Posts Tagged ‘Star Trek Beyond’

Well hey folks, and welcome to what is without a doubt the most magical part of the year for bloggers and reviewers alike. That magical time of year when I don’t have to try and figure out what on earth I’m gonna write about and instead have to try and remember what on earth I actually watched this year! And what better way to kick off our end of the year festivities than by setting our sights on the year past and remembering all those happy times we had. The long walks on the beach, the picturesque sunsets… all those horrifying news stories and horrible deaths… But anyway, let’s talk about some of that sweet sweet entertainment, shall we? And celebrate the escapism that such great features allowed us to have.

Micah’s Top Ten Movies of 2016

So this year, I feel like my top ten falls into three distinct categories. The “good but niche,” the “very entertaining but flawed” and the “any of these could have been number 1.” So let’s just jump right in there and see how these particular chips have fallen.

The Good But Niche

  1. Mr. Right

This is by far the Nichiest Niche movie on this list. It isn’t a perfect movie either from an action standpoint OR from a romance standpoint (it tries to do both.) But it’s just a fun movie! The script is quirky and fun, it’s anchored by great performances from Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick and the whole thing is just fun and crazy in very much its own way. It’s not a movie for everyone but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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If this picture appeals to you: you should be watching this movie!

 

  1. The Magnificent Seven

Look I was very excited about this movie all year and when I finally got to see it, I was not disappointed. It wasn’t by any means a perfect movie, but it was just a good old fashioned Western and I always appreciate those. It was a fun cast led by Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt and the whole movie was just very evocative of all those old Westerns you grew up with!! Assuming you grew up in my house… which statistically you probably didn’t.

  1. The Nice Guys

Our final niche movie is probably the least nichiest of the three. The Nice Guys is a love letter from Director Shane Black to the classic Robert Downey Jr. movie “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”… which was also directed by Shane Black. So yes… it’s a love letter to himself. But it’s a pretty good love letter as such things go (though an R rated one) and Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe turn in great performances as Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer… I mean,… whatever their characters in this movie were called.

The Very Entertaining but Flawed

  1. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was a great movie that marked a really fun return for the Harry Potter franchise. It had its problems as far as pacing and “this is the villain because umm… Voldermort??” But it was a genuinely fun movie that really felt like the Harry Potter universe despite featuring literally none of the original characters, and that is VERY not easy to do.

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Stay tuned for the tie in from Head and Shoulders: Fantastic Hair and Where to Find It.

 

  1. Zootopia

Frankly, Zootopia probably doesn’t belong in this category, but I couldn’t make a 4th category called “Culturally significant kids movies, that sneakily taught us about racism.” It’s a genuinely entertaining movie that really tries to say something and for the most part it’s really successful in doing so.  It doesn’t “transcend the genre” like some of Disney’s other offerings have over the last few years, but this was a kids movie that wasn’t just something to plop your kids in front of for an hour and a half. It was a heartfelt, well-made movie that had something to say to your kids, and that is very important.

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He somehow thought we belonged in THAT category!

 

  1. Dr. Strange

Back into my fun but flawed category, we have Dr. Strange. I really, really loved this movie and it only dropped this far on my list because A: it did still follow Marvels tried and true origin story mold. And B: the other movies above it were very very good. But I had a lot of fun with Dr. Strange and it definitely cemented itself in the top three or four of the Marvel origin stories and that’s nothing to sneeze at. But really, what is to sneeze at? Who gives you a thing and you say, “well that’s something to sneeze at.” Why would you say that??? Ya weirdo.

  1. Star Trek Beyond

The last (and best) of this category , I feel, was Star Trek Beyond. Look, I’m well documented as being SUPER skeptical about this movie. I enjoyed the other two movies in the franchise, but I couldn’t really get myself excited for Star Trek Beyond. I only went to see it cause there wasn’t anything else in theaters and it got pretty decent reviews. And boy let me tell you no one was more surprised than I was when I ended up thoroughly enjoying myself!! The script was clever, the cast was great, and the whole thing just felt fun. The ending sequence especially I thought was super smart, brilliantly visualized, and very well soundtracked… Soundtrecked?? The soundtrack was great.

