’re making a live action Snow White movie. For most of these live action things the big concern is usually “boy I hope they don’t ruin that classic movie!” In this case, I kinda hope they do. I mean Snow White (the Disney one) is REALLLY  bad. Like so bad. And traumatizing. And nonsensical. Even other remakes/retellings of that movie have been pretty bad (the bland but not terrible Snow White and the Hunstman, and then the VERY VERRRY terribly Mirror Mirror spring to mind.)  So who knows, I mean all of the live actions Disney have done so far have been good-great so… who am I to doubt Disney’s ability to continue to basically print their own money at this point.

So Netflix released a trailer for the new Unfortunate Series of Events series they’re doing and fortunately for us all: it looked nothing like the movie! Honestly, there was very little information given in this but it looks good and I love some Neil Patrick Harris so I’m certainly intruiged. Honestly the books always felt more suited to the small screen than to trying and cram the entire thing into one movie that you cast Jim Carey in… for some reason.


A series that will corner the market on “amount of forehead”


Scandal season 6 debuts in January! That’s right everyone’s favorite series about… umm… yeah I have no idea what that shows about. It’s popular though, right? People watch that? With the scandals and the… umm… not… scandals??

Okay so… seriously guys, Agents of Shield is super good this year. Like it makes no sense at all but that show is freekin’ awesome right now. Yes, it’s season 6 and the only people who actually have any idea what’s going on are me, and SOME of the writers of the show, but it is VERY good.

So another Wonder Woman trailer came out this year and… I don’t even know anymore guys. Can DC make a good movie??? This doesn’t look like it’s gonna be bad, but I was all in on Suicide Squad and that was real bad. I feel like the thing Wonder Woman has working for it is it’s not any kind of ensemble thing. It’s an origin story that will (hopefully) not concern itself with the rest of the Justice League or the rapidly drain circling Zach Snyder-verse. It’s just an origin story. I mean the worst part of this trailer was when it started playing that horrible rock… thing that kept happing in Batman V. Superman V. People That Have the Same Name. So who knows, I’ve mostly just decided that I’m out on getting excited for DC movies until they actually make a good one. You can only fool me… what is it now… 6 times?? Before I stop believing in you DC.


Ummm… Am I the only one seeing all the X’s on this poster?? I count like… 6? No wait 7. Why all the X’s??? Wait… have you been hanging out with Vin Diesel??


Disney has beat its own record for most money grossed in a year. And they still have Dr. Strange, Moana, and Star Wars: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story: From the Star Wars that are coming out this year. Basically: give all your money to Disney guys, oh wait… you already did. They just bought you. Hey, could whoevers running Disney just go ahead and take the presidency real quick?? It doesn’t even have to be the head of Disney, any of the Disney-etts would be better than the people in this election. Literally any person at Disney. People running some of the rides at the park maybe? Anyone??




And there you have it friends and relatives. Those headlines!! Thanks for reading, and thanks again for sticking with the website for lo these many years! You all are amazing!

The Weekly Headlines 10/13/2016

Posted: October 13, 2016 by Micah in Weekly Headlines

Well hey Internet, and welcome back to the thrilla in Manila. The throwdown in Motown. The hullabaloo in Timbuctoo! Welcome to: thoughts we might have had. And this week’s edition of: the Weekly Headlines.

(Also I’m sorry there are no images on this post… WordPress is bein’ on weird)

The Weekly Headlines: 10-13-2016

There’s a new trailer out for “Star Wars: Rogue One, A Star Wars Story, From the Star Wars” and it looks pretty danged fantastic guys. I’m excited to see the more down to earth, grungy parts of the Star Wars universe that we haven’t seen before. The new trailer gave away a lot more of the story than previous ones but I’m still very interested to see what’s going on with the rest of the story. The giant stompy feet of the AT-AT, the Death Star under construction, the closed door meeting where we all decide “Nah, let’s not patch that hole on the side, I’m sure no one will hit it with a bomb. I mean, seriously, what are the odds of that?”

There’s also a new trailer for the Power Rangers and it looks… like a movie. With some power rangers. On the plus side it doesn’t look terrible… maybe. But it doesn’t look overly good either. It’ll probably be fine, people will Ranger… in a kind powery way… and that’s about all I can promise on this one.

Oh and in real weird news we found out more about The Great Wall and that its principal stars are Matt Damon, Padro Pascal, and arguably the least Chinese person on the planet: William Dafoe. Now, a lot has been made about the “whitewashing” of this movie and while that has definitely happened the movie is being made by a Chinese production company so… that’s… better??? Maybe??? I think.

Overwatch (a video game) started their Halloween event this week and aside from the fact that Overwatch is awesome let me point out the word ‘Halloween’ in that sentence. Halloween retail stores!! It’s not evern Halloween, why am I seeing Christmas decorations?? It’s not even November yet. Slow your roll, have some pumpkin pie or something I don’t know. But chill.

