Posts Tagged ‘Xenomorph’

Okay guys… let’s buckle down and talk about some of that sweet Alien shall we? A sequel to the prequel that wasn’t nearly as good as the sequel or the original, but will this sequel capture the old alien magic? Or the new alien significantly less magic? Only time will tell!!… And also this blog. This blog will tell.

Micah Reviews: Alien Covenant

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He’s angry and has VERY bad breath.

 

SPACE!! The Final Frontier. As it turns out in this particular version of SPACE!!! The frontier is… kinda dingy. No shiny spaceships or Captain Kirkness round these parts. Nope. This is all grime all the time. So we join our noble and grimy adventurers as they set out to a distant planet with a ship full of humans who they are definitely not supposed to put at risk under any circumstances.

But hey! Look at that shiny light from that mysterious planet!! They should definitely veer of course and check that out right?? And hey, why wear those annoying space suits or pay attention to the fact that the planet is very obviously inhabited!! This is SPACE! And if you can’t haphazardly explore space with no regards for consequences or your inevitable blood filled murder deaths, why did you come here in the first place? And thus with a bang of stupidity we are introduced to the often whimper filled series of events that form Alien Covenant.

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These idiots will be your tour guides… tours do not end well.

The Positives:

 

Look, in the end, all summed up, this movie is probably better than Prometheus. That said, Prometheus was bad. This movie is also bad but it’s least sort of watchably bad. The alien effects are solid, and the new alien types are WAY more interesting than anything Prometheus had on offer. The action set pieces are pretty good and it does have a little bit of the original Alien’s tension. These are all good things.

Also of note are the cast who all do very well. Michael Fassbender is great (per usual), Danny McBride delivers a surprisingly strong performance and Katherine Waterston is… fine. She’s not the best part of the movie, but she’s not terrible or uninteresting. She’s sort of a less interesting version of Ripley, and while that’s not an insult per se the movie needed absolutely every advantage it could get and Waterston’s general fineness doesn’t give the movie any sort of bonus kick.

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Ripley-lite, now with 40% less calories, and 50% less interesting.

 

The Negatrons:

This is a ship filled with profoundly stupid people, making repeatedly stupid decisions. A scientist looks into an open alien egg by putting his unmasked face as close to it as possible. People walk around on top of a planet they don’t know without helmets just because. Someone thinks to check the identity of a fellow crew member only after it is far too late to do anything about said crew members VERY obvious betrayal, it’s a running list of bad decisions made by people who are supposed to be smart. You expect stupid decisions in a horror movie but that’s not strictly speaking what the Alien franchise has always been about.

Which leads us to another (related) con. Are we sure Ridley Scott still knows what’s going on with his franchise? The last two movies have been a mix of very deep, supposedly intelligent people making very long winded speeches about the universe and the meaning of life and why we’re here and who made us and just ALL the philosophy, directly before those same people touch a huge obviously hostile space snake. Either make your characters dumb grunts who don’t know better, or make them super smart scientists who talk philosophy. It’s incredibly hard to do both and really that’s now what we’re here watching Alien for. We go to philosophy class or weird Christopher Nolan movies to learn about space philosophy. We come to Alien to watch dumb people put their faces over space eggs and get eaten by Xenomorphs.

Conclusion:

In the end Alien: Covenant gets stuck somewhere between its good parts that harken back to the original horror roots, and it’s bad parts that remind you of Prometheus constant Spacelosophy and stupidity. It’s not a terrible movie, but it’s not a particularly good one and falls far short of the return to form we were hoping for.

I give it 2 extremely poor decisions, out of 5.