Posts Tagged ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’

Well Internet, we made it! The big summer movie-wave has finally arrived, and what better way for us to strap on our boogie boards and boogie our way to that sweet summer freedom, than with a sequel to one of the most fun movies in recent memory: Guardians of the Galaxy. But can Guardians of the Galaxy 2 live up to the sweet tunes and styles of its predecessor? Will baby Groot still be as adorable over the course of a full two hours (yes)? Is it possible to recapture all of the various magics and tinctures that went into making the first Guardians movie the delicious cinematic dessert platter that it was? Well let’s find out together by journeying further down this page and reading some bold font!

Micah Reviews: Guardians of the Galaxy 2


Interstingly that guys in the middle is not in this movie at all…


The Plot: Shortly after the events of the first guarding, the second Guardians movie picks up with our heroes fighting off a big bad in a very cool sequence that sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Of course the job ends up going sideways, and the Guardians end up back on the run, and stuck in the middle with you. Or something.

Anyway, Star-Lords dad turns up, Rocket makes some new friends, and Baby Groot just keeps on Grooting away. Unfortunately, I can’t really give too many more details without spoiling some things I’d rather not spoil but suffice to say: there’s a plot, and it’s a pretty dang good plot!


This is technically for the first movie but… it’s very cool.


The Positrons:

First and foremost: Great cast. The core guardians (Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, and Rocket) are all fantastic and the script does an excellent job in showing how they’re growing as characters. The actors are more than up to the same task and do a fantastic job of re-visiting the fun characteristics that made the first Guardians movie so fun, while at the same time showing actual growth in what their characters are doing.

As mentioned, the script here is also very good. The jokes and the off the wall humor is still as sharp as it was before but tied into it now is a deeper story that really does do some great things with the characters. It’s very hard to seamlessly weave those two things together and while at times it gets a little clunky on the whole the script does a fantastic job at striding the line between the first movies trademark hilarity and the character growth that a sequel like this demands.


Obligatory cute thing with a bomb picture.


The visuals here are also fantastic. The aliens show the same creative mind that the first movie did and the worlds and ships and space peoples are all incredibly well done.

The Negatrons:

The movie does take a while to really get going. The plot doesn’t even really take shape till the second hour or so and while there’s more than enough going on to keep you interested it might have been nice to have some sort of larger tease as to what was really going on.

There are a very few times where the script sort of awkwardly trips over the humor vs. story line. They’re few and far between and I’m being VERY nitpicky about it, but it is worth mentioning.

In Conclusion:

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 is a fantastic sequel. It really does a great job of capturing the sense of fun and adventure that the first movie had while at the same time trying to do something more with the characters. It doesn’t fall into the sequel trap of just trying to do what the first movie did but bigger, and instead really tries to grow the world and its characters into something more interesting. It might not be straight up dollars for dollars as good as the first movie but it does an incredible job of growing its world and it is still a VERY good movie.

I give it 4 Bitty Baby Groots out of 5.

Thanks for reading as ever my Internet friends, check out my podcast at


Hey Internet, boy am I glad to be back, but not nearly as glad (I’m aware) as you are to have me. It’s okay my children, my blessed waifs of the internet. Come. Gather round my internet fire, and let us all warm ourselves in the glow of one of our most sacred Thoughts We Might Have Had traditions: bold and centered font. And also:

Summer Questions 2017: Part 1

Number 1: Can Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 be a good follow up to the first?

The good news is that because my summer questions are a little late this year we’ve already got a real solid answer to this: yes. Yes it can. The reviews have basically all been positive and while it’s generally agreed that it’s not quite as good as the original, the original was VERY good and this just being “very good” is still pretty good! Or very good. Or something.


It’s weird to say this but… this movie lived up to its potential!!


Number 2: Can King Arthur: Legend of the Sword be… I don’t know… anything more than just another Guy Ritchie movie about people running around doing vague things with quick cuts?

Probably not. I mean look, I like Guy Ritchie movies on the whole but they’re never really about much more than youngish people smash cutting around a city. I’m not saying this will be a bad movie, I’m just saying that there will probably be a lot more flash than there is substance to this one.


Wait a second… is this our most attractive King Arthur??


Number 3: Will Alien: Covenant actually be a good Alien movie?

