Posts Tagged ‘La La Land’

Hello Internet, so I’m (once again) all locked and loaded and full of sickness upon this night. I’m like the worlds worst Panini. Just a buch of germs crammed into a bread… for some reason. Anyway, given the fact that I am riddled with disease, I’m gonna punch that old, worn button near the command console and crank out a quick box office top ten, before collapsing into my bed and (for lack of a better word) dying.

Box Office Top Ten 1/26/2017

Number 10: The Bye Bye Man

Something something: it’s a horror movie. It’s being released in January. That’s all you really need to know about this. Horror is a VERY hit and miss genre and January is where Hollywood hides its misses. And speaking of misses:

Number 9: Sleepless

sleeplessl

In case you can’t read it the tag line there is: “Don’t Judge a Cop by his Cover.” That’s all you need to know about Sleepless.

 

Jamie Foxx stars as Liam Neeson from Taken, in a movie called Sleepless that has no plot, tons of violence, and no reason to exist.

Number 8: Patriots Day

Mark Wahlberg stars in this based on a true story movie about the Patriots day bombing in Boston. By all accounts it’s a good(albeit very cliché)’based on a true story’ movie. This is the second one of these movies Mark Wahlberg has starred in over the last 6 months which leads to the question: Does Hollywood think Mark Wahlberg is what real people look like?? Cause I’ve got news for you Hollywood… it isn’t. I mean he could definitely play me in my life story, cause we look VERY similar. I assure you. But the average, unattractive, pizza repositories of the masses?? Not so much.

Number 7: Monster Trucks

Literally the laziest idea possible for a movie. Like a 4 year old scribbled onto his dads idea notebook “Trucks+monster??” And that’s what his dad pitched. And somehow this became a movie.

mtrucks

Yup… this is a real movie.

 

Number 6: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Look, if you haven’t seen Rogue One yet… what are you doing? Who are you??? Why do you read this blog wherein I talk about virtually nothing BUT Star Wars??

Number 5: La La Land

So I think we can officially say La La Land is a real good movie, and not just an “Oscar nominated” movie. Great cast, awesome music, if you happen to live near one of the 5 theaters La La Land is playing at you should totally check it out.

Number 4: Sing

This is the only real kids movie in theaters at this point and it is (in the words of Socrates) totally fine.

Number 3: Hidden Figures

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This is (with no sarcasm) a very good movie.

 

Actually, this is probably the best movie on this particular list that hasn’t already been in theaters a while. Great cast, good storyline, it’s even (dare we say it) culturally relevant. If you’re in the mood for a more thinky film this is the one I recommend.

Number 2: xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Look, this movie is exactly what we thought it would be: dumb fun. With a little bit more dumb, than fun. It’s still fun… but it’s real dumb. Just be aware of that.

Number 1: Split

Look… Split is not a good movie. It’s about 2/3rds of a good movie, but in typical M. Night Shamalon fashion (yes I know I misspelled his name, no I do not care.) He’s gotten all the ingredients together for a good movie, but hasn’t actually made one. Now, it’s worth mentioning that James McAvoy turns in a fantastic performance here and that alone is reason enough to watch this but… the last act of this movie just kinda falls apart. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s not a good movie. It’s a movie with a LOT of potential, and a great performance by the only cast member who really matters, but it does stumble across the finish line more than a little bit.

And there you have it friends: that done. I shall be returning to my cavern now. Fare thee well.

Hey guys, and happy Thursdays! And congratulations on making it to December guys! We did it. Cause I’m not gonna lie to you guys: 2016 was a little bit the worst. Just… just real bad. Bad stuff happened. A lot. Repeatedly. And just when you thought we had finally hit rock bottom as a culture that bottom fell out from under us and we fell to a new, infinitely worse bottom. But we’re almost done guys, and this is (traditionally) at least a fairly easy part of the year to make it through. Just blast that Christmas music, eat those Christmas cookies, and just coast to 2017. Now let’s just hop right in this here mailbag and see what dear old life has dealt us this month!

Hey Micah, so what did you think of Gilmore Girls? – Nancy H.

gilmore-girls-key

Cause Girls just want to have snow….

