Posts Tagged ‘The Amazing Spiderman’

Well hey Internet!! Sorry for missing the post day yesterday, this week has been filled with work, and responsibilities, and other things that I am (according to my psychiatrist) physically and emotionally incapable of sustaining. But anyway, a few days ago the Internet was shocked, docked, ticked, and locked with the shocking (and awesome) news that Spiderman would be entering the MCU (that should be read “Avengers franchise/world for those of you out there who don’t speak nerd.)

In a very long boring story that most people don’t care about Spiderman (property Marvel Comics) and his movies have been owned by Sony (makers of bad movies and poor e-mail security) since Super-hero movies went from “cute but terrible looking cinema experiments” to the “huge cash spewing rainbow leprechauns from the future” juggernauts that we know them as today.

For a long time sweaty comic book fans have been sitting in there basements angrily tapping away at their keyboards about how horribly sad it is that Spiderman can’t be in Avengers movies and desperately making limited edition action figure sacrifices to the ancients gods of comic books in the hopes that they would see fit to right this horrible injustice. And lo, they have internet friends. Lo, they have.

Nerds: Join me as I begin our freaking out.

Nerds: Join me as I begin our freaking out.

To this point very little is known about specifics. We know Spiderman will get his own new Marvel helmed movie in 2017, and we know that before then he will be featured in one of the other Marvel super-hero movies (99.9% chance that it’s Captain America: Civil War cause that is literally the only movie between now and 2017 that makes any sense at all.) We also know that this will be a NEW Spiderman. So goodbye Andrew Garfield, goodbye Emma Stone. Thanks for the memories, you guys were the only two good things about two genuinely unremarkable Spider-man movies. The first one was decent, the second one was… well it wasn’t as bad as Spiderman 3 so… I guess that’s something. You two were great, we’ll always have… Paris?? I guess.

Now, I consider myself at least fairly literate as far as comic book movies go, but when it comes to comic book books there’s only one guy who I consider my one stop handsome shop for comic book opinions and that of course is none other then the much esteemed Carey of the much Steamed Clan-Nelson. Below are his thoughts:

An actual picture of Carey Nelson when he talks about Comic Books.

An actual picture of Carey Nelson when he talks about Comic Books.

In my mind it absolutely needs to be Miles Morales (the character). It makes far more sense to me if you’re “introducing” Spider-man into the MCU in a movie that is not billed as his movie to have a much simpler setup: that of a new young [black] superhero running around in a spider outfit caught up in the middle of the super hero debate. It would be a stretch, but how cool would it be if the big reveal of spider-man’s secret identity was also a reveal to the audience that it’s Miles not Peter and will he have mile’s powers including venom blast and invisibility.

I love Spider-man, but I really love Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man. The unmasking issue is another interesting point because the MCU has no secret identities right now and spidey would give them a chance for that

And there you go guys, a genuinely educated opinion, from a credible source.

And now more from me!!! So, at this point (for those of you who don’t know) two distinct paths diverge in Marvel’s yellow wood of Spider-man.

There’s option A: the safe route. Or as we could possibly call it “the exact same thing we’ve done twice already” route. Find some new attractive white person to play Spider-man, get a blond person or a red-headed person, Uncle Ben, Aunt Beru, etc. Man… I got bored just typing that, and I hid a Star Wars reference in there!!

And option B: Unleash a cool new super-hero with a different look and slightly different powers and just ya know… create something interesting.

See Marvel? He am Spiderman!!!

See Marvel? He am Spiderman!!!

To me, this seems like an easy choice and either way I think it would be AWESOME if Marvel kept the character under wraps until the big unveiling during The Civil War (though in the age of Wiki-leaks that’s pretty much impossible.) That said Marvel (and there big Daddy dad of doom Disney) are not driven by what I think would be a cool idea but rather by this simple (yet powerful) symbol “$.” I promise you meetings are happening on a pretty much daily basis over at the big M as they toss back and forth the Miles Morales (the interesting one) and Peter Parker (the one you’ve seen twice) debate.

Personally, I hope they go the Morales route, I think it tells a new interesting story and (this ones for you Marvel) I honestly think it would probably make them more money. Granted, Amazing Spiderman 2 was disjointed at best but it wasn’t the worst movie ever and it didn’t exactly bring in standard “mediocre comic book movie” money. Audiences at this point are kind of bored with Spiderman and I think Morales would be an awesome new option that would get people back in the theater! So take a chance Marvel!! Go the new, risky direction with this and just see what happens! You can certainly afford to.

