Posts Tagged ‘The Jungle Book’

Well hey Internet, and happy days. As we continue our transition from summer to fall, from youth to comfortable middle age, from fresh pizza to the in some ways even more tasty cold pizza, we find ourselves heading towards a black hole of uninteresting movies (at least until the magnificent seven comes out) and so what are we to turn to in our time of entertainment need?? Well… maybe… Monopoly?? Family… times??? Redbox?? Let’s go with Redbox, I’m not qualified to write on monopoly, and I love family times as much as the next guy but… this isn’t that blog. So let’s see the top 5 and (the far more fun) bottom 5 of what’s going on right now, in that big red box.

Top 5 in Redbox

These aren’t necessarily in worst to best order or anything like that, just five movies worth checking out as you wait for someone to wake you up, when September ends.

The Jungle Book

The Jungle Book (1967)

No no. Not that one, the one with the graphics and the plotline, and the less singing.

 

Great movie! Awesome voice cast, stunning visuals, very well acted! Sure it’s a repeat, but it’s a really solid, great movie, that the whole family can enjoy! Boy, this is fun huh? What a great month to rent a movie, I’m sure there won’t be a precipitous dive in movie quality at all!!! Let’s move on to that next great movie shall we?

… Oh… Oh no… Umm… okay hang on umm…

Umm… Race??? I guess.

rposter

Just the post Olympics, Olympic movie we’ve been waiting for.

 

Race is a really good movie but… it came out a good while ago, guys, I’d frankly be surprised if it were actually IN any redbox’s. But if you can find it, you go for it! It’s the shizzle!! But you may have (brace yourselves) run out of time!!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??? Maybe sort of… A better than average movie, starring the fantastic Tina Fey and Martin Freeman! And yes, we’re already settling for “better than average.”

It’s worth mentioning that Zootopia is in Redbox, but that’s also coming to Netflix next month so… unless you have a REALLY strong desire to see a fox and a rabbit talk to a sheep in front of a computer… you can probably wait a week or so.

And that’s about it guys. Those were the good movies I could find… those three movies. Maybe consider actually learning the rules to Monopoly, you may need them.

The Bottom 5:

And now onto a list that it was hard to make not because there were too few options, but because there were far FAAAARRRR to many. I had to leave a movie with Amanda Seyfried (my least favorite person in Hollywood) entirely off this list!! Where is the justice in this world?!?!

The Boss

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The Boss, cause Melissa McCarthy needed a new garage.

 

An unambitious, unfunny comedy featuring two very talented ladies (Kristen Bell and Melissa McCarthy) suffereing through a bland, uninteresting, almost tortuously boring movie. The only person who cared about this movie less than the audiences who watched it, were the people who starred in it.

Batman V. Superman

Somewhere, in some alternate universe this was a good movie. A couple different decisions, maybe a better writer and a different director… the bones for a good movie are here, but (as the old song says) dem bones, dem bones, dem dry unappealing, overly mopey movie bones.

Trust

Okay if you want to see just the utter and final breakdown of Nic Cages slow, years long spiral into insanity. This is it. A movie so mind numbingly bad it very literally snapped whatever tiny strand of sanity Nicolas Cage had left. If you like hilariously bad movies: this is the one for you. If you like hilarious bad posters, here you go:

trust

Yup… this is a real thing.

 

The Divergent Series: Allegiant

A movie so bland, and mailed in it may have literally killed the entire franchise. Literally they may move this entire series to TV now just because audiences cared about it so little. “Maybe,” they thought “if we make the movie free, break it up into dozens of pieces, and pipe it directly into their  homes, they’ll like our movie!” Just as a spoiler: They will not like it.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

In an age and time filled with unnecessary reboots and sequels, it seems only fitting to end this article with the most unnecessary sequel of all! And it’s double points cause it was also about twenty years too late. So bask in the glory MBFGW 2. In a time of great suckitude, your suck has risen to the top! Go you.

Well guys… brace yourselves for September, hold you loved ones close, and check back Thursday when I break down the top 10 westerns of all time!

