Posts Tagged ‘Judging Covers’

Well hey audience! Welcome back to another thrilling entry in our beloved yet long forgotten series: Judging Covers, wherein I (your beloved and benevolent host) watch a bunch of trailers and then jump to ridiculous conclusions based on them.


This is a VERY scary trailer. Be advised.

Sweet baby chains that looks terrifying doesn’t it? I mean why did you watch that? How will you ever be a rambunctious 80’s child without being terrified of awful clown men?? I’m still not entirely sure how much like the book this movie is going to be, because the book didn’t really go all scary clown all the time. There was more than enough scary clown mind you, but just not ALL scary clown. I’ve typed scary clown to many times guys. It’s starting to wig me out. Why am I talking about them again? Oh yeah. It. Looks terrifying but I will probably watch it on account of… why AM I gonna watch that? What has Stephen King done for me lately?? Has he scared that one clown that keeps showing up in my backyard away?? Has HE been responsible for Idris Elba having awesome cowboy guns and reloading them in the dopest way imaginable?? Oh wait… he did do that one didn’t he?

Blade Runner 2049

I was genuinely just set to not be excited about this movie and just let the warm and vague memories I have of the original Blade Runner keep me warm in the night time… but that trailer actually looked VERY good. Like… almost unnaturally good. Ford looks great, Gosling’s character seems to have some interesting things to do, and Jared Leto playing that one weird guy he always plays seems like it’s gonna actually work this time! I don’t WANT to be excited for this… but I very much am.

Kingsman The Golden Circle

Look, the first movie in this series was… more or less fine. It existed. It tried to strike a weird balance between making constant fun of James Bond movies and how dumb they were, while at the same time definitely being one of those movies. It was fun in its own weird way and I’m excited about the addition of Pedro Pascal and Channing Tatum’s one facial expression. My guess is this will be exactly as entertaining as the first one which is to say: marginally entertaining if you like this sort of hyper-action style of movie. So that was… helpful??? I guess.

Star Wars The Last Jedi

All right guys, it’s time for the big show! The Last Jedi… or maybe The Last Jedi(s)?? Hard to say. It’s a classic sort of deer/deer(s) scenario except with lightsabers and the constantly miserable face of Adam Driver and that tiny scar he got from when Rey cut most of his face off. Or something. Anyway, I’m all in on the Rey/Luke training montage that I’m pretty sure will make up most of this movie. It’ll be set up against the VERY different training of Kylo Ren and his master Gollum. I mean Snoke. While this is going on our noble but not as powerful friends Po and Dipsy will set about saving the galaxy from whatever it is that guy from Harry Potter is doing this time. And that’s what’s going to happen in the Last Jedi… except for the parts I made up for humor… And cause I don’t actually have any idea what’s gonna happen in The Last Jedi.

Well thanks for coming along with me on this magical journey to the made up future audience! Check back in next week when I review Guardians of the Galaxy and then… do something else. That I will make up at the time.

Internet!! Great gatsby but it’s been a huge week for trailers!! And where have I been you ask? Where have I, your noble and wisdom filled guide been while you floundered in a sea of trailers?? I don’t know… here and there… doing stuff… the usual.

But regardless of my eery and unexplained absence from the blog on Tuesday, I’m here now, so rest your weary and worry filled heads upon my blog bosoms, Internet. And let us heal (and watch some trailers) together.


Comic-con is watching you!! 

Doctor Strange 

Look, there’s not a ton else I can say about this one except for: Holy son of purple capes I am excited for this!! I mean Cumberbatch, Ejiofor, magic entering the Marvel Cinematic Universe, this whole thing is gonna be absolutely fantastic. I’m all in. I’m beyond all in, I took my all in out, then put it all back in again and I shook it ALL about.

Wonder Woman

Okay so, yes, Batman V Superman was… underwhelming. And scattered. And grim. And frankly just kinda dumb. But, Wonder Woman was on of its better parts, and this trailer looks great! World War 1 is an awesome setting, Chris Pine will be great, and the movie looks like it might finally be a departure from Zach Snyder’s grim gritty grit grit style of storytelling. That said, I’ve officially hit the “I’ll believe when I see it” point with DC movies. They’re gonna have to make something that is legitimately good before I get too excited about any of their movies from here on out. You’ve hurt me DC… you’ve hurt me bad… and only you can fix it.

