Posts Tagged ‘Kingsman: The Golden Circle’

Well hey audience! Welcome back to another thrilling entry in our beloved yet long forgotten series: Judging Covers, wherein I (your beloved and benevolent host) watch a bunch of trailers and then jump to ridiculous conclusions based on them.

IT

This is a VERY scary trailer. Be advised.

Sweet baby chains that looks terrifying doesn’t it? I mean why did you watch that? How will you ever be a rambunctious 80’s child without being terrified of awful clown men?? I’m still not entirely sure how much like the book this movie is going to be, because the book didn’t really go all scary clown all the time. There was more than enough scary clown mind you, but just not ALL scary clown. I’ve typed scary clown to many times guys. It’s starting to wig me out. Why am I talking about them again? Oh yeah. It. Looks terrifying but I will probably watch it on account of… why AM I gonna watch that? What has Stephen King done for me lately?? Has he scared that one clown that keeps showing up in my backyard away?? Has HE been responsible for Idris Elba having awesome cowboy guns and reloading them in the dopest way imaginable?? Oh wait… he did do that one didn’t he?

Blade Runner 2049

I was genuinely just set to not be excited about this movie and just let the warm and vague memories I have of the original Blade Runner keep me warm in the night time… but that trailer actually looked VERY good. Like… almost unnaturally good. Ford looks great, Gosling’s character seems to have some interesting things to do, and Jared Leto playing that one weird guy he always plays seems like it’s gonna actually work this time! I don’t WANT to be excited for this… but I very much am.

Kingsman The Golden Circle

Look, the first movie in this series was… more or less fine. It existed. It tried to strike a weird balance between making constant fun of James Bond movies and how dumb they were, while at the same time definitely being one of those movies. It was fun in its own weird way and I’m excited about the addition of Pedro Pascal and Channing Tatum’s one facial expression. My guess is this will be exactly as entertaining as the first one which is to say: marginally entertaining if you like this sort of hyper-action style of movie. So that was… helpful??? I guess.

Star Wars The Last Jedi

All right guys, it’s time for the big show! The Last Jedi… or maybe The Last Jedi(s)?? Hard to say. It’s a classic sort of deer/deer(s) scenario except with lightsabers and the constantly miserable face of Adam Driver and that tiny scar he got from when Rey cut most of his face off. Or something. Anyway, I’m all in on the Rey/Luke training montage that I’m pretty sure will make up most of this movie. It’ll be set up against the VERY different training of Kylo Ren and his master Gollum. I mean Snoke. While this is going on our noble but not as powerful friends Po and Dipsy will set about saving the galaxy from whatever it is that guy from Harry Potter is doing this time. And that’s what’s going to happen in the Last Jedi… except for the parts I made up for humor… And cause I don’t actually have any idea what’s gonna happen in The Last Jedi.

Well thanks for coming along with me on this magical journey to the made up future audience! Check back in next week when I review Guardians of the Galaxy and then… do something else. That I will make up at the time.

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