Posts Tagged ‘Top ten movies’

Well hey folks, and welcome to what is without a doubt the most magical part of the year for bloggers and reviewers alike. That magical time of year when I don’t have to try and figure out what on earth I’m gonna write about and instead have to try and remember what on earth I actually watched this year! And what better way to kick off our end of the year festivities than by setting our sights on the year past and remembering all those happy times we had. The long walks on the beach, the picturesque sunsets… all those horrifying news stories and horrible deaths… But anyway, let’s talk about some of that sweet sweet entertainment, shall we? And celebrate the escapism that such great features allowed us to have.

Micah’s Top Ten Movies of 2016

So this year, I feel like my top ten falls into three distinct categories. The “good but niche,” the “very entertaining but flawed” and the “any of these could have been number 1.” So let’s just jump right in there and see how these particular chips have fallen.

The Good But Niche

  1. Mr. Right

This is by far the Nichiest Niche movie on this list. It isn’t a perfect movie either from an action standpoint OR from a romance standpoint (it tries to do both.) But it’s just a fun movie! The script is quirky and fun, it’s anchored by great performances from Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick and the whole thing is just fun and crazy in very much its own way. It’s not a movie for everyone but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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If this picture appeals to you: you should be watching this movie!

 

  1. The Magnificent Seven

Look I was very excited about this movie all year and when I finally got to see it, I was not disappointed. It wasn’t by any means a perfect movie, but it was just a good old fashioned Western and I always appreciate those. It was a fun cast led by Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt and the whole movie was just very evocative of all those old Westerns you grew up with!! Assuming you grew up in my house… which statistically you probably didn’t.

  1. The Nice Guys

Our final niche movie is probably the least nichiest of the three. The Nice Guys is a love letter from Director Shane Black to the classic Robert Downey Jr. movie “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”… which was also directed by Shane Black. So yes… it’s a love letter to himself. But it’s a pretty good love letter as such things go (though an R rated one) and Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe turn in great performances as Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer… I mean,… whatever their characters in this movie were called.

The Very Entertaining but Flawed

  1. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was a great movie that marked a really fun return for the Harry Potter franchise. It had its problems as far as pacing and “this is the villain because umm… Voldermort??” But it was a genuinely fun movie that really felt like the Harry Potter universe despite featuring literally none of the original characters, and that is VERY not easy to do.

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Stay tuned for the tie in from Head and Shoulders: Fantastic Hair and Where to Find It.

 

  1. Zootopia

Frankly, Zootopia probably doesn’t belong in this category, but I couldn’t make a 4th category called “Culturally significant kids movies, that sneakily taught us about racism.” It’s a genuinely entertaining movie that really tries to say something and for the most part it’s really successful in doing so.  It doesn’t “transcend the genre” like some of Disney’s other offerings have over the last few years, but this was a kids movie that wasn’t just something to plop your kids in front of for an hour and a half. It was a heartfelt, well-made movie that had something to say to your kids, and that is very important.

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He somehow thought we belonged in THAT category!

 

  1. Dr. Strange

Back into my fun but flawed category, we have Dr. Strange. I really, really loved this movie and it only dropped this far on my list because A: it did still follow Marvels tried and true origin story mold. And B: the other movies above it were very very good. But I had a lot of fun with Dr. Strange and it definitely cemented itself in the top three or four of the Marvel origin stories and that’s nothing to sneeze at. But really, what is to sneeze at? Who gives you a thing and you say, “well that’s something to sneeze at.” Why would you say that??? Ya weirdo.

  1. Star Trek Beyond

The last (and best) of this category , I feel, was Star Trek Beyond. Look, I’m well documented as being SUPER skeptical about this movie. I enjoyed the other two movies in the franchise, but I couldn’t really get myself excited for Star Trek Beyond. I only went to see it cause there wasn’t anything else in theaters and it got pretty decent reviews. And boy let me tell you no one was more surprised than I was when I ended up thoroughly enjoying myself!! The script was clever, the cast was great, and the whole thing just felt fun. The ending sequence especially I thought was super smart, brilliantly visualized, and very well soundtracked… Soundtrecked?? The soundtrack was great.

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More like Sound Trek!!

 

The any of these could have been number 1.

Seriously though, I shuffled these around more times than I could conceivably explain to you (upwards of FIVE whole times) so in the end I threw my hands in the air, waved them as though I was unconcerned as to the opinions of those around me, and just decided to lump them all into this category. So here you go:

  1. The Arrival

Super great and thoughtful sci-fi beautifully shot and anchored by a frankly astounding performance from Amy Adams. It’s by no means your typical sci-fi movie but that in no way makes it a bad movie. I have no jokes for this particular paragraph. It’s a real good movie.