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More like Sound Trek!!

 

The any of these could have been number 1.

Seriously though, I shuffled these around more times than I could conceivably explain to you (upwards of FIVE whole times) so in the end I threw my hands in the air, waved them as though I was unconcerned as to the opinions of those around me, and just decided to lump them all into this category. So here you go:

  1. The Arrival

Super great and thoughtful sci-fi beautifully shot and anchored by a frankly astounding performance from Amy Adams. It’s by no means your typical sci-fi movie but that in no way makes it a bad movie. I have no jokes for this particular paragraph. It’s a real good movie.

  1. Moana

Dang it Disney!!! Why must you keep making such great movies? I mean seriously this is a movie about a little island girl, a chicken, and the Rock but dang it if my tiny, teeny little Grinch-like heart wasn’t warmed by this thing. No classic Disney prince or love story to be found here, just a great movie with beautiful visuals, great music, and a touching story! I’m filled with anger and hate about how much this movie made me give a darn.

moana

And I will answer!!!

 

  1. Star Wars: Rogue One

I just did a review of this but suffice to say: this movie was great. It was exactly what a Star Wars side story should be and I desperately hope the rest of the Anthology series are as good, and as different from the originals/numerical movies. And again I have no joke here! Curse these movies and there ruining of my sarcasm.

  1. Captain America (and also Ironman): Civil War

There! See? There’s a joke! I put Ironman in the title. Got ya there Disney didn’t I? Me and my sweet burns!! Seriously though: it’s probably one of the best super hero movies ever and features what is (in my mind anyway) the greatest super hero fight scene ever (the airport sequence) AND it single handedly saved the Spiderman franchise. I mean come on people! How could this not be one of the four movies I couldn’t decide whether or not to make my top movie?? How could it not.

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It’s the best… one of the 4 best anyway…

 

So there you go guys! My top ten movies of 2016 (with apologies to A Monster Calls and La La Land which I have not seen yet. Thanks for reading, thanks for another great year and I’ll see you Thursday when we flip over this reminiscing coin and look at the ten worst movies of 2016… and boy are there some worsts.

Well hello Internet, and welcome to our 5th yes, FIFTH, annual Thoughts We Might Have Had Summer Movie Awards. The Awards show that rewards, excellence, creativity, and sharks. So let’s put on our finest outfits, toss back some alcohols, and get ready to remember all the good times, and try desperately to drink away the bad.

TWMHH: 2016 Summer Movie Awards

Biggest Goldblum Waste – Independence Day Resurgance

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Oh Jeff, we hardly knew ye.

 

I weirdly watched a LOT of Jeff Goldblum movies this summer. I marathoned the Jurassic Park movies with my wife, and then jumped straight into the original Independence Day and you know what I realized? Jeff Goldblum is actually pretty dang talented. He’s really good. Charming, funny, easy to root for, I don’t believe he hasn’t been in more things honestly, so, needless to say, I was really excited to see him back in his old Indpendence Day roll, and he did really well… except he wasn’t actually in it that much. In fact he was barely in it at all. What?!?! I say to you again: WHAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!?!? Not only did you make a mediocre movie that felt like an 80s movie (but in a very not good way) you didn’t use what was inarguably your best asset?? Such a bluming waste.

Best kids movie – Finding Dory

Oh look, it’s a Pixar movie. And it was the best one of the summer. This award is just getting boring at this point. It’s the Simone Biles of categories, you know who’s going to win before you even start. Finding Dory was a brilliantly put together, well cast movie, that was both great for kids, and taught some excellent lessens to kids and adults. I mean, the third act kind of stumbled a bit towards the end and it wasn’t in the same category as Inside Out but it was definitely a great movie, and easily the best kids movie of the summer.

Most unnecessary sequel – Teenage Mutants Ninja Turtles 2

Another great year for this depressing category. I mean the competition ranged from Now You See Me 2, to Ice Age Whatever the heck number it is, to The Purge 3 (for some reason), and even tread into comedy with Neighbors 2. Just so much sequelage. That no one asked for. But TMNT 2 easily took the prize this year not just because it itself was terrible, but because it was the sequel to universally disliked movie. I mean… why? Who gives these people money?? WHY do they give them money? It’s just… why?

