Posts Tagged ‘movie preview’

Well hello Internet, and happy last day of February! That’s right guys. You made it. You did it! You survived the horror of Jefbruary, you held on through the horrible movies, the terrible weather and the somehow even worse political nightmarescape and you made it to March where at least one of those things will change… though probably not the other two. But let’s not focus on the fact that we can’t change the fact that the weather is having a severe identity crises, or the fact that no one seems to know what exactly is going on in the news or the fake news or… whatever we’re calling it. And let’s just focus on the fact that new movies are coming, and some of them are probably, maybe, sort of gonna pretty good!! Yay!!

March 2017 Movie Preview

I’m sorry for the weird pictures today… wordpress is being strange again…

March 3rd

Logan –

Okay I’m REALLY trying to tempter my expectations for Logan but it’s getting increasingly harder. The movies gotten great reviews, it’s finally a movie that seems to have caught on the usual Fox-movie tropes out, and it’s Hugh Handsom Jackmen!! I’m all in on this and can’t wait to see it! That said I will be VERY sad when it’s over, because it’s apparently a very sad movie, but it’s not like the trailers were exactly a barrel full of laughs. This is gonna be a great movie, but I’m going to be VERY sad after words and may eat my weight in pasta (or pasta like substitutes.)

Table 19

Anna Kendrick and a band of other quirky actors play in a movie about a bunch of quirky people seated together at a wedding. These movie tend to either work really well, or be one million percent broken so… it’s a toss-up. There’s a delicate line between quirky and unwatchable as it turns out, which is, consequently, why my career as a professional dancer never panned out.


Look at all that Quirkyness



March 10th

Kong: Skull Island

I’m weirdly interested in this movie. I say that because I’ve never really gotten the whole “King Kong” thing. I mean sure it made sense in like the 20’s when the coolest thing people could think up was “A monkey, but big” but nowadays we have Godzilla, and whatever those monsters were called in Pacific Rim and a bunch of way cooler things then “Hey look, that monkey is larger than a monkey should be.” But this movie actually looks pretty good! Tom Hiddleston, Sam Jackson, Brie Larson, and John Goodman make for a killer cast and I’m genuinely interested to see what happens here.


Hard to get a tan with Kong around…


March 17th

Beauty and the Beast

It’s weird too me that we’re about to kick off a generation of children who see Emma Watson and think “Belle” instead of “Hermione” but whatever. Look, this movie won’t be exactly changing the landscape of film forever, but it’s got a great cast, a good storyline, an established and well known musical score… it’s hard to see this NOT being good. Once again, it’s not gonna be a new and revolutionary step in film or anything, but it’s GOT to be good… right?

March 24th

Power Rangers

Look… I tried to be optimistic about this… probably. At some point. But I’ve seen the trailers, I’ve watched the ineffective high school actors, struggle with a lazy sounding script, and distinctly B looking effects and I’m officially ready to announce: This movie will be the sucks. REALLLLLLLY the sucks. Suckity suck such from Suckburg. Sorry both you Power Rangers fans… nothing to see here.

March 31st

Ghost in the Shell

I’m still torn about this one. The original anime’ was… revolutionary?? I mean it was good. It looked good. But it didn’t exactly make sense, so much as it made ZERO sense. At all. So hopefully this movie can keep the cool visual style and sweet punchity, kickity action. But can also be (as the French would say) sensical.


The original movie explained it’s concept abut as well as this…


And there you go guys! Some sweet sweet snowy deliciousness from the wonderful month of March. Thanks March. You’re the best!

Oh and if you haven’t hear my new podcast yet, we just put out our second episode and it’s exactly as random and Quail filled as you would expect! Check it out here:


Well hey Internet! And welcome to my very last movie preview of 2016!! And it is a VERY crowded slate, I gotta say. I mean even discounting this last weekend it is a packed house up here in December! So let’s get right down to that sweet sweet business we’re in: wild speculation and sarcasm.

December 9th

La La Land

I did a big rant on this in my last post and got some choice words back from audience members so let me just say: I’m excited for this. It might end up being a little on the snooty “film for films sake” sort of side but there’s nothing wrong with the occasional bit of snoot right? Who doesn’t love a little snoot? I’ve ruined the word ‘snoot’ at this point. Too much snooting.


It’s good to see the lightpost from ‘Singing In the Rain’ back in a musical.


Office Christmas Party

Speaking of snootery here is basically the opposite is snoot. Just your typical comedy that got a bunch of people who are legitimately think are hilarious (especially SNL’s Kate McKinnon) and will proceed to waste their talents on low level humor and various holiday exploitations. I could be wrong about this: but I’m not. Have you seen the trailers? I’m very not wrong.

December 16th

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

I’m very excited this. Honestly the only thing I’m not completely in on with this movie is Felicity Jones. Specifically her face, and voice, and ability to act. Granted, she’s the main character so… that’s kind of important. But are we sure she’s actually a good actress? Like what else has she been in? I mean the Theory of Everything I guess is her biggest deal and she was okay in that… it makes me feel a little better. And I am absolutely all in on everything else about this whole project so… yeah. All in on this.


Also: Vader’s back. So that’s awesome.


The Founder

The Founder is a biographical piece on the founder of McDonalds starring Michael Keaton. It’ll probably be fine/good in a way that a fairly boring biographical piece can be. I’m mostly putting it here because it’s Oscar bait and in a few months when everyone is pretending they watched it, I’ll be able to say “yeah I talked about that on my blog before it even came out!” Though I’ve written that out now so… hopefully the people I say that too aren’t reading this.

Collateral Beauty

Will Smith stars as a grieving man who encounters Death, Love and umm… one other one… trash disposal? No… Oh Time. Yes. Time. Anyway, he has conversations with these sort of personifications of these characters and it honestly could be very good. Just to be clear: this is Oscar bait. But it could be good Oscar bait. Tasty. Tasty bait.