I mean statistically: No. It’s got all the earmarks of a bad movie: forced sequel to a mediocre movie, director who may or may not understand why people like this franchise (he seems to think we LOVE pseudo-space philosophy and characters making weirdly inappropriate statements about the value of strong women and not… ya know, actual strong female characters and Aliens), and plans to make several more movies in the series meaning that this one will probably not actually resolve. I mean look: it could be good. I hope it’s good! I like the good Alien movies… but this will probably not be one.

Number 4: How do people keep making Pirates of the Caribbean movies?


Pirates of the Caribbean: You WILL like Johnny Depp. You WILL!!!


Look, here’s the thing: Pirates of the Caribbean 3, was a genuinely bad movie that brought that trilogy to a weird and confusing end. The whole “trilogy” thing just never really worked at all. That said: 1 and 4 were actually pretty good, so when the old PotC franchise has stuck to single story films they’ve done okay for themselves and this movie actually looks serviceably interesting. Honestly, the only thing that really freaks me out about it is the fact that apparently Orlando Bloom is back (Keira Knightely is as well but supposedly only in a cameo so whatever.) I feel like Pirates of the Caribbean is a great vehicle for good pirate movies, and we just sort of happen to put them all in the same universe, I get nervous that we’re gonna reach back and include things from earlier in the franchise cause that generally means some writer somewhere got locked in a room until he could work out twenty minutes of Piraty things for Orlando Bloom to do and that’s no way to make a movie, my friend. No way.

Number 5: Can Wonder Woman possibly somehow against all odds be a good movie?

Look guys… it’s just so dang hard to say. On the one hand: all the material for this has looked great. The trailers, the design, the cast, all of it. On the other hand: this is DC comics. DC has spent the last couple years selling us on trailers but then delivering bad movies with lazy writing and so many cooks in the kitchen that the soup morphed into a living amalgamation of death and disease that laid the world to waste. I hope Wonder Woman is good. Deep deep down past my layers of cynicism, bitterness, and toffee cream cakes I think it will be good. But I can’t honestly that it will be. I’ve been burned too many times man… by too many soups.


Power!! X’s!!! Woman!!


And that’s where we shall leave things for today my inter-children. Be blessed. Be filled. Come back Thursday for more answers, more questions, and more vague cooking references!

Well hey Internet, and welcome to another example of me caving in to the Man. And also some women. Really more of a ‘They’ then any particular gender. Anyway, a few weeks ago I posted a complete ranking of Pixar movies over here. Since then a couple different people have emailed me ( asking for me to do some other rankings of various and sundry rankible ranks.

So here’s a list of some things, involving some stuff. You’re welcome… I guess.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe from Worst to First 

Okay couple things: this is not a ranking of all the marvel movies ever cause frankly there are some things that happened in the 60’s and 70’s that no one wants to remember.


“Nothing’s happening in this closet, nothing at all.”

Also not included in this list are movies made from Marvel comics by companies that are not Marvel (i.e. The X-men movies and the Spiderman trilogy and 2/3rd.) The reason for that is those movies are very much their own thing. It’s less comparing apples and oranges, more comparing apples and the string theory of the Universe.

We all good to go? No?? Awesome.

11. The Hulk and the Incredible Hulk

I think all of the people who want a solo hulk movie need to be forced to sit down and watch these two movies back to back. Look I love the Hulk… okay so, I like the Hulk. He’s fun. But in the end he will always smash something, and in between smashings he will always be conflicted about his powers and sulk about the fact that he occasionally becomes a raging green death machine.

That works great in ensemble movies. I really like what Joss Whedon and Mark Ruffalo have done with that character but I don’t think that automatically means he’s great for his own movie. You want proof? Watch The Hulk again. That movie is BAD. Terrible. There is literally a Hulk Poodle. The ending of that movie is the Hulk spitting green stuff into a storm cloud who is also (through a series of events far FAR too stupid for the human mind to grasp) his dad.


This is an actual image from The Hulk. I don’t even need to try to make fun of this movie… It makes fun of itself.

The Incredible Hulk was better and Edward Norton did a really great job with that character but… it’s still not very good.

10. Iron Man 2

Probably the only other Marvel movie that is legitimately not good, Iron Man 2 just barely skates by on the fact that Robert Downey Jr. really IS Iron Man. Beyond his rock solid performance is a sloppily put together movie with an utterly forgettable villain, an even more forgettable final fight, and a movie that basically just amounts to a 2 hour trailer for the Avengers.

