Posts Tagged ‘Netflix’

Hey guys, and happy Thursdays! And congratulations on making it to December guys! We did it. Cause I’m not gonna lie to you guys: 2016 was a little bit the worst. Just… just real bad. Bad stuff happened. A lot. Repeatedly. And just when you thought we had finally hit rock bottom as a culture that bottom fell out from under us and we fell to a new, infinitely worse bottom. But we’re almost done guys, and this is (traditionally) at least a fairly easy part of the year to make it through. Just blast that Christmas music, eat those Christmas cookies, and just coast to 2017. Now let’s just hop right in this here mailbag and see what dear old life has dealt us this month!

Hey Micah, so what did you think of Gilmore Girls? – Nancy H.

gilmore-girls-key

Cause Girls just want to have snow….

 

Oh Nancy… look… I thought it was pretty good. I’m glad it exists. It had problems though. For instance: The third episode. An entire musical play that went on for (and I timed this) four thousand years. Like… the joke was that it was really bad and I got that it was really bad about three seconds in. I didn’t need a full 20 minutes of badness. I got the joke. But seriously: It was good. I could sit here and pick nits and talk about the story threads the show forgot about, the really weird Keifer Sutherland thing, the fact that (when you think about) this whole thing really only needed to be a two hour movie. But in the end: we got the Gilmore Girls reunion we had always wanted. And it was pretty good.

So as a fellow fan of the CW super hero shows what do you think of the The crossover episodes? – Johnathon

Well I haven’t seen the last episode of it Johnathon, but I honestly have really enjoyed it. For those of you who don’t know: the CW shows (The Flash, Supergirl, Arrow, and Legends of Tomorrow) have had a huge crossover event where they’re fighting VERY uninteresting looking aliens. It’s honestly been pretty great! The characters work well together, the storylines have been interesting, the only real low point were the parts of the Arrow episode that focused on the minor characters in that show, because the minor characters in that show are at their absolute best: very boring, and more often than not just plain annoying. Anyway, it’s a cool idea and I’m glad they did it and I really hope they do it again sometime soon. Bravo. Brava. Bravisimo.

Did you see the new poster for Alien Covenant? What did you think? – Kyle

alien-covenant-poster

Run… to the Dentist.

 

I mean… I guess yay?? I love/like/tolerate the Alien franchise depending entirely on which movie we’re watching at the time. I’m sure I will do one of those things where this movie is concerned. At least this confirms that there will be the traditional Alien and not whatever super skinny/angry Michelin man monster that attacked the crew the last time we did this. I feel like Ridley Scott isn’t crazy in touch with what makes his movies good or not good. He just kind of runs in and does things and sometimes it works out great (The Martian being the most recent example) and sometimes it does not (Prometheus .) So basically: it’s a crap shoot. Though if (as rumors say) the movie focuses on Ridley’s (the main character from most of the franchises) mom I will be super upset. Why do we feel the need to make monsters intimately acquainted with the entire family tree? I miss the older, simpler times when aliens just murdered random people cause that’s how monsters work, not because they met your mom once at a Costco and she took the last can of Who-hash.

So you can download things from Netflix now to watch later! How cool is that? – Micah

I mean… sure?? I guess. Yay? Apparently I cared enough to write and ask for my opinion but now that we get down to it… yeah I don’t really care. This will come in handy once in a great while when I’m… I don’t know… downhill skiing?? But like… every time I’m not in wi-fi I don’t constantly pine for the warm embrace of Netflix. That’s what books are for. I mean, people. That’s what people are for…. But also mostly books.

Are you excited for La La Land? – Jess

la

If these two ever start dating their couple name would be Stone-sling. And I fully support that.

 

I don’t know Jess… I was excited for La La Land, I mean a musical with Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling? Absolutely, sign me up. But then it started getting nominated for every snooty-award ever and now I’m not so sure. All the sudden I feel it may have entered what I like to call “The Artist Zone.” You guys remember The Artist right? It came out in 2011 and was a really cool idea of like throwing things back to the old silent films days and oh my goodness the praises that were heaped up on it. The awards that it won! The number of times people said “this is a throwback to the olden golden days” “it will transport you to when movies mattered” “I watched The Artist and it cured my common cold” all that stuff. But in the end The Artists wasn’t actually a good movie. It was just a movie that people who watch movies felt the need to say was a good movie. Because it was snooty. No one would watch The Artist nowadays. If I downloaded The Artist from Netflix onto your iPad (cause you can now apparently) you would not watch it. It wasn’t really good, it was just a snooty movie for snooty people and snooty people are the ones writing the articles and handing out the awards.

I’m kind of getting that same vibe from La La Land. Everyone keeps talking about how it “transports them back” and “it’s a movie that says something about art” and things, and I just don’t know if it’s a movie that will actually be good anymore. It certainly COULD be good. I love the cast, and I love the sort of golden age of Hollywood musicals a lot! But I’m not as excited I was before it started reminding me of The Artist.

