Posts Tagged ‘Man of Steel’

Hey everyone, so this weekend… or last week… or some time since I last posted, an announcement was made. A world changing, stomach stopping, fish catching announcement. An announcement that will change life as we know it for the next ten to twenty minutes. That announcement:

FRIED PEANUTS now TWO for ONE dollar. At “Uncle Benny’s Fried Peanut and Fish Tackle Store” conveniently located in the back of Uncle Benny’s car in the Walmart Parking Lot. Come quickly, supplies will probably run out at some point!!

Okay, now that that announcement has been made let’s go ahead and talk about another (far less significant) announcement. Ben Affleck will be playing Batman in DC’s upcoming movie “Batman vs. Superman: Cause People will Buy Tickets. ” And because a few of you asked about it and I am nothing if not a man of the people who happen to wander onto this blog. Here are some thoughts and some answers to your two most popular questions.

Batman vs. Superman cause why not?

Batman vs. Superman cause why not?

Will Ben Affleck make a good batman?

Sure. Why not. You wanna know a deep dark secret? It’s not that hard to play batman. I’m not saying it’s easy, I mean Batman has character depth to him, inherent internal conflict, he’s a dark hero in an increasingly dark world and he faces real struggles of morality unlike some super-heroes (*cough* superman *cough*.) But Batman isn’t exactly Hamlet. Nor (allow me to propose) is Batman the Joker, or Bane, or (dare we say it) Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman. Batman is the steady center around which an extremely interesting cast of characters resolves… or revolves… Or revolvers… or something. The point is that Christian Bale made a great Batman and it wasn’t like anyone was nominating him for Academy Awards or anything. He did a great job with the character by not trying to make the character into something he wasn’t. He stayed true to the Batman inside of himself… and inside of all of us. — except for you. Harold. You can’t be Batman.

Cause there's a little bit of batman in all of us.... sometimes it's his fist but hey- we can't all win.

Cause there’s a little bit of batman in all of us…. sometimes it’s his fist but hey- we can’t all win.

I see no reason why Affleck won’t be able to do that. He’s played characters with dark pasts before. He was actually decent in Daredevil (should be read “Marvel’s Batman”) it’s just that nobody noticed because Jennifer Garner was hot and then dead, and the movie itself was HORRIBLE. Affleck certainly has the gravitas to pull off Batman. I’m not saying every actor in Hollywood could do it, I’m just saying that casting the right guy (for instance: not George Clooney) is a big step in the right direction and I think Affleck is the right guy. Josh Brolin and Ryan Gosling (two other popular rumored names) probably also could have done it but I’m fine with Affleck. As long as he sticks to the character Batman will be just fine.

"Wait did he just compare me to George Clooney?"

“Wait did he just compare me to George Clooney?”

Does the casting of Ben Affleck change your thoughts on Superman vs. Batman?      

Ummmm… nope. It’s probably still gonna be terrible. Here’s the thing: the reason DC is doing this movie is because 1: They like money, and 2: They want to make the Avengers. Obviouly every studio wants to make money, I don’t think Walt Disney made the Avengers cause they like happiness and rabbits hopping through guacamole covered meadows. That said they at least seemed to have a plan when they made Avengers. DC seemed to literally go: “Wow that Superman movie made a lot of money I wonder what else would make money?” “What if we put Batman AND Superman together?” “That’s a great idea!! What sort of story should we do?” “I have NO idea, but that’s probably not a big beal right?”

Another big difference: Joss Whedon. You want to know what happens when people make super-hero ensemble movies without Joss Whedon? Fantastic-Four. Joss Whedon spent his career making great ensemble features: Firefly, Buffy etc. I had my reservations about Avengers when it was first announced (search the site to find them… I  have no desire to link my doubting Joss Whedon in a public forum) but my one hope through it all was that I’d seen Joss do this before and it had worked.

You know what the closest thing Zach Snyder (the soon to be director/co-writer of Batman vs. Superman) did to an ensemble film?  Sucker Punch. A film that featured the basic story idea “hot girls with swords vs. robots” and somehow ended up being both heinously poorly planned and incredibly un-interesting. Aside from that his big films are 300 (great visual style. Storyline handed to him on a golden platter. No good dialogue.) and Man of Steel (see review here.) I’m not exactly filled with confidence.

Finally: checkout what I said above about Batman, his good movies have been defined by the incredible cast of characters constructed around him. Batman is awesome, but he can’t be what you’re counting on to make your movie interesting. You know who that is even more true of? Superman. At least Batman has moral struggles, Superman just fights for truth, liberty, and low cost hot dogs at American Baseball games. Putting these two people together in a movie just seems like putting two different vanilla cake mixes in a bowl and expecting to get something other than a vanilla flavored cake.

