Posts Tagged ‘Inside Out’

Well hey Internet, I’m back. Safe and sound and sounding safe. Yes, I like so many Douglas McCarther’s, Terminators, and Gandalf’s before me, have risen up from the ashes of defeat and come back. And when I say ‘ashes of defeat’ I mean ‘vacation.’ I’ve lived a hard life. Anyway, here are the weekly headlines.

 The Weekly Headlines 6/16/2015

So Jurassic World is in theaters. And some people saw it. Okay, so a lot of people. 208.8 million dollars’ worth of people, in fact. Which with modern day movie ticket prices rounds out to roughly 20 people. Studio executives were quoted saying that they were: “Very plesiosaured.”

This bear is ashamed of me...

This bear is ashamed of that joke… as am I.

So… Disney announced this week that they’re making a sequel to Maleficent. You guys remember Maleficent right? Kind of terrible, took Maleficent and made her into an incredibly indecisive person with an impossible to understand, extremely inconsistent allergy to metal. Anyway, if there’s one thing we need more of in this world, it’s unnecessary sequels to things that weren’t that great in the first place. I mean, the only way this works is if they cross it over with some other animated villain. Like Maleficent goes on vacation to the beach and her and a sexy young Ursula decide to rob a magical vault of some kind… yeah that’d actually be awesome.

Speaking of sequels: Pitch Perfect 3 is gonna be a thing. I mean, that’s a good thing right? Granted, the second one wasn’t as good as the first one but the music was still great, and it was still a good movie that I enjoyed. And most of that is the cast chemistry so as long as they get most of the cast back I think it’s all good! More mash-ups, more Anna Kendrick, and probably less contests where every nation weirdly sings the same song for no logical reason.

And speaking of speaking of sequels, Star Wars Battlefront 3 is coming out in November!! I (as a rule) do not like video games that involve wandering around with a gun, screaming like a girl and shooting things. Maybe it’s because I keep screaming all the time I don’t know. Anyway, I do  love the battlefront series, cause it’s all those things I just said but it’s STAR WARS. So put your big boy/person pants on , grab your blaster, and prepare for a lot of me screaming, this November.

And speaking of speaking of speaking of sequels, Batman Arkham Knight comes out next week. I’ve been a huge fan of the Batman series ever since it came out and allowed me to fulfill my two great dreams: being batman, and rejecting society to sit in my house and play video games. So get excited for that.

Yup. This is happening.

Yup. This is happening.

Back to movie news though: Inside Out, the latest in Pixar’s: adorable and awesome things collection, hits theaters this week. It is currently sitting at 100 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and it’ll be interesting to see how it does against Jurassic World. My guess is J-world takes a STEEP dive and Inside Out opens huge. It’s supposed to be awesome, and deep and funny and adorable and wonderful and all those things that Disney movies and Polar Bears are supposed to be.

The polar bear equivalent of Inside Out.

The polar bear equivalent of Inside Out.

Another trailer came out for Pixels and guys: it’s gonna be bad. I know, it’s such a great premise, but this movie has officially been “Sandlered.” Bland uninteresting characters gradually get more and more charicatured, until they learn some dumb lesson about ‘responsibility’ or ‘growing up’ and then everything is fine. I’m sorry world, I wanted it to be good too. But it won’t be.

Finally, in sports news: The Red Sox have lost seven games in a row. It’s fine though because umm… well there’s…

Well hello Internet, and welcome to yet another fantastical year of fantastical summer questions as I stare off into the future, wearing fancy bejeweled shades, and tell you what I think will happen this summer. It’s a tradition as old as this website, and this year we shall stick to it with dignity and grace.

Well dignity anyway.

Let’s just say we’ll stick to it and hope for the best.

Question 1: Can Avengers: Age of Ultron possibly live up to the expectations?

Meh, probably not. I think it will be a really good movie, maybe the best movie of the year, but the Avengers was one of the top three comic book movies ever. I’m not saying Age of Ultron can’t get there I’m just saying people are expecting this movie to be BETTER than one of the top three comic book movies ever and that’s expecting a lot. Avengers didn’t help itself by releasing one of the best trailers I have ever seen for a movie wherein Ultron hauntingly recites Pinnochio lyrics. I can’t stress enough how excited I am for Age of Ultron, and I feel like this paragraph will make it sound like I’m not. I am. A lot. But this movie falls into the Dark Knight Rises category of following up a monumentally awesome movie and having people expect it to get to that level.

