Man… now that Spiderman has come out I guess it’s time for me to re-enter my tiny movie shaped tent as I wait for the Dark Knight Rises. I don’t know what I’ll do after that… maybe start taking life more seriously… like, ya know, get a plan for my future and really think about what I want to do with my hopes and dreams… Nah. I’ll probably just start construction on that Batmobile I’ve been working on.
Anyway though, that’s not what we’re here to talk about today (though if you know where I can get my hands on some rocket fuel text me). No, today we’re going to talk about a movie series so epic and awesome that it literally changed the entire lives of tiny hairy footed people everywhere!! That’s right, after more than a YEAR on the internet… how long have I been on the internet?? I should know this… Anyway, after what I’m pretty sure is more than a YEAR on the internet it’s time for:
Micah Reviews: The Lord of The Rings!!
AKA: Best thing ever.
The Plot:
Three Rings for the Elven Kings Under the Sky
Seven for the Dwarf Lords in their Halls of Stone
And nine rings for Mortal Men Doomed to Die
And none for the Hobbits… cause they would probably eat them… or something.
Also one for the Dark Lord… which he will probably be irresponsible with.
I’m pretty sure that’s something like how the Lord of the Rings starts. The point being that some people made some rings of power and then distributed them around to everybody who had a vague interest in such things. Then The Dark Lord made another one called “The One Ring” with which he made war on Middle-Earth. And then he lost it.
“Where did you last have it?” Asked Wife Dark Lord.
“It was right here on my finger!!” Sauron replied.
“Whatever…” Wife Lord replied. “I’ve seen you!!”
Anyway the Ring was found in a movie that’s coming out this December by a Bilbo (Martin Freeman) who then became old Bilbo (Ian Holme) who then gave it to Frodo after a party that got way out of hand… see what I did there?
Anyway, Frodo takes off on an epic journey of epic-hood despite being only a tiny hobbit typed person that no one really likes. Along the way he meets a Fellowship of people which features a dethroned King, three other similarly height challenged hobbits, a dwarf, Sean Bean, Gandalf (the Grey/white/awesome) and the Elf version of Justin Bieber (If Justin Bieber was awesome and shot things… so actually very little like Justin Bieber. “I am Justin Bieber. Or rather Justin Bieber as he should have been.” What? No one got that joke?? Man…)
Legolas: Being awesome with a bow WAY before The Hunger Games
Together they must destroy the Ring, save Middle-earth, and make some Epic war on some epic monsters.
The Positives:
All joking aside (I make fun of the plot cause I love it so well) these are amazing movies. If for some reason you haven’t watched them in the last few years, you should. Cause very rarely will you come across a trilogy that tells such a great story through all three movies. Each one building on the other, characters developing and growing, tragedy and triumphs, epic battles and small moments. It’s a beautiful story and a cinematic experience like none other you will ever have. Wow… that was beautiful. I’m gonna write positive things more often… bahaha. No.
A great cast all around for these movies, with standout performances from: Ian Mckellon, Sean Astin, Elijah Wood, Viggo Mortenson, Orlando Bloom (yes I made fun of him earlier. No I don’t think he was bad in these movies)… okay so pretty much the entire cast. Just… look at the back of the box and insert those names here. Do they put the cast names on the back of the box anymore?… pretty sure not. Oh well, too late now.
*Insert beat to death “You Shall Not Pass” joke here.
I’m only struggling to come up with things to put here because when someone feeds you a delicious cherry pie it’s hard to point to a specific cherry and go “that one’s my favorite.” The music is beautiful, the visuals are awesome, the fights are sweet, and the crust was perfect. Sorry… got stuck on the pie thing there. Anyway the Lord of the Rings is awesome. Watch it. If you have watched it, watch it again.
The Negatrons:
Umm… uh… The… pickles… weren’t… juicy?
Yeah I have no idea. I mean I guess you could say that the first one starts out slow if you’re some sort of four year old kid who recently ate an entire box of pixie sticks AND there rappers… or wrappers… which is probably more right, though significantly less funny.
In Conclusion:
The Lord of the Rings is the standard by which all fantasy typed movies are measured and frankly, no fantasy swordy typed movie that’s come out since has gotten even CLOSE to achieving the greatness of this series. You’ll love the characters, be swept up in the world, and never forget the awesome things you learn there!
I give it 5 hairy footed peeping peeps, out of 5.
Thoughts We Might Have Had 