Oh the happy daysenhood. At last, after months of anticipation, years of quietly waiting like a child anxiously awaiting the answer to Dora the Explorers latest trivia based question thing, the time is upon us. The sun has risen. The skies are clear. Now is the time!! For Justin Bieber Never Say Never!! Ba ha ba ha. No. I care not for this Bieber nor for his sayings.

No, this week is the time has come for…

Micah Reviews: The Amazing Spiderman.

He’s bringing Spider back!!… Wow… don’t believe I just made that joke… my humor hurts…

The Plot:

Peter Parker is just your average throat chokingly cute child playing hide and seek. That is until his father’s office is broken into by the types of people who break into offices and ruin perfectly good games of hide and seek. Post hide and seek Peter is left by his parents at his Aunt Beru’s and Uncle Owen’s too…. wait… No I mean he’s left at his Uncle Ben’s and Aunt May’s. Anyway they take over the role of raising the child which we skip entirely… which is how I intend to parent. With a flash cut. “Hello child. I’m going to cut cameras now and you’ll be a mostly responsible high schooler” and… cut.

Anyway though, Peter is just a normal kid in high kid school, well… mostly normal anyway. He’s a good photographer, a kid who stands up for other less fortunate kids and gets the ever loving kudos beat out of him as a direct result. Also in the course of his childhoodliness he meets Gwen Stacy; the cute attractive smart witty awesome girl who he has a crush on.

Do you believe in magic?? In a young girls heart??

Also mucking about in the sweet sweet mossy underbelly of this movie’s plot… wow… that sentence got weirdly creepy really fast… is Dr. Curt Connors, a one armed bio-engineer desperately trying to re-gain his arm and cure his boss with one magical potion of magichood. Dr. Connors (as it turns out) worked right alongside Peter’s father which is not only how the two meet but also how Peter ends up getting bitten by a radioactive spider and becoming the Hulk… I mean… Spiderman.

Will Dr. Connors be successful? And at what cost will his success come? Will Peter and Gwen stay together or be torn apart by Peter’s secret identity and gorgeous hair.

The Positives:

Spiderman (the Amazing) is an incredibly well cast movie. Andrew Garfield is ROCK solid as Peter Parker making the character believably conflicted and also very realistic. Emma Stone turns in a stellar performance as Gwen Stacy, elevating the character from simple “damsel in distress” to actual character with strong emotions and give and take with Peter. Other great performances were turned in by Rhys Ifans as Dr. Connors and Denis Leary as Gwen Stacy’s father who plays a surprisingly pivotal role in the movie. And mad mad props go out to the ever amazing Martin Sheen!! A man who delivers fatherly wisdom like no one else ever in the world and a man who is still my favorite fake president of all time!

The story is very very well told. Just from casually glancing around the internet I can tell you that there are some fairly strong mixed feelings about the Amazing Spiderman. A large portion of these feelings go “It moved to slow” or “there wasn’t enough fighting” or “the person in front of me wore a ten gallon hat and ate chili cheese fries loudly, before dying of a heart attack.” But let me just tell you now that I appreciated SOOO much the free chili cheese fries I got from that man’s untimely death… wait, I mean… I appreciated SO much the time that Director Mark Webb took telling this story right. This movie is not just an excuse to watch Spiderman punch people disguised as a melodrama. Nor is it a dark look at a dark world of darkness that DESPERATELY wants to be the Dark Knight. This is a movie about two kids growing up in the midst of extra-ordinary circumstances. It’s a movie about a Super-hero becoming a Super hero and most importantly it’s a movie not about Spiderman but about a boy named Peter Parker.

I appreciate SO much Webb’s (yes it’s ironic. Shut up.) approach to both Park and Gwen Stacy and I hope Marvel is smart enough to realize they’ve got a great thing going and keep him in charge!.. Phew… man… That was a rant. Anyway though… I also really liked the “Peter looking for parents” subplot and can’t wait to see where it goes.

There’s a lot more I could put here: the combat is great, the humor is spot on, heart felt moments really felt my heart etc. This is a great movie, there is no reason for you not to watch it!

