Games of October

Well hey there Internet, and welcome to another preview of the month of October. As many of you (two) avid readers may know my xbox past away in a tragic accident several months ago. We did everything we could, took extreme measures, shocked the heart, and applied all sorts of chordical electrodes but in the end it just couldn’t pull through. However, recently my wife (in a huge display of self sacrifice) bought me a new one for my birthday. In response to this, I can now write about x-box games without crying like a little girl and playing the theme from Titanic. So… here it is.

October 8th

Beyond Two Souls

 Beyond Two Souls is a game starring Ellen Paige that’s all cinemagraphical, and looks beautiful, and is filled with new interesting gameplay elements and stuff. All that said: it’s a PS3 exclusive and I do not own a PS3. I am however the proud owner of an elabaorate, overly complicated, plan that’s predicated by several things I have no control over!! So let’s take a look at that:

I currently have an Xbox 360 and ZERO time to actually play it. I have a list of about 10 games for Xbox 360 that I haven’t played yet that I want to, so I have no interest at all in running out and buying a new console. I can also think of about… 9 games off the top of my head that were PS3 exclusives which I also want to play so why run out and spend forty bajillion dollars on a new console when I can buy a PS3 in several months, spend a lot less money, play great games like this and still be able to ya know… eat and stuff?

It’s Cyber Ellen Paige!!! And she’s beyond her souls… or something.

October 12th

Pokemon X and Y

There are still Pokemon games coming out? Do they actually make the tv series still? Haven’t we run out of adorable animals to combine with trees, or rocks or whatever? Anyway, I have already told you the long complicated story where Pokemon was all I played for the week after I got a concussion so Pokemon will always hold a special place in the ruined grey matter of my battered skull.

October 18th

Lego Marvel Super Heroes

Awww… it’s little-ittle lego Loki!!

Lego games just keep coming out and keep getting more and more interesting! I played through the earlier Lego games with my little brother and have played two of the more recent ones (“Pirates of the Carribean” and “Lord of the Rings”) with my wife (when she feels like laughing at me.) So the chance to run around as Marvel Superheroes breaking lego bricks and smashing things with a hammer? Yeah sign me up for that. I’m down with that business. I’m chimmy with that chonga. I’m taken with that taco. – people say that right? Young cool people with funny hats and plaid shirts? They say that.  

October 25th

Batman Arkham Origins

Ah the piece de resistance or whatever those French commercials say. French is one of those languages that either sounds incredible and eloquent and beautiful or sounds like your vocal chords are throwing a private seizure. I usually opt for the option of 2. I have no idea why I worded that sentence that way… I think my house may have a gas leak. Anyway I was a huge fan of Batman: Arkham Asylum and an even huger fan of the sequal Arkham City, so the third game (technically a prequel to the first game) could force me to come up with a whole new word for huge! Like hugerific, hugetastical, or  (my current front runner) hugemongous.

Yup… he’s still awesome.

In a world where Batman and Superman are about to be in a movie together it’s good to know that I can still run around Gotham city punching people and recklessly leaping off buildings without Superman coming around to have a ridiculously overblown moral quandary with me. So thanks Arkham,… this means a lot to me.

October 29th

Assassins Creed 4: Black Flag

And yet another piece of resistance right here! I’m not gonna lie, I had lost a little bit of faith in the Assasin’s creed series after the third time they released Assasins Creed 2 trying to convince me it was something other then Assasin’s Creed 2 by putting other words behind it. Assassin’s Creed 2: Brotherhood, Assasin’s Creed 2: Sisterhood, and Assassin’s Creed 2: In the Hood might have all been great games but I feel like at some point you could come up with some other numbers or someone slightly less Italian for me to run around as. I bought into Assasin’s Creed 3 cause we were finally moving to a new hero and cause I am (in no uncertain terms) a HUGE history nerd. Putting a game in the Revolutionary war time period in front of me is like covering Edward Cullen in non-fat latte’s and putting him in front of a jr. high girl.

I LOVED Assassin’s Creed 3. Sure the first hour or so was about as slow as the first three hours of Les Miserables (French people are gonna hate this blog) but once the game opened up I was hooked!! This game sets you up as a Pirate AND an Assassin and pretty much just lets you run willy nilly around the Caribbean. That’s right I said willy AND nilly. What’s not to love about that? The answer: nothing.

To answer the question your all asking: yes, this was an entire blog devoted to nothing but video games I either want to play, have played, or was concussed by. You wanna know the scary part? The game I’m most excited about this year isn’t even on this list!!

So we will see you next week guys, in the meantime remember that Gravity (the first whiff of good movie we’ve had since like… July. Comes out tonight and that the Red Sox first playoff game is tomorrow!! So I will probably be somewhere in a coma come next week! Anyway, thanks for reading!

Weekly Headlines: 6/14/13

Well hey internet! I’m back from vacation and ready for a rumble in the jungle, a showdown in the snow downs, and some weekly headlines in the… soup lines. Or something. I think. Maybe I’m not ready? But regardless of that, in spite of my own lack of preparedness or research, and some nuclear holocaust level sunburns here are…. the weekly headlines.

Weekly Headlines 6-14-13

In our lead story of the day my hips continue not to lie.

Arnold Schwarzenagger recently confirmed that he’ll be returning for the fifth movie in the “we totally should have stopped after the second movie” movie franchise: The Terminator. When asked how he would deal with the fact that his robot character will have aged roughly ninety years Arnold said “I don’t think of myself as aged, I just look at the wrinkles on my body and pretend that they are even more muscles!” He of course said all that in his trademark and hilarious completely unidentifiable accent.

Speaking of muscles filming recently started on the latest Hercules movies this one starring Dwayne “Don’t call me the Rock” Johnson. Dwayne’s original title “Rockulese” was turned down shortly into filming when Dwayne remembered that he didn’t like it when people called him the Rock despite the fact that everyone (including the voices inside his head) always does.

The sequel to last years Muppet movie formerly titled “The Muppets… Again” has now been renamed “Muppets Most Wanted.” When asked the reason for the change Disney executives muttered something under there breath about “The Muppets… Again” being one of the stupidist movie titles ever.

Adam Sandler recently signed on for a movie called “Hello Ghost.”… And that will hopefully be the last time I have to ever ever ever talk about it.

A Trailer for “The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug” recently went live prompting film director Peter Jackson to once more assure the audience that this movie will contain “way more Smaug.” Granted that won’t be too difficult seeing as how the first movie contained roughly 2.5 seconds of dragon related footage. This as compared to the roughly 30 minutes of “bouncy trouncy flouncy dwarves falling down repeatedly” footage that we all could have done without.

Batman: Arkham Origins officially announced it’s release date (October 21, 2013) this week prompting me to spend severel long hours trying to decide how I could get off of work that week after my wife pointed out that “Batman-itus” was “not even sort of a real thing.”

Ummm…. yes please.

Man of Steel debuted this morning to nearly 21 million dollars in sales revenue (that’s in less then 24 hours). Just to put that in perspective the top movie from the box office last week was a film called “The Purge” that made 34 million dollars over the entire week. For those of you wondering I have no interest in what “The Purge” is actually about.

And in our final story for the day Pokemon X &Y continues to be released for some reason. When asked how they are coming up with new pokemon for the game, lead designer Hoppy Hippy said “At this point were pretty much just sneezing on the paper and then playing connect the dots. It’s not pretty.”

Thanks for reading everyone, have a great weekend, and I’ll see you Monday!