9. Iron Man 3

It’s weird how much Iron Man 2 and 3 fell off the tracks after Iron Man literally breathed life into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Iron Man 3 isn’t a bad movie, but it just doesn’t feel much life a Marvel movie. Tony Stark spends a lot of time running around outside his armor and fighting villains who breathe fire for some largely unexplained reason. It’s a fun movie sure, and Ben Kingsley is great as the Mandarin/Trevor but it doesn’t really feel like a super-hero movie, and that’s what we paid our ten bucks to see!!

8. Thor 2: The Dark World

I really like Chris Hemsworth as Thor and he and Loki’s mini road trip movie in this movie is awesome, but weirdly I feel like this movies last act just kind of fell apart. It got distracted by it’s own sense of humor and you never really get the feeling that that one pasty white dude who doesn’t speak English is actually going to do whatever it is he wants to do.

I enjoyed Thor 2 (cause at this point it’s all movies I enjoyed) but I think the balance of humor and drama skewered towards humor at the wrong times. Plus, while I think Natalie Portman is great her Jane Foster is almost terminally un-interesting. She’s just sort of… in the movie.

"Marvel's Thor: The Dark World"..Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) ..Ph: Jay Maidment..© 2013 MVLFFLLC. TM & © 2013 Marvel. All Rights Reserved.

Jane Foster, cause sometimes you just need someone to look at things.

7. Captain America: The First Avenger

Okay so from here on out all the movies are pretty great. I really liked The First Avenger, and I certainly was surprised at how much I liked Captain America when mostly before this I had just thought he was that stupid looking stripedy guy who threw things at other things.

I though this character was great, and Tommy Lee Jones was fantastic in this movie. That said the much maligned ending where Cap “puts the jet in the water” for literally no reason at all, did take away a bit from what was otherwise a super solid movie.

6. Thor

As stated above I think Chris Hemsworth is perfect for Thor and he might legitimately be my favorite Avenger. His introduction to the MCU was awesome and his relationship with Loki was great and awesome and I’m really excited for Thor 3 to come out so I can see more of that. The only thing really wrong with this movie were the Warriors 3 (AKA those not at all comic, comic relief characters) and (of course) the cardboard cut out of a human that is Jane Foster.

5. Iron Man

I was surprised this one fell as low as it did cause I think it’s a really great movie and like I said it literally created the Marvel Cinematic Universe and gave birth to Robert Downey Jr’s Tony Stark is nothing short of amazing.

I thought the villain for this was fairly forgettable but even that is the smallest of small gripes. It’s a great movie and watching RDj create that first Iron Man suite is an absolutely iconic moment in comic book movie history.

4. Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier

As surprised as I was that Iron Man got pushed to 5, I was probably more surprised that Captain America 2 ranked this high. But that movie was awesome. Intrigue, explosions, Captain America all the sudden becoming a raging cyclone of punchy faced death. If you doubt my decision to put this here just go watch that first bit where Cap basically takes over an ocean liner single-handedly. It’s awesome.

"Is... is there something happening behind me?"

“Is… is there something happening behind me?”

I like the Winter Soldier as a villain/tragic lost friend person, and the whole Hydra thing worked really REALLY well. It doesn’t have the crazy high stakes demigod battling feel to it, but it does it’s action incredibly well and creates a really interesting story with some great twists and turns.

3. Avengers: Age of Ultron

I will probably take a LOT of flack for this movie being this high on the list, but I really REALLY liked this movie. I thought it was great, and fun, and built interestingly on the first movie. A lot of people said it was too much like the first one but I also really liked the first one so that was totally fine with me!! Why wouldn’t I want more of that?

Also: James Spader as Ultron was awesome. I wanted more Ultron… and maybe less awkwardly forced Black Widow/Hulk romance but still, I thought it was a VERY well done movie with some great characters who we all really like doing some very cool stuff. Which is pretty much all I wanted.