I’m putting this picture here cause it’s awesome. No captain necessary. Except for that one… and this one… and that one… and…

The Negatrons:

I have two exceedingly small gripes about this movie. Gripe A: I wish we had more time to deal with the Lizard. The Lizard (this movies villain) is one of the most interesting villains in the comics’ universe. He’s a character who has a ton of internal conflict and goes through a nigh on heartbreaking series of events as he morphs into the Lizard. The movie glosses over most of that and entirely eliminates the real tragic elements of the character (in the comics he’s a man with a family who nearly/actually kills his own child, while in the movies his family is never seen (though he does wear a wedding ring which is odd)). That said the Lizard is still a MUCH better villain then most comic book villains from last year (Red Skull, that terrible horrible Green Lantern villain, and even (Debatably) Loki). Given that the Amazing Spiderman already runs over 2 hours I guess an expanded look at the Lizard was just something we didn’t have time for but still… it made me a little sad.

Gripe B: Sally Fields has never looked more like a Zombie. Sally plays Aunt May a very important role and she just looks… old. And not old in a “well aged pickle” sort of way. Old in a “there may not be blood flowing in her veins any more” sort of way.

In Conclusion:

The Amazing Spiderman is a brilliant movie with a very well chosen cast and several moments that brought a teary sort of lump to my throat. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone anchor a superb cast with great chemistry! I can’t wait for the next one!

I give it 4 Zombie Sally’s out of 5!

An Answer to the Question Everyone Won’t Shut Up About:

“Which did you like better?” “Is it too soon for a re-boot?” And so on and so forth. I thought about this for a long time… and when I say a long time I mean like… ten minutes. Which is long time for me to think about anyth…. … And ya know what? It doesn’t matter. I appreciated the original Spiderman movies. Sure I had my problems with them. Yes Spiderman 3 was probably the worst thing that’s happened to Spiderman since last Halloween when all of your acne covered nerd friends dressed like him. But ya know what? This is a new movie series. I like new movies. I like Spiderman. Why not like this one too? Sure I could stand and talk about Andrew Garfield vs. Tobey Macguire, and whether or not Gwen Stacy is a better character then Mary Jane (she is) but ya know what??? It doesn’t matter. If you like the original Spiderman movies good for you. I hope you like the re-boot too. If you decide to stick with the originals and throw your filled bowls of mashed potatoes at any form of change then have fun with that too Reginald. Let me know how that horse ride into work goes for you.

What I’m saying is: I’m going to stop comparing the new and the old. I’m going to have my cake and eat it too by Great Aunt Gertha!!

All that soap boxiness to say: The Amazing Spiderman is a great movie. Enjoy it!!

Okay guys so… I watched the Grey this weekend… and… I’m not ready to talk about it yet… I’m just… I’m not ready. My heart I… I can’t take it. I’ll right about it on Thursday okay? I will… I just… I need time. Just let me say that it was one of the most emotionally deep roller coaster rides I have ever been on. I almost cried… my fiance’ did cry. Also there were a TON of f-bombs. A ton. And yet there was… nope. Not. Ready. I’ll talk on Thursday… I’m… I’m gonna go eat some skittles… hang on.

Okay. I feel better. Oh Liam Neeson… I knew you would punch a wolf… I didn’t know you would punch my heart… okay hang on. I’m gonna go break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar.

Okay… I’m back. So as opposed to talking about The… (sniffle)… that movie. I’m gonna talk about as many random things as possible in the hopes that it will district me from the Liam Neeson’s fist sized hole in my soul.

The Amazing Spider-Man: This movie (in my opinion) continues to give it’s nay sayers more and more reason to stop saying nay. Just stop it! Andrew Garfield looks awesome, Emma Stone is under rated and great, and Rhys Ifans looks like he’s playing the Lizard as not just an emotionlessly evil person (see all the villains in Spiderman 3) but as a man who really has a conscience that’s gradually worn away by his own choices.

What? You’re making Spiderman relevant and cool again as opposed to whiny and crying?? (GASP!!)

My biggest defense for this movie has always been that we need more Spiderman in our lives. I’m a huge fan of the Batman series (in case you hadn’t noticed) and I’m glad that Chris Nolan is stopping at a trilogy cause I think it’s going to be epic and going any further with such a great cast and script writer and crew would only lessen the great work they’ve already done. BUT ten years from now… Five years from now when I’ve been without a new batman movie for that long?? I’ll probably be ready for a re-vamp. Not because this series has been bad, but because I want more Batman movies.

The first two Spiderman movies were great. I liked them a lot and while they had their weaknesses they were made before we had really realized just how great super-hero movies could be. But Spiderman 3 I think we can all agree was terrible. And yet we’ve been stuck on that last spiderman movie for the last what? 5 years? That’s like eating the sour grape in the bunch and then fasting for a weak. Hopefully the Amazing Spiderman will serve as a surprisingly strong altoids mint that will remind us all why we liked the first two movies to begin with.