Well Internet, here we are! Our summer questions done, our movie reviews… reviewed… and things. So what say before we get whisked away by our next fun filled, sarcasm riddled, movie venture we check in with our local movie movie theaters and see where things stand in the great ladder of cinema?? Well, hopefully you answered yes because… that’s what we’re doing. Feedback is an issue on this one way website thing…

Box Office Top Ten 5/24/2016

10. Mother’s Day

Slinking in at number 10 like the last, ugliest slug in those famous Slug Parades of yore, is Mother’s Day. A movie that delicately balances the line between being horribly offensive to women, and being horribly offensive to humanity on the whole. Featuring a cast of uninteresting has beens, and a script based off of a dead pigeons vodka induced nightmare, Mother’s Day will hopefully be quickly swallowed by that sweet sweet embrace of movie death. Let’s never speak of it again.

9. The Huntsman: Winters War

the-huntsman-winters-war

Sure the mirror is great for questions and summoning’s but it’s the worst for applying makeup.

 

The Huntsman: Winters War is umm… Look: if you liked the first movie, you’ll probably like this. The visuals are interesting, the cast all deliver fairly solid performances, but the action and the script let the movie down. There’s nothing horribly wrong with Winters War, but there’s also nothing horribly right with it. If it’s in your wheelhouse you’ll probably like it, if not to quote that famouse city of New York “Fugget about it.”

8. Zootopia

Easily the best kids movie in theaters and the best one released this year. There are a couple other decent kids movies on the list, but if you haven’t see thing one: go see it.

7. The Darkness

6 Miranda Dr.

The cast of The Darkness reads the reviews of the movie.

 

Umm… So this is a horror movie. And it’s real bad. I’m submitting a formal request to Kevin Bacon to change his name after being in this movie. You’re a disgrace to the good named of ‘Bacon’ Kevin. I dub thee: Kevin Vegemite. Something that is maybe okay in small doses if used sparingly. It’s the perfect name.

6. Money Monster

A ‘meh’ action/suspense movie that wastes George Clooney and forgets that Julia Roberts stopped really mattering years ago. It also weirdly has message that boils down to “You probably shouldn’t take people hostage and wave guns around… unless you REALLY want to, and you REALLY think you’re right. Then I guess it’s okay.”

5. The Jungle Book

Another great kids movie/kind of adult movie currently in theaters. I’ve talked a lot about this and frankly haven’t seen it yet but by all accounts: it’s very good. I’ll see it at some point… maybe. I mean, let’s face it: I’m not even close to the target audience for this movie and while I might eventually rent it on DVD or something, The Jungle Book is a story I’ve seen before and don’t feel super motivated to see again just cause we threw a fresh coat of paint on it. I have nothing against it, but I also have nothing for it… or something.

4. The Nice Guys

Shane Black makes movies mostly for Shane Black movie fans. It’s an R rated action comedy movie starring a thoroughly off his meds Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling taking most of Crowe’s meds, The Nice Guys is actually a pretty fun ride. It’s nothing that’ll change your life or anything but it’s a genuinely fun movie starring two actors who have surprisingly good chemistry and throw themselves into things full bore.

ryan-gosling-800

Oh and the movie is set in the 70’s. Just in case you couldn’t tell from the everything in this picture.

 

3. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

It’s like that first Neighbors movie except umm… Women? As far as R rated comedy goes this isn’t bad, but it’s not especially great and lacks the originality that helped the first one along. Not much new to see here.

2. Captain America: Civil War

Ran a full review of this last week but suffice to say: this movie is awesome. The cast, the writing, the action, and the fighting are all top notch. It’s the best movie I’ve seen so far this year and tells a great, tight, story with characters that they’ve spent the last 5 years building. Also: Spiderman.

1. The Angry Bird Movie (for some reason)

angry burds

Why?? Why did they make this movie????

 

So basically Angry Birds is exactly what I thought it would be. It’s fine. It’s not great, it’s not terrible. It just sort of exists. It’s not a movie we needed or asked for, but it’s the movie we were given. And now it exists. You’re welcome, America.

Well hello Internet, friends, family, people who have accidentally clicked on this website and will be grossly disappointed by its contents. No matter what road you took to get here, or what road you’ll take to leave here, welcome to here. The place we call: “here.” And now: on to the headlines.

The Weekly Headlines 4/19/2016

So we now live in a world where this exists.

denzel

You’re welcome world.