The question now is who will bring them that cake? Probably not this guy.

The question now is who will bring them that cake? Probably not this guy.

So to summarize: I’m fine with Ben Affleck. Best of luck to him, I’m excited to see what he does with the character. Batman Vs. Superman? I’m still not on board. Let it be stated here though that I’m not saying there’s NO hope this will be a good movie. I’ve been surprised before. Maybe this movie will be great, I doubt it. I think it will be kind of like Man of Steel, a decent movie with a decent storyline and good action sequences. That’s not a bad thing necessarily, it’s just not awesome.

Thanks for reading everyone, a bit more of a serious dissertation then we normally have but sometimes you’ve got to put on your serious shorts and get stuff done! Thanks for reading and check back Thursday for more of your regularly scheduled nonsense.

Happy July 5th everyone! A day that will go down in history for historically being the day that everyone in 1776 got together, discussed the constitution and then took a nap. But enough of me and my awkward introductory jokes, for today (at long last and after many promises) I shall hitherto and henceforth-more review Man of Steel.

Micah Reviews: Man of Steel

Man of Steel: Cause we can't make anymore Batman movies.

Man of Steel: Cause we can’t make anymore Batman movies.

After Superman Returns darkness fell upon the Superman world, a dark shadow of not caringness and much MUCH more interesting super heroes. But now with the Batman Trilogy done and with Green Lantern being sort of a stupid hero can Superman actually return? Can the Man of Steel steal the spotlight once more? In some words: Probably not.

The Plot:

Many and many years ago in a kingdom by the sea—I mean in a planet by the… umm… stars. There lived a species known as the Kryptonions. They were a super advanced society but for some reason (despite obviously having the capability of space travel) they decide to stay on Krypton despite the fact that the planet was about to become a slushy made of lava and death. In this time there was a guy named Jor El who (for some reason) was the only person smart enough to take steps to prevent the death of his species, by sending his son Kal El off the planet and towards another planet (Earth). Meanwhile a General person named Zod El… I mean just Zod he (apparently) does not get a last name, attempted to lead a coup against the government. He tried to get a hold of Kal El and Jor El so he could ride the EL Train and save the world. (More on this later)

"Well lady person before we go any further with this evil plan thing, let's talk about your evil hairdo... it's distracting."

“Well lady person before we go any further with this evil plan thing, let’s talk about your evil hairdo… it’s distracting.”

But despite all that Jor El saved his son, Zod was captured and imprisoned in the Negative Zone (where the glass is ALWAYS half empty), and Kal El made it to earth, was adopted by the Kents and renamed (dun dun DUN) Clark Kent. Clark spends an unusual childhood not beating people up and getting in trouble with his father for saving the lives of innocents and eventually grows up into a big hairy, hairy man who travels around looking for the reason that he was sent to Earth.

Eventually (as you may have guessed) Zod escapes his prison and (while also searching for the lesser known Positive Zone) comes looking for Clark so that he can save his people and destroy the Earth (cause apparently those are mutually exclusive) and it is up to Clark (now having reclaimed his lineage and wearing a cool costume) to save the Earth and stand for Truth, Liberty, and mass destruction of property.

The Positives:

I’m gonna start with some props to the actors that I liked: Amy Adams did really well as Lois Lane and was the first Lois in a long time that I haven’t thought was just a stupid, helpless, star struck woman who existed solely so that Superman could catch her when she fell from high places. Secondly props to Russell Crowe who OWNED Jor El. I mean if they made a Jor El movie I would be ALL about that. They won’t though… cause that would be a good idea and stuff. I also thought Henry Cavill did pretty well with Superman… I mean he wasn’t great and he came off a little wooden but—isn’t Superman kind of supposed to be like that anyway? Plus after watching what’s his name from the last Superman movie prance around in a cape like the prettiest girl at the ball it was nice to see a manly Superman with a deep growly death voice and chest hair. I’m just saying.

I appreciated the tone of the movie. It’s grounded and believable and far better handled then most other Superman movies or even then the ill fated, ill smelling Green Lantern movie. It was a world that I could relate to… for the most part. (more on that later)

The fight scenes were cool. For the most part (more on this later)

The Negatrons:

Okay… here we go. Let me premise this real quick: This is the best Superman movie I have ever watched. See that? Remember it. Cause this is gonna get ugly quick.

Okay so at the beginning of the movie Jor El gets all up on Zod about how he’s going to only let certain people live and how that just isn’t right. Then he launches his son into space carrying the key to saving Krypton with him and subsequently dooming his entire race. See the problem there? Sure Zod was only going to let certain people live, but you just killed everyone except for the one person you wanted to live.

