Posts Tagged ‘Taylor Lautner’

Hey Internet, so I was planning on watching Iron Man 3 last night but do to a disastrous clerical error (editor’s note: Don’t be fooled, Micah has no idea what a “clerical error” is; as he will demonstrate… now) stupid clerics. Anyway, in lieu of my Iron Man 3 review, here’s a look at some more summer questions for some more summer movies!!

Question 1: Will Man of Steel (June 14th release) make me look like an idiot for thinking it would be good?

If nothing else we've chased most of the pictures of that other Superman movie off of the internet. So that's a win.

If nothing else we’ve chased most of the pictures of that other Superman movie off of the internet. So that’s a win.

So at this point me and Man of Steel are at that awkward point where you’ve asked a girl out on a date and your standing around wondering if she’s really as cute as you thought when you asked her out. What if you can’t get over that mole? What if her sense of humor was really just her hopped up on Mountain Dew and angst? What if she shows up to the date wearing a hat made out of lettuce or smelling like Old Man’s old spice?

That’s me and Man of Steel. I’m committed, I’m there at the door waiting to buy my ticket and slurp my slurpy, the question only remains how good will the movie actually be? Only June 14th will tell.

Question 2: Will World War Z (June 21st) be just another dumb zombie movie?

Honestly… probably yes. I was really rooting for this movie to distinguish itself from the pack by taking on the darker more realistic tone that the books the movie is based on took. That’s not gonna happen though apparently. Apparently there will just be mountains of zombies and helicopters and brains and all the usual dumb things you see in all of the usual dumb zombie movies. Poor Brad Pitt. I mean there’s a chance that the trailers I’ve watched and the stuff I’ve read is completely and totally wrong but let’s face it: I’m pretty much right all the time… I think.

Question 3: Can the Lone Ranger (July 3rd) actually be a good movie?

Originally I thought this was going to be a train wreck. As in big death train wreck of doom covered in dead puppies and kool aid. Death kool aid. Of deathity doom. Now though… I don’t know. It could be good. It could be Pirates of the Caribbean in dirt. It could be Pirates of the Caribbean except with Tonto instead of Jack Sparrow… which isn’t the best promo for it ever. Anyway I think the action will be interesting and the story line will be good it’s all gonna depend on whether the dialogue can settle into a groove that’s old westy without being (for lack of a better term) boring hick-talk. About hick-ponies.

Question 4: What genius studio executive thought making Grown Ups 2 (July 12th) was a good idea?

Studio Exec A: So… do you remember that movie we made that nobody liked and which didn’t make any money, that starred a bunch of comedians who we had to pay a lot of money?

Studio Exec B: Yes.

Studio Exec A: Well I thought we would get the cast together and film a sequel. With Taylor Lautner.

Studio Exec B: So you’re saying you want to take an idea that was already proven to be terrible, make it worse, and then do it again?

Studio Exec A: Yup!

Studio Exec B: Let’s do it! And then after I want to try putting my leg into that bears mouth just to see if this time he won’t savage me!

Putting Taylor Lautner in this movie is like adding a dash of bird poop to your recipe for "Dead Bush pie."

Putting Taylor Lautner in this movie is like adding a dash of bird poop to your recipe for “Dead toad pie.”

Question Number 5: Will Red 2 (July 19th) be as good as the first one?

Okay, first off if you didn’t see Red one please go watch it now. I’ll wait.

You good? Wasn’t that a great movie? Why didn’t you watch that before? Why haven’t more people watched that? It’s great! I’m ready to go for Red 2! See this is how sequels should be made, when you create a cool world with interesting characters and then decide to make another movie so we can keep watching those characters. I’m in for Red 2. On. Board.

Question 6: Will the Wolverine (July 26th) be as bad as the first one?

The X-men movies haven't always been good, but those people can make a poster!

The X-men movies haven’t always been good, but those people can make a poster!

Okay so Wolverine: X-men Cameos was not a great movie. I mean it wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t great. Partially because the movie got so distracted by all of characters they put in and all the comic book stuff they had to pay tribute to that they forgot they were making a movie. Sure it was great to see that one big fat guy, and that one Chinese person nobody cared about, and it was ummmmm… interesting to see Will I Am try and act (try being a VERY important word in that sentence.) But it was all just a little too much. A lot too much in fact.

Wolverine: The Japan Years, I think can be a really good movie as long as we don’t get caught up in the same thing. Hopefully the story will be (ya know) about Wolverine… and Wolverine hacking people into pieces and healing… cause that’s why we like Wolverine people who make X-men. That’s why we like him.

So there you go Interfriends, webberpeeps… whatever. I think Monday I’ll be ready to do an Iron Man 3 review so come on back for that and at some point in the near future I’m gonna make a HUGE announcement about my next adventure into media but we’ll talk about that later! Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!