Biggest Meh: Warcraft

A movie that was supposed to finally get the video game to movie transition right, and ended up just being just another movie that couldn’t reconcile itself with its own larger world. A movie that was weighed down by its own video game lore, and by the large accrued by its cast.

warcraft

For those of you wondering: yes, I have made that joke before.

 

Borringest name: Jason Bourne

“Who’s in this movie??”

“Jason Bourne.”

“Let’s just named it that.”

“Okay but… you see sir, we’ve named all the other movies with the whole ‘The Bourne: Something’ theme. Wouldn’t it be literally a million times easier for the audience, and more in line with the rest of the series if we carried on with that.”

“Nope. We’re calling it Jason Bourne.”

“Fine, but we’re gonna put more effort into the script and the story than we did the title right?”

“Sure… yeah… definitely.”

Most Unnecessary Caring: Ghostbusters

Look, I thought the backlash from this movie was stupid, unnecessary, and sad. I just wish it had been a better movie. It wasn’t a bad movie: it was fine. The cast made an unremarkable script better than it could have been, but they just didn’t have enough to work with. In the end I guess the good news is it seems even all the haters and internet types have moved on to something else and I’m sure they’ll find a way to ruin something else, but I just wish the movie had been great. But it was not.

Most Shark: The Shallows

The Shallows was a surprisingly good, very taught, well told movie. But the real shocker here is that somehow The Shallows stole the incredibly coveted (and not made up) Most Shark Award from Finding Dory. I mean… WHAT?!?!?!?!?

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Fish are friends, she’s food.

 

Most Abs: The Legend of Tarzan

You can say that this movie was unoriginal, unimaginative, and bland but you can’t say it didn’t have sweet sweet abs.

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I wasn’t gonna put a picture here, but I didn’t want to deal with the angry letters asking why I had turned down a chance to put ab to screen.

 

Least Surprises – X-men: Apocalypse

This movie even felt extremely unsurprised in this movie. The characters were characters we know just sort of… again. Magneto went on the same journey he’s gone on the last four movies, people had cool superpowers until it was convenient to the story for them not to have them, and Angel was a really stupid mutant with dumb powers.

angel

Look out he might… wing at you… or something.

 

Even Apocalypse himself just sort of walked around and stared at things and talked incessantly about exactly what he was going to do, just in case the audience wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to do. The whole thing was just… predictable.

Movie No One Cared About – Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Sigh. I just… Nah. I’m not talking about this.

Movie I Saw the Least – Nine Lives

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The real question is: How did they get Kevin Spacey to be in this train wreck??

 

Look, movies where uppity businessmen get turned into something (animals, family members… Herbie??) and then reconnect with their families are nothing new. This one had the slight intrigue of featuring both Kevin Spacey and Christopher Walken, but in the end (to the great surprise of no one) it was the worst, clocking in at a whopping 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. And thusly: I did not see it.

Biggest Unpleasant Surprise – Suicide Squad

The got me again guys. I really thought DC was gonna put out a good movie… and they didn’t. It was real bad. Certain parts of it worked, specifically the cast who all did very good work, but the script and the editing just slaughtered what could have been a really good movie. I was talking to a friend yesterday about DC’s almost mystifying inability to create even a decent movie. Like not even “yeah that was pretty good.” Which they really should be able to do, they’ve got interesting characters, and can obviously attract talented actors, so why can’t they make a movie that hits even a medium level of goodness??? It really is just bizarre at this point.

Biggest Pleasant Surprise – Star Trek: Beyond

Look guys: I was real wrong on this one. For some reason I just couldn’t really get into Star Trek: Beyond, but honestly it was super fun. I really enjoyed it from start to finish and the final battle was easily one of the best pulled off ideas I’ve seen. It was fantastic. The cast was great, the script was good, and it just felt like the big, fun, summer movie we hadn’t really gotten since May. It’s still in most theaters so if you haven’t seen it yet I HIGHLY recommend it.

Movie of the Summer – Captain America: Civil War

Civil War

As if it could be anything else.