Coming out on DVD this week: X-men: Apocalypse. A movie that so entirely phoned in its script, acting, and fight scenes that the only way to truly represent it’s mediocrity is with the follow word: bleh.

The Crown debuts next month on Netflix and for those of you who haven’t heard of it before it sounds fantastic!! It’s set right after Queen Elizabeth the Second takes over the throne in Britain. It stars Claire Foye, Matt Smith, and John Lithgow (who plays Sir Winston Churchill.) It looks absolutely great and I can’t wait… Seriously. Like there’s no joke here.

Speaking of not funny: The Girl on the Train took the top spot in the box office this week and that movie is REAL not funny. It’s not that good either, frankly, but if you ever feel like you’re life is too happy and filled with levity go watch this movie. It’s about as funny as someone stabbing you in the liver with a rusty spittoon… Spittoon is admittedly a funny word.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter continues to insist it’s the real final chapter. They know how the word Final works right?? They’ve been talking to the Final Fantasy people haven’t they? Cause those Fantasies aren’t even a little final.

Disney has recently announced that they’re making new live action versions of Aladdin and The Lion King to the surprise of absolutely no living person. Look, we knew this was coming and I at least sort of understand re-doing Aladdin, makes a lot of sense. But The Lion King??? There are no people in the Lion King! You can’t say you’re making a live action version of the movie because there will be literally ZERO live action. You’re basically just updating the animation. At least with Aladdin you’ll have people running around and havin’ vest sporting monkeys. The Lion King will just be… ya know, fake lions. Like it was last time.

Well hey Internet, look, I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m real real sick. But like a swan, winging up from it’s little swanhouse on the prairie, I shall rise up and eat some breadcrumbs!!… I mean do the weekly headlines. Yeah… that one. Though I mean if you’ve got some breadcrumbs…

The Weekly Headlines 9/8/2016

Well it’s been confirmed guys, Joe Manganiello will be playing Deathstroke in Ben Afflecks upcoming Solo Batman movie. Whether or not he will appear in Justice League is still very up in the air. Given that Justice League already has the formation of the Justice League and a MUCH bigger villain than Deathstroke it doesn’t seem like a good idea. Then again, this is a DC movie so… there’s plenty of precedent for bad ideas. PLENTY of precedent.


People seem okay with this casting but I mean come on!! That one eye you can see looks NOTHING like his one eye!!


Speaking of bad ideas: Underworld: Blood Wars released its first trailer! Look, I really liked the first Underworld, and the second was… a movie. The prequel was good and then it was WAAAYYYYY downhill from there. Downcliff is probably a better term. And now we’re apparently gonna make another one of these, and the really sad thing is… I’m totally gonna watch this. What can I say: I’m a sucker for vampires that actually do vampire things.

The Trailer for Collateral Beauty just dropped, and I’m not gonna lie guys, it looks great! Great cast, Will Smith doing Will Smith things, the whole thing looks real solid! Sure it’s got so much snoot it’s practically covered in a layer of soot snoot but that’s not always a bad thing! Highly recommend checking out the trailer!


Just read the cast, you’ll be pretty excited.


In TV news there it still ZERO TV news. When are the good shows coming back?? My poor Netflix cue is starting to get VERY tired, there are only so many times I can watch Firefly network TV!!

A new poster for Passengers has been released and the movie still seems like a real solid idea! Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence are the only two people awake on a ship bound for deep space?? Start printin’ that money.


Passengers!! Eyeballs!! Money!!


Taking the top spot at the box office this week was Don’t Breathe, though I feel like ‘taking’ is a very strong word for this. Don’t Breathe was handed the top spot in the box office this week because no one else really seemed to want it. Like (for instance) the flu, or any other raging horrors currently circulating through my very broken immune system.

Excitedly new in theaters next week is… umm… Well you can watch Bridget Jones’s Baby or Blair Witch if you feel like watching unnecessary, un-asked for, unimaginative sequels to movies that were pretty bad in the first place!! Then again if that’s your thing Now You See Me 2 is on DVD!!

Oh also, happy football season everyone! Hold onto your heads, keep your brains steady, and brace yourself for the inevitable head smashing action!


No matter what you do with your life, you will never fail as badly at your job, as this helmet.


Oh and finally, some hope for those of you staring ahead at the month of September with dread in your heart: here’s a list of some new movies on Netflix you should see. Jaws: cause giant sharks. True Grit (recently on my best westerns list.) Sweeney Todd (cause you can skip all the parts with the most annoying sailor child in the world singing about frikkin’ Joanna and just watch Johnny Depp and Alan Rickman) and Saving Private Ryan (cause  Tom Hanks REALLY wants to save that Private.)

And there you go guys: I’m going back to bed.