Avengers: Now the 4th highest grossing film of all time Avengers is still awesome. Just thought I’d give you a status update. If you haven’t seen this movie please go see it. You won’t regret it!!… unless you hate feeling good… or can’t stand to watch awesome things punch less awesome things in the face.

Cowgirls and Angels: No seriously, they’re making this movie. I promise. My first thought was this was some hilarious parody of last summers “Cowboys and Aliens” but it turns out it’s a heartwarming story about a girl and her dog… I mean horse… I mean Rodeo clown. And she’s looking for her father but instead meets a roving group of rodeo women… Man that was boring even to type. Pretty sure my fingers just fell asleep. I mean wouldn’t you be more likely to watch this movie if it was about a rogue Angel who was cast from heaven and landed in a town in the Civil War? And all the men were off fighting so it was up to Mary Maybelline to lead the courageous women in the town in a desperate defense against “the Fallen One?” I mean man… I’d watch that. And yes I realize the technical title of this movie is Cowgirls -N- Angels. Sit down you and your stupid title making. Sit the hay down!

She’s either an average Rodeo Clown or one of the most entertaining football referees ever!! (No one got that joke huh? Shut-up… I’m in mourning)

Sherlock: If you haven’t watched any of the BBC Sherlock series you are missing out!! I have this seasons final episode (I haven’t watched it yet) sitting on my computer right now and were it not for the fact that I’m waiting to watch it for Cassie there would be absolutely no sleep happening until I had watched it. Aside from all the other factors (Brilliant script, awesome acting, great cinematography) the main character is named Benedict Cumberbatch!!! I mean come on!!

Skyfall: Oh AND the trailer for the new James Bond movie is up!! If nothing else it serves as a reminder that Daniel Craig is just an EPIC person. Practically a younger version of Liam Nee… oh my heart. Oh Liam!! Hang on… a second… must go on… must finish blog.

James Bond is so much cooler then you! Sit down. 

In a Recent Poll: Some girl I have never ever heard of in my life was voted the most beautiful women in the world… I don’t know who votes in these things anyway but it definitely wasn’t me. Whoever won was apparently on the cover of Sports Illustrated or something like that. Good to know that the Democratic system is still well in order. This would be like you waking up in the morning to find out that Robert McRobert from Indiana, Texas was elected President… of the world. I feel like I should have been informed this was going on so that I could have voted. And campaigned… and stuck signs up by the road to obnoxiously distract drivers. Come on people. W.W.G.W.D? What Would George Washington Do?

I have no idea what person made this bracelet. But I like them!

Well that about does it. Hopefully I’ll be emotionally ready for reviewing The Grey on Thursday. In the meantime I’m gonna go drown my sorrows in Starbursts and Peanut Butter while quietly singing “What Hurts the Most”. See you Thursday!!


Hi everyone, happy two weeks till Christmas and all that. So just so were all clear it’s like… 4 in the morning.

“Micah,” you’re no doubt thinking. “That’s awesome that you’re so dedicated to this site that your posting at 4 in the morning. I’m gonna send you a cookie, or maybe a check, or maybe a check inside a cookie… carried by a brown duck.”

Well, potential duck owners; please do that. Now. I’ll wait….


And now that your ducks are safely en route allow me to tell you that I am only awake and writing this because my body refuses to go to sleep… I have no idea why. No. Idea. So after laying in bed staring at the ceiling counting dragons leaping over burning cottages for the last four hours or so I’ve decided that I mine as well do something somewhat productive and con a bunch of innocent people into giving me their hard earned cookie-checks. That done I am now going to bed.


Oh fine fine I’ll write you a post too. Goodness the demands of the one percent!!

Okay so this week there were some epically awesome movie posters released (and some rather epically terrible ones) so let’s take a look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of the movie poster world shall we?

 Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows  Okay I am actually really excited to see the new Sherlock Holmes. That said; this is sort of a horrible poster. I like the idea of the whole “Moriarty’s shadow will eat your SOUL!” thing going on here but my question is if Moriarty’s shadow is being cast from this direction, who exactly is Jude Law aiming at?  Also there is something incredibly disturbing about the expression on Robert Downey’s face here… once again I’m really excited about this movie, but I’m dropping the pster down to a…
1 out of 5.