 

Yeah, I’m in granted, it’s still not a great world. But I’m super excited for that mess. Denzel, Pratt, and Vincent D’Noff… that guy from Daredevil is in there too. The Magnificent Seven is supposed to hit theaters September 23rd and I am all in. I mean what was the last great Western?? True Grit?? In 2010? Yeah. I’m in on this like flys on a dead dog. Like a dead dog on a dead log. Like Abraham Lincoln on a log cabin. And other westernisms.

Netflix’s next new series: Iron Fist started production recently! Very excited to see where this goes and to watch some sweet sweet Kung Fu fighting. I had some questions about the Netflixiverse after Daredevil season 1’s pacing problems but a great Jessica Jones series and a really solid second outing for Daredevil has me back in. Excited for this and for Luke Cage and then the Defenders super combo series!! There’s so much to be excited for, the world is a magical place! Why am I filled with bitterness again?

awesome

James Cameron announced plans to make 4 Avatar movies. Oh right… that’s why.

grumpikitty

Look James, I got the first movie, sure it was basically just Blue Pocahontas. But it was real pretty, so I guess that’s something. But 4 movies??? 4 movies based around the idea of “hey look at that thing.” And all of them featuring the semi-talents of Hollywoods “Oh he’s not as talented as we thought he was”  Sam Worthington? Thanks James, but no thanks. Maybe go back and fix the Terminator franchise or something, I don’t know, but let’s just leave the fact that Avatar is somehow still the highest grossing movie of all time and minimize our cinematic shame.

Captain America: Civil War (premiering May 6th) has gotten positive early reviews thus far. This needs to be taken with all the grains of salt though as most movies that let people watch them this early only let people watch them who they know will like them. I mean “Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Ignoring Character Building” got good early reviews and that movie currently sits at a whopping 28% on Rotten Tomatoes. That said, it seems to be a really solid movie and I am ALL the excited about it. ALL the excited. Oh and apparently (according to rumor) Spiderman is in it more than a lot of people thought, so that’s a win.

Suicide Squad released it’s last trailer last week and it honestly still looks pretty good. The trailer at least made it look like Batman is featured fairly heavily (always nice) and the movie really seems to be trying to distance itself from Batman V Superman which is a VERY good thing in this case. And hey, at least this DC product has released great trailers that haven’t given away the villain, the plot, and the twist at the end. They’re learning… slowly. But they’re learning.

SuicideSquad

What do you mean we shouldn’t give away huge swaths of the plot??

 

Jason Bourne (cause apparently we’re not putting a 4 next to that for some reason) is releasing a trailer this Thursday. The movie hits theaters July 29th and as far as we know we’re all ignoring that whole “Jeremy Renner is the new Bourne” thing that happened. Which is fine with me cause I certainly ignored that movie so why should I demand any more out of the company that spent millions of dollars producing it?

bourne

JasonBourne: Because numbers and spaces are for wimps.

 

The Jungle Book took the top spot at the box office this week, playing on the nostalgia of parents, childrens desires to see talking animals, and Disney’s desire to take over the world one dollar at a time. Batman V Superman has fallen all the way to number 4 just ahead of the wildly better (and also talkingly animaled) Zootopia. Behind Zootopia is “Criminal” a movie from the continueing extremely odd trend of old white guys trying to be Liam Neeson. Look guys, there’s only one Liam Neeson.  And he’s Liam Neeson. And he’s probably standing right behind you with a gun.

And in a late addition to this week’s Headlines, Warcraft released a new Trailer this morning. And guys… I’m mostly out on this being a great movie. It MIGHT still be good, it will probably be fun. But I think it’s definitely out on greatness. Just the acting seems spotty, and the more I watch the Orcs the more I think we won’t really be able to connect with them as characters. They just look kinda rubbery. And the story is basically Warcraft 3, which is fine, that’s about what I expected, but the acting has me concerned. I think it will definitely be a fun sort of nostalgic run through swords and shields and magic, but it’s not gonna have the gravitas needed to reach that Lord of the Rings kind of greatness.

And there you go fair friends, brothers and sisters of this Interconnected Web-like device. Fare thee well, until I see thee once more upon Friday.

Internet! Welcome, to a retro episode of Thoughts We Might Have Had, wherein we look back at the things we used to love, and realize they were WAY creepier then we thought.

