Posts Tagged ‘movie headlines’

Hello Internet, and welcome back to Thursday here at Thoughts We Might Have Had. We switched to Friday’s for a bit there but now we’re back with Thursday, like an old comfortable pillow that wraps you in warmth and that vague smell of those Cheetos you keep dropping on it. And what better way to welcome Thursday back into our lives than with another time honored tradition of the blog: The Weekly Headlines.

Weekly Headlines 8/11/2016

James Wan (the director of the new Aquaman) says the Mortal Kombat movie he’s producing is well on track. Wait, we’re making a new Mortal Kombat??? What was wrong with the old Mortal Kombat, James? It was the perfect Mortal Kombat movie, it was low budget and non-sensical and looked like it had been thrown together at the last minute! What could be more Mortal Kombat than that??

mortal_kombat_02

Who could possibly find fault with this??

 

Speaking of Aquaman it was recently confirmed that, Black Manta will be the main villain in Aquaman’s new movie. For those of you who don’t know (because you have actual lives made up of actual people) Black Manta is sort of a… he’s a guy. In a suit. And not a manta… in fact his suit doesn’t even really look like a manta at all. Sort of just a giant… bug. But her’s not a bug, he’s just a guy in a suit. So they call him black manta because… umm… look I can’t explain everything okay? He’s a guy with a big helmet and he doesn’t like Aquaman because… Aquaman know what Black Manta’s actually look like. Okay? Let’s… let’s just move on.

manta

“Just trust me okay? This is what Manta’s look like…”

 

In even more comic book news, the Mad Hatter was recently cast in Season 3 of Gotham. What’s that? No one cares about a third string villain being cast in a second string TV show?? Oh. Umm…

Ghost Rider will be coming to Agents of Shield!! But not the real Ghost Rider. No this is the other Ghost Rider, the one who doesn’t ride a motorcycle. He drives a car. So he’s really more Ghost Driver. And instead of being called Johnny Blaze, he’s called Robbie Reyes… which has nothing to do with fire. What’s that?? No one cares about a knock-off version of a super-hero cast in a show with a rapidly dwindling audience and a distinct lack of interesting heroes?? Dang… Okay how about…

The Tinkerer has been cast in Spiderman: Homecoming. Okay look, I know he’s not a famous villain but at least he’s in a movie okay! I can’t help it if all the news this week was about irrelevant TV shows desperately trying to sneak back into the limelight! I don’t make the news! I just ignore it, until I have nothing else to blog about! Geeze.

Tinkerer_head

Yes. The Tinkerer is basically your Grand-dad.

 

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back released a new poster!! What?? Hey that first movie was good. It’s not my fault nobody watched it or cares about it!

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Sorry Jack. Nobody cares.

 

The company that makes those Chronicles of Narnia movies has announced that they’re going to continued making those Chronicles of Narnia movies… so that’s news I guess. At least they confirmed that they are gonna do The Silver Chair and not mash that old Re-boot button everyone is so fond of. On the plus side The Silver Chair actually lends itself VERY nicely to a film, unlike The Dawn Treader (the last movie they made.) On the down side: these are the same people that directed the massive, horrifying, on fire trainwreck that was The Dawn Treader.

So the cast of Oceans 8 is just about finished. No, that wasn’t a typo, Oceans 8. It’s the female led spin-off to the Ocean’s 11 franchise, headlined by Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett, and now also includes Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham-Carter, Mindly Kalligh, and (for some reason) Rihanna. I mean we all know that I love a good heist movie so I’m at least down with the idea of this! Like the cast, like the concept, we’ll just have to see what happens with it! There, surely that was headline worthy right??

Oceans-8

3 actresses and a pop star walk into a bar… and then they rob it.

 

So there you go guys… thems the news. I’ll see you next week for my annual Summer Awards!