Secondly: sure the Kryptonian council wanted to stay on Krypton for… whatever reason it was that they decided staying on a planet that was about to throw its own personal all lava t-shirt party. But we KNOW that Kryptons had space travelling capabilities and Kal El and his wife Betsy (not at all her real name) could have children so… why didn’t they just leave? Why didn’t Zod just steal some stuff and go out on his own? Seems like you don’t have to go to the bother of killing the current leadership when the current leadership is actively choosing to bathe in a planetwide lava swimming pool?

Moving on from that (and ignoring the fact that the planets head scientist somehow beat up the planets head soldier) the pacing of the movie was on a slow train from Slowville travelling to Slowington. We spend the first thirty minutes of the movie on Krypton watching Jor El run around but then twenty minutes later Jor El (or more accurately Jor Els computer ghosty thing) summarizes the whole beginning of the movie anyway. Did they think we had already forgotten? Were they worried that the audience would show up late or something? It felt like when you’re watching two TV episodes back to back and have to sit through the “Last Time on Teen Vampire-Wolf-Zombie… Bieber” anyway. So not only was the pacing slow but it definitely felt like it REALLY didn’t have to be.

I’m gonna skip some other stuff that I could talk about like Mr. Captain Kent needlessly sacrificing himself to hide his sons identity despite the fact that if he had just sent his INDESTRUCTIBLE son in the first place it wouldn’t have been an issue at all. The fact that after a whole movies worth of people talking about the consequences of alien life being revealed to earth (a theme that I genuinely liked) when a spaceship teleports itself above Metropolis everyone just sort of… stares at it like my mom stared at me when I showed up an hour late for dinner. Also, why is a reporter on the plane carrying the super-secret weapon of secrecy and death? Is it so Superman can catch her when she invariably plummets from the plane? I think yes. There were other things that I’m skipping cause I realize this has been going on for a while so here are my final three thoughts:

First off this is a weirdly humorless movie. Like I really liked the dark, serious tone of the film but I think there was like one line that made someone (to be read: not me) in the theater laugh in the entire movie. That’s a LONG time to sit through a movie and not have someone say something funny. I mean I realize I’m a weird person but unless I’m asleep there are very few two and a half hour periods of my life where I do not laugh at something, it’s weird that a Superman movie just became one of them.

Secondly the movie talks about how “It’s taken 33 years for Superman to adjust to earth’s climate” and when Superman gets exposed to a Kryptonian atmosphere he gets violently ill. Yet when Zod and his people arrive on Earth it takes them literally two minutes to gain superpowers. Zod loses his helmet and while he does struggle with controlling his powers he doesn’t really show any of the very obvious side effects that Superman did. Also, Superman gets his power from the Sun right? So how do Zod and his people gain powers so quickly when 90 percent of their bodies are covered in armor?

Finally: the hilarious amount of destruction in this movie is well… hilarious. I really liked the super powered awesome super hero fighting… for the first thirty minutes. But you can only destroy so many city blocks one building at a time before it starts to get really really old. As if Zach Snyder (the director) had this same thought, at one point Superman and Zod fly to space literally for no other purpose then to destroy a satellite and come back to earth so they can destroy more buildings. This went on for what felt like DAYS and anytime that I, Micah Thompson: legendary destroyer of buildings and adorable yew lambs, am telling you to stop breaking cities… you should stop.

Oh look... another building is falling...

In Metropolis a falling building is just another day at the office. They should probably just stop building skyscrapers.

In Conclusion:

Man of Steel has its problems (see small book written above) but all that said it’s not a terrible movie. It’s long, and maybe (dare we say it) takes itself a little too seriously but on the whole it’s a good Superman movie. Not a great one, not even a really good one, but a good one. Honestly, it would probably be a lot better watched at home where you could occasionally leave the room for twenty minutes to make breakfast or paint a picture or milk a cow and then when you got back… nothing will have happened.

I give it 3 falling Lois Lanes out of 5.

Concluding Conclusions: I literally sat here and stared at that line for like five minutes. I originally put 2 out of 5 (which made sense given that I spent an entire page pointing out things I didn’t like about it) but in the end I went with a 3. It’s like a 2.5 out of 5 but since doing that much math makes my head hurt I just rounded up and went with it… because once again: it is the best Superman movie I’ve ever watched.

Hey Internet, so I was planning on watching Iron Man 3 last night but do to a disastrous clerical error (editor’s note: Don’t be fooled, Micah has no idea what a “clerical error” is; as he will demonstrate… now) stupid clerics. Anyway, in lieu of my Iron Man 3 review, here’s a look at some more summer questions for some more summer movies!!