It’s like if you went to a restaurant and the chef served you the best meal you had ever eaten. Wonder-steak cooked from magical space cows, with a side of corn grown on the majestic fields of the sun and tended by beautiful Sun-women. And on top of that you hadn’t eaten for a whole day AND happened to have a severe corn deficiency. That’s the Avengers. Now if you went back to that restaurant two years later after spending the entire two years thinking of how great that meal had been wouldn’t those space cows taste just a little bit worse then you remembered? Wouldn’t that sun-corn be a little less sun corny?? It’s the nature of man. We want the same experience we’ve had before and we want it to be better than the first time, but we’ve already had a first time.

All that (and that was a LOT of that) to say that I think Avengers: Age of Ultron will be fantastic. But to live up to the hype the movie will not only have to be Fantastic but also pay me a living wage for the next two years. And that seems unlikely.

Question 2: Could Hot Pursuit possibly be the worst movie of the year?

Ha ha. No. Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 is. That award has been given. That train has left the station filled with on fire manure and it crashed into your house while you were out feeding orphans. That movie has a 2 percent rotten tomato rating. 2 percent folks.  That said: Hot Pursuit will not be a good movie. It’s a forced “road trip” comedy featuring two actresses who aren’t that funny and a premise that is worn and tired and has been done before.

I'm not saying this movie will be bad, I'm just saying that looking at this poster makes me want to stand up and walk out of a theater.

I’m not saying this movie will be bad, I’m just saying that looking at this poster makes me want to stand up and walk out of a theater.

Question 3: Will Spy finally be the Melissa McCarthy movie we’ve been waiting for?

I certainly hope so. I’m a huge fan of the idea of Melissa McCarthy finally being in a movie that does her justice. I somehow apparently was looking away from the screen for ALL of the funny parts in Bridesmaids (a movie I really wanted to like) and since then other than The Heat which pretty much painted by the numbers all the way things have been fairly “blah” for McCarthy. But hey, Spy could be funny.  It’s got a strong cast, an interesting (if been done before) premise. We’ll just have to see, I hope so but the way comedies are going lately… it seems unlikely.

I look forward to the inevitable revelation that Law and/or Statham are working for the enemy.

I look forward to the inevitable revelation that Law and/or Statham are working for the enemy.

Question 4: What will Jurassic World end up looking like?

Who knows. I talked about this a lot in my trailer reviews the other day but this movie has thus far done little to reassure me that it will be great, while also not doing anything to make me think it will be terrible. In the end it’ll probably land somewhere in the middle. Chris Pratt is about as likeable an actor as you can get these days but the script and the overall lack of originality in the premise “Science has made something they can’t control and it’s evil and deadly and will steal your pudding!!” So it’ll probably end up either being slightly above average or slightly below average and everyone will move on with their lives and wait until someone remembers something else about our childhood that Hollywood can ruin.

Question 5: Is there any way Inside Out isn’t an adorably wonderful childhood experience?

Nope. If there are two things I know about this summer it’s that Avengers 2 will be great and that Inside Out will be adorable and sweet and all those things I hate. I mean, it’s Pixar. And Disney. I don’t know that if they sat down and physically tried to make a bad cartoon if they could. So unless Michael Bay starts directing these things, I’d more or less just plan on these things being awesome for a while.

You mine as well just give them your money and souls now folks. It'll save time for later.

You mine as well just give them your money and souls now folks. It’ll save time for later.

And there you go guys, part 1 of our annual summer questions blogs! Many happy returns my friends, see you next week.

Well hey Internet, and welcome to Tuesday!! Unless of course this Tuesday is your Friday, or (alternatively) your Thursday. It’s been a confusing week. Days mean nothing, time is fluid, the door is a jar. All that stuff. However, nothing can hereby stop the new time of the year in which I know venture the retrospective/perspective posts!! That’s right ladies and gentleman this time of year I get to sit back, stop trying to think up what in the world I should write about, and instead try and remember  what in the world I’ve been doing for the past year.

