Posts Tagged ‘The Avengers’

Hey everybody, well here we are again, after another weekend and at the end of another Summer and just in time for the Official and totally not made up movie awards ceremony: “Totally Not Planned Out and Utterly Inconsequential Awards of the Summer Awards!… 2”!!! Just like Oscars, but nobody cares. Oh wait… nobody cares about those either? Well then… by all means.

Best Two Words of the Summer:

Puny god. (not blasphemy toward the God)

Also the only two words he speaks. Man that’s a win.

If you’ve seen the Avengers you know exactly what this is. If you haven’t seen the Avengers yet… see it. Literally the first time I watched this movie the crowd was laughing so loud at the part prior to this that I missed this line entirely. And yes I did see it twice. And yes my wife did come with me both times. Cause she’s awesome.

Best Tom Cruise of the Summer:

Ba ha ha. I’m kidding. Nobody wins with Tom Cruise. Nobody.

NObody.

Best Kids Movie:

Ice Age 4: No Seriously… It’s Ice Age 4

Okay the main competition for this was between Brave, Paranorman and Ice Age 4. I liked Brave a lot, and I thought ParaNorman was really good but in the end I’m giving it to Ice Age 4 because I was honestly very surprised by it. I know Pixar movies are going to be good, they’re Pixar movies. Pixar makes movies like I put up random pictures of muskrats.

See?

Ice Age 4 was a really solid movie that I didn’t think was necessarily going to be bad but that I wasn’t exactly flipping out about either. In the end it was just fun. Like a random picture of a muskrat.

In retrospect… they don’t actually look that fun do they?

Best Performance By a Woman Everyone Seemed to Hate for No Reason: 

Anne Hathaway

I’m not even an Anne Hathaway fan and I honestly hoped she would do well in this movie just because everyone on the internet pitched a hissy fit and screamed for their teddy bear as soon as the casting choice was announced. And speaking of bears…

Most Adorable Bears:

Brave.

Very little competition here.

Sequel I Most Didn’t Watch:

Madagascar 3

Can we all agree that the only redeemable parts from the first two movies were the parts where King Julien was hilarious? Not that I’m not a fan of incessant pointless talking and the EXTREMELY awkward section of the movies where a Giraffe is in love with a Hippo but… Oh wait yeah I’m not a huge fan of that and I hope I never watch this movie…. I’m sorry King Julien…

Movie That Probably Made Me a Better Person:

Amazing Spiderman.

No seriously. You know what I learned from Amazing Spiderman? That sometimes you’ve got to enjoy a movie. Sure I could debate the finer points of Tobey McGuire (I spell his name differently every time so if that’s not right just wait for it to come around again) vs. Andrew Garfield. Or Gwen Stacy vs. Mary Jane but ya know what? I don’t want to. I just want to relax and watch a movie. So there world!!

Movie I Surprisingly Didn’t Watch: 

Dark Shadows.

I was really excited about this movie originally but… I don’t know. Maybe it was the horrendous reviews or the fact that I feel like I’ve already seen Johnny Depp play this character or the fact that it seems to be less of a “Hey here’s a cool idea for a movie” and more of a “So what movie can we make that has Johnny being weird in it?”

Movie I Unsurprisingly Didn’t Watch:

What To Expect When You’re Expecting.

Hey look, it’s a ridiculously generic movie that I can’t relate to which stars a bunch of people I sort of hate!!! yay…

Let me just post the movie synopsis from IMDB:

A look at love through the eyes of five interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn’t always deliver what’s expected.

Ha ha ha…. That’s probably the funniest thing I will ever post.

Real Life Version of a Disney Character That Horrified Me The Most:

This person.

SOOOO creeped out.

Man Who Scared Me The most:

Bane.

Say what you want about Tom Hardy’s mask and not being able to really hear what he was saying but… man… the guy was horrifying.

And a return from last years column:

Pleasantest Surprise:

The Avengers

Here’s the thing. I really like Josh Whedon, I also really like Thor, Iron-man and the Hulk. I tolerate Captain America. But when was the last really good super-hero mashup movie that you watched? If you answered “never” you win. Honestly I was way too afraid The Avengers was going to be terrible to be too excited about it but then… well then it was awesome. And I believed in love again.

Best Movie of the Summer:

Ohhh… yeah I can’t call it. I’m sorry… my heart is not strong enough. Dark Knight Rises, Avengers… this song goes out to both of you. May I one day own you on DVD….

Goodbye Summer… I knew ye not well enough…

*Sings softly into the full moon*

Advertisements

Dear fans of the Interweb,

Whatever you are doing right now, I want you to stop doing it and read this blog. Which… I guess if you’re reading these words you are, in fact, already reading this blog. So never mind.