Question 1: Will Man of Steel (June 14th release) make me look like an idiot for thinking it would be good?

If nothing else we've chased most of the pictures of that other Superman movie off of the internet. So that's a win.

If nothing else we’ve chased most of the pictures of that other Superman movie off of the internet. So that’s a win.

So at this point me and Man of Steel are at that awkward point where you’ve asked a girl out on a date and your standing around wondering if she’s really as cute as you thought when you asked her out. What if you can’t get over that mole? What if her sense of humor was really just her hopped up on Mountain Dew and angst? What if she shows up to the date wearing a hat made out of lettuce or smelling like Old Man’s old spice?

That’s me and Man of Steel. I’m committed, I’m there at the door waiting to buy my ticket and slurp my slurpy, the question only remains how good will the movie actually be? Only June 14th will tell.

Question 2: Will World War Z (June 21st) be just another dumb zombie movie?

Honestly… probably yes. I was really rooting for this movie to distinguish itself from the pack by taking on the darker more realistic tone that the books the movie is based on took. That’s not gonna happen though apparently. Apparently there will just be mountains of zombies and helicopters and brains and all the usual dumb things you see in all of the usual dumb zombie movies. Poor Brad Pitt. I mean there’s a chance that the trailers I’ve watched and the stuff I’ve read is completely and totally wrong but let’s face it: I’m pretty much right all the time… I think.

Question 3: Can the Lone Ranger (July 3rd) actually be a good movie?

Originally I thought this was going to be a train wreck. As in big death train wreck of doom covered in dead puppies and kool aid. Death kool aid. Of deathity doom. Now though… I don’t know. It could be good. It could be Pirates of the Caribbean in dirt. It could be Pirates of the Caribbean except with Tonto instead of Jack Sparrow… which isn’t the best promo for it ever. Anyway I think the action will be interesting and the story line will be good it’s all gonna depend on whether the dialogue can settle into a groove that’s old westy without being (for lack of a better term) boring hick-talk. About hick-ponies.

Question 4: What genius studio executive thought making Grown Ups 2 (July 12th) was a good idea?

Studio Exec A: So… do you remember that movie we made that nobody liked and which didn’t make any money, that starred a bunch of comedians who we had to pay a lot of money?

Studio Exec B: Yes.

Studio Exec A: Well I thought we would get the cast together and film a sequel. With Taylor Lautner.

Studio Exec B: So you’re saying you want to take an idea that was already proven to be terrible, make it worse, and then do it again?

Studio Exec A: Yup!

Studio Exec B: Let’s do it! And then after I want to try putting my leg into that bears mouth just to see if this time he won’t savage me!

Putting Taylor Lautner in this movie is like adding a dash of bird poop to your recipe for "Dead Bush pie."

Putting Taylor Lautner in this movie is like adding a dash of bird poop to your recipe for “Dead toad pie.”

Question Number 5: Will Red 2 (July 19th) be as good as the first one?

Okay, first off if you didn’t see Red one please go watch it now. I’ll wait.

You good? Wasn’t that a great movie? Why didn’t you watch that before? Why haven’t more people watched that? It’s great! I’m ready to go for Red 2! See this is how sequels should be made, when you create a cool world with interesting characters and then decide to make another movie so we can keep watching those characters. I’m in for Red 2. On. Board.

Question 6: Will the Wolverine (July 26th) be as bad as the first one?

The X-men movies haven't always been good, but those people can make a poster!

The X-men movies haven’t always been good, but those people can make a poster!

Okay so Wolverine: X-men Cameos was not a great movie. I mean it wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t great. Partially because the movie got so distracted by all of characters they put in and all the comic book stuff they had to pay tribute to that they forgot they were making a movie. Sure it was great to see that one big fat guy, and that one Chinese person nobody cared about, and it was ummmmm… interesting to see Will I Am try and act (try being a VERY important word in that sentence.) But it was all just a little too much. A lot too much in fact.

Wolverine: The Japan Years, I think can be a really good movie as long as we don’t get caught up in the same thing. Hopefully the story will be (ya know) about Wolverine… and Wolverine hacking people into pieces and healing… cause that’s why we like Wolverine people who make X-men. That’s why we like him.