A movie blatantly going out of its way to hide who is acting in it. Not who the supporting actors are, but who the main actress is. That’s cause she’s not an actress. She’s some sort of Martial arts person/fighter/thing. Just cause I’m mildly curious, when has that ever worked? The problem with this idea is that the fights in movies are choreographed. You don’t have to be an actual fighter to fight in a movie. Cause it’s choreographed. I’m sure it helps if the person doing the fighting knows what they’re doing… but the fight is choreographed. The fact that they surrounded her with an extremely talented supporting cast makes me only more suspicious that the people behind Haywire are fully aware that their main actress is not, in fact, an actress.A 2 out of 5.MirrorMirror

A poster that strives to be both weird looking ANDboring, ladies and gentlemen Mirror Mirror… or MirrorMirror… whichever. Anyway not only could the people behind this movie not come up with more then one word for their two word movie title, but they also couldn’t come up with anything interesting to do with the poster… like at all. I realize we’re still relatively early in the advertising campaign for MirrorMirror but it seems like someone could have put in an hour or two in photoshop and made this poster more interesting. Maybe put a picture of a mirror on it? Or a picture of an apple? Or a picture of an open box with a spot for a heart?Or maybe just a picture…. like of anything. Literally anything. No? Okay.

A 0 out of 5.

Okay so now that we’ve seen a few examples of what NOT to do with posters let’s jump in and take a look of a couple good ones shall we? Check. This. Out.
The Amazing Spiderman

    Oh. My. Goodness. Ladies and gentleman please excuse me while I briefly freak out. Haters will continue to hate on Andrew Garfield as Spiderman but that’s mostly just because he is both British, and much cooler then you or I will ever be. That and he’s SPIDERMAN! Cool poster, awesome shadowy designy… thing. Cool tagline and the official release date for the movie. Yes I am excited. No, I will not be dragged down by the ghosts of Spiderman 3… No. No. Go away Tobey Maguire… Go away. I’m free now.
I give it a 5 out of 5.

And finally: brace yourselves for…

The Dark Knight Rises

   And allow me to repeat. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Literally the only thing that could have excited me more (from an entertainment perspective) then a new Spiderman poster, is this and… I don’t know… maybe like a kajillion dollar check… or something.  Batman’s mask broken on the ground, Bane (the main villain for the movie(at this point)) is walking away into the dark… I have no idea what this movie will be about, but I have full faith that it will be awesome, and that I will miss the Joker. I have this whole elaborate 7 point theory on how Heath Ledger isn’t really dead and has just been in hiding for the last few years and that the Joker is going to pop back up just when we all least expect it but I will admit that it’s a long shot.
A 5 out of 5
And just so we can all end on a low note!

Journey 2 The Mysterious Island

 Okay so before we make fun of anything else about this poster (and believe me there is a virtual goldmine of make-funage here) I have one question. What, exactly, is the title of this movie? Is it: “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island”? Or “Journey Too the MysteriousIsland?” And if it is “Journey 2:GilligansIsland” where is Journey 1? And id it’s Journey 2 (Too) what pretentious, twitter crazed, rabid seal runs your marketing department? Ya know what? This is a task that calls for one of the rarest thing ever done on this website!! Research…keyboard sounds…more keyboard sounds…

The sounds of me getting distracted by something else…

keyboard sounds followed by the chorus of “Hey Jude”

… and we’re back.

All right, so it turns out that this is in fact a sequel, so Movie tell the head of your marketing department that he is not a rabid seal… assuming there was confusion on this issue. Anyway “Journey 2: The Island of Misfit Toys” is the sequel to a movie that starred Brendan Fraser that roughly five people watched (all five of those people were direct relations of Mr. Fraser). And that movie was based on Jules Verne’s classic novel: Journey to the Center of the Earth.

“So,” you ask. “How is this movie at all related to the last one?”

“Great question!” I reply swarthily. “I have no idea  at all……” (awkward silence)…  “Grrr…. hang on…”

… Various researchy noises…

…. Brendan Fraser running from a dinosaur…

… Dwayne Johnson running from a giant lizard… thing…

… Hey Jude! Don’t make it back, take a sad song and make it better…

Okay so apparently it stars the same kid. And that’s about it. I have no idea man. Like if “Journey to the Center of the Earth” had made a ton of money I could see someone trying to shoehorn a sequel but making a sequel to a movie that no one liked that is only extremely tenuously connected to the plot of the original movie… that just seems like such a bad idea. And it is one! Almost as bad an idea as this poster in which neither of the children in the background seem to have any feet.

A 1 out of 5

Well there you have it. Good, bad, and Ugly. Larry, Curly andMo.Your mom, my mom, and her mom. I’m going to bed.