But first: some housekeeping. We’re gonna switch back to a Tuesday, Friday release schedule for posts. This was actually the original format for the site that we switched away from for… some reasons that I’m not entirely sure of now. But anyway, on with the show… or post. Or something.

Micah Retro Reviews: The Jungle Book (1967)

Thejunglebook_movieposter

Yes. Ballou is a different color in the original poster. Ya racist.

 

The Plot: So… once upon a Jungle Bagheera (a black panther) finds a young boy in a basket. Or is that Moses? Too many boys, not enough baskets. Anyway, Mowgli or Moses or Oliver Twist or whoever the heck was in the basket is taken by Bagheera to a wolf who has just had some baby wolves (pups if you want to be technical) and the new mother wolf adopts the baby Basket human because ummm… Lunch?? Free lunch I guess? Basically Mowgli is the wolf version of a luncheable. Easy to carry around, not your first choice for a meal but a viable back up if you don’t have time for anything else.

Anyway, ten years later Mowgli is somehow still alive, but then the wolves learn that Shere Khan a Tiger who eats people (because of course he does) and the wolves decide to send Mowgli back to the man village where maybe he can find some freekin’ pants for goodness sakes. But Mowgli runs away from Bagheera and goes wandering around the Jungle looking for some semblance of the book this movie is based on. As he stumbles blindly through the jungle in his bare feet, hoping against hope to find some creature below him on the food chain, Mowgli meets a bear named Ballou who he implicitly trusts and some Elephants who are very sadly stricken with Alzheimers. It’s real depressing.

The Jungle Book (1967)

But the cast party after the movie was great.

 

Then he meets a snake who somehow has gained the ability to hypnotize people. No idea how that happened, blood sacrifice, some sort of residual snake/devil contract. Along with the fact that Mowgli for some reason knows he should wear a loincloth but not pants this particular plotline is left unexplored. Finally, he meets a giant monkey who wants Mowgli to show him “man’s red fire” which just makes no sense. I mean what does the giant monkey think he’s going to do with fire?? Why didn’t he ask Mowgli to show him “Man’s red pants” or “Man’s red indoor plumbing.”

Once all that mess is over with we remember that whole “Shere Khan” thing is a plot point and wouldn’t you know it, Mowgli’s vague and un thought out plan to do… something… fails miserably and Ballou and Bagheera almost die before lightning strikes a tree and Mowgli lights the entire jungle on fire putting hundreds and thousands of forest animals in mortal peril and destroying their homes. But the one kid and his lack of pants is okay so… yay?

khan!!

Shere Khan is SOOOOO not amused.

 

And after all that, Mowgli sees one girl balancing a pot on her head and decides to leave all his friends who risked their lives for him in the interest of flirting. And so, Mowgli leaves the forest for a woman, having endangered the lives of his friends (who he abandoned) and burned down huge swaths of his jungle home in a desperate attempt to not do, the thing he does voluntarily in the end.

The end.

In Conclusion:

So there you go guys, a 1967 movie release now being remade with a billion dollar effects budget, and a zero dollar pants budget. Jungle Book 1967 is by no means a perfect movie, but it is a movie with some great songs (the Bear Necessities especially) and everyone’s favorite indecisive gang of buzzards.

ballou disguise

So Mowgli doesn’t know to where pants, but Ballou knows to where a grass skirt in his weird, cross-species seduction?

 

Thanks for reading fair friends, and I shall see thee upon Tuesday next.

Hey guys, so full disclosure: there is sickness in the camp. And by camp I mean… me. Which in retrospect was a real weird way to put that. Anyway, as a result of said sickness I’m pushing back my big: “Batman V Superman: Oh My Goodness So My Opinions” review and just answer some of your questions before crawling back into my sad sickness hole.

Micah, have you watched Daredevil Season 2? What did you think of it? – David

I actually have, David! And honestly I thought it was pretty great! I wasn’t a huge fan of Daredevil Season 1, I mean, it was fine. It was better than it could have been, I guess. It was clearly about 4 episodes too long and Foggy constantly whining about how these things that were happening weren’t entirely convenient for him was a MASSIVE annoyance, but it was fine. I thought Season 2 was WAY better paced (though it still did drag in the middle) and I thought the Punisher was fantastic, definitely the best part of the series. There was less whiny Foggy, less giant baby villain (Fisk) and on the whole just a tighter series. I think I still liked Jessica Jones better but Jessica Jones had David Tennant so… yeah.

