Posts Tagged ‘Iron Man 3’

Well hey internet! As we head towards these last fleeting days of summer I find myself asking questions about where I have been. Pondering who I am; asking myself “Why did it rain EVERY DAY this summer? Whose idea was that? Did someone put Noah in charge of this summers forecast?” And of course (as I am wont to do) I found myself looking back over my cinematography shoulder at movies gone by. Sounds like it’s time for:

Micah’s Third Annual Summer Movie Awards: An Award show with no significance, no awards, and very few actual movies!

Let’s get started!  

Most Gwenyth Paltrow

Iron Man 3. Stand up Iron Man, accept your round of applause, and this statue made entirely of pepper and pots. You took a great character and a cool ending and you decided to put more Gwenyth Paltrow in. This is like having a Delicious glazed donut and plugging the whole with a pickle. I have nothing imparticular against pickles it’s just… they shouldn’t be the focus of a donut. Similarly, I have nothing against Gwenyth Paltrow but she is not the one I paid to watch, I paid to watch Iron Man, and you hid him from me.

Most “Old boy” in any movie ever.

The Great Gatsby. Did they really say “old” that much in the 20’s? Like every third word in this movie was “old boy” “old fellow” “old man” “old spice” everything in hear was old. The Great Gatsby was a big pile of interesting costumes and parties, topped with a heaping helping of pretentiousness; but it seemed like we forgot the little things like plot, characters, and making people give a care. The whole movie I kept waiting for the Planter’s Peanut to walk in with his top hat and monocle and start trying to sell me his “old mixture of salt and deliciousnouss.”

Most Ironically Named Movie

Epic. A movie that was a lot of things… except epic. It wasn’t epically bad, nor was it epically good. Epic just sort of existed. Which is Ironic.

Least Cares Given

After Earth. After spending months hesitantly watching After Earth slowly look worse and worse After Earth ended up being really bad. To the surprise of no one.

Movie With the Wierdest Ending

Now You See Me. I really liked this movie. A lot. It was fun and surprising and well-paced but the ending was just a little… strange. You’ll not this isn’t the award for “worst ending” that’s coming later. This is just the award for the ending that I kind of saw coming but didn’t necessarily want to end the way it did. Still a good movie but the ending kind of left you going… “huh.” Like if you went to a delicious Chinese restaurant that instead of giving you fortune cookies they passed out after dinner mints. It’s not bad just… “huh.”

Wait-- it's an ambivolent ending coming! NOOO!!

Wait– there’s an ambivolent ending coming! NOOO!!

Best Plot Holes Man of Steel. Let the record show I didn’t not like Man of Steel. Nor is it winning the award for “most” plot holes (there isn’t one as I try to avoid such movies.) But Man of Steel definitely wins “Best Plot Holes” as it’s practically a party game at this point. “So what was your favorite Man of Steel Plot hole?” “Well I just don’t understand why Superman didn’t ask his Space-Daddy who Zod was as soon as he turned up. I mean he spent days walking around going “Man if only I had some guidance or something,” meanwhile Russell Crowe is just sort of hanging out with this repository full of Alien knowledge.” Once again it wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, just the one with the most fun plot holes!

Movie that most turned out to be really stupid.

RIPD. A movie I was originally excited about but when a movie comes out and every reviewer who sees it comes out of the theater clutching what’s left of their IQ to their chests you usually just leave it alone.

Worst Ending

A surprisingly stacked category in a summer where a couple different movies kind of ran out of steam towards the climax. Fortunately for us, there’s the Lone Ranger. A movie whose ending hit the trifecta of not making sense, not really fitting with the rest of the movies feel, and being really unnecessarily confusing. The Wolverine gave it a run for its money but in the end the Lone Ranger rides again.  

Worst Relationship Choice:

The Wolverine. Shoulda dated the hot, useful, actual-mutant powered, red headed girl, Wolverine. I’m a little ashamed of you.

Most Unnecessary Movie:

Grown Ups 2. Why America? Why? It’s a tribute to this movies horribleness that the Smurfs 2 wasn’t even considered to be in serious contention for this award.  

Movie that most made me want to watch another movie:

Monster University. Sure Monster University was a good movie, it just wasn’t as good as that other Monster movie so it mostly just made me want to go watch that.

Kind of like real college, Mosters University made you appreciate life before it.

Kind of like real college, Mosters University made you appreciate what you hadbefore it.