So there you go Interfriends, webberpeeps… whatever. I think Monday I’ll be ready to do an Iron Man 3 review so come on back for that and at some point in the near future I’m gonna make a HUGE announcement about my next adventure into media but we’ll talk about that later! Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

Hey internet! Sorry I missed my posting yesterday, I just started a new job and as such my schedule has (understandably) become less fluid and more gelatinous. Probably what’s gonna happen from now on is I’ll be posting the blogs earlier in the mornings on Monday and Thursday and then advertising them on Facebook when I return to my lonely lonely laptop in the evening (same things going for the Podcast) all that said let’s get to a blog that I honestly thought I would never ever right. A blog whose title you already saw but which I am going to write again anyway, cause I’m addicted to the all consume power rush of the “center” button.

Five Reasons I Believe in the Man of Steel 

I’ve been everywhere from “this is a terrible idea” to “meh, it could work” to “cautiously optimistic” to “cautiously optometrist” on the Man of Steel. Superman is just not all that interesting to me, but (all that being said/typed) the last couple trailers have (dare we say it) turned me into a believer. I’ve talked already about how making a Superman origin movie (which this is) is probably the only way to make a good Superman movie but since I have already talked about that, and then talked about the fact that I talked about it, I’m not gonna talk about it…. I think.

5. Chris Nolan and Zach Snyder

I’ll be the first person to admit that Zach Snyder is a bit ummm… extreme? When it comes to filmmaking. I mean 300 was okay in a men in underpants sort of way (more on underpants later… wow… never thought I’d type that sentence.) But Sucker Punch was just weird and trippy and somehow took the concept “hot girls with ninja swords” and made it confusing and not worth the journey. But if Snyder has one thing going for him it’s visual flair, and ya know what Superman needs? Some flair. More then just “you’re evil, and I shall punch you in the bracket” I have no idea what the action in this movie will be like but I promise you, it will not be the same old same old.

Secondly there’s Nolan (famed maker of Batman, Inception, and sliced bread) who is tagged in this movie as the “producer” now sometimes that means a lot of different things and in this case (I’m guessing) it means “sort of hung out and offered advice” and while I’d much rather have him as the Director if I could choose one person to hang around the set of a Superman movie and occasionally say “wow that’s a stupid idea” it would be Chris Nolan, and lo and behold thither he is. Or hither. Or wither… or something.

4. General Zod

General Zod: A man with decidedly sinister chin whiskers.

General Zod: A man with decidedly sinister chin whiskers.

General Zod is by no means the best DC Comics villain, or even the best Superman villain but what he is, is a little something I like to call “not Lex Luthor.” I don’t have anything per se against Luthor but he is the villain that a lot of filmmakers have settled on, and his plans generally go “something something something destroy the world something something isn’t corporate America terrible.” It’s nice to finally get a Superman movie with a villain that can actually hurt superman using something other then Kryptonite (more on this later.)

3. The Cast

Quick notes on the people I’m excited about watching in this movie.

Russel Crowe: I’m guessing he doesn’t have a huge part in this particular movie (he plays Superman’s dad or (as he is more commonly known) Superpop) but he’s gonna do (what I’m guessing) will be some cool stuff at the beginning before being relegated to voice over work and really there aren’t a lot of people with a better voice with which to over things.

Amy Adams: I’m going out on a limb here, but maybe, just maybe, this will be a Lois Lane who is not annoying and stupid and whiny and standing around being in distress so that Superman can rescue her. Amy Adams is a very talented actress with a good track record and I really hope they don’t waste her by having her dangled over some precipice so that Superman can come and snatch her out of the air just before she lands on an evil elephant or something.

Henry Cavill: Let’s just take a second and look at a picture of the last Superman or as I like to call him “Jr. High Girl Superman.”

Uhh... I just threw up...

Uhh… I just threw up…

I don’t have anything against that Superman, I mean he was creepy and wimpy and smug and looked like a particularly slim woman but I have nothing against him. Henry Cavill looks like a mountain man who eats other mountain men. I’m not saying you have to be huge to play Superman, I’m just saying it helps if you look like a man. Cavill has some pretty good talent and I think he’ll do a good job with the character and the action sequences!

2. No Underpants

Granted we've still got the cape thing going but apparently Edna Mose still hasn't had him in for a sit down yet.

Granted we’ve still got the cape thing going but apparently Edna Mose still hasn’t had him in for a sit down yet.

 

Yay!! Honestly, I’m not even sure I need to say more then this but I will anyway. I mean, hey I understand, plenty of Super heroes do the whole Outer-under pants maneuver. But I think it’s definitely something we should start discouraging… a lot. And who better to lead the way in keeping our undergarments under our garments then old Superman. Plus, that costume is just awesome, it actually looks like it’s made out of something other then Spandex, we all know that “Superman’s suit is almost as strong as he is cause if it wasn’t he’d have to spend a fortune on tailoring” thing but at least know the suit looks like it could be that strong.