  1. Moana

Dang it Disney!!! Why must you keep making such great movies? I mean seriously this is a movie about a little island girl, a chicken, and the Rock but dang it if my tiny, teeny little Grinch-like heart wasn’t warmed by this thing. No classic Disney prince or love story to be found here, just a great movie with beautiful visuals, great music, and a touching story! I’m filled with anger and hate about how much this movie made me give a darn.

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And I will answer!!!

 

  1. Star Wars: Rogue One

I just did a review of this but suffice to say: this movie was great. It was exactly what a Star Wars side story should be and I desperately hope the rest of the Anthology series are as good, and as different from the originals/numerical movies. And again I have no joke here! Curse these movies and there ruining of my sarcasm.

  1. Captain America (and also Ironman): Civil War

There! See? There’s a joke! I put Ironman in the title. Got ya there Disney didn’t I? Me and my sweet burns!! Seriously though: it’s probably one of the best super hero movies ever and features what is (in my mind anyway) the greatest super hero fight scene ever (the airport sequence) AND it single handedly saved the Spiderman franchise. I mean come on people! How could this not be one of the four movies I couldn’t decide whether or not to make my top movie?? How could it not.

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It’s the best… one of the 4 best anyway…

 

So there you go guys! My top ten movies of 2016 (with apologies to A Monster Calls and La La Land which I have not seen yet. Thanks for reading, thanks for another great year and I’ll see you Thursday when we flip over this reminiscing coin and look at the ten worst movies of 2016… and boy are there some worsts.

Internet! What’s up how’s tricks? What’s that? Someone changed the colors of the cups you drink coffee from?? Well that’s… in no way consequential and not something I’m dedicating any more of my time to.

As tends to happen with this sort of thing, last week when I posted my bottom ten bombs of all time, a couple well meaning, well bred readers wrote in and asked if I would post a list of the top ten grossing movies of all time. Well, well meaning readers, you with your golden hair, sea-grey eyes and immaculate taste in reading, of course I will. Of course I will.

The Top Ten Grossing Movies of All Time 

Now as with my previous list these movies are adjusted for inflation. This makes a HUGE difference and tends to give more credit to older movies, rather then these new fangled ones with their blue people stealing the story from Pocahontas. So what will this list lead us to?? What new heights of cinematic understanding shall we reach??

I have no idea… Haven’t actually looked them up, yet.

Okay now I have… this is gonna be a rough one guys. Starting with:

Number 10: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – 1,819,000,000

Yup. This movie.  Probably the worst Disney film ever made.

Okay well I take that back. Still though… it’s pretty dang bad. Villains who disguise themselves as horrifying looking old women. Evil Queens who farm out highly specialized murder work to under qualified, ill trained workers. Princesses who fall in love with literally the first guy who happens to stumble drunkenly into their courtyard. And of course, random Princes who decide to kiss the dead girl they saw in that castle that one time. Snow White isn’t just a mostly bad movie… it’s a mostly bad movie in which some REAL creepy things take place. Let’s just leave

“No one will ever suspect!”

Number 9: Jaws – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $2,027,000,000

Now we’re talking. Say what you want about the fact that Stephen Spielburgh nearly murdered someone in the ocean to film this movie: but this thing is great. Sure the animatronic shark puppet of death is a little obvious at some points, but ya know what else it is? An animatronic shark puppet of death. And if we’re not living in a world where animatronic shark puppets of death can be appreciated, then what kind of world are we living in?? What kind of world are we leaving our children???? You monsters.

Number 8: Doctor Zhivago – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $2,073,000,000

Oh of course, Doctor Zhivago that movie about the umm… ya know that Doctor guy. Ya know… the Doctor… Zhivago.

Okay so this isn’t exactly the pinnacle of cinematic fame but it’s a real solid story that in a little over three hours tells us the sweeping, epic, and romantic story, of a man to whom very little of interest ever actually happens. What can I say, this came out in the 60’s, man. It was weird times, some people REALLY wanted to hear about a doctor in Russia struggling to do… whatever it was that he wanted t o do.

And we’re moving on.

Number 7: The Ten Commandments – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $2,187,000,000

Good old Chuck Heston and Yul (the Log) Brynner facing off in what was inarguably the most deep voiced contest ever captured by film. There were plagues, there were Egyptians, and in the grand tradition still held to this very day a lot of VERY American people, played the parts of a lot of Israelites and Egyptians. Yeah, I’m looking at you Joel Edgerton and Christian Bale in ‘Exodus’ you’re the two most non Egyptian people ever.