And finally the one serious award I give out every year:

Movie of the Summer:

Star Trek: Into Darkness. In a summer where most movies we’re slightly below what I was hoping they would be Star Trek: Into Darkness ended up going above and beyond my expectations (and I had HIGH expectations)! It was a great movie for Trekkies, Trekkers, and checkers the world over and if you didn’t get a chance to see it you really missed out! (check out the full review here)

Anyway, thanks for reading everyone and thanks for following along on yet another summer here on Thoughts We Might Have Had. You all are the greatest!

These are dark days. Days when as you look out over the horizons of your blog you see nothing but wide open planes (or plains… or Spain… or something), rolling tumbleweeds, and lizards who may or may not be voiced by Johnny Depp.

Say what?

Say what?

Into these times must come a blog, a blog not just for today, but a blog for tomorrow, for the day after that, for at least till Monday. And so, we find ourselves asking, who will we be, and what blog will save us from ourselves? The answer is written in the skies, in our hearts, and in the title column of this blog. The answer is:

Box Office Top Ten 5/30/13

Number 10: Oblivion

Slinking in at number ten, is the epic sci-fi epic of epicology that we know as Oblivion. I really liked Oblivion, I reviewed the whole thing over here, and thoroughly recommended a Tom Cruise movie! Something almost as common as a blue moon and a red dawn… happening at the same time.

You should see it because: You haven’t got around to it yet despite the fact that I TOLD you too. You rebel you.

Number 9: The Croods

A fairly generic looking family comedy thing about a cave-family that goes on a journey to somewhere for something that I probably don’t care about. A couple different people actually told me this was pretty good, though I’m not saying you should trust those people. I mean you don’t know them, for all you know they could be Nazis. Or fans of Justin Bieber. Regardless though this is one of two family movies on this list and it is (at the least) not horrendous. So… there’s that.

"One day guys I bet they make a movie about someone Treking across these Stars. Probably into some darkness. Man will that be a good movie."

“One day guys I bet they make a movie about someone Treking across these Stars. Probably into some darkness. Man will that be a good movie.”

You should watch it because: You have a family…. and aren’t a Nazi. I mean I guess you could see it if you are a Nazi but… you might not like it as much. Given all the freedom and things… I’m gonna shut up now.

Number 8: 42

Currently at the top of my “don’t believe I missed that but I probably won’t get around seeing it because there are things I want to see more coming out soon” list. (I really need to get some shorter list names.) 42 has gotten pretty solid reviews, and is the story of Jackie Robinson’s journey into Major League Baseball. Harrison Ford is in it, along with someone I’ve never heard of before who does a great job with Jackie (according to people who have seen it… which I have not.)

You should watch it because: You like baseball, good movies, and sweet sweet times.

Number 7: Mud

Mud is one of those movies that has gotten really good reviews from all the snotty people who have watched it but that I have yet to actually meet anyone who has seen it. I think it was released in about two theaters that scanned people’s DNA to make sure they were snotty enough before allowing them entrance.

Mud is a movie about two boys who discover a man living on an island and the man is on the run from bounty hunters and then umm… a woman. I think. Like I said all the internet people I’ve read have really liked it but for all I know those are all just the Director’s mom hacking into different computer accounts to make her son feel better about himself. So I guess if you happen to live somewhere that you can watch this movie go check it out and let me know what you think (just include some proof that you’re not the director’s mom. Ask yourself a question that only you would know the answer to. That usually works… I think.)

You should see it because: You’re one of the five people in America who can.

Number 6: The Great Gatsby 

The consensus on this movie seems to be that it’s “okay.” The story is bland (I’d summarize it for you but I left my literature degree in my other pants and I don’t currently care enough) and the storytelling is drawn out, but they Decaprio delivers a great performance. Personally, I’ll probably wait for the DVD. I just don’t care enough and there are other things in the pipe (Now You See Me AND After Earth come out this week) that I would much rather see.

You should see it because: You do care enough.

Number 5: Iron Man 3

Did it. Done it. Reviewed it here.

You should see it because: You’re a fan of awesome, pineapples, and the smell of victory.

Number 4: Epic

The other family movie on our list today, Epic is the story of a tiny little world populated by tiny little people who ride birds. Honestly it looks fairly interesting and has got pretty good reviews. For me it’ll probably slide away without my seeing it (once again there’s a lot coming out I want to see more) but if you’ve got some childrens and are tired of that sound they make this is my recommendation for the week! There’s adventure, there’s humor, and there’s the chance to delve into the little known world of slug related humor.

