Posts Tagged ‘July 4th’

Well hey everyone, welcome to Monday, happy July, and (for those to whom it applies) Happy Beaver Awareness Day—I mean Canada Day. Sure we’re mostly talking about Independence Day today, but we would be remiss to not mention our friendly neighbors to the North, they’re friendly Moose population, and there hilarious habit of calling couches Chesterfields. So happy Canada Day, Canada! Be proud, be loud, and try desperately not to freeze to death.All right, enough of that. Let’s focus on America, the very country that this very blog is very written from. America is awesome, and the day upon which it was founded is not to be taken lightly without first acknowledging that the freedom we enjoy here is one of the most remarkable things in the History of humanity. We should all be very grateful to the men and women who have sacrificed (and continue to sacrifice) everything for the incredible freedoms that we enjoy. All of that said: here’s some thoughts I might have had on July 4th.


Even Walt Disney takes a day on July 4th to set off some fireworks... what's that? They do that all the time anyway? Oh... nevermind.

Even Walt Disney takes a day on July 4th to set off some fireworks… what’s that? They do that all the time anyway? Oh… nevermind.

My first thought is that technically speaking America became Independent on July 2nd. July 4th was the day that we declared our independence, but it was on July 2nd that we actually signed a resolution of Independence. Even John Adams (founding father and legendary dude on Beer bottles) thought that: “The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America.” This is like if I had a tiny teeny Timmy-baby on the first of December but waited a few days before I told anyone while I had the baby immunized against Dragon-isimus. I told you on the 3rd  because that is when I happened to get around to telling you. For YEARS my baby would be saying “It’s my birthday!!” And I would have to say “Well actually Timmy-tom-thomas this is just the day I happened to decide to tell people you were born.” And there would be a lot of confusion every year when people set off fireworks two days after Timmy-tomb-tomalot was born. What?  

But whatever, sometimes you just have to deal with the deal you’re dealt. Let’s just take a few minutes though and look at some famous July 4th celebrations!

Did you know that since 1916 Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney, Island has held a celebratory eating contest on July 4th? According to a hilarious legend the contest was started because 4 immigrants were attempting to decide who was the most patriotic and obviously the best way to do this was by seeing who could eat the most! This would be like deciding that the best way to show who the biggest Doctor Who fan was would be to see who could run into a bear the fastest.

Every year since 1970 Atlanta, Georgia has held its annual Peachtree Road Race, a 10 kilometer run that celebrates the famous 10 kilometer run of umm… Sir Beagle… Bigmonkey who ran a—okay yeah it doesn’t actually relate to July 4th at all.

Since 1868 Seward, Nebraska has held a celebration in the towns small square. In 1979 the city of Seward was made “America’s Official Fourth of July City-Small Town USA” by an act of Congress who apparently had absolutely nothing better to do that day then decide what America’s “Official City-Small Town USA” would be.   

See this sounds like a great idea but now some person has to be the jerk who takes apart the flag just cause he's hungry!

See this sounds like a great idea but now some person has to be the jerk who takes apart the flag just cause he’s hungry!

And now on to the grand finale!! What say we take a look at some other famous July 4th’s throughout the history of the world!!

On July 4th, 993 Saint Ulrich of Augsburg was canonized!! Which is not to be confused with Saint Unrich of Augsburg who on the very same day (in a tragic but delicious clerical error) was Carmelized.

On July 4th, 1456 a battle known as the Siege of Nandorfeqhervar began. The siege was short-lived though as the Ottomons were rebuffed by the idea of having to spell Nandorfeqhervar on there “wish you were here” postcards.

In 1754 George Washington surrendered Fort Necessity to the French. After the battle it was discovered that shortly before surrendering Washington re-named the fort: Fort Kind-of-but-not-really-Completely-a-Necessity.

And finally on July 4th 1879 The Anglo-Zulu war came to an end when the British invaded Zululand (no for real) and forced King Cetshwayo to flee the country. There’s really nothing funny here, I just wanted to type Zululand.

And there you have it friends! Have a happy Fourth of July, celebrate your freedom, and the wonderful land that we’ve been blessed with!

(On a far less patriotic not I will not be posting Thursday (for obvious reasons) so check back on Friday as I (hopefully) finally get around to reviewing Man of Steel.