And just to put off that horrible task for one more week here’s a list of the ten movies I’m most excited about in 2015!! Prepare for a party people, strap a hat on, grab a donkey tale and get ready to pin that sucker right on!!

(As usual these are in ranks from least to most excitements.)

10. Taken 3 – January 9th

I know, I know calm down. Look I can out pretentious anyone, I LOVE movies that make me think and change my life and have great scripts but ya know what I also like?? Liam Neeson punching things. And while Taken 3 will have none of the former it will have a LOT of the latter and sometimes you just take that latter and run with it. Set it up against the side of a tree and steal some apples!!!

There will never be an end to Liam Neeson. Never. He will punch then end in the face and it will become a beginning.

There will never be an end to Liam Neeson. Never. He will punch then end in the face and it will become a beginning.

I mean Taken 2 was good (though but by no means great or even ‘really good’) and Non-Stop was actually ‘really good.’ Taken 3 seems to be getting away from the whole “kidnapped by vaguely middle eastern people overseas” thing and gone for more of an intrigue/falsely accused thing which will hopefully add a nice new twist to things. Though let us remember the reason I will be seeing this movie: the joy of watching Mr. Liam Neeson punch other not Liam Neeson people. Bring it on Mr. Neeson, bring it on.

9. Inside Out – June 19th

My official kids movie of the year, Inside Out looks adorable and funny and all the things a Pixar movie should be. It will make tons of money and sell tons of toys and every child will want to quote their favorite parts of the movie to you. Thanks Pixar, you wonderful, horrible people you.

8. The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2 – November 20th

In my 2014 list The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 clocked in at a whopping number 4 but honestly as the year went on I got less and less excited about it. They released trailers and footage and clips and (apparently) replica barbie’s or something but honestly I just… didn’t care. I actually still haven’t gone to see it out of raw apathy. Cause even if I do go and do watch it and do like the story isn’t going to end. Nothing is going to resolve. Granted, Part 2 will solve that problem but the whole thing has just put a bad flavor in my mouth.

I’m sure a bunch of angry Katniss fans are currently scrubbing angry e-mails to me (thoughtswemighthavehad@gmail.com ladies) but that’s just how I feel. I’m not saying I’m not interested in the movie, just that I’m not as excited about it as I am about other things. For instance:

7. Jurassic World – June 12th

Honest confession: I’m not a huge Jurassic Park fan. I’ve watched the first one a couple times, and I think I saw one other one but I don’t remember caring much for it and never bothered to watch any of the other ones. As Jurassic Park switches to Jurassic World though it’s bringing along Chris Pratt (who’s awesome) and Bryce Dallas Howard (who’s… well Bryce Dallas Howard, for whatever that’s worth.) The plot looks a little hit or miss but there will be dinosaurs and (apparently) some sort of alpha-hyper-super dinosaur who will beat the snot out of the other dinosaurs and steal their lunch money.

All the sudden "Live every week, like it's shark week" is super depressing.

All the sudden “Live every week, like it’s shark week” is super depressing.

6.  Victor Frankenstein – October 2nd

This is one of two movies that I’m putting on here based almost entirely on the strength of the people in it. Check out this casting:

Igor – Danielle Radcliff. Dr. Frankenstein – James McAvoy. Roderick Turpin – Andrew Scott.

I have no idea who Roderick Turpin is but it’s Andrew Scott (Sherlock’s Professor Moriarty, and an INCREDIBLY good actor) so I’m in there.  Igor is apparently the major character here and the script was written by Max Landis (“Chronicle” and “Death and Return of Superman”) so all the parts here look like they could make a really good movie. Obviously there’s not a lot of info on the movie yet, but still I think there’s a lot of promise here so we’ll see what happens.

5. Ant-Man – July 17th

It’s a huge tribute to Marvel that this movie even ranks this high. I have such little interest in Ant-man as a super-hero. I mean he grows and shrinks and can (apparently) control ants or something. That’s not a great basis for a movie… right? I mean I like Paul Rudd.. but that’s about it.

On the other hand, it’s Marvel movie. They’ve been awesome, the worst Marvel movie is better then roughly 80 percent of other action/comedy/excitement movies. So I guess I’m in… I mean it’d be nice to see a trailer for it at some point. But let’s remember the last time Marvel green lit a less then front line comic book movie it was Guardians of the Galaxy which was freeking awesome. So who am I (lowly blogger that I am) not to be excited such things.