Wait Beyonce is in this movie? How did that happen? Did you think she was gonna sing but accidentally left a script in the studio? That's awkward.

Wait Beyonce is in this movie? How did that happen? Did you think she was gonna sing but accidentally left a script in the studio? That’s awkward. Also shouldn’t that read “Beyonce Knowles AS Queen Tara” I mean she isn’t really that person is she? 

You should see it because: It involves tiny people in a magical forest and may encourage your tiny childrens to play outside more as they try and talk to slugs.

Number 3: Star Trek: Into Darkness

How is this movie only at number 3?? Come on America, this is probably one of the best  two or tree movies that you’re going to get to watch this year!! I’m probably going to watch it again, something I haven’t done since Avengers and this movie is seriously in the same ballpark in term of epicness, have YOU seen it Bilbert? Well you should. Stop reading this right now and go watch it… Did you?

Why you should see it: Cause I told you to. And it’s awesome. And you like awesome.

Number 2: The Hangover Part 3

The Hangover series has officially entered what I like to call “The Transformer Zone.” Everyone fell in love with the first movie, the second movie was universally agreed on as being horrendous, and now that the third movie is out you feel like you have to go see it just cause you suffered through the second one and want to finish the journey. From all the reviews I’ve read 3 isn’t much better then 2 but for those of you completionists out there I suppose there’s not point in me telling you not to go is there?  

Why you should see it: Ummm…. I’ll get back to you.

Number 1: The Fast and the Furious 6

The Fast and the Furious franchise just keeps on ticking. I mean when was the last time a movie series actually got BETTER as it went along? I mean 1 was good, 2 was good, 3 and 4 were HORRENDOUS, and then all the sudden 5 and 6 turned out to be really good. I am by no means saying FF 6 is better then say… Star Trek Into Darkness. But frankly FF 6 doesn’t care. Fast and Furious just wants to drive cars, blow things up, and occasionally drive cars through things that other people have already blown up. There’s a minorly engaging story in there somewhere but neither you nor I nor anyone else goes to see Fast and the Furious for engaging storytelling. FF 6 is like the anti-Great Gatsby. It (to borrow the old song lyrics) just wants to have fun.

Why you should see it: You like blowings up, carrrings on, or some variation on those two things.

So there you have it friends, a blog for the ages… or at least till Monday. Thanks for reading, and (as ever) may the screen be ever at your front… or something.

Internet!! It’s Monday again. Why does that keep happening anyway? I feel like just once we could give Monday a week off and skip straight to Tuesday or Wednesday. Monday’s had a hard life, it’s the IRS of the week. Nobody likes it very much and we all sort of wish it just wouldn’t show up. So here’s to you Monday. Ya Jerk.

Moving on from my bitterness at a day, let’s talk about something I’ve been waiting to talk about for a while now. Something that ranked high on my list of most anticipated movies of the year. Something made of iron, blood, sweat, and the facial hair of Robert Downey Jr. I am of course talking about:

Iron Man 3

Iron Man was a great movie, one of the best of Marvel’s current class of comic book movies. Downey Jr. is undoubtedly perfect for the role and has proven that he can deliver like a UPS man on Jumba Juice. That said Iron Man 2 was good at best to mediocre at worst and seemed to get so lost in its own sugar rush that it forgot what it was doing. Can Iron Man 3 redeem the franchise? Can Iron Man go any higher then he already went in Avengers? Well prepare to hold my metaphorical hand and jump carelessly down to a daisy filled meadow, cause we’re about to find out!

"Hey umm... Robert. We're back here!"

“Hey umm… Robert. We’re back here!”

The Plot:

It seems that not all is well in the world of Tony Stark. He’s having trouble sleeping and spends all his time in his lab tinkering and tonkering with his suits, shut off from the outside world. His time in New York with the Avengers seems to have had an impact on Tony and on the world around him as Governments and Army’s try and figure out where everything fits in this brand new galaxy.

Into this confusion enters the Mandarin with his erstwhile cohort the Chiquita Banana…. Okay so I made that second part up. It just seems like a bad idea when choosing your terrorist name to go with a fruit, but hey what do I know, maybe they got a great advertising deal or something. Anyway, the Mandarin starts terrorizing Americans, setting off bombs in free countries, stealing his neighbors newspapers, and generally just not being a very friendly person.

The Mandarin sounds super evil right up until you think about it.

The Mandarin sounds super evil right up until you think about it.

