Posts Tagged ‘Meryl Streep’

Well hey guys, I know, I know. I missed a day last week. I’m sorry. I apologize. Don’t make a big thing out of it okay? Some times I just need my freedom, just need to spread my wings and fly like an eagle… into the future.

Or something.

Anyway, now that I’ve reviewed Avengers: Age of the Best Thing Ever, let’s go ahead and wrap up our summer questions series with another gentle tip-toe through some movie tulips!!

Question 1: Will you watch Magic Mike XXL?

Ummm… no. But I feel like that’s just cause I’m the exact opposite of the target audience for this movie. I mean I’m not super against it, I don’t think it or its predecessor are bad movies, I don’t think they’re awesome movies. They are movies that are not made for me though, and that’s fine. Whatever. I am mostly indifferent about such things, let Channing Tatum and his one astonishingly unexpressive facial expression whisk you away to a magical pelvic thrusting land. I’ll be here… probably watching the Avengers again.

Question 2: What’s the deal with Pixels?

Oh Pixels… I love the idea for this movie. It’s weird and off beat and an awesome idea for a weird sort of off beat action movie/comedy. Basically aliens have invaded earth ‘disguised’ as 80’s video game characters. It’s a great idea. That said, there are two huge (not a fat joke… mostly) elephants in the room: Adam Sandler and Kevin James are in this. I’m not saying having those two automatically make this a bad movie but… doesn’t it kind of??? I mean at some point we’ve got to just stop expecting these people to be in good movies right? If this movie starred literally anyone else I would be legitimately excited, if it had a legitimate action star paired up with a legitimate comic actor I would be even more excited. But it doesn’t have those things. And I am not excited. Forgive me Pacman.

Question 3: What’s up with Tom Cruise? Can Mission Impssible: Rogue Nation keep his streak alive?

Tom Cruise is (as weird as this is to type) on a roll movie wise. Edge of Tomorrow was great, the last mission impossible was fantastic, even Jack Reacher was better then most people think. I don’t know of any reason not to think Mission Impossible will be great. The trailer looks good, the cast works well together, and the store seems like a decent idea. Those are pretty much all the pieces you need to make a good action movie. Remember when life was simpler and we could all just make fund of Tom Cruise and his weird hair and space based religion??? I miss those days.

STRICTLY EMBARGOED: 8:00am PST March 22, 2015 Rebecca Ferguson and Tom Cruise in a scene from the motion picture "Mission Impossible 5." Credit: Chiabella James, Paramount Pictures [Via MerlinFTP Drop]

Weirdest piggy back ride ever…

Question 4: Can The Man from UNCLE live up to it’s awesome trailer?

Potentially yeah. I like the cast here, and the sense of humor seems to be spot on, so as long as the story is passable I think this could be a fun old school spy movie. Nice to see someone take the genre back to it’s smarmy roots in the same year that Rogue Nation and the new James Bond movie continue to make the genre darker and grittier and less shirt wearingyer. It would be really cool just to see an old school fun, slightly over the top spy movie and this looks like it may fit the bill!

So suave... so smooth. Like chocolate milk wearing a bow tie.

So suave… so smooth. Like chocolate milk wearing a bow tie.

Question 5: Why is Meryl Streep dressed like a punk rocker?? Is the world ending?

Wait... what's happening?

Wait… what’s happening?

Probably. From what I can tell the movie is about Streep as a failed rock and roll artist returning home to see her daughter and x-husband. Not exactly the greatest movie premise ever but hey, Meryl Streep, punk rocker, I’m in for that action. No premise required.

Well there you go guys!! Our Summer questions!! I did leave Ant-man and Fantastic Four off of year as I feel I’ve talked about them a lot in the last few weeks! Check back next week as I field some more letters from made up famous people.

All right Internet, it’s time to get serious. It’s time to cast off our end of the year Fun Blogs, and our “let’s talk about random TV shows that are awesome and wonderful and that everyone should watch” blogs and get down to the BUSINESS!!! Namely the business of reviewing movies. Movies that I watched forever ago and are no longer at all relevant, but it’s the principle of the thing. And here I am, standing on a principle, staring out into the distance sarcasm in hand, ready to crush some dreams, and murder some movies.