2. Avengers

But nothing beats the original… except for the one movie on this list that did that, but more on that in a second. Avengers (before it’s release) scared the crap out of me. I had been scarred by the ‘Fantastic Four’ and then again by ‘The Fantastic Four 2: Why Are We Making This?’ I thought super-hero ensembles just couldn’t work. But then, like a white dove sailing down from downey clouds of heaven, Joss Whedon descended and gave us all the Avengers. Not just a great ensemble super hero movie, but just a genuinely great movie. It was amazing, the characters were great, the fights were epic, and the script perfectly walked the line between humor and drama. It was a great, great movie. And I have loved it forever.

1.Guardians of the Galaxy

My friend Schofs has a system whereby he measures things in which he asks “If I was stuck on an island and could only have two of these things, which would I want?” It is (possibly) not his own original idea, but I figured I’d credit him on here with it just because (to my knowledge) no one else has staked claim to that idea in any official capacity.

So anyway, I really love Avengers, but I also really loved Guardians of the Galaxy and as I labored and thought and thought and labored and then took a brief nap I finally boiled this choice down to Schofie’s classic Schofism: the desert island question.

Of course there's no electricity... or TV's... or food. So in the end we're kinda screwed either way.

Of course there’s no electricity… or TV’s… or food. So in the end we’re kinda screwed either way.

Surprisingly to me, the answer was: Guardians of the Galaxy. It’s just awesome. The cast is great, the action is awesome, the world it creates is crazy and wacky, but also surprisingly heart felt and the soundtrack is awesome. That was literally one of the deciding factors between these two movies, I really like both of them, but Guardians has that awesome 80’s soundtrack  and what better company on a deserted island then a great movie, with great music??

So there you go guys, the Marvel MCU, ranked. Have a great July 4th and I will see you all next week!

Well hello and welcome to another Thursday in which we will (at various points) throw some stuff in a backwardly direction. Because that’s what society demands!!! For some reason. But more to the point, and less to the prongs, let’s talk about Redbox! What’s good, what’s bad, and why is there always some super indecisive person in front of me who can’t PICK A STUPID MOVIE!!!

The Bottom 5: And speaking of stupid movies, here are 5 of the very worst movies currently festering inside of Redbox.

The Interview: Yup the movie everyone got super excited about and angry over, that then turned out to really really suck. A lot. Because believe it or not coming up with the most controversial idea you can think of and then writing a horrible script about it, is not the ticket to success.

Dumb and Dumber Too: Please do not watch this. Ever. I don’t care if you liked the original, I don’t care if you are quite literally an immobile object and the movie is playing in front of you. Move. Get out of there. You will never be the same after watching this movie, it will haunt you to the end of your days. Your IQ will drop, your sense of humor will whither, your face will (in a desperate act of self preservation) physically remove itself from your skull. Don’t watch this.

Lucy: You can read my full review of this over here but… in the end… the main character literally becomes a Celestial Thumbdrive. You did not misread that.

Lucy: a movie that defies you to figure out why it's omnipotent heroine does not in any participate in the climactic battle.

Lucy: a movie that defies you to figure out why it’s omnipotent heroine does not in any participate in the climactic battle.

Left Behind: Yup. You can still watch the movie that critics universally agreed was the cinematic equivalent of being beaten to death with a spork.

The Scorpion King 4: Cause is there was one thing that the unimaginative, poorly conceived, completely unnecessary, Scorpion King 1 needed, it was THREE sequels. Three of them. You did not misread that.

The Scorpion King series because... umm... tax breaks?? Are we getting tax breaks for this?

The Scorpion King series because… umm… tax breaks?? Are we getting tax breaks for this?

The Top 5: Things are actually pretty good in Redbox right now… believe it or not keeping this list down to 5 was actually fairly difficult.

Birdman: Academy Award Winning movie starring Michael Keaton, Edward Norton, and Emma Stone all about a guy who used to play a super hero and now doesn’t know what to do with his life… so basically the Michael Keaton story. It’s not for everyone (R rated and not exactly your typical movie experience) but it is fantastic for those of you who like it’s particular style.

Big Hero 6: The official kids pick of the article. It’s a great movie, with some great animations, and some very very strange, superpowers.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Couldn’t resist it. Still my favorite movie from last year, and still pretty much made of wonderful. No way around it.

The Imitation Game: Benedict Cumberbatch and Kierra Knightly star in a movie about code breaking, britishness, and extreme combovers. Seriously though, it’s great. Go watch it. Or… rent it. Or whatever.

And behind that enigma there is a... well a pizza hut. It is, admittedly, anti-climactic.