4. Spectre – November 6th 

The next James Bond movie that follows arguably the best James Bond movie ever and features Daniel Craig, Christoph Waltz, and (once again) Andrew Scott. Now, to this point very little is known about the movie but it’s a fairly safe bet that it (at some point) will feature James Bond’s ultimate nemesis a guy by the name of Ernst Blofeld (yeah, I didn’t come up with it.) Now, the smart money is on that being the very talented Christoph Waltz BUT you want to hear my crazy Sherlock fueled conspiracy theory?? Too bad. You’re hearing it.

So, for most of the movie Waltz will be the main villain and be all menacing and everyone will be like “Oh he’s Blofeld” kind of like when Star Trek: Into Darkness kept pretending that Benedict Cumberbatch wasn’t Khan when EVERYONE knew he was 100 percent definitely Khan. But this time 2/3 of the way through the movie Bond kills Waltz’s character only to have it revealed that the REAL Blofeld was actually Andrew Scott all along (cause Andrew Scott was MADE to be a villain in awesome movies) and Scott succeeds in doing something horrible before running off and setting up a huge face-off in the next Bond movie!!! BOOM.

Drop.

Mic.

moriarty-andrew-scott

“Yes, I should be the villain of every movie. Ever.”

I’m roughly 98% sure that won’t happen… but it would be awesome!

3. The Jungle Book – October 9th

We’ve actually got two live action Jungle Book remakes coming out in the next two years and this is the second movie I’m in on this year largely because of the cast (in this case the voice-over cast.) Observe:

Idris Elba – Shere Khan. Bill Murray – Baloo. Ben Kingsley – Bagheera. Christopher Walken – King Louis.

I mean for real. That’s insane. The only voices missing from this are Liam Neeson and Benedict Cumberbatch. That’s a great cast. I would pay to hear those people read a newspaper from the 50’s let alone the Jungle Book. I’m not guaranteeing it will be a great movie, but I do guarantee that it will sound great.

And now we get to the big 2, the good stuff, a whole new level of anticipation!!

2. Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens – December 18th

Yup. Number 2. I know, I know calm down. Here’s the deal: I believe in J.J. Abrams, I think the old cast is great, I think the new cast looks great, and I think the trailer was good (though sparse on information.) But there’s really no concrete proof that this will be good. I mean we haven’t seen a good star wars movie in literally DECADES. We’ll just have to see what happens, I think it will be good. I’m even pretty sure it will be good… but there’s no real evidence of that right at this moment. We’ll just have to see. I am VERY excited about this movie but we’ll just have to see what happens.

This isn't the official  movie poster... it's just way more awesome.

This isn’t the official movie poster… it’s just way more awesome.

1. Avengers: Age of Ultron – May 1st 

Unlike Star Wars  we both know a great Avengers video can be made (Cause one has been made recently by these same people) AND we’ve seen an AMAZING and very informative trailer. I think Age of Ultron will be fantastic, delve into new areas of the old story, and push the envelope of what we expect a super-hero movie to be. You could say that this is the culmination of all the character development that’s been going on in the last ten marvel movies or so. Captain America 2, the first Avengers, Iron Man 3, Thor 2, all that stuff has been feeding into the ideas and storylines of this movie. It’s practically unprecedented and if there’s anyone who can make this work it’s Joss Whedon. It’s gonna be fantastic.

With all due respect to the Taken 3 poster... This is the best picture ever.

With all due respect to the Taken 3 poster… This is the best picture ever.

And that’s it folks!! The movies I’m most excited about in 2015!! Now, I won’t be posting on Thursday (new years day) but I will be posting on Friday where I will make 5 bold movie predictions for next year AND see how I did with last years predictions! See you then!

Post posting EDIT: Okay, guys I have never ever done this before but an EGREGIOUS oversight on my part. I left off In the Heart of the Sea. A Ron Howard movie featuring Chris Hemsworth and a giant death whale called Moby Dick!!! I’m putting this in at Number 9 and ousting Inside Out. I’m still excited about it but it does not feature a giant death whale. Sorry Pixar.