I’m interested to see where it goes and where this whole (for lack of a better term) Netflix-verse will go. I mean I don’t expect Luke Cage to shake things up as much as this season did (Jessica Jones also didn’t really change much about the world) but I expect Iron Fist and Daredevil Season 3 (cause there definitely will be one) to go very heavy on the super natural/magic corners of the Marvel universe, helped no doubt by Dr. Strange’s movie this November. Just gonna  be interesting to see how introducing magic into a series like this will change it.

punisherheader

Probably the best part of season 2. Not counting the blessed lack of Foggy’s “cry face.”

Are you gonna review Batman V Superman? – Kathy

Yes I will Kathy. I just said that up there.

Why aren’t you excited for Jungle Book, Micah?? Whatever happened to you? – Kyle

I don’t know Kyle. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting crankier in my old age. The trailers just make this look like the exact same Jungle Book movie as before just with live action and a new voice cast. An awesome voice cast to be sure, but the old one also had a great voice cast. Once again, I’m not saying this is a bad idea, or that I hate this movie or anything. I’m just not super excited about it, I might see it, I might not. If you’ve got kids, take your kids, I’m sure they’ll enjoy it. I’ve been on this ride before though.

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That snake seems to have taken ALL the steroids.

You’ve talked about Supergirl a couple times, what do you think of the series now?  – Eliza

An interesting question Eliza. First off: I really like Supergirl. It’s by no means my favorite show, but it’s really good in a semi kind of retro way. Which leads us to the larger point, the big Supergirl/Flash crossover that happened last week which I really liked!! It was fun. Kind of (not to tip my hand too much for my forthcoming review) the exact opposite of Batman V Superman. One of the great things about Supergirl is that it really is a very retro super hero show. It’s hopeful and fun and talks a lot about family and love and all that kids comic book stuff. This stops it from being really highly regarded or as great and moving as some other shows to be sure, but it doesn’t want to be those shows. It’s a good solid show, where fun, likable characters live in a hopeful world where right can triumph over evil. And that’s great. Batman V Superman was largely a story of grim, unlikeable jerks who sat around staring at each other and moping about how terrible it is to have super powers or whatever they were going on about.

Supergirl-races-The-Flash

It even had a cool, old school poster!!

I’m not saying Supergirl is the best show on TV by any means; it’s not even my favorite super hero show, but it is refreshing just to see a show bring things back to a lighter, more happy feel when everyone else seems to be going the opposite way.

Well that’ll about do it for me guys. I’m gonna hobble back into the Cove of Sickitude. I’ll see you on the flip side!!

As usual you can write in the comments or email thoughtswemighthavehad@gmail.com, to have your questions put in the mailbag.

Ah the Cons. Comic-con, Gamescon, Conman-con, condor-con, con-con, and now Disney-con. Or as all the cool kids are calling it D23… con. Seriously though a lot went down at this years D-con-23, and for those of you who don’t know, don’t care, or don’t con here’s a list of all the things you need to know that happened, at the con.

Some Star Wars Things 

Star Wars World 

Yup. It’s a thing. Like Disney World, but for an even more nerdy group of people. There are very few things I hate in this world… okay I basically hate everything. But one of those basically everything I hate are large groups of people, large groups of people congregating in lines, and loud screamy things. So as you can imagine Star Wars World sounds about as appealing to me as “Wet Dog Smell and Tarantula World” but I can see the appeal I suppose for you regular not socially incompetent people out there. Ya Nerds.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens 

I’m getting more and more excited for this movie, and this poster only pushes me even further towards the brink of awesome. I mean it just looks classic and awesome and not at all like the weirdly horrible photo-shop looking things the prequels did. I’m so excited to get to a theater and just enjoy a Star Wars movie, I feel like at this point as long as the movie is just fun and enjoyable everything will be great. I don’t need it to be awesome, I just need it to be good, and say what you want about JJ Abrams he has (by and large) produced good movies/TV shows. Few of them have really been ‘great’ but I don’t need great JJ. I just need good. Please make this good.

Please.

So everyone here has a weapon... except for that girl with a stick. So I feel that's her bad.

So everyone here has a weapon… except for that girl with a stick. So I feel that’s her bad.