And behind that enigma there is a… well a pizza hut. It is, admittedly, anti-climactic.

The Theory of Everything: Just in case you watched Jupter Ascending and thought that Eddie Redmayne was a talentless husk of used guacamole, here’s the Theory of Everything. A movie in which Eddie Redmayne actually acts as opposed to the other movie in which he was actually routinely clubbed over the head with a mallet before the cameras rolled.

So there you go America, happy days. Find some movies, watch them, and then find some other movies and don’t ever watch them. Ever. At all.

Internet!! Sorry about yesterday… I… I have no excuse. Well to be honest I have several excuses but they are (to be frank) pretty lame. Like your face. BURN!!!! And speaking of burns it’s now time for everyone’s favorite part of the end of the summer. An awards show that features comedy, hilarity, intelligence, and very very few actual awards!!

Micah’s Summer Movie Awards 2014 

Most Rheumatoid Arthritis – Expendables 3

See, at the beginning of the Expendables movies they were kind of this cute little thing. Like all the people in  a nursing home getting together in the front yard and playing a really aggressive game of croquet… with guns. But at this point it’s kind of just depressing, you can’t shake the feeling that somewhere someone is just trying to get Sylvester Stallone to sit down for a nice cup of tea and a nap but he just keeps wandering off with his friends to play in the jungle. Poor guy.

 Most fails by the military – Godzilla

Godzilla was basically a long series of the military (US and otherwise) failing to do things. Failing to blow up a monster, failing to contain a monster, failing to move a bomb, failing to notice that a huge monster had DESTROYED THE BACK HALF OF A MOUNTAIN!!! And then Godzilla killed some stuff.  With fire. From his face.

Sure it looks impressive, but this whole thing is made of silly string and used putty.

Sure it looks impressive, but this whole thing is made of silly string and used putty.

Best Thumb Drive – Lucy

A thumb drive that was somehow also Scarlet Johanssen. I can think of about a million nerds who would literally give limbs to possess that drive.  For mere seconds.

Most Unnecessary Sequel – Transformers: Age of Extinction

As usual for the last few summers the competition for this category was stiff. With such great contestants as Think Like a Man Too, Rio 2, Expendables 3, The Purge: Anarchy, Planes: Fire & Rescue,  and of course Step Up: All In. But none of those movies could hold a candle to the huge pile of unnecessary movie-ness that was Transformers. Michael Bay took a widely criticized film franchise with utterly forgettable characters, indistinguishable robots, and a plot so thin that Miley Cyrus thought it was too revealing and decided that the best way to fix it was to change the forgettable characters with even more forgettable characters. This movie served no purpose. None. And yet (for some reason) people watched it. And that makes me sad.

Most Muscles – Hercules

Say what you want about Hercules’ bland storyline, so-so acting, and overall kind of suckiness but the Rock is a large large person… With a lion on his head.

Lion hats: because why not look like you're being eaten by a lion, all the time?

Lion hats: because why not look like you’re being eaten by a lion, all the time?

Movie no one cared about – Earth to Echo

I literally think that NO ONE watched this. Like not even the people in the movie. I think they took pictures at the premier and then went to a different movie. A better movie. Practically any movie.

Movie Least Like the Book – The Giver

If you’re ever super bored go find a big fan of The Giver and ask them what they thought of the movie. It’s hilarious. In a sad way.

Best Kids Movie – How to Train Your Dragon 2

For those of you already complaining The Lego Movie did NOT come out this summer. Calm down. Everything is Still Awesome… or whatever you people say. How to Train Your Dragon 2 managed to accomplish something so very rarely done with sequels, they paid homage to the first one, kept the feel of the world, and then expanded on those things and believably moved their characters forward. So parents, bring your kids. Watch this thing. And then put your kids to bed. And shut them up. Ha ha I’m kidding… Seriously though.

Biggest Pleasant Surprise – Edge of Tomorrow

A super good Tom Cruise movie. Yup… I typed that. It was great. You should watch it. Tom Cruise is in it. A lot. I think I may be ill.

Biggest Unpleasant Surprise – Umm… Maleficent??

This was a tough category not because there weren’t bad movies. There were A LOT of bad movies, but I knew they were going to be bad. Transformers, Ninja Turtles, Get on Up, Tammy. These were all bad. But they were all predictably bad. Even Lucy I wasn’t completely sold on. The only movie that I legitimately thought was gonna be great that turned out to be bad was Maleficent. I didn’t necessarily hate maleficent but it also was not great. And thus I was unpleasantly surprised.