Well hey everyone and welcome to another classic (and increasingly ironically named) segment of: The Weekly Headlines. Starting with new on a movie that is, somehow, extremely controversial right now:

Weekly Headlines: 7/19/2016

Ghostbusters came out this last weekend and it was (in an earth shattering twist:) fine. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t terrible. It was fine. And for some reason the Internet has chosen this hill upon which to die. Look guys: it’s a movie. I don’t know what else to tell you. You can hate it, you can love it, have an opinion. But don’t hate the people who made something just cause you hate something, I’m about as bitter and sarcastic as they come and I’ve certainly made fun of my share of celebrities (Hi, Kevin James) but at what point did we cross the line to hating the people and not just the horrible movies they sometimes make? It’s just weird and sad.

Wow… that got dark. Let’s make with the jokes shall we?

‘The Secret Life of Pets’ continues to rule the box office. I mean ‘rule’ is probably a strong word… what do you call it when you run a place, but no one else really wants to run the place and you’re just kind of there by default?? Trump 2016???

Political Humor!!!

Seriously though: Secret Life of Pets is pretty good.

cat

I fully expect my epic: It’s pretty good, endorsement to appear on the back of the DVD.

 

A new trailer for the Magnificent Seven reboot came out this week and guys: I am in. I mean I was already in, but now I’m WAYYY in. I miss the golden age of the Western and I’m excited that this doesn’t look like they’re doing a weird gritty re-boot where everyone looks sad and hateful and drinks pond scum from horse prints or whatever. I miss the old westerns, sure they were ridiculously innacurate to the time period, but this isn’t the History channel, and I don’t care. Super stoked for that thing.

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My favorite character is: Adjusting hat man!

 

So guys… I have a confession: I was wrong about Star Trek: Beyond. It’s gotten fantastic reviews so far and I spend huge portions of the summer saying it looked generic and tired and like it was basically doing a poor imitation of Guardians of the Galaxy. Turns out though it’s a great return to the fun, almost episodic feel of the TV show and the cast and script both really make Beyond another worthy entry in (what my opinion) has been a super great Star Trek franchise! I mean, I loved Star Trek beyond despite all the ‘real’ Star Trek fans seething hatred because umm… Khan? I guess.

In other Star Trek news, the makers of Star Trek announced that Star Trek 4 will feature the return of Chris Hemsworth (Thor.) Yeah, you forgot he was in Star Trek 1 (the reboot) didn’t you?? In your defense he played Kirk’s dad and had roughly 2 minutes of screen time before getting all blowed up and stuff (or did he????) So he’s coming back. And you’d think if they’re announcing it this far in advance it’ll be more than just a cameo right? We’ve already seen time travel in this movie (most of the first movie in fact) but I hope this is the start of some alternate dimension stuff!! Maybe Chris Hemsworth comes from a dimension where baby Kirk and his mom died in the spaceship crash, but he lived and (just because) in that Universe Spock is EEEEVIL!!! Evil I tell you, WAHAHAHA. Ahem… Sorry. Got excited for a sec there.

The new Alien movie (Alien: Covenant) just finished filming!! What’s that?? You didn’t want a sequel to the slow, weird running Prometheus movie that didn’t make a lot of sense?? You wanted an Alien movie that actually had Aliens and moved the series in a positive direction?? Ha ha. No. You can’t have that.

Prometheus

Prometheus: Cause who needs sideways?

 

Fifty Shades Darker just started filming in Paris!! What’s that? You’re not interested in a sequel to the most horrifyingly made movie based on a book since The Host?? A movie that somehow offended both the book readers AND the non-book readers? Well… you’re getting one. Maybe don’t go see it this time huh? Cause at least SOME of you did. I know it was you Bobby!! I know it was you.

Hey, in positive movie news the Gunslinger (based on the Dark Tower series by Stephen King) continues to look awesome!! I mean look at this!

Lightroom (838A4668.JPG and 18 others)

That’ll work.

That said: this movie comes out in February of 2017. February!! Where bad and disappointing movies go to slowly deflate and died like the saddest balloon. But I mean, come on, you can’t mess up this book with this cast right? Right???

Did you guys know The Divergent Series: Allegiant comes out on DVD this week!?!?! Yeah… I didn’t care either.

Well there you go guys: them headlines!! Come on back Thursday when I open the old mailbag and answer some Star Wars fan mail!!