Posts Tagged ‘Sully’

All right internet… after two weeks of desperately trying to ignore the entire movie industry in this particular movie month of Sucktember, I’ve finally run out of TV shows and must regrettably turn one weary eye back towards the Box Office… Oh September… what did we ever do to you?

Box Office Top Ten 9/20/2016

Number 10: Pete’s Dragon

Squeaking in at number 10 is Pete’s Dragon a pretty good kids movie that continues to survive at the box office through sheer, mind numbing lack of competition. Pete’s Dragon still exists in the top 10 because we can’t find another 11th movie. I can’t even say this is the best kids movie on the list, but it’s still on the list because no one else wants to be on the list. It’s September… and September is the worst.

Number 9: Kubo and the Two Strings

This is the kids movie to see, if you’ve got kids… who like seeing things. That are movies. Great story, great visuals, awesome voice cast: has made zero money. Because the world is a cold and cruel place, and people are dumb. Seriously, if you haven’t see this and you want to go the movies this is honestly probably the best movie to see right now.

kubo

He’s aiming at profits!!!… and missing.

 

Number 8: The Wild Life

Okay so… this is the story of Robinson Crusoe (literally he is in it) if Robinson Crusoe was written by a 10 year old… spaniel. Look, there’s nothing criminally horrible about The Wild Life (though it is pretty dang horrible,) but in a world (and a week) where we’ve come to expect more from our kids movies than just talking animals and low brow humor, The Wild Life just doesn’t cut it.

Number 7: Suicide Squad

A movie that (according to experts) continues to happen. I mean, it’s not the worst DC comics movie, it may actually be the best DC comics movie but it’s still pretty bad. Of course, the real shame is there’s a good movie with a talented cast buried somewhere underneath the horrible editing, bad script, and the huge “studio interference” sticker.

SuicideSquad

So much potential… so much waste.

 

Number 6: When the Bough Breaks

Now this, THIS is an irredeemably bad movie. Something something HORROR, SUSPENSE… something something, please never watch this.

Number 5: Don’t Breathe

A pretty decent horror movie if you’re into the “idiot kids do something stupid and then horrible things happen to them” genre. Which is a REAL specific genre.

Number 4: Snowden

Joseph Gordon-Levitt delivers a great performance in what is an otherwise bland movie. It’s not bad it’s just (as certain handsome blog owners predicted) very dry. It somehow makes one of America’s most controversial modern figures and turns him into a paint by the numbers hero without much to say. It’s not bad, it’s just not super well presented.

Number 3: Bridget Jones’s Baby

Somehow (and sadly if you’re me and hate this movie just for existing) this turned into a fine movie. Renee’ Zellweger delievers a very good performance and fans of the series will be more than please with its return. Fans of me will continue to stare at it angrily just for existing.

jones

It depresses me so much that this was a decent movie.

 

Number 2: Blair Witch

Okay, well at least one of the two, unnecessary, too late sequels sucked. And it was this one. Granted the first Blair Witch wasn’t nearly as good as we all thought it was at the time, but this Blair Witch is definitely as bad as we think it is now… I think. I’m confused. But I’m not confused about the horribly horrible badness of Blair Witch. Blair Witch: because sequels.

Number 1: Sully

The only movie at the box office that actually made any money this week, Sully tells the story of… well Sully. Tom Hanks stars as Chesley (real name) ‘Sully’ Sullenberger (no for real, that’s his name.) Who lands his plane full of passengers right on the Hudson River… and that’s a good thing.

sully

Oh sure, but when I do this with my car everyone gets SOOO upset.

 

So there you go guys, on the plus side Magnificent Seven is coming out soon and if you squint real hard you can see all those good movies coming out in November!! Come quickly good movie… come quickly.

Well Internet, it’s officially over. The summer of movies is past, and now we must come to early-fall of our discontent. The month (or two) every year where absolutely nothing good happens. So let’s take a look ahead at our fair month of September and see if it (like basically all of its ancestors) shall be of the sucks.

September 2016 Preview

September 2nd

Ummm… there may literally be nothing in this entire weekend even worth mentioning. Like nothing even worse making a sarcastic joke about.

Max Rose marks Jerry Lewis’s return to film but umm… why???

Yoga Hosers is a movie about two minor characters in ‘Tusk,’ a movie that no one saw. Literally NO ONE asked for this movie. People IN this movie weren’t sure why the movie kept happening, they had to constantly call and remind them the movie was occurring.

hosers

The stars of this movie are exhibiting the exact amount of enthusiasm you should have for this movie.

 

Morgan is something about a monster created in a government lab and she gets out and kills everyone… ya know, like every other movie ever.

And that’s the first weekend of September, a day where the entirety of Hollywood wakes up, hits the snooze button, and goes groggily back to sleep.