Can Tony Stark (without most of his suits) survive this new attack? Can he get to the bottom of things before he loses everything he’s built over the last few years? What is Iron Man without his Iron? Only time (specifically the time of this movie) will tell.

The positives:

Let’s get this out of the way right now: this is a MUCH better movie then Iron Man 2. Much. There’s a strong narrative thread here and that helps pull the rest of the movie along very nicely. The story is well told and the twists and turns of it all (while a little controversial in the nerd world) will certainly surprise you and keep you interested and entertained.

A great cast led by the once again awesome Robert Downey Jr really keeps you invested in the movie. Downey once again proves that Tony Stark is his character and he hits all the ups and downs of the drama just as well as he hits the humor. Ben Kingsley also delivers a brilliant performance as the Mandarin and Don Cheadle does well with his role as War Machine (even if it’s a much smaller role then in Iron Man 2.)

It’s nice to see Iron Man have a little gravitas to it. I mean I really like the humor of this series and it’s definitely still there but this is certainly the most serious of the Iron Man movies and I think it’s better for it. Iron Man 2 tried to duplicate too much of the humor in Iron Man 1 and I just don’t think it played very well. A lot of people have complained that there’s not a lot of Iron Man in Iron Man 3 but it’s hard to build a great narrative around a suit of metal. Iron Man 3’s focus on Tony Stark makes it a more interesting movie and there are still some great action scenes focused around the armor.

The Negatrons:

I felt like a couple of pieces in the plot were sort of rushed through. I understand that you’ve got to keep things moving and all that but it seemed like we never really took time to explain things in a couple spots that I don’t really want to give away right now. A lot of the emotional stuff Tony is going through at the beginning of the film is never really fully fleshed out or resolved it’s just sort of dropped by the wayside by Tony deciding he’s gonna “get stuff done.” Which I’m fairly sure doesn’t work in most cases of psychological trauma.  To my knowledge Freud never told one of his patients to “go out and make thyself an christmas themed cherry bomb” though (in fairness) Freud probably sounded nothing like that.

I also wasn’t crazy about how the villain ended up being killed. I don’t want to spoil it but there was a really good way for him to die, with a really cool line, and then he turned out not to be dead, delivered a super stupid line of dialogue and was killed in a really dumb way. It’s like some exec came into the writing room and said “but I want this person to kill him so that we can sell more underpants!!”… no idea where the underapnts comment came from… Anyway I thought it was stupid.

Iron Man underwear... one of those things you never thought you'd type into google.

Iron Man underwear… one of those things you never thought you’d type into google.

In Conclusion:

It’s really hard to say whether Iron Man 3 is better than Iron Man 1. The two movies are very different in tone and theme but I can definitely say they are in the same neighborhood. Iron Man 3 tells a really great story, does interesting things with the main character and focuses on what made Iron Man such a great movie in the first place: Tony Stark. It’s got the occasional hiccup or two but on the whole it’s certainly a worthy entry in the Marvel movie franchise and a great showing for Robert Downey Jr.

I give it 4 Freudian cherry bombs, out of 5.

Well thanks for reading everyone!! Hope you have a great weekend and, hey, check back tomorrow for another brand new entry into the: “random stuff Micah has made videos about” saga!!

Internet!! How in the world are you? What’s the shizzle? How’s the drizzle? Where’s Miss Frizzle? Oh good. Glad to hear it. No really, I am. I mean I was worried for a sec there.

All right, well, now that our formalities are out of the way I (at long loving last) am gonna talk about the movies of the summer!!! I’ve been really trying to hold off on going crazy with the blogging about movies that weren’t coming out for a few months but bear in the mind the entire months of January, February, and April featured roughly two movies that were even vaguely sort of kind of, but not really at all, even a little bit interesting. But now summer is coming and here I stand laptop in hand ready to kick some movie-butt!!! Starting with:

Micah’s Annual Summer Questions blog 2013 ed. Part 1:

Questions of May

Man I have got to work on writing shorter titles. I mean pyramids were built in the time it took me to write out the TITLE of this article. Sheesh.

Question Number 1: Will Iron Man 3 (being released on May 2nd) help us rinse out the stale growthy taste of Iron Man 2?