Anyway though, this weekend officially kicked off the “Micah Actually Has Enough Time and Motivation to go to the Theater Again” portion of the year or (as the commoners call it) Summer. To inaugurate this time of year I dragged my poor fiance out to a movie theater at 10:45 on a Friday (she works all day Saturday) and made her sit in a crowded theater so I could watch Avengers. So let’s all take a minute and solemnly thank the peaceful rivers of Olympus for giving me a such a woman.

Okay well now that that’s done lets talk about Avengers. A movie that I was half incredibly excited about and half desperately afraid of because as cool an idea as this sounded we’ve seen super-hero combo movies done before and they have (to put it delicately) been putrid piles of terribleness mixed with salmon chowder. (Yes fantastic four AND the fantastic four sequel I am looking at you. With death. A death look of terror… and deathliness) But anyway, let’s move on from the dim shadows of my dim shadowy past and look forward to the bright meadow filled future of my sunny horizon… thing. These metaphors hurt my brain.

Micah Reviews Marvel Avengers:

So… as was hinted at in just about every Marvel movie in the past ever, the Avengers initiative is finally about to be put into place. For those of you who don’t know the Avengers are a group of Super-heroes who come together to save the earth from threats to large for any one of them to handle on their own (sort of like breakfast at my house growing up except we had less explosions and more Syrup being dripped onto the floor).

There are twenty other actors in this shot, but they’re all being hidden by Chris Hemsworth’s biceps.

At the start of the movie, Loki (the main villain from Thor) takes something from the SHIELD headquarters (SHIELD being the shady sort of quasi-government organization in charge of being inept so that the Super heroes can save them) and because of this something stolen, the world is in incredible danger as well as the galaxy, the solar system, and Bob and Betty’s Five and Dime. Thus one eyed awesome person Nic Fury begins gathering his super hero force together to punch various people and alien typed monsters.

This particular group of super heroes the Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America (along with Hawkeye and Black Widow our token non-super heroes) must learn to work together as best they can and save the world we know from Loki and his merry band of aliens bent on destruction (ironically also a lot like breakfast at my house).

 

Yes. Iron Man is that awesome.


The positives:

The script for this movie is genuisly put together. Let me write that again in completely unnecessary capital letters just in case someone looked away from the screen: GENIUSLY. Neither you nor your bonnie mother can handle it. I feel like each of the characters in this movie were very well conceived and realized and each of the super-heroes has their moments in the sun and their times to shine. Sure Iron Man and Captain America might get a little bit more screen time then the other heroes but it’s not necessarily undeserved. The Hulk and Thor definitely get their share and Thor (while he doesn’t have a huge character ark) does get some of the best fight scenes so it balances out. Plus Downey Jr. does such a good job as Iron Man that you’re more than willing to sacrifice some time with the other heroes to get a better glimpse of him doing his thing.

The fight scenes are well choreographed and the movie’s primary writer (Joss Whedon) even manages to work in some clever “what if” scenarios as he puts certain members of the Avengers against each other for a brief time. Each of the fights feel big and epic and captures each characters individual fighting style very nicely. The Hulk and Thor I think deserve a special mention in this category as both tear up the screen each time there on it and their fight scenes tend to be the most epic.

The Negatrons:

Really hard to find anything to put here but if I was going to be picky (which I of course am) I’d say that the dialogue between Loki and the alien Overlord typed person just felt awkward. It might be because the rest of the movie was so well done or because whoever played the Alien decided that the best way to do his part would be to growl all his lines like some rogue alien Labrador. Once again though, that’s me being picky.

This is what the Hulk thinks of my nitpickyness… so I’m gonna stop here.

In Conclusion:

Avengers is a great great movie that you all should go out and see!! The script is great, the acting is top notch, and the fight scenes and visual affects are gorgeous to behold. It’s an extremely rare mix of different super-heroes and styles into one perfectly realized tiny soup bowl of amazingness. So step up little movie orphans and get some more!

I give it 5 Thor beatdowns out of 5!!

In addition to the Conclusion of the Conclusion: 

Let’s all put our hands together for Joss Whedon shall we? This is a guy who wrote a TON of TV shows ALL of which have one form of cult following or another (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Firefly, and even Dr. Horribles Sing Along-Blog). And Whedon has finally gotten the major motion picture recognition he deserves. So here’s a glass raised to you Josh! May the wind be ever in your hair and the odds be ever in your evens… or something.

 

And here we are, gathered together once more to watch me talk about movies that I have not seen yet. That no one has seen yet, cause they have not been released. But will that stop me from opening up my old pickle jar and pouring some of my vaunted vaguely dill flavored sarcasm upon them? Not likely.