Micah Review’s: Into the Woods 

My only prediction about 2014 that didn’t come at least somewhat true was that musical theater people would hate Into the Woods. They didn’t hate it… they also didn’t love it (cause musical theater people don’t love anything except the original vinyl copy of Beauty and the Beast sung by the original cast and the original composers standing in the original sound-studio originally built by Captain Original.) Anyway though, they don’t love it, so I will now review it, talk about it, and use my magical typy typing fingers to tell you all about it.

Into the Woods: A complicated, long, dramatic, singy, different, retake, on classic fairy tales.

Into the Woods: A complicated, long, dramatic, singy, different, retake, on classic fairy tales.

The plot: 

So umm… this is gonna take a while.

There’s a baker and his wife and they want a baby but they can’t have a baby because when the Baker was just a little Baby Baker his dad stole some stuff from the witch next door and she cursed the family to forever have super attractive wives for no discernible reason.

There’s also a SUPER ANNOYING little boy who should fall into a well filled with piranhas.

And then there’s a little girl in a red hood who… yeah I blacked out for her portions. Literally anything involving her my whole brain just shut-off and started going through re-runs of old M*A*S*H episodes. Dang. That show was awesome.

Where everybody knows your name!! Wait...

Where everybody knows your name!! Wait…

There’s also, also, Cinderella who wants to “go to the festival” I know she wants to go to the festival because she and her family members and various other passing strangers and lizards will tell you she wants to “go to the festival” FOUR MILLION TIMES!!!

So anyway a lot of stuff happens, just… so many things. I don’t… there’s a wolf. For like… a second. And then there’s a Prince (who’s awesome (in a terrible way)) and the Baker and his wife do some stuff with some things and the Witch becomes young and blue haired and then… a swamp?? Maybe.

It’s not this confusing when you’re watching it I promise. Though it is still fairly confusing. And then everyone get’s what they want and then an incredibly stealthy giant comes down and alternately makes a TON of noise and then practically magically appears next to people at convenient times. And then (spoiler alert) dies when it steps in some mud (formerly a witch… I think) and then trips. And that’s how the giant dies. By tripping. In witch mud.

The Pros:

On the whole, it’s a good movie. But the movie gets by (surprisingly) not on the strength of its music, but on the strength of its cast. Meryl Streep, Chris Evans (who sings the song “Agony” which is easily the best part of the movie), James Cordon, Emily Blunt, and Anna Kendrick all deliver incredibly great performances and commit to the music and the story 100 percent. It works out really well for them.

The first two-thirds of it are actually really good. There’s a quest, and some stuff and the Baker and his wife are the central focus of a charming out of the box fairy-tale.

The Cons: 

There is a last third to the movie.

The two little kids in this movie are criminally annoying. The “up in the sky” song is terrifying. Any time little Red Riding Hood is on screen I actually put my coat over my head and beat myself to death with Thor’s hammer.

A girl who you will sincerely hope would just stay in the freekin' woods!!!

A girl who you will sincerely hope would just stay in the freekin’ woods!!!

Super stealthy giant. That thing just appears places. Right out of the dark. Or the light. Or wherever it wanted to. When it got here there was an earthquake but it somehow sneaks up on several different people (including one who is so surprised she falls off a cliff.) The thing was like a time-lord.

Honestly (and there are a thousand angry musical theater people already typing angry emails to me) I didn’t find the music that great (I can think of at least six people who are unfriending me on Facebook right now.) It wasn’t all bad, agony was great, Cordon and Blunt had some great songs, but honestly I just found the whole thing REALLY repetitive. Starting with the “into the woods” medley that savaged your brain with the words “Into the woods” and carrying on to the whole “I want to go to the festival thing.” And that happened a lot. A lot of people just yelled the same phrase several thousand times in a vaguely melodic fashion. I wasn’t impressed.

And then there’s the super weird ending. Here’s the thing (spoiler alert) the ending song is this whole number about how “you are not alone.” And “no one is alone.” And “everyone has their side” and “everyone has friends.” And stuff. And THEN we murder a giant. (granted a giant who is SUPER easy to kill but still.) I was expecting people to try and understand the giant or something but nope… we killed it. We didn’t care that it wasn’t alone, and that it had friends and everyone was on it’s side. We just wanted to murder it’s stupid ugly teleporty giant face!!

In Conclusion:    

I thought Into the Woods was good. It suffered from an incredibly unbalanced story, a weirdly repetitive soundtrack and some incredibly annoying children but it was rescued by some stellar performances from its great cast.

I give it 3 stealthy space traveling giants, out of 5.