Let me say that I didn’t think Iron Man 2 was a bad movie per se. It just wasn’t even close to being up to par with some of the other more recent Marvel movies. Iron Man 2 was the little ADD kid running around class chewing on crayons and bragging that he could count to “bear” backwards. Meanwhile the other honors students like Thor, Iron Man 1 and Avengers just sort of tried to pretend he wasn’t around. Iron Man 2 lacked any sort of narrative focus, it got caught up in it’s own weird sense of humor and decided it wanted to tell about four hundred stories too many.

What I wouldn't give to have a glowy death hand. Also, this poster makes me feel a lot better about this movie.

What I wouldn’t give to have a glowy death hand. Also, this poster makes me feel a lot better about this movie.

Iron Man 3 seems to be taking itself a little bit more seriously so that (while still featuring the awesome hilarity of Robert Downey Jr.) it’s story will be more focused and it’s narrative a bit more impact-full  Also, Mandarin (as played by the ever awesome Ben Kingsley) looks to be a much MUCH better villain then Whiplash who never really did much then pointlessly eat up screen time, playing with a bird. Let me type that sentence again: the primary villain spent large portions of his screen time playing with a BIRD. Yeah, Iron Man 2 was that sort of movie.

Question Number 2: Will The Great Gatsby (release date May 10th) be as much of a pretentious waste of time as its trailers make it look like?

Have you seen the trailers for this movie? I mean… I got bored and annoyed at the characters and it was only like three minutes. I like Leanardo Decaprio but is it just me or does all the dialogue in this movie seemed to be delivered with the facial expressions of someone with a severe stomach cramp? I’ve read the Great Gatsby and it’s a little pretentious and overly dramatic anyway but it seems like the director of this movie decided that rather then try and ground his characters in something vaguely resembling reality he would feed them all grey poupon and make them watch the first twilight movie over and over again before shooting. I could be wrong with this one but this movie looks about as entertaining as a copy of war and peace soaked in oatmeal.

Question Number 3: Will Star Trek Into Darkness (May 15th release) break my geeky little heart?

I was as surprised as anyone when Into Darkness was named as my most anticipated movie of the year, and as time has gone by and trailers have come out I’ve actually gotten more excited about it. If this movie isn’t good I might just stop watching movies all together and become a Chinchilla farmer in rural Baghdad. That said, my hopes are still super high on this and I think the cast and story and visual style are gonna be well worth the price of admission. I’m not saying we’ve got another Dark Knight on our hands here but I’m more then ready to find out if all the hypeing I’ve been doing has been worth the hypage.

Also: Evil Sherlock!

Also: Evil Sherlock!

Question Number 4: Will After Earth (coming May 31st) be completely ruined by M. Night Shyamalan?

I really like the idea of After Earth. I like that Will Smith and Wee Will Smith (Will’s son whose name is in no way actually Wee Will Smith) are probably the only two humans in the entire movie. I do NOT like that M. Night Shyamalan has gotten his dirty little mitts on it. I mean let’s take a look at the last two big budget movies old M has given us shall we? The Happening was a horribly pointless somehow boring movie that featured pollen that for reasons that we’re never entirely clear, made people kill themselves. And Avatar: The Last Airbender was a movie that somehow ruined an amazingly popular cartoon series, and may have been the worst movie (non-Adam Sandler division) ever released. After Earth sounds like it could be really good but let’s bear in mind that all Shyamalan has done in the last decade or so has been take good ideas and make REALLY bad movies out of them. Shyamalan directing this movie is like letting blind Aunt Bertrilda back you a cake, sure there’s a chance she makes it, and yeah it’s a great recipe but… you’re letting someone else try that cake first aren’t you?

Question Number 5: Will Now You See Me (Also coming May 31st) be as awesome as it could be?

Not a lot of people have heard about this movie but it’s one of my sleeper picks for best movie of the summer. I mean it looks like someone took Ocean’s 11 and threw it really hard at a copy of the Prestige and took thay Hybrid of sweetness and stuck a great cast in it. Morgan Freeman, Jesse Eisenbergh, Michael Caine, Mark Ruffalo and Woodie Harrelson all in the same movie?? Umm… yes please! I’m super excited about this movie and would much rather watch it then risk watching M. Night single handedly stomp all over the Father-son combo of the Smiths.

Though granted, stealing Ocean's 11 poster may have been taking things a little too far.

Though granted, stealing Ocean’s 11 poster may have been taking things a little too far.

So there you have it friends! The Summer Questions of May!! Come back Thursday and check out Part 2 as I continue to work my way through what looks to be a summer full of awesome!!