 

Yep, it was the first real summer movie, and it was the best. The story, the acting, the visuals, the fight scenes. It was all here. And it was all great. I mean how can you not appreciate a movie that not only, is yet another sterling entry (and an argument could be made that it’s the best entry) in the anti-DC fun times Marvelverse, but also saves Spiderman!! I mean come on!

So there you go guys, another year, another set of summer movie awards. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you Tuesday for another reader mailbag so submit your questions to thoughtswemighthavehad@gmail.com or in the comments below!

Hello, friends, Internet, and creepy Uncle Ted’s and welcome back to the wonderful, frosting covered wonder that is Thoughts We Might Have Had. Today we return to that old favorite: The Box Office Top Ten, where we talk about the Box, the Office, and what you probably should never ever watch!! We’ve got ten movies to cover here, so why not just pull out our tiny crochet needles and make us some covers!!

Box Office Top Ten 8/2/2016

Number 10: The Legend of Tarzan

Look, if you haven’t seen the Legend of Tarzan yet, you probably won’t enjoy it. If this is your type of movie, with its shirtless men and it’s screamy gorillas, than you’ll probably enjoy it. But you’ve also probably already seen it. If this movie doesn’t look like it’s your kind of thing it’s really not good enough to change your mind. The plot is fairly generic, the characters are ones you’ve seen before, and you can go online at any time and look at pictures of shirtless men.

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Good with the running… bad with the bathing.

 

Number 9: Finding Dory

This movie just keeps hanging in there on the top ten list and I’ve run out of things to say about it. It’s great. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. But you’ve seen it right? I mean what else are you doing with your time?? Ya nerd.

Number 8: Nerve

Not gonna lie, I have no idea what this movie is about. And I do not care. At all. Something something, teen movie. Don’t care.

Number 7: Ghostbusters

I’m so glad this movie is out and everyone seems to have stopped freeking out about it. It’s a movie guys, decent to pretty good movie starring a great cast with a script that never really entirely lives up to its full potential. It’s fine. It’s sad that this movie will be remembered mostly for all the controversy that swirled around it, but at least we can all find something else to do with our time now.

Number 6: Lights Out

A slightly above average horror movie with a monster that doesn’t want to come out in the light… ya know, like all monsters. Monster aside though, this movie manages to distinguish itself from its peers with a solid cast and some surprisingly intricate storytelling.

Lights-Out-Movie

This movie sponsored by Duke Energy.

 

Number 5: Ice Age: Collission Course

Look guys, Ice Age has had a surprisingly good run. One was great, two was kinda meh, but three and four were actually pretty good! That said: this is a REAL bad movie folks. Real bad. Just… please don’t watch it. Get one of the old movies (except for 2) and watch that… everybody wins that way. Except the makers of Ice Age: Collision Course, and those people should not win.

Number 4: The Secret Life of Pets

A perfectly acceptable kids movie about some pets. It doesn’t reach the emotional depth of Finding Dory, but neither does it really try to. It is, what it is, and it is fine. Good even, just don’t expect it to do your taxes or anything.

Number 3: Bad Moms

Look, you’ve seen this movie. Some moms get together and decide to do some very un-mom thing, only to learn that they love being moms (but also should indulge their wild side.) There. I save you ten dollars. You’re welcome, let’s move on.

Number 2: Star Trek Beyond

I was somehow SUPER wrong about this movie. I mean I was in no way excited for this, and thought it looked like just another sci-fi movie about some sci-fi stuff. Turns out Star Trek Beyond is a really great, fun entry in the series more along the lines with the fun, energy of the first movie than the more dour second one (which I really liked too.) Anyway, if you haven’t seen Star Trek Beyond yet, you really need to. It’s great… and I’m sorry I doubted you Star Trek. I’m so sorry….

Number 1: Jason Bourne

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You do know his name right?? We forgot for a while, seemed to think it was Jeremy Renner for a bit there.