1. No Kryptonite

Ah Kryptonite the ultimate convenient Super hero weakness device. I understand why Kryptonite is a thing, after all Superman’s skin is tougher then the plot of a foreign film, he’s stronger then the odor of high school locker room, and he can leap the single ladies song in a single bound… or something. You need something to level the playing field, but it seems like every villain who Superman happens to be bother on any particular day of the week happens to have a fork made of kryptonite, or a necklace that there mom gave them that just happened to have some kryptonite in it, or something like that. It’s reached the point of laughable predictability, we get it, we see it coming, we know that at some point somebody will whip out some kryptonite and turn Superman into something equally as fierce as a particularly fearful rabbit. I just think it’s a really cheap way out, a stupid way to solve the Superman problem and just (on the whole) REALLY really old. With General Zod (a guy from Superman’s home planet) we’ve got a villain on Superman’s level who doesn’t need to wave any Kryptonite that he got from his Nanna around.

So there you go friends, five reasons I, a man who has done little else BUT mock Superman, am actually psyched for this summer’s Man of Steel. Mark it down, write it up, print it out, and we’ll see what I think when the movie actually comes out! Thanks for reading, and we’ll see you Thursday!

Ah… I love the smell of 2013 in the morning. Smells like… morning. Anyway, after two posts looking back at 2012 with a mix of adoration and profound motherly disgust let us now turn our eyes towards the year ahead. The movies, the songs, the possible twilight re-boot (ha ha no. Just kidding. I give it at least two years.) So here we have the ten movies of 2013 that I anticipate the most or (in a more melodic manner and with bolder font):

 The Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2013

Honorable mention: Before I dive in to the top ten here are two movies that didn’t quite make the grade. The first: Monster University. I really liked the original Monsters Inc. movie and am legitly excited about this prequel. That said, it’s another Pixar movie and all Pixar movies are starting to look the same to me. Ya know… cause they make them for children. Even though I’m not exactly in the target audience though I’m still excited to get back to good old Mike Wizowski. Just not top ten sort of excited.

Secondly: Beautiful Creatures. I’m not entirely sure what this movie is about. Something about witches and light and dark and some girl who has to choose a side or something (and not like fries or chips… I think. Though you’ve always got to go with the fries there). It looks like a cool idea and has Emma Thompson in it which are both good things, but it also looks suspiciously like it’s being aimed at all of the Twilight fans who don’t have movies to watch anymore so… I don’t know. It could be good… or laughably horrible. Only time will tell I suppose.

Okay, for real though, on to the top ten.

10. The Host

Speaking of Twilight here’s another book by Stephanie Meyer. I know, I know “she is the soul of evil blady bla bla” but first off I’ve been the soul of evil since way before Stephanie Meyer started banging her head on a keyboard and writing Twilight. Secondly, this movie actually looks interesting, and my wife (being the awesome person she is) has read the book and said it was actually pretty good and that it was hard to believe the same person had written The Host and Twlight. Plus I like Saoirse Ronan (though her name is a butt to spell) and it just seems like a movie that could be good. I will admit though that the reason it’s slinking down here at number 10 is for it’s strong “love triangle” potential.

The fact that they are literally standing in a triangle on this poster makes me uneasy.

The fact that they are LITERALLY standing in a triangle on this poster makes me uneasy.

9. The Lone Ranger

“Hi HO Johnny Depp!! Away!!” I’m moderately sort of kind of excited about this movie. I don’t know, it just looks like fun, plus what was the last really great western you watched? True Grit? And that was depressing. The Lone Ranger could be really good, but even in the worse case scenario it will be entertaining and different and I like both of those things. So let’s just see what happens.

8. Oblivion

Yes ladies and gentleman, a Tom Cruise movie. I must be getting soft… or less sarcastic… or hungry. Yup, that’s it. Seriously though, I was super intrigued by the trailer for this movie and everything I’ve read about it makes it sound pretty solid. It seems to work from an interesting premise AND has Morgan Freeman in it so… I’m interested. It has the potential to be bad, because: Tom Cruise. But hey, it looks solid so until something comes out to convince me otherwise: I’m in.

Cuase nothing says "good movie" like a waterfall made by buildings!

Cuase nothing says “good movie” like a waterfall made by buildings!

7. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Man I need to read these books. I could be reading them now but NOOO the internet had to get all persnickety on me about posting when I said I was going to and stuff like that. Anyway, I’m excited about this movie despite the fact that I have absolutely ZERO idea what it’s about. There was already a significant amount of things being caught on fire in the first movie though, so it’s only uphill from there right?