 

Oh Nancy… look… I thought it was pretty good. I’m glad it exists. It had problems though. For instance: The third episode. An entire musical play that went on for (and I timed this) four thousand years. Like… the joke was that it was really bad and I got that it was really bad about three seconds in. I didn’t need a full 20 minutes of badness. I got the joke. But seriously: It was good. I could sit here and pick nits and talk about the story threads the show forgot about, the really weird Keifer Sutherland thing, the fact that (when you think about) this whole thing really only needed to be a two hour movie. But in the end: we got the Gilmore Girls reunion we had always wanted. And it was pretty good.

So as a fellow fan of the CW super hero shows what do you think of the The crossover episodes? – Johnathon

Well I haven’t seen the last episode of it Johnathon, but I honestly have really enjoyed it. For those of you who don’t know: the CW shows (The Flash, Supergirl, Arrow, and Legends of Tomorrow) have had a huge crossover event where they’re fighting VERY uninteresting looking aliens. It’s honestly been pretty great! The characters work well together, the storylines have been interesting, the only real low point were the parts of the Arrow episode that focused on the minor characters in that show, because the minor characters in that show are at their absolute best: very boring, and more often than not just plain annoying. Anyway, it’s a cool idea and I’m glad they did it and I really hope they do it again sometime soon. Bravo. Brava. Bravisimo.

Did you see the new poster for Alien Covenant? What did you think? – Kyle

alien-covenant-poster

Run… to the Dentist.

 

I mean… I guess yay?? I love/like/tolerate the Alien franchise depending entirely on which movie we’re watching at the time. I’m sure I will do one of those things where this movie is concerned. At least this confirms that there will be the traditional Alien and not whatever super skinny/angry Michelin man monster that attacked the crew the last time we did this. I feel like Ridley Scott isn’t crazy in touch with what makes his movies good or not good. He just kind of runs in and does things and sometimes it works out great (The Martian being the most recent example) and sometimes it does not (Prometheus .) So basically: it’s a crap shoot. Though if (as rumors say) the movie focuses on Ridley’s (the main character from most of the franchises) mom I will be super upset. Why do we feel the need to make monsters intimately acquainted with the entire family tree? I miss the older, simpler times when aliens just murdered random people cause that’s how monsters work, not because they met your mom once at a Costco and she took the last can of Who-hash.

So you can download things from Netflix now to watch later! How cool is that? – Micah

I mean… sure?? I guess. Yay? Apparently I cared enough to write and ask for my opinion but now that we get down to it… yeah I don’t really care. This will come in handy once in a great while when I’m… I don’t know… downhill skiing?? But like… every time I’m not in wi-fi I don’t constantly pine for the warm embrace of Netflix. That’s what books are for. I mean, people. That’s what people are for…. But also mostly books.

Are you excited for La La Land? – Jess

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If these two ever start dating their couple name would be Stone-sling. And I fully support that.

 

I don’t know Jess… I was excited for La La Land, I mean a musical with Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling? Absolutely, sign me up. But then it started getting nominated for every snooty-award ever and now I’m not so sure. All the sudden I feel it may have entered what I like to call “The Artist Zone.” You guys remember The Artist right? It came out in 2011 and was a really cool idea of like throwing things back to the old silent films days and oh my goodness the praises that were heaped up on it. The awards that it won! The number of times people said “this is a throwback to the olden golden days” “it will transport you to when movies mattered” “I watched The Artist and it cured my common cold” all that stuff. But in the end The Artists wasn’t actually a good movie. It was just a movie that people who watch movies felt the need to say was a good movie. Because it was snooty. No one would watch The Artist nowadays. If I downloaded The Artist from Netflix onto your iPad (cause you can now apparently) you would not watch it. It wasn’t really good, it was just a snooty movie for snooty people and snooty people are the ones writing the articles and handing out the awards.

I’m kind of getting that same vibe from La La Land. Everyone keeps talking about how it “transports them back” and “it’s a movie that says something about art” and things, and I just don’t know if it’s a movie that will actually be good anymore. It certainly COULD be good. I love the cast, and I love the sort of golden age of Hollywood musicals a lot! But I’m not as excited I was before it started reminding me of The Artist.

And there you go guys! Thanks for readin, I’ll see you next week, and just keep on cruisin’ through that last month!