I’m having a horrible sports year. The Celtics just lost their best player for at least the rest of this season, the Red Sox succeeded in not making the playoffs… again, and now not only did the Patriots not make it into the Super Bowl but the team that I probably hate the most (not counting the Jets, who aren’t really a “football team” so much as they are “a group of men running around a field for little to no reason”) actually won the game. I hate sports. That said… when does Baseball start again?

Eh-hem… anyway… none of that has anything at all to do with what this post is about. This post is (as you may have guessed from the title) about all of the trailers that aired during the Super Bowl (aka the only parts of the Super Bowl I actually enjoyed… stupid Ravens.) So without further bitterness, here are the trailers you probably watched during the Super Bowl!

(If you want to re-watch any of the trailers here’s a link that has them all on one page)

Fast and Furious Six:

The Fast and the Furios: Cause who needs stealth anyway?

The Fast and the Furios: Cause who needs stealth anyway?

 

The Fast and the Furious, or Fast Furious, or Too Fast Too Furious Two, or whatever we’re calling this particular series is officially the most confusing movie series in existence. The first one was okay, the second was… less okay but still holding onto okay with one tiny finger, the third and fourth ones were both laughably horrible and then the fifth one was (dare we say it) actually pretty good. Now here comes number six which looks like it could be a worthy successor to number five and continue a long tradition of cars doing things that cars were never ever meant to do, for the sake of something that probably doesn’t matter.

That said I’m sure the Rock punches things, Vin Diesel has a cool voice, and Gina Carano—wait what the—Gina Carano is in this? Ew. Nevermind. (for those of you who don’t remember Gina Carano was the driver of the 18 wheeler filled with Rotten Eggs and Justin Bieber CD’s that we call “Haywire: A terrible Movie”)

Iron Man 3:

I’m really excited about this movie. That said this might be the worst trailer for a good movie ever. There’s some sort of plane accident and then Ironman is flying around looking like he’s gonna save people… and then that’s it. What? Why? That is not a trailer People Who Made Iron Man 3, that is a clip… and not even a good clip. I’ve come to expect more from you Iron Man, see me after class please.

The Lone Ranger

In direct response to that trailer along comes this one! A trailer that was actually a trailer and actually made me want to watch the movie!! Yup, that’s right, consider me officially on board the Lone Ranger Train. Johnny Depp seems to have made another very interesting character, Armie Hammer seems to really have gotten on board with the part and the story seems to have  the slightly over the top action vibe that made that one good Pirates of the Carribean movie (ya know, the first one) so much fun.

My endorsement of this movie in no way endorses Johnny Depp gluing potentially live birds to his head.

My endorsement of this movie in no way endorses Johnny Depp gluing potentially live birds to his head.

Star Trek: Into Darkness

My official most anticipated movie of the year just keeps getting more anticipatory. That’s really all I can say about this trailer, it has somehow made the movie I was looking forward to more than any other movie, even better looking. This is like someone taking a delicious bag of skittles, opening it, and then re-making the bag using hundred dollar bills… when can I watch this?

Oz the Great and Powerful

The more trailers I watch involving this movie the more I worry about it. It just seems to be kind of… stupid. I mean there’s a shot in this trailer of James Franco sailing around in a bubble. A bubble. Does that sound like something that would happen in a good movie? I’m not saying it will be bad. I’m just saying it has some great potential to be bad. Reminds me a lot of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland except without all of the things that made that movie good.

Disney Executive: So… how do you think we should get James Franco’s character from here to there?

Disney Writer: Well… we could stick him in a bubble.

Disney Executive: Did you just get off a roller coaster or something?

Disney Writer: Ummm… maybe.

Disney Executive: And while riding said coaster, did you plummet from a great height and land on your head?

Disney Writer: Maybe. Why?

Disney Executive: No reason. Now, tell me more of this “bubble travel.”

OZ119289122

You can’t judge a book by its cover but maybe you can judge a movie by its bubble.

World War Z:

If there is one thing the world needs right now it’s love sweet love. Wait—I mean less zombie movies. Yeah… that’s what I mean. For some reason though I’m actually excited about this one. Maybe it’s the fact that they somehow talked Brad Pitt into being in it, or the fact that it’s based on a really good (if incredibly creepy and sort of depressing) book. I don’t know, still though of all the hundreds of thousands of zombie movies that came out in the four minutes year or so, this is the only one I’m really circling as one to watch.

Say what you want about zombie intelligence, but cheerleaders have nothing on them where human pyramids are concerned.