Star Wars: Rogue One 

I don’t know if I’ve talked about this on the site before cause I generally don’t like to bring things up until there’s actually something to talk about but Rogue One is actually a very interesting movie that’s scheduled to be released next year. For those of you who don’t know Disney is releasing a ‘continuation’ of the Star Wars franchise (episodes 7,8,9) every two years for the next however many years that is (math is not only not my strong suit, it’s not even my casual board shorts.) In the off years they’ll be making little anthology movies that build on the current universe while not necessarily furthering the plot of 7, 8, and sometimes 9. The first of these is Rogue One a movie set in the little delved into years between the end of Star Wars Episode 3: We’ve Made a Huge Mistake and Star Wars Episode 4: The Start of the Good Movies.

Details are scarce but the prevailing theory is that the movie will focus on a group of regular (i.e. non-Jedi) rebels attempting to steal the plans for the Death Star (thus kicking off the events of Episode 4: A New Mark Hamill.) The big reveal of Con-D2-Con-3 was the cast which features a lot of names I don’t care about and then Alan Freekin’ Tudyk. Yup. That Alan Tudyk.

We missed you Wash. Welcome back.

We missed you Wash. Welcome back.

I should also probably mention that they found a director for Star Wars Episode 9 but given that that movie isn’t coming out for roughly ten billion years, neither you nor I nor anyone else, needs to use up valuable brain space remembering his name. So for the next few years I shall just refer to him as: That-Dude-Who-Directed-Jurassic-World. So congrats That-Dude-Who-Directed-Jurassic-World. You the man… probably.

Some Marvel Things

If you were at R-con-D2-con you know a lot about Marvel’s next two movies Captain America: Civil War and Doctor Strange. If you weren’t there you know pretty much exactly the same things you did before the con. Some trailers were shown but haven’t been released yet publically and I could describe them to you but that would be me describing to you, a visual medium that I have only had described to me in a non-visual format… which does seem a little ridiculous. So to summarize: people are VERY excited for Civil War and I think it’ll be awesome. Great cast, solid story idea, and seemingly some good looking trailers. I’ll probably talk more about this and make some wild speculations and horrendously uneducated guesses when the trailer for this actually comes out to the public so for the time being I’ll just leave it alone. Even the elite elitest’s at D23con didn’t get to see a lot of Dr. Strange but… I mean it’s Benedict Cumberbatch. And he’s a wizard. It’s gonna be great.

Some Random Things

Alice and Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass revealed it’s first poster and some vague hints at a storyline. It seems this venture will feature Alice traveling through time somehow and meeting past versions of characters all the while trying to help the Mad Hatter who seems to be even more mad then usual. I was fine with the first Alice in Wonderland (it had it’s problems but on the whole I thought it was fun and very well cast) so I’m down with this. Sure the plot sounds a little weird, but it’s Alice in Wonderland so that’s pretty much what it’s supposed to be anyway. I mean if they said this story was about Alice struggling to pick which type of Hormel Baked Beans to buy I’d be concerned but generally speaking the less sensical the better is the rules by which we judge Alice.

Quick the Mad Hatter is lost in MC Eschers bathtub!!!

Quick the Mad Hatter is lost in MC Eschers bathtub!!!

Orlando Bloom will be in “Pirates of the Carribean 5: Yup, It’s Happening.” Look, I’m fine with this. In order of goodness Pirates of the Carribean goes 1, 4, 2, 3 so maybe 5 will continue the upward trend I don’t know. Plus, who doesn’t want to see Jack Sparrow again right?? What’s that? Yeah… me neither really.

And finally the Jungle Book poster came out. I mean the poster informs us of exactly nothing but I’m excited for this movie mostly for the cast anyway so whatever. I mean this could be a picture of just the voice cast standing in a studio talking into microphines and I’d be pretty stoked so… yeah. I’m in.

And there you have it guys!! All the things that happened at Con-D-Con-3 that you should care about!! You’re welcome.

Well hey Internet, and welcome to Tuesday!! Unless of course this Tuesday is your Friday, or (alternatively) your Thursday. It’s been a confusing week. Days mean nothing, time is fluid, the door is a jar. All that stuff. However, nothing can hereby stop the new time of the year in which I know venture the retrospective/perspective posts!! That’s right ladies and gentleman this time of year I get to sit back, stop trying to think up what in the world I should write about, and instead try and remember  what in the world I’ve been doing for the past year.