September 9th

Sully – A movie starring Tom Hanks, who plays a Pilot, busily doing some pilot things. Why does Hollywood keep trying to make the “I’m a heroic Pilot” movie happen? I mean it seems like every year there’s some new movie about a Pilot who sits in a cockpit and does some piloty things, and then things start to go VERY badly and he sits in the cockpit and REALLY does some piloty things. Like a LOT of piloty things. And then people get excited, or sometimes not excited, about what the Pilot did when he sat in the cockpit doing those things. And that’s the movie.

sully

Tom Hanks and that plane star in a movie that you already know the story behind.

 

September 16th

Bridget Jones’s Baby –

I’m so sad we live in a world where this exists. Of all the possible unnecessary sequels to bad movies, that waited WAYYY too long to come out, why did THIS have to be the one? Why did you drag Colin Firth into this?? What did we ever do to you Hollywood that THIS is what you decided to try and make us watch? Wouldn’t it have been better for humanity if you had taken all of the money you spent on this movie, bring it to a street corner, light it on fire, and let people warm themselves??

jones

The space this jpeg takes up is a waste of the Internet, and I’m sorry.

 

Snowden –

Joseph Gordon Levison stars in the movie adaptation of the life of Edward Snowden. Look, this’ll probably be fine. It’s Oliver Stone directing which is code for “LOOOONG and boring.” I mean it’ll be educational, and probably interesting… but you will not have fun watching this movie.

Blair Witch –

Look, after my lengthy and angry rant about Bridget Jones’s Sequel For Some Reason, let me just say this: this is gonna suck. I mean the first movie basically sucked it just happened to come up with the idea of a director handing one of the actors a camera and then going home early to take a nap.

September 23rd

Magnificent Seven – This is it guys, our one hope for a good movie in September. And I’m filled with hope! I’m a boncing bag of hope being thrown at a charging goatherd. Love the cast, the trailers have looked good, all signs point to awesome. And here’s hoping it is, otherwise Septembers gonna be one LOOOONG month.

September 30th

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children – Tim Burton (legendary director of The Nightmare before Christmas who didn’t actually direct that movie and then a bunch of things that aren’t as good as we pretend they are) directs a new movie that I’m sure will be fine.

christmas

Disney’s, Tim Burton’s, The Nightmare Before Christmas. Everyone seems to own this movie.

 

I don’t even know what to do with Tim Burton at this point guys, I mean yeah, he’s a decent director with a very unique and distinctive visual style but what was really the last great Tim Burton movie? Sweeney Todd in 07?? Alice in Wonderland wasn’t as bad as some people said but even that was in 2010. This movie looks… fine. It’ll happen, it’ll look interesting, but until Burton can find some of that old 90’s glory I’m tempering my expectations.

And that’ll do it… September guys, maybe go ahead and clean your living room, you won’t be heading to the theater for a while.

Internet! It’s been so long since we last we met! Did you get a new haircut? Yes I’m talking to you! You svelte, dapper, son of a bagel you! Well for those of you who did get a new haircut since the last time you read this site hopefully your just a tiny bit creeped out right now, for the rest of you: welcome to Thursday. Welcome to your new destiny. Welcome to:

Micah Reviews: Monsters University 

Ah the sprawling, majestic fields of-- HEY!! You down there! I don't care how much fur you have: no streaking!!

Ah the sprawling, majestic fields of– HEY!! You down there! I don’t care how much fur you have: no streaking!!

Monsters University is the prequel to the late, great movie Monsters Inc. A movie that most of us remember as fondly as apple pie, Sesame Street, and the first time we realized that contrary to popular belief the very beginning is sometimes not a very good place to start. Can Monsters University  fill the huge, three-toed shoes of its older sibling? Or will this be one monster that should have stayed under the bed?

The Plot:

The movie kicks off with an itty bitty baby bitty Mike Wizowski making his first visit to Monsters Inc. Tiny Mike (somewhat reviled by his classmates for not being scary enough) sets his heart on being a scarer (one of the Monsters who collect scream from children… you should know that, in fact if you don’t know that because for some reason you haven’t seen the first movie go ahead and just go watch it right now…. No for real… I’ll wait. … … Okay while they’re gone let me tell the rest of you a quick story. Once upon a time, long ago, before Bill Gates or French toast. Before there were entire websites devoted to the moods and social life of Kim Kardashians left mole there lived a tiny, perpetually wet caterpillar named Marge. One day– oh. You’re back! Well that didn’t take as long as I thought. Where were we? Oh yeah, Monsters University. Eh-hem.)

Mike wants to be a scarer and so he takes his little tiny one eyed self to Monsters University!! Things start off all right for Mike, sure he doesn’t get great marks for performance but he does know more about scaring then anyone else in the classroom. Sure another student (a fellow by the name of Sully) seems to have more pure natural talent, but once Mike has set himself towards a goal nothing will get in his way!!