Say what you want about zombie intelligence, but cheerleaders have nothing on them where human pyramids are concerned.

Snitch:

I really have no idea what to think about this movie. Other than that I will probably not be watching it. Sure I could pay ten dollars to see Dwayne Johnson break a face, and steer a truck around because his son got arrested but is that really what I want to do? Cause Dwayne Johnson has broken A LOT of faces in his movie career, and even driven a lot of trucks around (see every movie he’s ever been in) and I can watch those movie for free. People are standing on street corners practically begging me to take their copy of “Dwayne Johnson Punches A Drug Dealer Episode 7.” So why bother going to see this one? Consequently if there are any children reading this do NOT take movies from strangers. It’s probably a copy of Haywire. That stuff will kill you.

So there you have it, the trailers of the Super Bowl! Let there be singing in the streets, dancing in the hallways and PLEASE let baseball season start soon! Thanks for reading and we’ll see you Thursday!

Ah… I love the smell of 2013 in the morning. Smells like… morning. Anyway, after two posts looking back at 2012 with a mix of adoration and profound motherly disgust let us now turn our eyes towards the year ahead. The movies, the songs, the possible twilight re-boot (ha ha no. Just kidding. I give it at least two years.) So here we have the ten movies of 2013 that I anticipate the most or (in a more melodic manner and with bolder font):

 The Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2013

Honorable mention: Before I dive in to the top ten here are two movies that didn’t quite make the grade. The first: Monster University. I really liked the original Monsters Inc. movie and am legitly excited about this prequel. That said, it’s another Pixar movie and all Pixar movies are starting to look the same to me. Ya know… cause they make them for children. Even though I’m not exactly in the target audience though I’m still excited to get back to good old Mike Wizowski. Just not top ten sort of excited.

Secondly: Beautiful Creatures. I’m not entirely sure what this movie is about. Something about witches and light and dark and some girl who has to choose a side or something (and not like fries or chips… I think. Though you’ve always got to go with the fries there). It looks like a cool idea and has Emma Thompson in it which are both good things, but it also looks suspiciously like it’s being aimed at all of the Twilight fans who don’t have movies to watch anymore so… I don’t know. It could be good… or laughably horrible. Only time will tell I suppose.

Okay, for real though, on to the top ten.

10. The Host

Speaking of Twilight here’s another book by Stephanie Meyer. I know, I know “she is the soul of evil blady bla bla” but first off I’ve been the soul of evil since way before Stephanie Meyer started banging her head on a keyboard and writing Twilight. Secondly, this movie actually looks interesting, and my wife (being the awesome person she is) has read the book and said it was actually pretty good and that it was hard to believe the same person had written The Host and Twlight. Plus I like Saoirse Ronan (though her name is a butt to spell) and it just seems like a movie that could be good. I will admit though that the reason it’s slinking down here at number 10 is for it’s strong “love triangle” potential.

The fact that they are literally standing in a triangle on this poster makes me uneasy.

The fact that they are LITERALLY standing in a triangle on this poster makes me uneasy.

9. The Lone Ranger

“Hi HO Johnny Depp!! Away!!” I’m moderately sort of kind of excited about this movie. I don’t know, it just looks like fun, plus what was the last really great western you watched? True Grit? And that was depressing. The Lone Ranger could be really good, but even in the worse case scenario it will be entertaining and different and I like both of those things. So let’s just see what happens.

8. Oblivion

Yes ladies and gentleman, a Tom Cruise movie. I must be getting soft… or less sarcastic… or hungry. Yup, that’s it. Seriously though, I was super intrigued by the trailer for this movie and everything I’ve read about it makes it sound pretty solid. It seems to work from an interesting premise AND has Morgan Freeman in it so… I’m interested. It has the potential to be bad, because: Tom Cruise. But hey, it looks solid so until something comes out to convince me otherwise: I’m in.

Cuase nothing says "good movie" like a waterfall made by buildings!

Cuase nothing says “good movie” like a waterfall made by buildings!

7. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Man I need to read these books. I could be reading them now but NOOO the internet had to get all persnickety on me about posting when I said I was going to and stuff like that. Anyway, I’m excited about this movie despite the fact that I have absolutely ZERO idea what it’s about. There was already a significant amount of things being caught on fire in the first movie though, so it’s only uphill from there right?

6. Man of Steel

Well hello Superman. It’s been a while. I haven’t seen you since you were fathering illegitimate children and using your x-ray vision to creepily spy on your ex and her fiancé! What’s that? Oh, were pretending none of that happened? Oh good.