“So… when do I sing getting to know you?”

Number 6: ET: The Extra-Terrestrial – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $2,310,000,000

A movie that gave us so much: one of the first truly great alien movies, groundbreaking CGI, sweeping and original storytelling, and the career of Drew Barrymore… Okay well nothing is perfect.

Number 5: The Sound of Music – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $2,366,000,000

Wait, what?? The Sound of Music?? For some reason this was the movie on this list that surprised me the most. You just don’t think of the sound of music as some sweeping, epic that people flock to theaters to see. You think of it more as something you’re mom made you watch when you were sick so she could pretend not to watch it, as you slowly roasted from the inside out with a fever.

But I’m not bitter or anything.

Number 4: Titanic – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $2,516,000,000

I knew this movie would show up on this list somewhere. I just knew it. A movie with roughly 4 hours of poorly told, and creepy love story and roughly 10 minutes of the actual sinking Titanic, ‘Titanic.’ Is like watching a very slow and very emotional train wreck. And at the end of the train wreck everybody sits around and talks about how much they LOVED the train wreck and how they felt it had really changed their lives and taught they how to love, and understand the rules of cricket and all you could do was sit in the back, slack jawed , and stupefied wondering what other, better train wreck these people must have been watching.

Number 3: Star Wars – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – 2,825,000,000

Ah finally, the other good movie. Star Wars (A New Hope) is the thing on this list that probably most deserves to be here. It’s great, changed film forever, and is about to make a come back in a movie that will be so good it will single handedly cure the common cold, stop world hunger, and refreeze the ice caps. Or, ya know, just be a movie. That is hopefully good.

Number 2: Avatar – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $3,020,000,000

The cinematic equivalent of Pocahontas with a blue instagram filter, Avatar just… just sort of kept existing somehow. I mean I get it, it looked nice. But so does… ya know, outside. And I never pay ten dollars to go outside. Well except for that one time but Dracula really put that ten dollars to good use, and I’d been in that coffin for a while so… totally worth it.

This made me so happy.

This made me so happy.

Number 1: Gone with the Wind – – Estimated Inflation Adjusted Gross – $3,440,000,000

WHAT?!?!?! I did a full review of Gone with the Wind a while ago (check it out here) but it is basically the story of two attractive but grossly unappealing and shallow characters who spend their lives slowly being drawn together by the force of their raw selfish, narcissism. And also somebody eats some carrots and then swears violently about going hungry… while holding carrots and standing on a farm. So, way to go everyone who paid to watch this movie. Way to go.

There you have it guys! The top ten grossing movies of all time, the ultimate proof some would say that, in the end, none of us know what on earth we’re doing.

Internet!! It’s that magical time of year once more, that time of year when we can finally answer that most important question: “what on earth will I blog about this week?” without having to sit around and think about it for twenty minutes! This is the time of year when the blogs practically write themselves and all I have to do is sit around and mess up the punctuation! So let’s start off the festivities with a nice bit of nostalgia! A look back at the things that we liked in theaters in 2013 before we look back at the things that we hated!

Micah’s Top Ten Movies of 2013 

In full disclosure: I have still not watched “Frozen” “Saving Mr. Banks” “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” “The Wolf of Wall Street” or “American Hustle.” Yeah, remember how I’ve been dead most of this month? Trust me when I say that I spent a good week and a half of December with my eyes tightly closed while tiny ninjas slapped my retinas with fish covered in acid. Movies weren’t a priority. But regardless of that here are the top ten movies of the month that I did watch. It’s also worth noting here that these are just the movies I have seen this year. I know “Twelve Years a Slave” was supposedly awesome but it played in like four theaters so I didn’t watch it. Sorry sports fans.  

10. Monster University

Squeeking in at number 10 is Monster University with the HUGE asterisk next to it that I did not watch Frozen and that Frozen is probably a better movie. I liked Monster University but I didn’t think it was anything awesome nor did I think it was a ton better than the first one. In fact the primary result of me watching this movie was that I wanted to go back and watch the first movie again. That may not sound like super high praise and honestly, it isn’t. I feel like the bottom four on this list are a good ways below the top 5 as far as sweet sweet goodness goes.

9. World War Z

Hey a Zombie movie!! See, I’m not completely closed minded. A surprisingly heartfelt affair, World War Z starred Brad Pitt and Zombies that sounded like hungry squirrels and moved as fast as teenage girls racing for the last Taylor Swift CD. It was a pretty good movie and did some interesting stuff with an old old idea and I am thusly awarding it number 9 on this not at all renowned list.