And there you go guys! Thanks for readin, I’ll see you next week, and just keep on cruisin’ through that last month!

Well hey Internet, and welcome back to your usual Thursday infusion of sarcasm, cheese nibblins, and movie news! And lo, upon this Thursday, let us return to familiar fields, strewn with what grasses, and our own familiar footprints! That’s right folks: it’s time for the weekly headlines!!

Weekly Headlines 11/3/16

First off: Congratulations to Cubs nation! Winning the World Series for the first time since 1908! It was a crazy, awesome, fun season in the MLB this year and if my Red Sox couldn’t have won (which they VERY didn’t) there’s no one else who deserved it more.

Triple X: Return of Xander Cage released its first official trailer and… Ah man… this looks SO stupid, and I am SO excited. I mean come on, Vin Diesel bounces a motorized skateboard off a bus??? It’s like they just walked through a warehouse filled with things marked “X-TREME” by the 1990’s and were like “Oh yeah… were using that!” I mean let’s be clear: this will be bad. Maybe even really bad. Maybe even terribly bad. But this is the ultimate stupid guys movie. The ultimate.

xkris

Wait, is that… is that a thing we’re doing now?? The finger x’s??

 

Deadpool 2 has now lost both its directors and its composer over the last week or so. I mean look guys, maybe Deadpool just shouldn’t get a sequel. It was such a perfect storm of underdog, timing, and comic action it… maybe it was too beautiful. It’s SO hard to do a movie like this right and the fact that Deadpool was so good and now Deadpool 2 is having as much trouble as it seemingly is… maybe we should just be happy with the Deadpool we have guys. Granted the composers name is (and I’m not making this up) Junkie XL so… ya know it probably wasn’t a huge loss…

The Dark Tower movie was delayed from January 2017 until summer 2017. I mean this isn’t necessarily a death sentence or anything. If it was moving from the summer TO January that would be very bad, because (as we all know) January is where bad movies go to slowly and agonizingly die. Maybe they’ve decided them movie will be more of a blockbuster than they originally thought? Maybe it just needed more polish? Maybe Mathew McConaughey was too busy being in completely non-sensical car commercials with cattle or something. All in all, I’m still very excited for this and hope they do justice to what is a fantastic book series.

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I refuse to believe that a movie responsible for a coat this beautiful could be evil… I mean bad.

 

Disney (to the surprise of no one) has officially announced that they’re making a live action Snow White movie. For most of these live action things the big concern is usually “boy I hope they don’t ruin that classic movie!” In this case, I kinda hope they do. I mean Snow White (the Disney one) is REALLLY  bad. Like so bad. And traumatizing. And nonsensical. Even other remakes/retellings of that movie have been pretty bad (the bland but not terrible Snow White and the Hunstman, and then the VERY VERRRY terribly Mirror Mirror spring to mind.)  So who knows, I mean all of the live actions Disney have done so far have been good-great so… who am I to doubt Disney’s ability to continue to basically print their own money at this point.

So Netflix released a trailer for the new Unfortunate Series of Events series they’re doing and fortunately for us all: it looked nothing like the movie! Honestly, there was very little information given in this but it looks good and I love some Neil Patrick Harris so I’m certainly intruiged. Honestly the books always felt more suited to the small screen than to trying and cram the entire thing into one movie that you cast Jim Carey in… for some reason.

series-unfortunate-events-olaf-netflix

A series that will corner the market on “amount of forehead”

 

Scandal season 6 debuts in January! That’s right everyone’s favorite series about… umm… yeah I have no idea what that shows about. It’s popular though, right? People watch that? With the scandals and the… umm… not… scandals??

Okay so… seriously guys, Agents of Shield is super good this year. Like it makes no sense at all but that show is freekin’ awesome right now. Yes, it’s season 6 and the only people who actually have any idea what’s going on are me, and SOME of the writers of the show, but it is VERY good.

So another Wonder Woman trailer came out this year and… I don’t even know anymore guys. Can DC make a good movie??? This doesn’t look like it’s gonna be bad, but I was all in on Suicide Squad and that was real bad. I feel like the thing Wonder Woman has working for it is it’s not any kind of ensemble thing. It’s an origin story that will (hopefully) not concern itself with the rest of the Justice League or the rapidly drain circling Zach Snyder-verse. It’s just an origin story. I mean the worst part of this trailer was when it started playing that horrible rock… thing that kept happing in Batman V. Superman V. People That Have the Same Name. So who knows, I’ve mostly just decided that I’m out on getting excited for DC movies until they actually make a good one. You can only fool me… what is it now… 6 times?? Before I stop believing in you DC.

wonder-woman-poster-power

Ummm… Am I the only one seeing all the X’s on this poster?? I count like… 6? No wait 7. Why all the X’s??? Wait… have you been hanging out with Vin Diesel??