Ah the burden of being the lightest person in the room when this game is played. I know your pain well Mike. I know it well.

Ah the burden of being the lightest person in the room when this game is played. I know your pain well Mike. I know it well.

Nothing that is except for when he and Sully are both kicked out of the scaring program. Now Mike has no choice but to enter himself, Sully, and a rag tag team of misfits into the schools annual scaring competition in the hopes of working his way back into the program and back towards his life long goal!

The Positives:

The folks at Pixar just undeniably know how to make a good movie. The voice acting here is top notch, the humor and story aspects are blended very well and the plot is solid all the way through. You’ll find yourself more then happy to just sit back, pull up a tall cool glass of Strawberry Preserves and enjoy the show.

They’ve really captured the feel of Monsters Inc again. I mean it’s been a LONG time since the first movie but this movie just seems to drop smoothly right back into the same universe. Everything about it just works with the way the first movie did and it’s subtle nods and homages to its predecessor are all well placed and feel like they belong.

I also spent most of my college career surrounded by books with a stupid expression on face. But that's just cause-- ya know-- stupidity.

I also spent most of my college career surrounded by books with a stupid expression on face. But that’s just cause– ya know– stupidity.

The movie has a surprisingly deep and complex moral to it, which it handles very well. It doesn’t take the easy road with the classic “you can do anything if you set your mind to it” cliche, instead diving in to a much more truthful look at what our dreams are and the genuine hard work it takes for us to get where we want to be in life.

The Negatrons:

It’s hard to point to any particular part of this movie and say something negative about it, so I’m just going to say one thing that may or may not be entirely fair. It’s not Monsters Inc. It just doesn’t pop the same way that movie did. The jokes are good but they aren’t hilarious, the characters are interesting but not quite as captivating as they were, and the story has its ups and downs but it never really soars as high or dips as low as Monsters Inc brought us emotionally. Normally I wouldn’t take a movie and say “well it’s not as good as this other movie” but that’s what happens when you make a prequel, or a sequel, or (for that matter) a Nyquil. People compare it with the original.

In Conclusion:

Monsters University is a very well put together movie and well worth the watching. The characters are interesting, the world is familiar and fun, and the moral is surprisingly heartfelt and deep. It’s not one of the greats as far as animated movies go, and it falls short of its predecessor but it’s still a fun ride that’s well worth the taking.

I give it 4 Wizowski’s out of 5.

Thanks for reading everyone and have a great week! Tune in next week for a special July 4th edition of Micah’s History of Everything. Until then, and for forevermore, you have a great weekend!

Avatar

Posted: October 13, 2011 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: ,

Okay so there’s been a lot of Super Hero, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Star… bursts talk on this sight of late and I have decided to put my black Jedi boots down on the surface of the USS Enterprise and talk about something for the people who don’t eat boxes of Sci-fiO’s for breakfast. Namely: Avatar.

Micah Retro Reviews: Avatar

He'll have a blue movie... without you.

I know, I know Avatar was a sci-fi movie but it was a totally different type of Sci-fi. Star Wars and Star Trek are huge brand name series where to fully and really understand what’s going on (according to all the men living in their mother’s basements all across America) you have to read the books, watch the movies, buy the dolls, eat the snacks, play with the lightsabers, and wear the special limited edition fuzzy mittens.

I have no words for this. Except those words... that I have no words... nevermind.

On a mitten related note I have a sliver in the palm of my hand that’s roughly the size of a sycamore tree. So if an inordinate amount of typos happen in this post it’s because the leaves of the tree keep hitting the keyboard, or potentially because Zacheus has climbed down.

And moving on with Avatar. Avatar is a sci-fi movie that’s self-contained, easily accessible, and that most people have seen/heard of. Thus it’s different from all the stars and their various Treks and/or Wars.

The plot:

So, a kajillion years in the future the good people of earth have gotten so phenomenally bored watching old reruns of the Cosby show that they’ve decided to set out from earth and look to other planets so that we can make new versions of the Cosby show starring big blue aliens.

Speaking of big blue aliens, it seems the planet we (the humans) have found most interesting is a planet called Pandora that lets us all listen to our favorite music without actually having to buy it. Wait no. I mean that lets us mine for incredibly rare and valuable mining stuff in mines. Enter former Marine (and current paraplegic) Jake Sully who gets brought to Pandora for some scientific experiment thing when his twin brother, a not paraplegic but dead sort of person, gets killed. Though I suppose if you’re going to get really technical dead people are paraplegics as well. Just ya know… dead.