8. Oblivion

Yup… Tom Cruise made this list. I don’t know what I stand for anymore. Can you imagine if I’d really liked Saving Mr. Banks so Tom Cruise AND Tom Hanks were on this list? I’d have to ritually light this website on fire. That would be the worst thing ever. Anyway, I really liked Oblivion and thought that Cruise and Morgan Freeman and whoever that lady who played Tom Cruise’s wife was did a really good job with it. It was a movie that surprised me, and I do love surprises. Speaking of which…

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Never mow your lawn again!! Buy a skyhouse (and stay the hay away from the railings)

7. Now You See Me

Definitely my surprise movie of the year right here. It certainly had potential to be good but it also had the potential to be forgettable and predictable two things it definitely wasn’t. I thought the cast was great and the story (while taking a strong left turn at bizarre junction at the end) held up very well throughout. It was exactly what you want out of an old school magician movie and well worth a number seven ranking!

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If the sequel to this isn’t called “Now You Don’t” I’m not watching it.

6. Iron Man 3

Iron Man 3 was so close to being awesome but a few little things here and there along with one giant Gwennyth Paltrow ruining the end dropped it down to number 6. It was still a really good movie though and featured another stellar outing for Robert Downey Jr, so it really was well worth the watching and definitely an upgrade from the second movie which seemed to forget midway through the film that it was an Iron Man movie, in favor of being the story of an uninteresting Russian person and his parrot.  

5. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Okay so that was like movie Tier 1 back there. 10-6 were all pretty close goodness-wise then there is a huge gap, followed by 5-3 which were all pretty close and then another slightly smaller gap before 2-1. Not that any of you wanted to know that or that it matters at all but I figured I would throw it out there. Back to the movie at hand though, Catching Fire is the rare example of a sequel that actually outdid the original. It builds very nicely on the groundwork of the previous movie both with its characters and with its storylines and it also definitely moves along much smoother than the last movie which helps a lot. Some people complained that the ending was too much of a cliffhanger but you kinda knew that going in right? I mean there are three books out there guys, and any time you have a trilogy you have a terrible cliffhanger at the end of book 2. It’s like a rule or something.

4. Thor: The Dark World

Ah, Thor 2. I don’t know if it was better than the first one or not but it was definitely awesome so who am I to complain? Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston continue to have some of the best back and forth on screen of any duo this year and while Hemsworth and Portman continue not to have awesome chemistry the world around them is so well built and the action is so stirring that your willing to forgive them a bit of on screen fakery. It’s a great movie with a genuinely entertaining lead and nemesis along with a well-established world and a great supporting cast. If you’re not on board the Thor train (not to be confused with the soul-train… trust me on this one) at this point I suppose this won’t convince you otherwise but seriously: watch this.

3. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

My issues with last year’s film are very well documented (on this website in fact) but I genuinely felt like this movie improved a lot over last years. It was still a different tone then the first trilogy but that was never really my issue with the first one anyway. This movie is a lot better crafted overall and while the middle is still a bit draggy it’s nothing compared to the miry, wet-concrete filled, middle of the first movie. The action is more actiony, the adventure is more adventury and the fact that Smaug is both in this movie and voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch does nothing but launch this film into the much coveted top 3.   

2. Star Trek Into Darkness

My most anticipated movie of 2013 WAY back in January actually did very well for itself. Great performances by the big three of Spock, Kirk, and angry Sherlock Holmes delivered carried a brilliant cast and the story was sweeping and epic and exactly as big as it needed to be. It got VERY slightly nudged out by the number one film but was about as close a second as you could get and should hold its head proudly as it boldy goes where no Star Trek film has gone before.

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Yeah I’ll admit I kept waiting for Kahn to suddenly turn around and yell “the game is afoot.” I’m not proud of it.

1. Gravity

As surprising to you as it is to me, here’s Gravity sitting at the top spot. No… for real. Sandra Bullock and George Clooney star in a tight, well made, brilliantly visualized film about some people trapped in space, trying to get home. More than anything else I just love how well put together this movie was, it built itself up into a fast paced yet surprisingly introspective adventure and didn’t waste a single instant of its screen time. It would have been so easy to pad this movie out with flashbacks and other characters, but Gravity stayed small and intimate and made you pay attention to everything it did. From start to finish, from stop to start, from space to… other space. Gravity makes you watch, makes you care, and makes you love the whole experience. As great as some of the other films on this list were there was never any doubt in my mind as to what was going in this spot.

Well guys thanks for reading! Another year another top ten, and now (as is my wont) I shall start prepping for Thursdays column this year’s bottom ten movies! Come on back, it’ll be a party!