Posts Tagged ‘judging trailers’

Well hey audience! Welcome back to another thrilling entry in our beloved yet long forgotten series: Judging Covers, wherein I (your beloved and benevolent host) watch a bunch of trailers and then jump to ridiculous conclusions based on them.

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This is a VERY scary trailer. Be advised.

Sweet baby chains that looks terrifying doesn’t it? I mean why did you watch that? How will you ever be a rambunctious 80’s child without being terrified of awful clown men?? I’m still not entirely sure how much like the book this movie is going to be, because the book didn’t really go all scary clown all the time. There was more than enough scary clown mind you, but just not ALL scary clown. I’ve typed scary clown to many times guys. It’s starting to wig me out. Why am I talking about them again? Oh yeah. It. Looks terrifying but I will probably watch it on account of… why AM I gonna watch that? What has Stephen King done for me lately?? Has he scared that one clown that keeps showing up in my backyard away?? Has HE been responsible for Idris Elba having awesome cowboy guns and reloading them in the dopest way imaginable?? Oh wait… he did do that one didn’t he?

Blade Runner 2049

I was genuinely just set to not be excited about this movie and just let the warm and vague memories I have of the original Blade Runner keep me warm in the night time… but that trailer actually looked VERY good. Like… almost unnaturally good. Ford looks great, Gosling’s character seems to have some interesting things to do, and Jared Leto playing that one weird guy he always plays seems like it’s gonna actually work this time! I don’t WANT to be excited for this… but I very much am.

Kingsman The Golden Circle

Look, the first movie in this series was… more or less fine. It existed. It tried to strike a weird balance between making constant fun of James Bond movies and how dumb they were, while at the same time definitely being one of those movies. It was fun in its own weird way and I’m excited about the addition of Pedro Pascal and Channing Tatum’s one facial expression. My guess is this will be exactly as entertaining as the first one which is to say: marginally entertaining if you like this sort of hyper-action style of movie. So that was… helpful??? I guess.

Star Wars The Last Jedi

All right guys, it’s time for the big show! The Last Jedi… or maybe The Last Jedi(s)?? Hard to say. It’s a classic sort of deer/deer(s) scenario except with lightsabers and the constantly miserable face of Adam Driver and that tiny scar he got from when Rey cut most of his face off. Or something. Anyway, I’m all in on the Rey/Luke training montage that I’m pretty sure will make up most of this movie. It’ll be set up against the VERY different training of Kylo Ren and his master Gollum. I mean Snoke. While this is going on our noble but not as powerful friends Po and Dipsy will set about saving the galaxy from whatever it is that guy from Harry Potter is doing this time. And that’s what’s going to happen in the Last Jedi… except for the parts I made up for humor… And cause I don’t actually have any idea what’s gonna happen in The Last Jedi.

Well thanks for coming along with me on this magical journey to the made up future audience! Check back in next week when I review Guardians of the Galaxy and then… do something else. That I will make up at the time.

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Internet!! Great gatsby but it’s been a huge week for trailers!! And where have I been you ask? Where have I, your noble and wisdom filled guide been while you floundered in a sea of trailers?? I don’t know… here and there… doing stuff… the usual.

But regardless of my eery and unexplained absence from the blog on Tuesday, I’m here now, so rest your weary and worry filled heads upon my blog bosoms, Internet. And let us heal (and watch some trailers) together.

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Comic-con is watching you!! 

Doctor Strange 

Look, there’s not a ton else I can say about this one except for: Holy son of purple capes I am excited for this!! I mean Cumberbatch, Ejiofor, magic entering the Marvel Cinematic Universe, this whole thing is gonna be absolutely fantastic. I’m all in. I’m beyond all in, I took my all in out, then put it all back in again and I shook it ALL about.

Wonder Woman

Okay so, yes, Batman V Superman was… underwhelming. And scattered. And grim. And frankly just kinda dumb. But, Wonder Woman was on of its better parts, and this trailer looks great! World War 1 is an awesome setting, Chris Pine will be great, and the movie looks like it might finally be a departure from Zach Snyder’s grim gritty grit grit style of storytelling. That said, I’ve officially hit the “I’ll believe when I see it” point with DC movies. They’re gonna have to make something that is legitimately good before I get too excited about any of their movies from here on out. You’ve hurt me DC… you’ve hurt me bad… and only you can fix it.

Justice League

Does anyone get the feeling that someone is walking around the set of this movie, slapping Zach Snyder’s wrist overtime he says anything about “darker” or “frown more” or “let’s have Batman kill a ton of people for no reason.” I mean this looks good guys. Affleck is in full on charming Affleck mode, Ezra Miller seems to do a good Barry Allen, Jason Momoa basically IS Aquaman so, what’s not to like??? Oh yeah, that’s right: DC can’t make good movies!! Look, maybe this is the turning point, I mean it certainly could be, right? It LOOKS like they fixed some of the problems from Batman V Superman… but as stated above, at this point the impetus is on DC to prove they can do this well.