Helen just showed Will the reviews for Suicide Squad.


December 21 –


Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt team up for a movie about two people woken up early from their special space-naps who fall in love and also probably get almost dead. It’ll be a good movie but I think it’s gonna get largely eclipsed by Rogue One. Weird timing on the part of the people who pick the timing for such things, Lawrence and Pratt will be great though, so if nothing else it’s gonna be a fun one.

Assassin’s Creed

Michael Fassbender becomes the latest in a LOOOONNNGG line of people to try and make a good movie based on a video game. I mean, Assassin’s Creed is (if nothing else) a pretty good setting for a good action movie. Lots of stabbing, swords and assassinations and stuff like that. Much more sort of tangible than this year’s other video game movie “World of Warcraft” which was fine but definitely sort of lost itself in its own mythos. The nice thing about Assassin’s Creed is that the “mythos” of that series has never really made any sense anyway so hopefully the movie doesn’t feel too connected to it. We’ll see what happens but at the very least I expect sort of a fun action movie (though again: not a great time to come out.)


Nah, he seems cool with it, no assassination today.


December 23 –

December 23rd or (as I like to call it ) Liam Neeson weekend!!! That’s right: not one, but TWO Liam Neeson movies! Strap on your good ears, Grandma!!


Look, this IS a Liam Neeson movie but… I mean it doesn’t look like it’s gonna be… ya know good. It’s basically the story of some monks (Andrew Garfield and Adam Drivers Weird Face) who go in search of their elder monk… is that a thing? Who is Liam Neeson. Now, as a Monk Liam Neeson probably won’t punch anything and he really probably won’t be in the movie a ton, but it is a Liam Neeson movie AND he’s re-teeming with Martin Scorsese so that’s good but… this movie will probably not be.

A Monster Calls

Now, this is the sauce. A movie that was supposed to come out in October but got pushed back because (you guessed it) Oscar bait. This movie features the silky smooth, chocolaty voice of Liam Neeson as the titular Monster who does the titular calling. It’s supposed to be VERY good and I’m super excited to check it out as it is based on a fantastic children’s book that you should very much check out.


That big thing is Liam Neeson… so be excited about that.


And there you have it ladies and gentleman!! A very full December slate, but let’s all make it through and may you have a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy Holidays, I’ll see you Thursday!

Okay Internet, I’m back, I’m semi-rested, moderately grumpy, and sort of conscious. And that’s about as good as it’s gonna get for this week. So let’s try and push those holiday doldrums aside, stifle our yawns, and take a look ahead at the month of July and the movies that will be found therein.

July 2016 Movie Preview

July 8th

Cell – An adaptation of a Stephen King novel starring Samuel L Jackson and John Cusack that currently sits at a whopping ZERO percent on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s real bad guys. Don’t watch it. There is no joke here, because there is nothing funny about the utter suckitude that is Cell.


You’ve really got to work, to make a movie this bad based on a book this good.


The Secret Life of Pets – From the studio that just keeps making movies about the minions for some dang reason, comes the Secret Life of Pets. A perfectly serviceable kids movie. There’s nothing great here, it’s not Inside Out, it’s not even Finding Dory. But hey, your kids will like this, you’ll probably get a laugh or to, there will inevitably be some questions asked about whether or not your current house pets actually can talk, but there’s nothing wrong with The Secret Life of Pets.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates – A generic R rated comedy from the makers of such things. If you like this sort of ‘shock humor’ this is probably worth the watch, but if you’re not a fan of the genre this won’t make you one. A strong cast makes the fairly blah script come across as slightly above average, but that’s about all that can be said for it.

In summary: The July 8th Weekend is a buffet line of the unremarkable. And Cell is the gum that gets stuck to the bottom of your shoe while you wait in line.

July 15th

Ghostbusters – So everyone hates this apparently. I don’t know why. Maybe they’re sexists, maybe they just really like the original Ghostbusters and don’t feel like we needed a whole new universe, or maybe the uninspired looking trailers have set people off about it. It’s a weird thing. As someone who enjoyed the originals (but didn’t base a religion around it or anything) I’m fine with a new ghostbusters movie, and I was legitimately excited when the cast was announced (though Emma Stone should have been in it) but even I will admit that the trailers haven’t really looked that good. I’ll be interested in the early reviews but for my part I’m predicting the movie will be fine. It won’t be good, it won’t be bad, it’ll be fine. But everyone will hate it anyway. Cause that’s apparently what we’ve decided.


Never have people hated so much four girls wearing window washers clothes.


July 22nd

Star Trek Beyond – Maybe it’s the July 4th malaise talking but I can’t get excited about Star Trek Beyond. It just seems kind of generic and uninspired… or maybe that’s just me I don’t know. I was surprised how much I liked the first movie and I REALLY liked the second movie but this one I just can’t get on board with. It’s like when your phone rings and you see that it’s someone calling you that you haven’t talked to in a few years and you’re just like “Yeah, I like this person but…. Do I really care???”

July 29th

Jason Bourne


Yes, yes we do. From those other three movies he was in.


I’m very interested to see where this goes. Jason Bourne started a whole new wave of spy movies that has honestly kind of come and gone. I mean, Daniel Craigs’ James Bond was basically a beat for beat copy of the Bourne franchise and even that is basically done at this point. And if we’ve learned anything about James Bond it’s that once James Bond has finished beating a dead horse, that horse is well and truly dead. But who knows, maybe Bourne can bring it back. Resurrect it. Give it new life. Have it be… Re-bourne.

Thank you!! Thank you!! I’ll be here all night!! Or at least… on Friday.