Posts Tagged ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’

Hey everyone, so after a weird weekend full of business and me not sleeping, here I am laying in my room thinking about what in the world this blog should be about. But seeing as having no clue what I’m going to write about has never stopped me before I figure mine as well just start hitting keys and see what happens on this page… word document… thing.

Oh, this is the continuation of my “Summer Questions” blog that I’ve been doing. Just scroll right down this here page if you want to read the rest!! No idea why that happened in a Southern Accent. No idea.

Will Kristin Stewart ruin snow White and the Huntsman?

Someone explain to me how that isn't the symbol from Lord of the Rings on her shield?

I don’t really think so. Here’s the thing about Kristin Stewart: She’s not a terrible actress. She’s not a great actress, she’s probably not even a good actress, but she is also not a terrible actress. Kristin’s problem is that she has achieved fame by playing a character with all the emotional depth of a Kiddie Pool in the Sahara. That combined with the fact that she is (as previously stated) not a great actress have combined to make Bella Swan (her character from twilight for those of you mercifully spared from knowing these things) as interesting and compelling as an All You Can Eat Cardboard Buffet. Put Kristin Stewart into an interesting movie with an interesting cast and a character that has more problems than “Does he really truly wuv me?” and there’s a chance she won’t make me want to savage my brain with a statue of Walt Disney. I’m not saying that Stewart is the next Helena Bonham Carter, but neither am I saying that she’s the next Amanda Seyfried.

Will Brave be yet another heartwarming Pixar classic?

Pixar: Punching us in the face with adorableness since Toy Story.

Probably. I don’t know… I feel like Pixar just keeps running out movies with the same basic premise and life lessons and then waiting for the money of their adoring fans to fall from the heavens into their tiny outstretched hands. And it works. Every time. I really can’t fault them for doing it, I mean hey, once you find a formula that works you might as well stick to the formula. I don’t fault Fruit Loops for making delicious circles of power the same way year after year do I?

Can the Bourne Legacy continue punching people in the face without Matt Damon?

Never just one?? I feel like that's sort of a broad claim to be making there Move Poster.

Of course it can. Here’s the thing about action movies: Stories are secondary. Always. Why do you think James Bond manages to switch actors every ten years or so and no one notices? Why do you think Mission Impossible keeps making millions of dollars at the box office despite two extra large helpings of “Tom Cruise runs this way” in all of their movies? It’s cause we really just want to watch peeps get shot! In fact you could say that this is actually an upgrade for the Bourne series as they bring in not only the extremely awesome Jeremy Renner, but also the awesomely creepy Edward Norton who seems to be playing the villain this time around. Like when James Bond finally realized that Pierce Brosnan was someone universally disliked by the entire cosmos and decided to get someone with an actual soul to play James Bond.

Will Dark Shadows be just another run-in-the-mill awesome movie for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp?

Sure there are other people in this movie. But really: who cares?

Absolutely it will. These two guys just can’t seem to do anything wrong when they sit down in a room and say “So… what do we do now?” Add in Helena Bonham Carter as the Cherry on top of this proverbial Banana-awesome-Sunday and you get yet another movie that I will probably not shut up about for a very long time. Of course this movie looks a little different and a little weird but when has that ever stopped them from being awesome before? It hasn’t. Ever.

So there you go. A lot of questions, a few answers, and a weird Fruit Loop related analogy! See you all on Thursday! Where I will absolutely and definitely write about… something.

Happy Friday everyone! And here to usher in this new weekend on Thoughts We Might Have had how about some good old Judging Covers! Where I watch trailers and then make unfair and partially biased decisions based on limited or no actual information! Yay!!

Happy Feet Two or Two Happy Feet… or Happy Two Feet… which sounds like a pirate name.

Your brain on drugs everyone. Any questions?

Cause why not make a sequel to a movie that no one liked!! Here was my thing with Happy Feet 1, it actually wasn’t a bad movie until it decided to get really long and sort of depressing. No one wants to watch a kids movie that’s overly long and sort of depressing that’s why we watch the evening news. But I digress.

The trailer seems to not be able to make up its mind whether were telling a story about shrimp, penguins, a walrus, a different penguin, a different shrimp, or a seals butt. I guess it could be good but I struggle with animated movies that try and distract you with who’s doing the voice work. I mean half of the trailer is comprised of them telling you who voiced the characters. Not a good sign. Plus it seems to have based it’s marketing campaign around bludgeoning me to death with cute fluffiness and ever since I traded my soul to starbucks that just hasn’t worked on me.

An excitement rating of: 2 out of 5.

The Lorax:

Speaking of animated movies that are too long, I was actually sort of excited about this movie until I watched the trailer and was somehow bored! Really movie? I men if you can’t grab my attention for five minutes while you deliver what is supposedly the parts that you think will make me want to watch you most your really not doing well. Plus who is that little boy singing the theme song? Did you find him on the streets? Does he have laryngitis? Is English his first language? I think the Lorax broke several child labor laws just allowing that boy to shame himself forever. But hey it’s got Taylor Swift in it!!