Justice League

Does anyone get the feeling that someone is walking around the set of this movie, slapping Zach Snyder’s wrist overtime he says anything about “darker” or “frown more” or “let’s have Batman kill a ton of people for no reason.” I mean this looks good guys. Affleck is in full on charming Affleck mode, Ezra Miller seems to do a good Barry Allen, Jason Momoa basically IS Aquaman so, what’s not to like??? Oh yeah, that’s right: DC can’t make good movies!! Look, maybe this is the turning point, I mean it certainly could be, right? It LOOKS like they fixed some of the problems from Batman V Superman… but as stated above, at this point the impetus is on DC to prove they can do this well.

Kong: Skull Island

So… it’s okay that I don’t care about this right?? Cause I’m pretty sure I don’t. I mean, whatever, the cast looks good, and umm… I mean someone gave King Kong just ALL the steroids apparently but, I’m pretty sure I still don’t care. Hang on… checking… nope. Don’t care.

The Great Wall

So, don’t take this the wrong way but… what are all these white people doing in Ancient China?? Also, yes I’m aware that this wasn’t a comic-con trailer, but it was either this or the VERY generic looking King Arthur movie and as little as I cared about Skull Island I care about that WAY less. So anyway, this looks… like a thing. I mean… this could be good right?? That said: it comes out in February. And if we’ve learned one thing over the years I’ve been running this blog it’s that, every movie (even movies that could be good) sucks in February. So I don’t know… it’ll probably be interesting at least, Matt Damon, monsters, the great wall of China, plus whatever weird half baked excuse we come up with to explain all the white people! I’d pay ten dollars just to see that!!

So there you go guys!! We did it, we made it!! Together. Like we were always meant to! Check back next Tuesday when I reach into the old mailbag, and pull out some old mail questions!! I mean… new questions. (email with yours!)

Well hey guys, and welcome to another incredible episode of a series in which I make snap judgements about things, that I do not have all the information about, and into which I have put no research… so basically every post. This also marks the end of a week in which I posted twice (the right number of posts) but managed to do those two posts on other days then I am supposed to do them. This is a lot like doing the right thing for the wrong reasons except in this case it’s doing the right thing for the wrong reasons at the wrong time for the right purpose. So put that in your little hat and smoke it.

But enough useless extemporaneousing, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes of this blog: Wild and unfounded speculation.

Judging Covers 12-4-2015 

Captain America: Civil War

Ah, now see that’s just great. I’m very excited for this movie because (hopefully) it’s a VERY different direction for the Marvel franchise. This isn’t just another “Oh no someone’s trying to destroy the world, with an ancient weapon from the dawn of time and a spatula.” This is a real, personal story about a group of people with very similar goals but very disparate ways of achieving those goals… And also lots of  people punching each other. But mostly just that first thing.

This trailer also gives us our first look at the sweet sweet Black Panther costume, which is (as previously mentioned) pretty dang sweet. I’m gonna talk a little more about this trailer after I’m done with the next one so I don’t want to use all my ammunition early but this looks like a real solid movie. It has a very similar feel to Captain America: Winter Soldier which was really solid and just felt more ground level than Age of Ultron (which I loved) but for a smaller scale story, I think the Winter Soldier style fits a lot better. I’m very excited for this movie and this trailer only made me more excited. And now… for that other one.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice 

So… is it just me or is that the entire movie we just watched?? Cause I kind of feel like it was the entire movie. I mean… look let’s not get ahead of ourselves, this could still be a good movie. But… that was the plot of the movie. Batman and Superman meet they don’t like each other, they have different ideologies, here comes Lex Luthor who wants Batman to fight Superman, Batman fights Superman, they realize maybe they’re not that different and should have hugs and kittens and puppies and not fight, so Lex Luthor makes Doomsday and sends him to kill Superman… and then Wonder Woman shows up. Sooooo yeah… that’s the movie.