 

Disney has beat its own record for most money grossed in a year. And they still have Dr. Strange, Moana, and Star Wars: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story: From the Star Wars that are coming out this year. Basically: give all your money to Disney guys, oh wait… you already did. They just bought you. Hey, could whoevers running Disney just go ahead and take the presidency real quick?? It doesn’t even have to be the head of Disney, any of the Disney-etts would be better than the people in this election. Literally any person at Disney. People running some of the rides at the park maybe? Anyone??

choices

Politics!!!

 

And there you have it friends and relatives. Those headlines!! Thanks for reading, and thanks again for sticking with the website for lo these many years! You all are amazing!

Well hey Internet, and welcome to Thursday. The day before Friday and the first in a long spiral of weekends that will inevitably land us with Halloween and (blessings to us all) some decent movies. But before we get to those let’s get to a little I like to put in bold font and center called:

Weekly Headlines 10/2/14

In our lead story Adam Sandler just signed a contract with Netflix to make 4 movies exclusively for the online movie giant. I think this is great because it skips the parts where the horrible movies Adam Sandler has been making lately go into theaters and skips straight to the part where Netflix recommends them to me and I ignore them.

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor was released this month (for Xbox One and PS4 anyway) to some fairly awesome reviews. Shadow of Mordor has gotten some really good reviews as it’s a game that gives you the chance to do some other stuff and then MURDER A BUNCH OF ORCS. And then probably still do some other stuff. I may be sketchy on the non-essential details.

A full trailer for “Exodus: Gods and Kings” came out this week and it looks pretty solid! For those of you who don’t know Exodus tells the story of Moses in a real historical, biblical setting, as told by two super white guys pretending to be Egyptian/Israelite. Unlike this years earlier Cinematic Biblical Blockbuster “Noah and the Rock Monsters of Angeldom” there’s at least a small chance that someone involved with this movie read the Bible story it’s based on. I’m at least moderately excited for this mess because “Egyptian Batman” totally works for me.

If just once he grabs Pharoah and whispers "I'm Moses" I will die happy.

If just once he grabs Pharaoh and whispers “I’m Moses” I will die happy. Possibly directly afterword.

Speaking of trailers the first trailer for Taken 3 is out and folks… I’m in. I thought Taken 2 looked unnecessary and contrived and just a weird idea in general but it was at least a good action movie that followed Liam Neeson around and watched him punch people. My problem with Taken 2 really was that it just looked too much like the original Taken. This movie though seems to be taking (ha ha) the series in a new direction while still featuring its strongest asset: the concrete blocks of mystical wonder that are the fists of Liam Neeson. Plus Famke Jensson gets murdered! And who doesn’t want to watch that? (in a movie… don’t make it weird internet.)

This weekend’s box office features three new movies! The wife kidnapped thriller suspense thingy: Gone Girl. The horror movie that looks exactly like every other horror movie ever: Annabelle. And (of course) the really bad looking movie starring Nicolas Cage: Left Behind. All that to say if you’re looking for a movie to watch this weekend, watch Gone Girl. The other two come with FDA warnings involving the contents of the movie doing permanent damage to your brain cells. And they will children. They will.

For those of you who are about to hate on me for judging Left Behind before I’ve seen it, I just want you to know that I saw the last Left Behind and so far most people who have seen it agree that this Left Behind is somehow WORSE than that one. And let’s not underestimate the hard work the last Left Behind movie put in to make sure that couldn’t happen. But never underestimate the ability of Nic Cage and a bunch of genuinely earnest but unfortunately misled people who thought that this was a good idea.

Oh I should probably mention that the number one movie at the Box Office this week was “The Equalizer.” The Equalizer is nothing you haven’t seen before, Denzel Washington is a deadly man out for revenge against some people not as deadly as he is. That said the Liam Neeson Principle applies here and there’s enough face punching and Denzelhood to make up for a fairly “meh” plot and a lack of supporting talent.

In other Netflix news, Netflix recently greenlighted their first major motion picture Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 2: Electric Boogaloo. Yeah Netflix, you go! You get that sequel to a movie with a plot so loosely put together you could literally say that pretty much ANY martial arts movie that came out since then was its sequel. Don’t get me wrong: I think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is awesome and responsible for a great sub-genre of martial arts awesomeness but why couldn’t you just make a movie about literally ANY bunch of people doing Martial Arts? Did you really NEED to attach your tiny Netflix flag to a major motion picture just to make yourselves feel like a real boy?

A movie that defies gravity. Over and over and over and over and over.

A movie that defies the laws of gravity. Over and over and over and over and over again. This is probably Isaac Newton’s least favorite movie ever.