6. Man of Steel

Well hello Superman. It’s been a while. I haven’t seen you since you were fathering illegitimate children and using your x-ray vision to creepily spy on your ex and her fiancé! What’s that? Oh, were pretending none of that happened? Oh good.

Man of Steel looks like it could be a pretty good movie. I’ve talked ad nauseam about Superman and why it’s hard to make a good Superman movie, but I think this movie is showing a lot of good potential for awesomeness (though I’m creeped out slightly that both its trailers have stolen their music from SUPER popular movies but hey… I guess not everyone can hire their own composer, right?)

5. The Wolverine

Wolverine!! Practically the anti-superman Wolverine is one of my favorite Super heroes and the one I most wanted to be when I was 5. Wolverine’s last solo movie (Wolverine: Way too Many Characters) was so-so. I mean I liked it, but I made my own Wolverine claws out of wood when I was 7 so… yeah. Bias. Still though from what I’ve read about the new Wolverine it seems like the Directors have a really tight/darker themed movie that will focus less on getting as many X-men into one movie as we can, and more on, ya know, Wolverine.

4. Thor 2

Thor!!! Oh man. I am so excited about this movie. I really liked the original Thor and was utterly surprised by that fact. I honestly always thought Thor was just un-relatable and kind of weak sauce, but little did I know the true joys of bushy blond beards and massive hammers. Thor is one of my favorite of Marvel’s Avengers, plus Christopher Eccleston plays the villain, AND Tom Hiddleston is gonna be up to his usual awesomeness as Loki. What’s not to like?

There's not a poster for Thor 2 yet so I'm putting this here cause it is the sickness.

There’s not a poster for Thor 2 yet so I’m putting this here cause it is the sickness.

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And once again I need to make a note here about what a hard time I had differentiating the top 3 (and especially the top two). I actually flipped them several times but in the end my head started hurting and I had to eat a Snicker’s bar just to have enough energy to finish this post, so; in the name of my blood sugar levels not reaching the magical land of double sugar covered Peeps, I’m just gonna go with my gut and admit to the internet at large that I couldn’t make up my own tiny mind.

3. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Kudos to Peter Jackson for making a thousand dumb high schoolers look up the word “desolation” on their Iphones. Well done Peter. I really like The Hobbit: A Rabbit’s Holiday, except for a few parts involving the aforementioned Rabbits but more on that later. Two Towers is probably my favorite of the original Lord of the Rings and I really think Desolation of Smaug (also the second movie in the Trilogy) will be a much tighter movie then the Hobbit pt. 1. I’m excited to see what Jackson does with the characters and story-lines that he’s opened up, and the prospect of finally getting to hear the dulcimer tones of Benedict Cumberbatch playing Smaug is more then enough to make this one of my most anticipated movies of 2013.

Of course this isn't the "official" poster, but it has a Dragon. So.... I'm good.

Of course this isn’t the “official” poster, but it has a Dragon. So…. I’m good.

2. Iron Man 3

Speaking of awesome actors and Avengers, let’s all take a moment and give a big round of applause to Robert Downey Jr. I’m not gonna lie I though the second Iron Man movie was a severe step back from the awesomeness of the first movie. Downey Jr. was still awesome, and I really liked what they did with Pepper Pots and War Machine but the movie was a little to ADD for me. It looks like the new movie is taking itself a little more seriously though (while still featuring the awesome hilarity of Tony Stark). Plus Ben Kingsley playing Mandarin (the films main villain) yes please!

"I would go... but I don't have anything to wear..."

“I would go… but I don’t have anything to wear…”

1. Star Trek: Into Darkness

I know… I was surprised too. Let me say one more time: I am NOT a trekkie. I have seen… maybe two episodes of the TV shows? And I think I watched Wrath of Kahn once… three years ago… SUPER late at night. And honestly I thought they were pretty cheesy and not super well done (forgive me Patrick Stewart). I did like the new Star Trek movie and thought it was a really cool way to sort of re-boot the series without entirely throwing out everything else that had ever happened. All that said, the trailer for Into Darkness KICKED BUTT! I don’t know whether it was the cool effects, the interesting story ideas, or the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch has the voice of a Spartan Warrior dipped in Chocolate and Manliness (it’s that one) but I’m really excited about this movie. Really excited…. and I’m a little freaked out by that, because (once more) not a trekkie.

So there you have it interfriends! The ten movies I’m most looking forward to this year! Here’s hoping I (like so many great Pokemon trainers before me) catch them all. Check back on Monday when I finally get around to reviewing Les Miserables and confront my inner hatred for Amanda Siegfried.

So it’s late and I can’t sleep but am at a good stopping point for my “serious writing” projects… so guess what time it is??

Micah Goes Random!! 