Look I hate that this blog always makes me sound like a DC hater and a Marvel… appreciater. But DC just gave away the entire plot of their movie and the one thing we weren’t sure was going to happen (Doomsday showing up) in like… the second trailer for the movie? Whereas Marvel just put out a great trailer that left a lot of things unanswered but highlighted the interesting and (hopefully) different plot points of this movie. None of that is to say BvS will be bad, or that Civil War will be good, these are (after all) just trailers. But isn’t it probably a bad thing that I just summarized what is 99% likely the plot of Batman vs. Superman after watching a 3 minute trailer? Sure, there could be some crazy twist in there that no one will see coming but… probably not. Maybe Aquaman shows up and kills Doomsday with Sharks or something I don’t know, but I kinda doubt it.

I mean, look, to a certain point every movies plot is fairly predictable; especially a movie like Batman 5 Superman. You can’t have Batman kill Superman with Kryptonite and then move on to found a successful line of Bat-bakeries. They’re going to fight, then they’re probably going to team up. But I’m pretty sure I didn’t need that 100% confirmed. At least leave me thinking you MIGHT mix it up.

I realize comic book movies mostly make money on the ways in which dudes punch other dudes (or dude-etts) in their various facial reasons but you’ve got to at least TRY and have an unpredictable plot right?? So maybe this will still be a good movie, and hey Eisenberg and Affleck really looked awesome in their respective new roles so I’m excited for that. Also, can someone explain to me why Superman seems to now have adopted the constant facial expression of a man who has too recently changed a dirty diaper?? I’m just asking.

Okay so those were the big trailers, and me writing long paragraphs about things that I probably have entirely misunderstood, but before we leave; before I send you off like babes into the wild wild world without these walls let’s just take ourselves a second and watch a VERY well done trailer for a movie for which I am VERY excited.

A Monster Calls 

Ah… wasn’t that great?? Doesn’t it just cleanse your pallet after listening to me gripe about ‘Batman 5 Superman: Let the Money Roll Over You.’ I’m super excited for this movie, and for spending a solid hour and a half of theater times covered in the smooth, dulcet, chocolaty, tones of Mr. Liam Neeson. Goodnight everyone, and God bless.

Well hey internet, and welcome to the party. So about a week ago Comic-con was a thing and there has been a lot of hull and ballou made about some of the various trailers that came out that week so here is a famous, fabulous, and frivolous segment that we have called Judging Covers in which I go around and make snap judgements about things that I have done very little research on!!


Okay so this wasn’t a comic con trailer. But if you can’t stop and salute a Tina Fey and Amy Poehler movie what exactly are you doing with your life? Comedies are probably the toughest genre to do a trailer on because it’s pretty easy to make a hilarious comedy trailer just by dropping in your movies two best jokes. Sure those might be the only two good jokes actually in the movie but wasn’t that trailer hilarious??? It’s the movie equivalent of letting someone taste test a 4000 dollar bottle of wine, and then actually serving them a bottle of that wine with the wine removed and replaced by stagnant pond water in which resides a great white shark.

That said: Sisters looks great.

Basically the peanut butter and jelly of comedy.

Basically the peanut butter and jelly of comedy.

Fantastic Four: 

Get ready to read this a lot: Still on the fence about this one. I liked this trailer, I like the cast, I like the fact that this movie seems to be taking itself more seriously, while at the same time having some fun characters and characterization. BUT, it’s still a fantastic four movie. The Fantastic four two of whom are less interesting copies of other heroes (Thing and the Invisible Woman) one of whom is an interesting character that we’ve seen A LOT of in other movies (the Human Torch) and the other of whom is a man with what is probably the worst super power in the recorded history of made up super-powers (being stretchy like a rubber band.) Couple that with the fact that the last two movies in this particular franchise were teeth numbingly bad and I have some MAJOR trust issues with this movie.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice 

Full honesty? I liked this trailer a lot. I think Ben Affleck makes a great Batman, I liked the fact that we may be exploring a little bit of the repercussions of Superman basically destroying an entire city in Man of Steel and then snapping that dudes neck like a kit kat bar. And I actually really liked our brief looks at Jesse Eissenbergs Lex Luther. It was a really solid trailer.