Movie of the Summer – Guardians of the Galaxy

Okay, there were some genuinely great movies this summer. But this was not even close. Guardians of the Galaxy is pretty much the perfect summer movie. Heartfelt, hilarious, dance-offs. Everything you could want. Ever. It was an awesome, gutsy move by Marvel and it paid off big time. Groot forever.

So, there you go guys, another year, another bunch of awards no one cares about.

Hey Internet, so before we get to today’s wonderfully awesome review of a pretty wonderfully awesome movie, I must impart to you a tiny nugget of sadness. A nugget that will sit on the top of this wonderful Sunday that is today’s blog post and will be with you all through next week in a sad little corner of nuggetry. I will not be posting next week. I know. I know. It’s okay, let it out. I’ll be in Maine for a week teaching a drama camp and working on my ability to slowly freeze to death. So hang in there guys, and remember, I’ll always be here for you… except for next week… as we discussed. So anyway…

Micah Reviews: Guardians of the Galaxy

I’ve been riding the hype train for Guardians of the Galaxy for like a year. In fact I have been DRIVING the hype train. With a hype hat and matching gloves. So could it possibly live up to the expectations of my train… Or some other things that makes more sense with this metaphor? In short: yes. Yes it could.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Cause awesome, that's why.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Cause awesome, that’s why.

The Plot:

Guardians of the Galaxy opens with a little boy and he’s sad about… about something. I don’t know…. There was a thing and it was unfortunate… And then he got abducted by aliens and everything was AWESOME! We jump forward about twenty years and rediscover our little boy now in the grown up and awesome form of Peter Quill aka (according to some) Star Lord. Peter breaks into a decrepit old temple, does some dancing, and then steals a valuable orb to sell to the highest bidder.

Unfortunately, he’s not the only one after it, and he is soon afterword caught up in a galaxy’s worth of trouble with four misfits, one huge problem, and a couple people out to kill them all! So, can a raccoon, a tree, an assassin, a crazy huge crazy person, and a formerly abducted person during a sad situation that I don’t remember, save the galaxy???

The Pros:

Can’t talk enough about the script for this movie. It was spot on (except for ya know… one or two things) but  the overall flow of the movie is incredible. The  characters are smart, the world/galaxy is amazing, and the movie has an amazing sense of humor and tone about it.

Chris Pratt is great as Peter Quill. The whole cast has a few weak points but Pratt carries the movie from start to finish with great comedic timing, and a surprising amount of heart. Also backing up Pratt is a great performance by Bradley Cooper doing the voice work for Rocket Raccoon who steals just about every scene he’s in.

The soundtrack also deserves its own prop in the pro prop proportion production. The songs are great and they really help set the tone for the crazy pace of the movie and the world that Guardians of the Galaxy builds.

The action is very well done and the visuals are incredibly well realized and have a very distinct look to them. It’s not just another run in the mill sci-fi, spacey looking movie that looks like other spacey looking movies. It’s incredibly distinct and incredibly awesome. Deal with it.

Also, some serious mad props to Marvel for having the guts to make this film. It’s VERY different from anything they’ve done before, and  a refreshing change of pace from a long line of sequels and the dark gritty grit grit of some other comic franchises. Before anything else Guardians of the Galaxy wants to be fun, and it absolutely is. Yes it has some tender moments, and yeah it works into the rest of the “MARVEL UNIVERSE” but this movie has the guts to be incredibly different in a comic book world that is starting to look a little samey. So thanks Guardians, for showing us that comic book movies don’t have to be sequels (Captain America) or dark and moody (Man of Steel) but can just be a ton of fun!

The Cons:

Umm… one or two small script things kinda stuck out but it was literally one word here or there. So nothing too much to criticize there.

Thanos is just not doing it for me. He looks like Barney’s ugly cousin. Or perhaps his alter-ego. Like evil-Barney. I can totally see that being a thing.

Evil Barney: He'll love you. To death.

Evil Barney: He’ll love you. To death.

Also the post credits scene is a waste of your time. Unless you’re fond of old, terrible, comic books movies, from the 80’s you should really just leave the theatre. Seriously though. Leave. Walk out. Run out. Run out and bang your head against a wall for five minutes, it will be more fun than watching the end credits scene.