And just to put off that horrible task for one more week here’s a list of the ten movies I’m most excited about in 2015!! Prepare for a party people, strap a hat on, grab a donkey tale and get ready to pin that sucker right on!!

(As usual these are in ranks from least to most excitements.)

10. Taken 3 – January 9th

I know, I know calm down. Look I can out pretentious anyone, I LOVE movies that make me think and change my life and have great scripts but ya know what I also like?? Liam Neeson punching things. And while Taken 3 will have none of the former it will have a LOT of the latter and sometimes you just take that latter and run with it. Set it up against the side of a tree and steal some apples!!!

There will never be an end to Liam Neeson. Never. He will punch then end in the face and it will become a beginning.

There will never be an end to Liam Neeson. Never. He will punch then end in the face and it will become a beginning.

I mean Taken 2 was good (though but by no means great or even ‘really good’) and Non-Stop was actually ‘really good.’ Taken 3 seems to be getting away from the whole “kidnapped by vaguely middle eastern people overseas” thing and gone for more of an intrigue/falsely accused thing which will hopefully add a nice new twist to things. Though let us remember the reason I will be seeing this movie: the joy of watching Mr. Liam Neeson punch other not Liam Neeson people. Bring it on Mr. Neeson, bring it on.

9. Inside Out – June 19th

My official kids movie of the year, Inside Out looks adorable and funny and all the things a Pixar movie should be. It will make tons of money and sell tons of toys and every child will want to quote their favorite parts of the movie to you. Thanks Pixar, you wonderful, horrible people you.

8. The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2 – November 20th

In my 2014 list The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 clocked in at a whopping number 4 but honestly as the year went on I got less and less excited about it. They released trailers and footage and clips and (apparently) replica barbie’s or something but honestly I just… didn’t care. I actually still haven’t gone to see it out of raw apathy. Cause even if I do go and do watch it and do like the story isn’t going to end. Nothing is going to resolve. Granted, Part 2 will solve that problem but the whole thing has just put a bad flavor in my mouth.

I’m sure a bunch of angry Katniss fans are currently scrubbing angry e-mails to me (thoughtswemighthavehad@gmail.com ladies) but that’s just how I feel. I’m not saying I’m not interested in the movie, just that I’m not as excited about it as I am about other things. For instance:

7. Jurassic World – June 12th

Honest confession: I’m not a huge Jurassic Park fan. I’ve watched the first one a couple times, and I think I saw one other one but I don’t remember caring much for it and never bothered to watch any of the other ones. As Jurassic Park switches to Jurassic World though it’s bringing along Chris Pratt (who’s awesome) and Bryce Dallas Howard (who’s… well Bryce Dallas Howard, for whatever that’s worth.) The plot looks a little hit or miss but there will be dinosaurs and (apparently) some sort of alpha-hyper-super dinosaur who will beat the snot out of the other dinosaurs and steal their lunch money.

All the sudden "Live every week, like it's shark week" is super depressing.

All the sudden “Live every week, like it’s shark week” is super depressing.

6.  Victor Frankenstein – October 2nd

This is one of two movies that I’m putting on here based almost entirely on the strength of the people in it. Check out this casting:

Igor – Danielle Radcliff. Dr. Frankenstein – James McAvoy. Roderick Turpin – Andrew Scott.

I have no idea who Roderick Turpin is but it’s Andrew Scott (Sherlock’s Professor Moriarty, and an INCREDIBLY good actor) so I’m in there.  Igor is apparently the major character here and the script was written by Max Landis (“Chronicle” and “Death and Return of Superman”) so all the parts here look like they could make a really good movie. Obviously there’s not a lot of info on the movie yet, but still I think there’s a lot of promise here so we’ll see what happens.

5. Ant-Man – July 17th

It’s a huge tribute to Marvel that this movie even ranks this high. I have such little interest in Ant-man as a super-hero. I mean he grows and shrinks and can (apparently) control ants or something. That’s not a great basis for a movie… right? I mean I like Paul Rudd.. but that’s about it.