Do I think it’ll actually be a good movie??? Say it with me: Still on the fence about this one. I feel like it can be safely said that it will not be a great movie. Unless (and this isn’t gonna make a lot of sense) Lex Luther saves it. Cause we know who Batman and Superman will be in this universe. They will both be dark and growly and scowly and want to punch things. Not bad, but not entertaining people. I can’t relate at all to the fact that Superman is struggling with controlling his super powers… I have, in fact, the exact opposite problem. They will be there, their fights will be cool, but they will not take this movie from ‘meh’ (which it will probably be) to ‘good.’ The one guy who can do that is Lex Luthor. Cause Luthor can be very interesting as he struggles to find his place within a world that has suddenly completely changed the rules on him. He can also be a much needed injection of comic relief and (dare we say it) actual character energy. As weird as it is in this extremely dark and depressing world with incredibly gritty and depressed super heroes it could actually be the villain who brightens the world up for us some.

Though if you look at his hair too long, you will lose all will to live.

Though if you look at his hair too long, you will lose all will to live.

Anyway, I liked this trailer, I don’t think the movie will be great, but I also don’t think it will be a strawberry jelly filled train wreck. There’s even a chance (Jesse Eisenberg dependent) this movie could be pretty good.

 Suicide Squad – 

I’m actually 100 percent on bored with this movie. I like the idea of a team of super villains teaming up to save the ‘magical thing we’re saving today.’ Very on board with Will Smith as Deadshot who looks great and I’m sure will give the movie some heart, and the rest of the team around him seems like they’ll be a lot of fun to watch do their thing. Hopefully it’ll be a nice break from the norm for super hero movies and really DC comics have always had the best villains, so why not just let them out and let them do their thing. Could be a really good movie. But that’s not what you came here for I’m sure. You’re here for:

Micah’s Thoughts on the New Joker

Everyone knows I loved Heath Ledger’s joker. He was fantastic, perfect for the movie he was in, and it is a tragedy we didn’t get to see him do more. But, that particular time (sadly cut short though it was) has passed. We’ve got a new DC Universe, a new Batman, and it only stands to reason that we would get a new joker. So, how does Jared Leto do?? Well, first off let’s bear in mind that I’m pretty much working with roughly three lines of dialogue so I could be 100 percent wrong on this BUT assuming these three lines are actually how he does the whole thing: I’m on board.

I like the voice, I like that he didn’t just put on long green hair and try and be Heath Ledger and I like that he didn’t go straight comic book with it ether. What I was hoping was that we would get a brand new look at a character who their have been a ton of iterations of and that it would be more along Heath Ledger’s joker while at the same time not being a carbon copy and I think that’s what we’ve got. Though once again: three lines of dialogue.

So there you go guys!! I somehow managed to do four full trailer reviews and at some point in each of them fully admit that I have no idea what I was talking about!! Yup, it’s good to be back ladies and gentlemen. It’s good to be back.

Internet!! Sheesh what a weekend. It seems like there was nothing BUT new trailers for movies that I alternatively am RIDICULOUSLY excited about and movies that I am HORRENDOUSLY dreading. There were four really big trailers out this weekend and here’s a breakdown of how I felt about each before I dramatically reveal which is which.

Trailer 1: Wasn’t excited, am now at least a little intrigued. Warily interested is probably the best word for it.

Trailer 2: Was fairly apathetic about it, remain fairly apathetic about it.

Trailer 3: Was very excited, am now very more excited… Or something.

Trailer 4: Was excited, then wasn’t excited, and am now just sort of confused.

Trailer 5: Wasn’t excited, remain unexcited.

And now with no further fanfare, here are the trailers and my thoughts… that I might have had. Roll credits.

Trailer 1:  Wasn’t excited, am now at least a little intrigued. Warily interested, is probably the best word for it.