In Conclusion:

Guardians of the Galaxy is awesome!!! Go watch it. Leave now. Watch it. Watch yourself laugh, watch yourself enjoy yourself. You’ll thank me later. Your face will thank me later. Go watch this movie.

I give it 4 awesome evil Barney’s out of 5.

So there you go gentlemen. Ladies. Guardians of the Galaxy, I was totally awesomely right. You’re welcome. Bear in mind, I will be gone next week so… I don’t know, watch Guardians of the Galaxy for me.

Hey America… and other countries, and welcome to Thursday. It’s been a while since I did a Judging Covers post but with all the new trailers dropping from the hands of the Movie lords I figured this would be a good time to wipe the dust off of my incredibly judgmental glasses and talk about some movies purely based on the stuff in their trailers. Per usual, all these trailers are available on youtube or the movie trailer watching site of your choice.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

That’s right folks: Transformers 4: Putting the Stink back into Extinction. I hung with the transformers series for a long time even after the dripping mass of dirty laundry and angry muskrats that was Transformers 2 I believed that Michael Bay could pull off something entertaining with Transformers 3… and the he did not. At all. The sad thing is that I really like Mark Wahlberg, but even the prettiest girl in the world would smell of old cheese after being thrown headfirst into a melted vat of Limburger. The trailer seems to hit all the “bad Transformers movie” checkboxes. Obligatory hot girl in short shorts who can’t act, FBI guy who is a villain (but probably joins the good guys by the end), Scientist who doesn’t think we need transformers, screamy shot of Optimus Prime, etc. Not only does this look like a bad movie, it looks like the same bad movie we’ve already seen twice.


A trailer that just came out yesterday, the new Annie seems to be poised to make all of our childhood memories well up inside us like emotional gastrointestinal problems!– ew. Sorry… no idea what happened there. Umm– Cameron Diaz as Mrs. Hannigan seems like an odd choice but at this point Cameron Diaz is an odd choice to play a non-speaking character in a Geico commercial, so I guess I can’t be to thrown by this. Jamie Foxx seems charming and the little girl playing Annie looks face punchingly adorable so this movie will probably be all the things we want it to be, even if we just want it to be a fun new take on a very old story.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier 

There are about twenty different trailers out for this movie and it is officially starting to get on my wife’s nerves. It’s hard to disagree with her though, I mean, we all know Captain America is the worst of the Avenger’s super-heroes but at this point it just feel like he’s standing behind the Hulk jumping up and down, waving his arms, and desperately begging us to give him some attention. I’m already at least somewhat intrigued by this movie but am unlikely to get more excited no matter how many times Marvel shows me an aircraft carrier on fire. Calm down, Marvel. It’s gonna be okay.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.


Godzilla’s first full trailer hit the internet last week and pretty much cleared up nothing at all about the movie. Godzilla will be big and will punch things, Aaron Taylor-Johnson is going to make an “oh no” face a lot, and then there’s some other guy who looks like a shaggy haired Robert Redford who seems to mostly be in the movie so he can over act really badly. I’m not saying Godzilla will be a bad movie (it probably won’t be) but it also isn’t really making me think it’s going to be a good movie. So far the trailers could be summarized by just saying “hey look at all this broken stuff!!!” And just having a bunch of cities get smashed doesn’t really make a good movie, right Man of Steel??? (glares at Superman)

Guardians of the Galaxy 

Ah, the sweet sweet scent of an awesome trailer. Guardians of the Galaxy looks like it’s shaping up to be an awesome new entry in Marvel’s already awesome universe. The movie just looks so distinct and seems like it’s going to land right in that sweetspot between “not taking itself too seriously” while also being a big action movie with a decent amount of heart. The cast looks great, the script seems sharp, and the action looks significantly big and explosiony. I’m pretty much all in on this one from here on out and (while there’s still a chance I’m wrong) this trailer only encourages my belief that we could be looking at something special here.

I was gonna put "your welcome" down here but Marvel already did. That's the kind of movie we're talking about here folks.

I was gonna put “your welcome” down here but Marvel already did. That’s the kind of movie we’re talking about here folks.

And there you have it guys!! Thanks for checking in and we will see you next week!