Kong: Skull Island

So… it’s okay that I don’t care about this right?? Cause I’m pretty sure I don’t. I mean, whatever, the cast looks good, and umm… I mean someone gave King Kong just ALL the steroids apparently but, I’m pretty sure I still don’t care. Hang on… checking… nope. Don’t care.

The Great Wall

So, don’t take this the wrong way but… what are all these white people doing in Ancient China?? Also, yes I’m aware that this wasn’t a comic-con trailer, but it was either this or the VERY generic looking King Arthur movie and as little as I cared about Skull Island I care about that WAY less. So anyway, this looks… like a thing. I mean… this could be good right?? That said: it comes out in February. And if we’ve learned one thing over the years I’ve been running this blog it’s that, every movie (even movies that could be good) sucks in February. So I don’t know… it’ll probably be interesting at least, Matt Damon, monsters, the great wall of China, plus whatever weird half baked excuse we come up with to explain all the white people! I’d pay ten dollars just to see that!!

So there you go guys!! We did it, we made it!! Together. Like we were always meant to! Check back next Tuesday when I reach into the old mailbag, and pull out some old mail questions!! I mean… new questions. (email thoughtswemighthavehad@gmail.com with yours!)

Well hey guys, and welcome to another incredible episode of a series in which I make snap judgements about things, that I do not have all the information about, and into which I have put no research… so basically every post. This also marks the end of a week in which I posted twice (the right number of posts) but managed to do those two posts on other days then I am supposed to do them. This is a lot like doing the right thing for the wrong reasons except in this case it’s doing the right thing for the wrong reasons at the wrong time for the right purpose. So put that in your little hat and smoke it.

But enough useless extemporaneousing, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes of this blog: Wild and unfounded speculation.

Judging Covers 12-4-2015 

Captain America: Civil War

Ah, now see that’s just great. I’m very excited for this movie because (hopefully) it’s a VERY different direction for the Marvel franchise. This isn’t just another “Oh no someone’s trying to destroy the world, with an ancient weapon from the dawn of time and a spatula.” This is a real, personal story about a group of people with very similar goals but very disparate ways of achieving those goals… And also lots of  people punching each other. But mostly just that first thing.

This trailer also gives us our first look at the sweet sweet Black Panther costume, which is (as previously mentioned) pretty dang sweet. I’m gonna talk a little more about this trailer after I’m done with the next one so I don’t want to use all my ammunition early but this looks like a real solid movie. It has a very similar feel to Captain America: Winter Soldier which was really solid and just felt more ground level than Age of Ultron (which I loved) but for a smaller scale story, I think the Winter Soldier style fits a lot better. I’m very excited for this movie and this trailer only made me more excited. And now… for that other one.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice 

So… is it just me or is that the entire movie we just watched?? Cause I kind of feel like it was the entire movie. I mean… look let’s not get ahead of ourselves, this could still be a good movie. But… that was the plot of the movie. Batman and Superman meet they don’t like each other, they have different ideologies, here comes Lex Luthor who wants Batman to fight Superman, Batman fights Superman, they realize maybe they’re not that different and should have hugs and kittens and puppies and not fight, so Lex Luthor makes Doomsday and sends him to kill Superman… and then Wonder Woman shows up. Sooooo yeah… that’s the movie.

Look I hate that this blog always makes me sound like a DC hater and a Marvel… appreciater. But DC just gave away the entire plot of their movie and the one thing we weren’t sure was going to happen (Doomsday showing up) in like… the second trailer for the movie? Whereas Marvel just put out a great trailer that left a lot of things unanswered but highlighted the interesting and (hopefully) different plot points of this movie. None of that is to say BvS will be bad, or that Civil War will be good, these are (after all) just trailers. But isn’t it probably a bad thing that I just summarized what is 99% likely the plot of Batman vs. Superman after watching a 3 minute trailer? Sure, there could be some crazy twist in there that no one will see coming but… probably not. Maybe Aquaman shows up and kills Doomsday with Sharks or something I don’t know, but I kinda doubt it.

I mean, look, to a certain point every movies plot is fairly predictable; especially a movie like Batman 5 Superman. You can’t have Batman kill Superman with Kryptonite and then move on to found a successful line of Bat-bakeries. They’re going to fight, then they’re probably going to team up. But I’m pretty sure I didn’t need that 100% confirmed. At least leave me thinking you MIGHT mix it up.