On the other hand, it’s Marvel movie. They’ve been awesome, the worst Marvel movie is better then roughly 80 percent of other action/comedy/excitement movies. So I guess I’m in… I mean it’d be nice to see a trailer for it at some point. But let’s remember the last time Marvel green lit a less then front line comic book movie it was Guardians of the Galaxy which was freeking awesome. So who am I (lowly blogger that I am) not to be excited such things.

4. Spectre – November 6th 

The next James Bond movie that follows arguably the best James Bond movie ever and features Daniel Craig, Christoph Waltz, and (once again) Andrew Scott. Now, to this point very little is known about the movie but it’s a fairly safe bet that it (at some point) will feature James Bond’s ultimate nemesis a guy by the name of Ernst Blofeld (yeah, I didn’t come up with it.) Now, the smart money is on that being the very talented Christoph Waltz BUT you want to hear my crazy Sherlock fueled conspiracy theory?? Too bad. You’re hearing it.

So, for most of the movie Waltz will be the main villain and be all menacing and everyone will be like “Oh he’s Blofeld” kind of like when Star Trek: Into Darkness kept pretending that Benedict Cumberbatch wasn’t Khan when EVERYONE knew he was 100 percent definitely Khan. But this time 2/3 of the way through the movie Bond kills Waltz’s character only to have it revealed that the REAL Blofeld was actually Andrew Scott all along (cause Andrew Scott was MADE to be a villain in awesome movies) and Scott succeeds in doing something horrible before running off and setting up a huge face-off in the next Bond movie!!! BOOM.

Drop.

Mic.

moriarty-andrew-scott

“Yes, I should be the villain of every movie. Ever.”

I’m roughly 98% sure that won’t happen… but it would be awesome!

3. The Jungle Book – October 9th

We’ve actually got two live action Jungle Book remakes coming out in the next two years and this is the second movie I’m in on this year largely because of the cast (in this case the voice-over cast.) Observe:

Idris Elba – Shere Khan. Bill Murray – Baloo. Ben Kingsley – Bagheera. Christopher Walken – King Louis.

I mean for real. That’s insane. The only voices missing from this are Liam Neeson and Benedict Cumberbatch. That’s a great cast. I would pay to hear those people read a newspaper from the 50’s let alone the Jungle Book. I’m not guaranteeing it will be a great movie, but I do guarantee that it will sound great.

And now we get to the big 2, the good stuff, a whole new level of anticipation!!

2. Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens – December 18th

Yup. Number 2. I know, I know calm down. Here’s the deal: I believe in J.J. Abrams, I think the old cast is great, I think the new cast looks great, and I think the trailer was good (though sparse on information.) But there’s really no concrete proof that this will be good. I mean we haven’t seen a good star wars movie in literally DECADES. We’ll just have to see what happens, I think it will be good. I’m even pretty sure it will be good… but there’s no real evidence of that right at this moment. We’ll just have to see. I am VERY excited about this movie but we’ll just have to see what happens.

This isn't the official  movie poster... it's just way more awesome.

This isn’t the official movie poster… it’s just way more awesome.

1. Avengers: Age of Ultron – May 1st 

Unlike Star Wars  we both know a great Avengers video can be made (Cause one has been made recently by these same people) AND we’ve seen an AMAZING and very informative trailer. I think Age of Ultron will be fantastic, delve into new areas of the old story, and push the envelope of what we expect a super-hero movie to be. You could say that this is the culmination of all the character development that’s been going on in the last ten marvel movies or so. Captain America 2, the first Avengers, Iron Man 3, Thor 2, all that stuff has been feeding into the ideas and storylines of this movie. It’s practically unprecedented and if there’s anyone who can make this work it’s Joss Whedon. It’s gonna be fantastic.

With all due respect to the Taken 3 poster... This is the best picture ever.

With all due respect to the Taken 3 poster… This is the best picture ever.

And that’s it folks!! The movies I’m most excited about in 2015!! Now, I won’t be posting on Thursday (new years day) but I will be posting on Friday where I will make 5 bold movie predictions for next year AND see how I did with last years predictions! See you then!

Post posting EDIT: Okay, guys I have never ever done this before but an EGREGIOUS oversight on my part. I left off In the Heart of the Sea. A Ron Howard movie featuring Chris Hemsworth and a giant death whale called Moby Dick!!! I’m putting this in at Number 9 and ousting Inside Out. I’m still excited about it but it does not feature a giant death whale. Sorry Pixar.