Man of Steel looks like it could be a pretty good movie. I’ve talked ad nauseam about Superman and why it’s hard to make a good Superman movie, but I think this movie is showing a lot of good potential for awesomeness (though I’m creeped out slightly that both its trailers have stolen their music from SUPER popular movies but hey… I guess not everyone can hire their own composer, right?)

5. The Wolverine

Wolverine!! Practically the anti-superman Wolverine is one of my favorite Super heroes and the one I most wanted to be when I was 5. Wolverine’s last solo movie (Wolverine: Way too Many Characters) was so-so. I mean I liked it, but I made my own Wolverine claws out of wood when I was 7 so… yeah. Bias. Still though from what I’ve read about the new Wolverine it seems like the Directors have a really tight/darker themed movie that will focus less on getting as many X-men into one movie as we can, and more on, ya know, Wolverine.

4. Thor 2

Thor!!! Oh man. I am so excited about this movie. I really liked the original Thor and was utterly surprised by that fact. I honestly always thought Thor was just un-relatable and kind of weak sauce, but little did I know the true joys of bushy blond beards and massive hammers. Thor is one of my favorite of Marvel’s Avengers, plus Christopher Eccleston plays the villain, AND Tom Hiddleston is gonna be up to his usual awesomeness as Loki. What’s not to like?

There's not a poster for Thor 2 yet so I'm putting this here cause it is the sickness.

There’s not a poster for Thor 2 yet so I’m putting this here cause it is the sickness.

*****

And once again I need to make a note here about what a hard time I had differentiating the top 3 (and especially the top two). I actually flipped them several times but in the end my head started hurting and I had to eat a Snicker’s bar just to have enough energy to finish this post, so; in the name of my blood sugar levels not reaching the magical land of double sugar covered Peeps, I’m just gonna go with my gut and admit to the internet at large that I couldn’t make up my own tiny mind.

3. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Kudos to Peter Jackson for making a thousand dumb high schoolers look up the word “desolation” on their Iphones. Well done Peter. I really like The Hobbit: A Rabbit’s Holiday, except for a few parts involving the aforementioned Rabbits but more on that later. Two Towers is probably my favorite of the original Lord of the Rings and I really think Desolation of Smaug (also the second movie in the Trilogy) will be a much tighter movie then the Hobbit pt. 1. I’m excited to see what Jackson does with the characters and story-lines that he’s opened up, and the prospect of finally getting to hear the dulcimer tones of Benedict Cumberbatch playing Smaug is more then enough to make this one of my most anticipated movies of 2013.

Of course this isn't the "official" poster, but it has a Dragon. So.... I'm good.

Of course this isn’t the “official” poster, but it has a Dragon. So…. I’m good.

2. Iron Man 3

Speaking of awesome actors and Avengers, let’s all take a moment and give a big round of applause to Robert Downey Jr. I’m not gonna lie I though the second Iron Man movie was a severe step back from the awesomeness of the first movie. Downey Jr. was still awesome, and I really liked what they did with Pepper Pots and War Machine but the movie was a little to ADD for me. It looks like the new movie is taking itself a little more seriously though (while still featuring the awesome hilarity of Tony Stark). Plus Ben Kingsley playing Mandarin (the films main villain) yes please!

"I would go... but I don't have anything to wear..."

“I would go… but I don’t have anything to wear…”

1. Star Trek: Into Darkness

I know… I was surprised too. Let me say one more time: I am NOT a trekkie. I have seen… maybe two episodes of the TV shows? And I think I watched Wrath of Kahn once… three years ago… SUPER late at night. And honestly I thought they were pretty cheesy and not super well done (forgive me Patrick Stewart). I did like the new Star Trek movie and thought it was a really cool way to sort of re-boot the series without entirely throwing out everything else that had ever happened. All that said, the trailer for Into Darkness KICKED BUTT! I don’t know whether it was the cool effects, the interesting story ideas, or the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch has the voice of a Spartan Warrior dipped in Chocolate and Manliness (it’s that one) but I’m really excited about this movie. Really excited…. and I’m a little freaked out by that, because (once more) not a trekkie.

So there you have it interfriends! The ten movies I’m most looking forward to this year! Here’s hoping I (like so many great Pokemon trainers before me) catch them all. Check back on Monday when I finally get around to reviewing Les Miserables and confront my inner hatred for Amanda Siegfried.