 

Yeah, I know… it’s a dumb title. Watch this: The Bourne Resurrection. See how much better that is? See how it goes along with the rest of the series titles?? (The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Ultimatum etc.) The good news is that this bland, uninspired title, perfectly matches the bland and uninspired movie!! Look, there’s nothing criminally wrong with The Bourne Rebourning. It’s okay. There’s a decent car chase or two, and Matt Damon does well with Bourne (though Bourne has roughly the emotional range of a damp lint brush. But there’s really nothing here that does anything new for the series or the genre. It’s just more, slightly watered down Jason Bourne-ing.

So there you go guys, party on with your Donkey Kong, go see Star Trek and I will see you Friday!!

Well hey everyone and welcome to another classic (and increasingly ironically named) segment of: The Weekly Headlines. Starting with new on a movie that is, somehow, extremely controversial right now:

Weekly Headlines: 7/19/2016

Ghostbusters came out this last weekend and it was (in an earth shattering twist:) fine. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t terrible. It was fine. And for some reason the Internet has chosen this hill upon which to die. Look guys: it’s a movie. I don’t know what else to tell you. You can hate it, you can love it, have an opinion. But don’t hate the people who made something just cause you hate something, I’m about as bitter and sarcastic as they come and I’ve certainly made fun of my share of celebrities (Hi, Kevin James) but at what point did we cross the line to hating the people and not just the horrible movies they sometimes make? It’s just weird and sad.

Wow… that got dark. Let’s make with the jokes shall we?

‘The Secret Life of Pets’ continues to rule the box office. I mean ‘rule’ is probably a strong word… what do you call it when you run a place, but no one else really wants to run the place and you’re just kind of there by default?? Trump 2016???

Political Humor!!!

Seriously though: Secret Life of Pets is pretty good.

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I fully expect my epic: It’s pretty good, endorsement to appear on the back of the DVD.

 

A new trailer for the Magnificent Seven reboot came out this week and guys: I am in. I mean I was already in, but now I’m WAYYY in. I miss the golden age of the Western and I’m excited that this doesn’t look like they’re doing a weird gritty re-boot where everyone looks sad and hateful and drinks pond scum from horse prints or whatever. I miss the old westerns, sure they were ridiculously innacurate to the time period, but this isn’t the History channel, and I don’t care. Super stoked for that thing.

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My favorite character is: Adjusting hat man!

 

So guys… I have a confession: I was wrong about Star Trek: Beyond. It’s gotten fantastic reviews so far and I spend huge portions of the summer saying it looked generic and tired and like it was basically doing a poor imitation of Guardians of the Galaxy. Turns out though it’s a great return to the fun, almost episodic feel of the TV show and the cast and script both really make Beyond another worthy entry in (what my opinion) has been a super great Star Trek franchise! I mean, I loved Star Trek beyond despite all the ‘real’ Star Trek fans seething hatred because umm… Khan? I guess.

In other Star Trek news, the makers of Star Trek announced that Star Trek 4 will feature the return of Chris Hemsworth (Thor.) Yeah, you forgot he was in Star Trek 1 (the reboot) didn’t you?? In your defense he played Kirk’s dad and had roughly 2 minutes of screen time before getting all blowed up and stuff (or did he????) So he’s coming back. And you’d think if they’re announcing it this far in advance it’ll be more than just a cameo right? We’ve already seen time travel in this movie (most of the first movie in fact) but I hope this is the start of some alternate dimension stuff!! Maybe Chris Hemsworth comes from a dimension where baby Kirk and his mom died in the spaceship crash, but he lived and (just because) in that Universe Spock is EEEEVIL!!! Evil I tell you, WAHAHAHA. Ahem… Sorry. Got excited for a sec there.

The new Alien movie (Alien: Covenant) just finished filming!! What’s that?? You didn’t want a sequel to the slow, weird running Prometheus movie that didn’t make a lot of sense?? You wanted an Alien movie that actually had Aliens and moved the series in a positive direction?? Ha ha. No. You can’t have that.

Prometheus

Prometheus: Cause who needs sideways?

 

Fifty Shades Darker just started filming in Paris!! What’s that? You’re not interested in a sequel to the most horrifyingly made movie based on a book since The Host?? A movie that somehow offended both the book readers AND the non-book readers? Well… you’re getting one. Maybe don’t go see it this time huh? Cause at least SOME of you did. I know it was you Bobby!! I know it was you.