Wait a second… why didn’t Taylor Swift sing that song movie?? That’s it. I’m done.

And excitement rating of 1 out of 5.

Arthur Christmas:

Rudolph the Red Nosed Spaceship! Have a very shiny glow...

And another animated movie! My. Goodness. Okay so of the three this is probably the one that looks the best. A fairly interesting premise combined with a cool art direction style and the voice of James MCavoy might just make this bearable and maybe a good alternative to watching my least favorite Christmas movie ever: Elf. (I’d explain this but that’s a whole blog post in and of itself. I’ve been hurt before okay? Some scars don’t heal.)

An excitement rating of 3 out of 5.

Safe House:

Denzel Washington plays a spy gone rogue who gets captured and put in a safe house guarded by the Green Lantern… I mean Deadpool… I mean Ryan Reynolds. The house gets attacked by rampant Christmas carolers (give us some figgy pudding or we’ll shoot you from here) and Reynolds and Washington go on the run together.

Welcome back Denzel!! I missed you so!! Where have you been? What you did a movie where the principle villain was a train? No. No I don’t think that was you. I’m pretty sure that was a different Denzel.  Of course I’m excited about this movie! The poster is comprised of Denzel Washington staring at you! I feel like I should be picking up a football and running a mile or something.

Denzel says to watch his movie. Do it.

Excitement rating of 4 out of 5.

The Immortals:

A movie that actually comes out today, Immortals seems to be building its principle plot around men wearing short skirts and then stabbing each other. And/or arrowing each other. Apparently Mickey Rourke has decided never to open his mouth while he talks again and some dude with a shield and a mini skirt was shouting about immortality while standing on a ledge above his men… who could no doubt see right up his skirt. Really hope he had some shorts on or something there.

Honestly this is one of those movies that will either be really good or really bad and doesn’t have a lot of ground to mess around with in between. I’m hopefully it’ll land on the really good side of things but honestly it will mostly just depend on if the script is at all interesting or if the director just wanted an excuse to choreograph a mini-skirted man fight.

Excitement rating of 4 out of 5

Red Tails 

A movie about the adventures of four small Red-Tailed rabbits as they seek there homes in the far woods of… oh wait nope… sorry. Ahem…

In all seriousness there’s a very cool looking movie here. The story of African-American fighter pilots in World War 2. Good premise, decent looking script, cool chance to watch stuff get blowed up. Count me in! Of course the movie was also made by Lucas Arts which means I will spend most of the movie waiting for Han Solo to fly in at the last minute and save the day.

Excitement rating of 4 out of 5.

Snow White and the Hunstman

All due respect to the Queen but making your dress out of crows just seems like a poor decision all around.

Okay so I was not excited at all about this movie. After all the last “we’re taking a fairy tale and re-doing it with a twist” movie I watched was the putrid unmoving pile of semi gelatinous terrible that was Red Riding Hood. A movie that starred Amanda Seyfriend and made me like Gary Oldman less. It was so bad I literally hurt my brain watching it. If I had a fish carcass from the presizoic era and a spoon made out of Riceroni, I would (by default) be a better movie.

A movie that starred Kristen Stewart (Bella from Twilight) featured Snow White and had Chris Hemsworth (who I like and don’t want to see ruined by a bad movie like Gary Oldman was) frankly scared me to death.

But after watching the trailer… I’m actually very intrigued. Charlize Theron (not my favorite actress as she generally plays unlikable shallow people in chick flicks) can be good when she tries to be and seems to do a pretty good job as the evil Queen.

Hemsworth seems to have a much bigger part then I thought he would and it seems to chiefly involve hacking things apart with axes so…. Yes please.

Stewart looks like she will be doing something other then sitting around waiting to be rescued, putting herself in danger in the hopes of being rescued, or talking about how much she wishes she could be rescued. In fact Stewart might actually have to break out of her Twilight character entirely and exhibit some form of emotion!! (assuming she has those… which is, granted, fairly unlikely).

Finally the thing that excites me most about this whole thing is the director. Rupert Sanders (aside from having a terrible name) will actually be directing his first major motion picture for Snow White and the Thor. Sanders has done a ton of work in commercials though most notably in the realm of video game ads. You may laugh at that but honestly if you watch some of the trailers this guy has done (Halo ODST and the legendary “Halo 3: Believe” trailer) he’s legit. Plus just by watching the trailer you can see he’s got some great ideas. The Magic mirror actually looks cool as opposed to just some morons face glued to the inside of a mirror like EVERY OTHER STUPID PERSON DOES. The Queen is motivated by a chance for eternal life rather then just “she’s prettier then me.” And Chris Hemsworth is a big big man. So yeah… surprisingly excited by this film.

Oh here are some links for the benefit of your brain:

And the link to the trailer itself:

Excitement rating… 5 out of 5.

Don’t let me down Rupert… don’t let me down.