Anyway the local population of non-human types (the Na’vi) aren’t huge fans of human kind coming onto their planet, digging mines, cutting down trees, and listening to the Dixie Chicks; so in an attempt to better understand them (or something) the marines have started growing their own Na’vi in labs and then transferring the consciousness of a human into the body of Na’vi… cause obviously that won’t weird the Na’vi out or invariably prove that the humans have no respect for them. Jake gets drafted into said brain transplant program and thus begins a wonderful blue themed adventure across Pandora.

A big blue monster named Sully. Wait no. Hang on.

As the movie progresses Jake learns that the Na’vi are actually not so different from humans and that they have hearts of gold and pots of rainbows and that if we all just give peace a chance maybe people would stop gettin’ blowed up. In the end he must decide whether to stay loyal to his own kind, or follow his newfound big blue heart…. aw.

The positives:

Avatar is an absolute visual masterpiece. The effects are incredible, the music is spot on, and the concept of the world of Pandora is perfectly pulled off! It won three Academy Awards in Art Direction, Cinematography, and Visual effects and it absolutely and entirely deserved all of them! A beautiful beautiful film that showcased exactly what can be accomplished if you have eight years and four hundred batrillion dollars to work with.

I thought Sam Worthington (Jake) and Zoe Saldana (the Na’vi representative) did a great job in the lead roles of the film. Worthington convincingly played his characters sort of torn loyalty typed thing and Zoe Saldana does great in her role as Pocahontas.

The Negatives:

Okay here we go. This is the part where everyone will start throwing full bottles of blue Gatorade at me. I didn’t think Avatar was a great movie. I thought it was a GOOD movie. And read the section above where I talk about how awesome the movie looked before you hurl the bottle at me. But here’s the thing: The story was completely generic.

Cameron (the director James Cameron) did a great job of hiding this fact under layers and layers of awesome visuals but that’s just the fact. Each and every characters story arc was almost tragically predictable. Sully’s character was obviously going to end up fighting for the Na’vi. Colonel Quaritch the human commander was obviously going to turn into a raving maniac and try and kill everyone. The spunky pilot was obviously going to die. The sympathetic older scientist lady had to give her life for the Na’vi. etc. etc. etc. The Pocahontas joke I made earlier holds a lot more truth then you think it might.

John Smith (Sully) arrives in a new world (Pandora) where he meets the local leader of the colonists who only cares about money (Quaritch) and thinks all the Indians (Na’vi) should be relocated or killed. Then Smith meets Pocahontas (whatever Zoe Saldana’s character was named) who opens his eyes to the beauty of the simplicity in her tribal life.

Wait a second... You wanna know the creepiest part of this whole picture? Pocahontas and Blue Sully have the same lips.

Once again I’m not saying this automatically makes Avatar a bad movie. I liked it. I did not love it though. I felt like Cameron was trying to distract me with pretty lights from the fact that I already knew exactly how the story was going to end.

There was a ton of Oscar hype for Avatar as best picture and I am SO very glad that it didn’t win. Granted the movie that beat it, Hurt Locker, will never be as popular or well-known as Avatar but that’s not what winning best picture at the Academy Awards is all about. Winning the Award is about doing something that changes film, or represents your time well, or does something incredibly new that no one else had done. Hurt Locker (for all of its other flaws) did that, and had a very well put together cast of strong actors led by the excellent Jeremy Renner. Avatar (while a technical marvel) told a fairly bland story with decent acting led by a good actor who spent a large portion of the movie being represented by a CGI teletubbie.

A great example for this is one of the most deserving Academy Award nominees I can think of: No Country for Old Men. It should be noted that No Country very realistically depicts the violence that occurs within it so… yeah. Don’t run out and watch this just cause of what I’m about to say. No Country was brilliantly directed by the Coen Brothers, created a completely individual world and setting, contained two actors who delivered PHENOMINAL performances (Javier Bardem and Tommy Lee Jones) and had that one little extra oddity that pushed it over the edge (the movie literally has no soundtrack. None. Not a single note. And the weird thing is I didn’t notice it the first time I watched the movie. It is THAT engaging).

No Country was an incredible movie with an incredible cast that told an incredible story and was directed by incredible visionaries. Avatar was a good movie, with a decent (if generic script) good acting, and incredible special effects. If it had won the Award all the sudden every film maker would be running out and spending trillions of dollars to make a six dimensional camel walk through a jungle made out of Italian bread and lava lanterns rather than looking for a good story!

In Conclusion:

I liked Avatar. I thought it was good, well-acted, and brilliantly realized visually. The generic script didn’t make me dislike the movie it just made me not terribly engaged or especially interested in what was going on. A good film. But not a great one. You may now commence to send me angry e-mails.

I give it 4 blue Pocahontas’s out of 5.

P.S. In addition to the Sully (Jake) who was big and blue like the Sully from Monsters Inc. Do you remember this Sully? An INDIAN from Dr. Quinn? I smell a conspiracy.

I love the smell of copyright infringement in the morning.