And finally in a VERY timely piece of news, last night Pixar (Disney’s little film company that could) released a trailer for their next full Computer animated movie: Inside Out. And that trailer told us NOTHING about the movie. It has something to do with the emotions inside of our heads (Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger, and Fear) all being represented by different characters and theirs a little girl who all of this is happening inside of? Maybe. And that’s it. “But Micah” you’re no doubt saying, “how could a trailer that lasts one minute and 41 seconds tell you nothing about the actual movie?” The answer to that question is because the first minute or so of the trailer is a bunch of flashbacks to other Pixar movies. For some reason. So yes, Pixar is not only advertising their new movie (which we now know for sure is about something) but it’s also (simultaneously) advertising for ALL of its old movie. Well played Disney. Well played.

Well hey guys and welcome back to what will (hopefully) be the last week of our extreme lack of good movie-age. That’s right folks Dracula Untold looms on the horizon. Gone Girl opens in a few days, Left Behind will be terrible. September is nearly over, and good movies will be back soon! And so let us spend these last few days continuing to try desperately to distract ourselves from the futility of life, and the loneliness rooted in our hearts like a bunch of monkeys made of depression and onion dip, by talking about Netflix.

Coming to Netflix: October
(AKA: A Review of Gilmore Girls and then some other stuff)

Of course the big news for Netflix is that they have Gilmore Girls. And ya know what guys?? You could spend your time worse ways. I’m not saying it’s Firefly or the West Wing or anything but if you’re looking for a nice way to waste a few hours and make your girlfriend/wife/significant other typed person SUPER happy, this is the way to do it. Gilmore girls is (at its core) a show aimed at women, that said the writing is really good, and very funny. I have watched most of the episodes of this show and while I never got super caught up in the “but who will she marry” or “but will they ever be friends again” I did get caught up in the overall humor and the incredible addiction to coffee. So win there.

So many coffee jokes guys. So many wonderful coffee jokes.

So much coffee. So much wonderful coffee. 

The basic plot of the Gilmore girls (that “g” is little. I promise. Look it up.) revolves around the adventures of Lorelai (which is the hardest name to spell ever) and Rory (which is awesome and small… kind of like Rory.) Anyway, they have all sorts of weird hijinks involving men and the guy from Supernatural and coffee and… probably… other stuff. Let us remember I don’t really follow the plot of Gilmore girls, I (like may before me) am purely here for the laughs and 90’s references. Quite down. Yes, Lorelie and that dude from the Diner should have gotten married, and yes Jess was an obnoxious idiot who I hated but I was just there for the jokes guys. I swear.

Arrow Season 2 

If you liked Arrow Season 1 (which was admittedly not the BEST show on television) you will LOVE  Arrow Season 2. Season 1 got better as it went and was always dragged down by its awkward, clunky love triangle. Season 2 takes the show in a new much better direction though and (speaking of Firefly) Summer Glau makes some guest appearances!! It’s a really well done season that manages to build on what they got right in season 1 and add in some exciting new stuff that only makes things better.

Carrie

A run in the mill, unremarkable remake to a movie that didn’t need a remake, Carrie stars Chloe’ Moretz and Julianne Moore neither of whom really get very well utilized in what is a decidedly mediocre romp through a classic Stephen King book.

Romeo + Juliet

If you gave Shakespeare red bull,  five pounds of Sugar, and then hit him in the face with a rubber chicken you would get Romeo + Juliet. Frankly, this is not a great movie. Claire Danes (who plays Juliet) is very good but Decaprio’s Romeo is bland and the rest of the cast is bland and the movies tone is all over the place and makes for a very disjointed viewing experience.

Annie

Yup, the original Annie. Red curly hair, Carol Burnett, hard knock life. All that jazz.  As a random trivia fact did you know that Tim Curry is in this movie??? Yup. It’s a classic, ya can’t deny it. You can’t escape from it.

Hello, Tim. I want your hat.

Hello, Tim. I want your hat.

The Boxcar Children

Yeah, someone made a boxcar children movie. I mean it’s animated and stars no one you have ever heard of before but still. It’s the Boxcar Children! I read a Boxcar childrens book once, but it was boring and immaterial and no one got murdered or had lightsabers so I moved on.

Django Unchained

If you like Tarrantino movies you will like this Tarrantino movie, that said it’s nothing awesome. It’s typical Tarrantino runny and shooty and deathy and bloody but honestly there’s not a lot to be said for it beyond that.

Sleepless in Seattle

Cower in fear mankind. Your women can now watch Sleepless in Seattle whenever they want. Your life will never EVER be the same again.

This is your life now. Pensive Meg Ryan. Give into it.

This is your life now. Pensive Meg Ryan. Give into it.

So there you go guys! That’s the party that’s happening on Netflix this month. Wave at your local movie theater everyone, tell it you’ll be back soon!!