Recently my wife and I marathoned our way through Downton Abbey. Marathon apparently doesn’t have a past tense so I made one up. I marathon, you marathon, he marathoned. Get over it. Marathoning (also not a word) is really the best way to watch TV shows. I hate waiting a week between episodes. It’s like watching a REALLY long movie but you have the advantage of having long breaks programmed into the movie every hour. All that to say that in a 48 hour period my wife and I watched however many episodes were in season 2. (Yes it was a weekend). Right in the middle of this Marathon we went and watched The Dark Knight Rises which led me to this conclusion: If I could pick one place on Earth where I would be the least likely to meet Batman, it would be Downton Abbey.

First off none of the people in this house can keep a secret to save their souls…

I just can’t picture Matthew Crawley walking out of the grand double doors of Downton and then having the camera pan up to reveal Batman wrapped around one of the pillars glowering down at him. Of course the fact that it’s the least likely place to find Batman probably means Batman has his underground lair right underneath it. After I realized that I spent the last four episodes looking for Batman… which is probably why he wasn’t there… Cause if I thought he was there, because I didn’t think he was there then… Man… I think I just broke my brain.

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Did you see that guy who blew that golf tournament? Yeah me neither. I heard about though which is just about the only way I interact with professional golf. I feel like we need to spice it up a little bit. What if we took the spectators and scattered them randomly along the fairway, then when the golfer’s golfed (why does that sound like something Dora the Explorer would yell?) they would not only have to try and get it in the hole, but they would have to try and avoid hitting innocent bystanders? Now THAT I would watch.

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My wife is an exceedingly wonderful woman who has to put up with a lot (namely me). Which (among other things) occasionally involves me wasting my time cavalierly saving people, who do not actually exist at all. Lately this has manifested in my playing of Amazing Spiderman (the video game). I’ll probably talk more in depth about this on Thursday but for now all you need to know is that last night I jumped off of the highest building in New York, swung on my web twice, and landed with hawk like precision on the shoulders of an unsuspecting mugger. Yup. I’m pretty sweet.

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Ya know how they used to have a secret red phone in the White House that was a direct link to the President of Russia, or whatever? I recently discovered a secret phone hidden in the maintenance closet. It’s brown. I’m gonna let your imaginations finish that joke.

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So they finally released a trailer for the new Superman movie. For those of you not in know (i.e. Normal people with social lives), this movie is directed by Zach Snyder who you might remember as that guy who directed 300. I don’t mind Snyder but let’s all remember that he also directed Sucker Punch a weird movie that somehow wasn’t awesome despite having a plot consisting mainly of  “hot, crazy girls fight robots using Samurai swords.”

Anyway, this might be the least informative trailer ever created as all I can surmise at this point is Superman is a hitchhiker and mind numbingly good looking. Also Russell Crowe says some inspirational things about mankind. Apparently Snyder also stole the soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings which seems like a really odd thing to do. I mean everyone knows that’s the soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings, right? Everyone?

One of these things just doesn’t belong… let’s see… which of us is wearing our underwear on the outside?

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Now that the Summer Comic book movies are over, where does DC Comics go from here?

Well… Nowhere good. Here’s the thing with DC there characters have never really taken off like Marvel’s (the other big comic book company) have and as such most of their characters are either dumb or super obvious rip-offs of Marvel characters.

For instance: The Justice League (DC’s attempt to be the Avengrers) primarily consist of: Green-Lantern (dumb), Superman (classic but… kind of dumb), Wonder Woman (sexist and dumb), Batman (awesome), and a bunch of other kind of lame Super-heroes that no one remembers. So when DC says “hey we’re totally gonna make a Justice League movie!!” You can see why I’m not exactly jumping for joy.

Anyway… right now DC is banking on Superman next summer, maybe a wonder-woman movie, maybe another Green-Lantern movie, and maybe some other movie about something else I probably won’t care that much about. I miss Batman.

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Now that the Summer Comic book movies are over, where does Marvel go from here?

Sequel land of course!! Spider-man, Ironman, Thor, Wolverine, X-men, and Captain America will all be having sequels in development as the next year or two go by. As far as new movies go they are making a… gulp… Ant-man movie… ew… I’m gonna go wash my hands. And a “Guardians of the Galaxy” movie. I googled “Guardians of the Galaxy” cause I had never heard of them before and google called me a nerd and tried to send me to match.com. Then I googled “Ant-man” and google threw up on my keyboard.

Ant-man is a hero who can grow or shrink at will and has a cont… yeah I don’t care.

Yeah… he’s that kind of dumb.

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Thanks for reading this randomnicity readers! I’ll see ya Thursday!!