Hey, in positive movie news the Gunslinger (based on the Dark Tower series by Stephen King) continues to look awesome!! I mean look at this!

Lightroom (838A4668.JPG and 18 others)

That’ll work.

That said: this movie comes out in February of 2017. February!! Where bad and disappointing movies go to slowly deflate and died like the saddest balloon. But I mean, come on, you can’t mess up this book with this cast right? Right???

Did you guys know The Divergent Series: Allegiant comes out on DVD this week!?!?! Yeah… I didn’t care either.

Well there you go guys: them headlines!! Come on back Thursday when I open the old mailbag and answer some Star Wars fan mail!!

Okay Internet, I’m back, I’m semi-rested, moderately grumpy, and sort of conscious. And that’s about as good as it’s gonna get for this week. So let’s try and push those holiday doldrums aside, stifle our yawns, and take a look ahead at the month of July and the movies that will be found therein.

July 2016 Movie Preview

July 8th

Cell – An adaptation of a Stephen King novel starring Samuel L Jackson and John Cusack that currently sits at a whopping ZERO percent on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s real bad guys. Don’t watch it. There is no joke here, because there is nothing funny about the utter suckitude that is Cell.

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You’ve really got to work, to make a movie this bad based on a book this good.

 

The Secret Life of Pets – From the studio that just keeps making movies about the minions for some dang reason, comes the Secret Life of Pets. A perfectly serviceable kids movie. There’s nothing great here, it’s not Inside Out, it’s not even Finding Dory. But hey, your kids will like this, you’ll probably get a laugh or to, there will inevitably be some questions asked about whether or not your current house pets actually can talk, but there’s nothing wrong with The Secret Life of Pets.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates – A generic R rated comedy from the makers of such things. If you like this sort of ‘shock humor’ this is probably worth the watch, but if you’re not a fan of the genre this won’t make you one. A strong cast makes the fairly blah script come across as slightly above average, but that’s about all that can be said for it.

In summary: The July 8th Weekend is a buffet line of the unremarkable. And Cell is the gum that gets stuck to the bottom of your shoe while you wait in line.

July 15th

Ghostbusters – So everyone hates this apparently. I don’t know why. Maybe they’re sexists, maybe they just really like the original Ghostbusters and don’t feel like we needed a whole new universe, or maybe the uninspired looking trailers have set people off about it. It’s a weird thing. As someone who enjoyed the originals (but didn’t base a religion around it or anything) I’m fine with a new ghostbusters movie, and I was legitimately excited when the cast was announced (though Emma Stone should have been in it) but even I will admit that the trailers haven’t really looked that good. I’ll be interested in the early reviews but for my part I’m predicting the movie will be fine. It won’t be good, it won’t be bad, it’ll be fine. But everyone will hate it anyway. Cause that’s apparently what we’ve decided.

Ghostbusters-2016

Never have people hated so much four girls wearing window washers clothes.

 

July 22nd

Star Trek Beyond – Maybe it’s the July 4th malaise talking but I can’t get excited about Star Trek Beyond. It just seems kind of generic and uninspired… or maybe that’s just me I don’t know. I was surprised how much I liked the first movie and I REALLY liked the second movie but this one I just can’t get on board with. It’s like when your phone rings and you see that it’s someone calling you that you haven’t talked to in a few years and you’re just like “Yeah, I like this person but…. Do I really care???”

July 29th

Jason Bourne

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Yes, yes we do. From those other three movies he was in.

 

I’m very interested to see where this goes. Jason Bourne started a whole new wave of spy movies that has honestly kind of come and gone. I mean, Daniel Craigs’ James Bond was basically a beat for beat copy of the Bourne franchise and even that is basically done at this point. And if we’ve learned anything about James Bond it’s that once James Bond has finished beating a dead horse, that horse is well and truly dead. But who knows, maybe Bourne can bring it back. Resurrect it. Give it new life. Have it be… Re-bourne.

Thank you!! Thank you!! I’ll be here all night!! Or at least… on Friday.