I realize comic book movies mostly make money on the ways in which dudes punch other dudes (or dude-etts) in their various facial reasons but you’ve got to at least TRY and have an unpredictable plot right?? So maybe this will still be a good movie, and hey Eisenberg and Affleck really looked awesome in their respective new roles so I’m excited for that. Also, can someone explain to me why Superman seems to now have adopted the constant facial expression of a man who has too recently changed a dirty diaper?? I’m just asking.

Okay so those were the big trailers, and me writing long paragraphs about things that I probably have entirely misunderstood, but before we leave; before I send you off like babes into the wild wild world without these walls let’s just take ourselves a second and watch a VERY well done trailer for a movie for which I am VERY excited.

A Monster Calls 

Ah… wasn’t that great?? Doesn’t it just cleanse your pallet after listening to me gripe about ‘Batman 5 Superman: Let the Money Roll Over You.’ I’m super excited for this movie, and for spending a solid hour and a half of theater times covered in the smooth, dulcet, chocolaty, tones of Mr. Liam Neeson. Goodnight everyone, and God bless.

Hey America… and other countries, and welcome to Thursday. It’s been a while since I did a Judging Covers post but with all the new trailers dropping from the hands of the Movie lords I figured this would be a good time to wipe the dust off of my incredibly judgmental glasses and talk about some movies purely based on the stuff in their trailers. Per usual, all these trailers are available on youtube or the movie trailer watching site of your choice.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

That’s right folks: Transformers 4: Putting the Stink back into Extinction. I hung with the transformers series for a long time even after the dripping mass of dirty laundry and angry muskrats that was Transformers 2 I believed that Michael Bay could pull off something entertaining with Transformers 3… and the he did not. At all. The sad thing is that I really like Mark Wahlberg, but even the prettiest girl in the world would smell of old cheese after being thrown headfirst into a melted vat of Limburger. The trailer seems to hit all the “bad Transformers movie” checkboxes. Obligatory hot girl in short shorts who can’t act, FBI guy who is a villain (but probably joins the good guys by the end), Scientist who doesn’t think we need transformers, screamy shot of Optimus Prime, etc. Not only does this look like a bad movie, it looks like the same bad movie we’ve already seen twice.

Annie

A trailer that just came out yesterday, the new Annie seems to be poised to make all of our childhood memories well up inside us like emotional gastrointestinal problems!– ew. Sorry… no idea what happened there. Umm– Cameron Diaz as Mrs. Hannigan seems like an odd choice but at this point Cameron Diaz is an odd choice to play a non-speaking character in a Geico commercial, so I guess I can’t be to thrown by this. Jamie Foxx seems charming and the little girl playing Annie looks face punchingly adorable so this movie will probably be all the things we want it to be, even if we just want it to be a fun new take on a very old story.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier 

There are about twenty different trailers out for this movie and it is officially starting to get on my wife’s nerves. It’s hard to disagree with her though, I mean, we all know Captain America is the worst of the Avenger’s super-heroes but at this point it just feel like he’s standing behind the Hulk jumping up and down, waving his arms, and desperately begging us to give him some attention. I’m already at least somewhat intrigued by this movie but am unlikely to get more excited no matter how many times Marvel shows me an aircraft carrier on fire. Calm down, Marvel. It’s gonna be okay.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

Godzilla 

Godzilla’s first full trailer hit the internet last week and pretty much cleared up nothing at all about the movie. Godzilla will be big and will punch things, Aaron Taylor-Johnson is going to make an “oh no” face a lot, and then there’s some other guy who looks like a shaggy haired Robert Redford who seems to mostly be in the movie so he can over act really badly. I’m not saying Godzilla will be a bad movie (it probably won’t be) but it also isn’t really making me think it’s going to be a good movie. So far the trailers could be summarized by just saying “hey look at all this broken stuff!!!” And just having a bunch of cities get smashed doesn’t really make a good movie, right Man of Steel??? (glares at Superman)

Guardians of the Galaxy 

Ah, the sweet sweet scent of an awesome trailer. Guardians of the Galaxy looks like it’s shaping up to be an awesome new entry in Marvel’s already awesome universe. The movie just looks so distinct and seems like it’s going to land right in that sweetspot between “not taking itself too seriously” while also being a big action movie with a decent amount of heart. The cast looks great, the script seems sharp, and the action looks significantly big and explosiony. I’m pretty much all in on this one from here on out and (while there’s still a chance I’m wrong) this trailer only encourages my belief that we could be looking at something special here.

I was gonna put "your welcome" down here but Marvel already did. That's the kind of movie we're talking about here folks.

I was gonna put “your welcome” down here but Marvel already did. That’s the kind of movie we’re talking about here folks.

And there you have it guys!! Thanks for checking in and we will see you next week!