(As usual you can watch any of these trailers by going to http://www.apple.com/trailers )

The FP-

Ummm... These boots weren't made for dancing

So… this might be the worst idea ever for a movie.

Random probably not overly intelligent person: “So I’ve got this idea for a movie! In a post-apocalyptic society, rival gangs fight each other not by using sword or guns or even their fists but by playing Dance Dance Revolution!! They put on these huge boots that look like they weigh roughly the same as a pregnant yak and then they dance and whoever loses dies!!…”

Studio executive: “This sounds like an idea I could get behind. Tell you what: take this money and go find the worst actors you can possibly get and we’ll start shooting this puppy tomorrow!!”

I literally spent this entire trailer waiting for that whole, ironic thing where an apparently serious movie turns out to be a comedy… but it never came. This movie takes itself, and what might be the most ridiculous premise ever for a movie, very VERY seriously. I’m officially gonna start pitching a movie idea where rival gangs in a post-apocalyptic universe settle their disputes by playing life or death games of tic-tac-toe… which actually makes more sense than the premise of this movie… I literally cannot come up with a more stupid idea… Maybe a post-apocalyptic world where rival gangs fight each other by life or death matches of hedgehog staring?? Nope… still not weird enough…

Brave

If you took out the words Brave in the background this could totally be the poster for the new animated Anne of Green Gables... which is a TERRIBLE idea...

So as much as Pixar wants you to believe it this is NOT a trailer. A trailer is a piece of filmary that gives you the idea of what the movie’s plot is about. This is a clip. A short chunk of a movie that lets you watch a small part of it. All I know about this movie right now is: there’s a very VERY large man in it. What’s her name the red headed girl hates dresses more then I hate the trailer for The FP, and this movie will, apparently, prominently feature men in kilts acting inappropriately. So Brave: a movie about tearing clothes, shooting arrows, and old man bums. Oh goody.

John Carter-

Yup… another John Carter trailer. I am SO excited that this movie is coming out because it means that Disney will STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO WATCH IT!! I would have watched it originally but after EIGHT MONTHS of trailers and clips and advertisements and commemorative fish shaped promotional Elk washers I am no longer going to watch it. I no longer care Disney. No longer.

I was going to put a picture of the poster for John Carter here but then I remembered I didn't care...

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Yes you read that title correctly. The major premise of this movie seems to be that Lincoln was secretly some sort of awesome vampire hunter person with an axe… Not really sure how I feel about this. Sure it’s kind of a weird idea but hey weird ideas have made great movies before right? Plus this movie has one major thing going for it in that it is a movie with vampires in it that isn’t Twilight. So… that’s always good right? Right? I actually have a great idea for a sequel for this movie called George Washington: Werewolf Hunter in which George Washington marches around killing Taylor Lautner.

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games continue to very much intrigue me and make me want to read those books a lot. That’s really all I have to say on the matter except that the woman who pulls that name out of the bowl has officially taken first place in my “Alive Person who Looks Most Like A Zombie” list. She overtook previous leader: Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman one of the most dead alive people I can think of.

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans: Are two heads really better then one?

The trailers for this movie look awesome. But the trailers for the last movie looked awesome too and the last movie (Remember the Titans) looked nothing like this and had Denzel Washington doing… wait… I mean Clash. Clash of the Titans… that makes more sense. The trailers for Clash of the Titans were awesome and that movie was kind of terrible… thus I remain dubious about this entire thing despite the fact that it appears to feature the first ever Siamese twin swordsmen.. or swordsman… hard to tell.

The Avengers

Avengers: Cause Photoshop Totally Works...

But enough of that frivolity. Let’s get to the real reason we’re here! Let’s talk Avengers. My reservations about this movie are well documented and can concisely be summed up in two words Fantastic Four. Or two other words: Ensemble Casting-never-works. But it seems with every carefully released piece of media for this movie I get more excited… Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, and that other guy who plays Captain America all seem to be pulling their weight very well and I’m definitely looking forward to watching Downey Jr. and Ruffalo play off each other. The trailer is just awesome and well put together and the script looks tight. Of course it’s only a trailer so who knows what’s actually going to be on screen but this trailer is certainly getting me more and more excited for May 4th to roll around so I can find out for myself.

And as an added bonus here are some movies I’m looking forward to that will be coming to a theater near you this March!!

Ummm…. uhhh…. Well there’s the Hunger Games!!! But I already talked about that. Also… ummm…. well there’s… Wrath of the Titans!! But I already talked about that too. Well then… I guess March isn’t exactly going to be a huge one for movies but hey just remember that this summer features: Batman, Spiderman, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, a new Bourne Movie, The Hulk, Iron-man, that guy who plays Captain America, and Thor!! Feel better?