The Fantastic Four

Yeah… I don’t know. First off stretchy powers are still the worst idea ever, but I could see myself at least moderately enjoying this movie. It looks darker and grittier without necessarily going over the top (more on this later.) The characters seems likable, the powers (non Mr. Fantastic category) are interesting and it seems like they’re doing something to mix up the premise at least a little bit (some sort of alternate reality thing??) Anyway, I’m not necessarily excited for this movie, but I moved from “decidedly uninterested” to “intrigued” so I guess that’s something for the old Fantastic Four.

Trailer 2: Was fairly apathetic about it, remain fairly apathetic about it.

Terminator: Genysis

Oh Terminator… please stop. Look, I get it, the first two were pretty good. But do you realize that after Terminator 3 (terrible) and Terminator Shout Till You Can’t Shout No More this series has produced just as many bad movies as good movies?? And then you added onto that your complete inability to spell the word Genesis and my faith is shaken. And let’s be clear: I had VERY little faith to shake. But that little faith is jiggling like jello during a space launch.

Sure Arnold vs. Arnold is interesting but why is the robot old??? Are we even gonna try to explain that or are we just going to ignore it. I get that Arnold Schwarzeneger is an integral part to the series but if you’re going to re-boot Terminator, just re-boot it. Get rid of Arnold and make a new movie with a new premise that occasionally nods at its predecessors. Don’t try and drag a 90 year old around a movie set and pretend that it totally makes sense. It MIGHT be a decent action movie. Maybe. But I’m thinking this is one robot we may need to just shut down.

Trailer 3: Was very excited, am now very more excited… Or something.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens 

I feel like the only things I need to say about this commercial is that when I heard Han Solo say “Chewie” I almost cried. And then they appeared on screen and while my face remained dry and manly, my tiny nerd soul wept like a tiny nerd girl. Person. You have my heart JJ Abrams. My tiny, nerdy, lightsaber wielding heart. Don’t you break it, JJ. Don’t you break my heart!!!!

"So tell me JJ, what was up with the Lost finale?"

“So tell me JJ, what was up with the Lost finale?”

Trailer 4: Was excited, then wasn’t exited, and am now just sort of confused.

Jurassic World 

Not sure how to feel on this one. I mean on the one hand: Dinosaurs, Chris Pratt, and Dinosaurs. On the other hand the story doesn’t seem to do anything I haven’t seen before AT ALL, and the script writing seems a little suspect (though obviously I’m judging a ridiculously small sample size.)

I think Pratt will be really good but I’m not sold on the movie around him or Jurassic Park returning to it’s “look at these two children in peril storyline” which was the worst part of the entire first movie.

Trailer 5: Wasn’t excited, remain unexcited.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice 

Oh look it’s a big famous super hero and everything is all dark and gritty, and everyone hates Superman. Isn’t that new and different and exciting?? Oh wait, no it isn’t. I love the Dark Knight, I think it was fantastic, and dark, and fairly (as much as a super hero movie can be) realistic and harsh. But what Man of Steel did was take that dark, grittiness, and make something not just dark and gritty, but entirely joyless. It was a super hero movie so distracted by being “dark” that it forgot to make it’s characters interesting and give the audience the occasional break from the grit. Alfred and Bruce Wayne occasionally exchanged quips even as they were in the midst of a dark gritty film. Man of Steel had nothing like that and from all accounts this movie will be nothing but more of the same.

Fantastic Four looks much darker then the previous Fantastic Four movies (which is good) but it’s characters look like they have a sense of humor which makes them, ya know, interesting. Superman isn’t interesting in Man of Steel he’s just a handsome face that punches things. Now it looks like we’ll get some more handsome faces and more people punching each other in the face. It all looks very impressive but it’s just looking at the world through dark and darker tinted sunglasses. It’s a movie that’s all steel and no heart.

That said I’m not guaranteeing this’ll be a terrible movie. It’ll probably slide comfortably into the Man of Steel “decent action, meh overall” category.

And there you have it guys, me talking trailers, and being SUPER creepy with JJ Abrams. Just what you always wanted.