Posts Tagged ‘Fall movie preview’

Well hey Internet, happy end of September everyone, we’ve almost done it. We’re almost through with the sad sack of cinematic nonsense that was September, so let’s take a look at the slightly less sad, but no less sacky sack of sadness that will be Octobers movies… oh boy.

Umm… okay so… what say we broaden our search a bit and just do a fall preview shall we?? October is literally a wasteland of terrible, it’s quite possibly the least appealing month of movies since… well this month.

Fall Movie Preview

The Girl on the Train – October 7th Amway Trains sponsors this heartfelt movie about the magical journey of one young girl on a train ride through America!! Ha ha, no I’m kidding. There’s a murder and a girl and another girl and Luke Evans and… look everyone gets murdered or is a murderer  or thinks they’re a murderer. It’ll probably be a good movie in a “You’ll be convinced you’ve probably killed someone at some point AND that everyone is out to kill you” sort of way.

Shin Godzilla – October 11th Japan responds to our mostly fine but kind of dumb Godzilla movie with their own movie… that will probably be mostly fine but kind of dumb. On the plus side their movie will probably have more actual Godzilla in it, unlike ours that should have been named “Ineffectual and Confused Military: With Cameo by Godzilla.”

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Godzilla is apparently going through his “red phase.”

 

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back – October 21st Look, I really liked the first Jack Reacher movie but no one else but me has ever seen it, I’ve also really like the trailers for this movie but there has literally been 2 youtube views of the trailer and one of them says “This is was Tom Cruise” next to it so… I’m not exactly expecting Star Wars money here.

Inferno – October 28 – Wait wait… they’re still making these movies??? For those of you who don’t know this is the third book in the Divinci Code book series of which the first movie was kind of fine and the second movie was pretty bad. Of course those were good books, Inferno really isn’t. Not that it matters, this series is based on the premise of Tom Cruise staring uninterestingly at some puzzle box or something and then solving it because… the Church is a lie… or something. Didn’t the last one revolve around somebody trying to become the Pope by framing the Pope and all the little Popeletts for murder?

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It’s an Inferno!!! Of boredom…

 

See what I mean?? That’s October guys. 4 interesting movies, at least 2 of which will probably be real bad. Let’s move on to November shall we?

November 4th – Doctor Strange – And here it is ladies and gentleman, are reward for suffering through two months of cinema dribble. By all accounts this is gonna be a fantastic movie, with a great cast, and (hopefully) create some really cool new options for the Marvel cinematic universe with the introduction of magic. REAL excited for this and for the ever fantastic Benedicit Cumberbatch doing his best Hugh Laurie from house impression.

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Stranger Doctors.

 

November 4th – Trolls – Because you had to put out this movie sometime didn’t you?

November 4th – Hacksaw Ridge – this movie is basically the exact opposite of Trolls. Realistic World War 2 movie depicting the horrors of war from the perspective of a young medic (played by Andrew Garfield,) and then Trolls a movie that was made for kids… because we could.

November 11th – Arrival – This movie actually looks REALLY cool. Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner star in a movie about man’s first contact with an unknown alien species. I know that doesn’t sound very cool, but trust me: it will be.  Based on a super interesting short story called “Story of Your Life” but… I already did that one super nerd-out with Doctor Strange so I’m not gonna talk too much about this one… It’ll be great though.

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Attack of the bean… FROM SPACE!!!

 

November 18th – Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – I’ve thus far been pretty unimpressed by the promo stuff for this movie but the last trailer actually looked pretty good! It felt a lot more “grown up Harry Potter” than anything else has so far and it gave us a better feel for how good the whole movie could end up being. My interest-o-meter has gone from a 5 to an 8, so we’ll see how that goes.

November 23rd – Moana – It’s a Disney animated movie guys. It’s gonna be great. I mean, until they drop the ball on one of these that’s what we have to assume right? I mean this looks really good in and of itself anyway, but it’s Disney, when was the last really bad Disney animated movie?? I mean Brave wasn’t awesome but even it wasn’t bad. I fully expect this to be whimsical and entertaining and just a little bit deeper than I’m expecting it to be. All Hail Disney!

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Yeah, well tell the Ocean to leave a message would you?

 

And there you have it folks, all we have to do is survive October, and then it’s all sweet sweet cinema all the time! We can do it!!!… maybe.

Well hey Internet and welcome to a deep and mystical time in which I, Micah Thompson Lord of Movies, will stare deeply into the Coming Soon page of Fandango and reveal to you YOUR FUTURE!!! (of cinema)  This Summer was… interesting… not quite as awesome as I was hoping, while at the same time featuring some pretty awesome awesomeness. Anyway, reviewing the summer is something for a later date (specifically a next Monday sort of date) but for now let us gaze with open faces and windblown eyes into the future, the fall, the fffffffffffffffsomething.

September– Wow…. First few weeks of September are NOT good my friends. Not good. Prepare to save some money on movie tickets… yuck. The first movie I even kind of want to watch in September is…

Maze Runner (September 19th) – A movie based on a book series about people running through some sort of Maze. Frankly I don’t have a HUGE idea what this thing is about but the trailer looks interesting and the books are supposed to be good and in the sad sad soup that is September Movies, Maze Runner stands to be a piece of beef that’s only slightly burned. METAPHOR!!

This is Where I Leave You (September 19th) – A Tina Fey Movie with Jason Bateman, Adam Driver, and Dax Shepard where a family has to reunite for their Father’s Funeral. By no means an original premise but a strong cast might make this movie worth watching… from Redbox.

And that about does it for September. If you want you could watch Boxtrolls in theaters (or if you have children and NO IDEA what to do with them) but that is by no means a “must see in theaters” sort of movie… or a “must see”  movie. Though it is for sure a movie so that’s… ya know fsomething.

All right October- let’s see what you got!!

October-

Gone Girl (Oct. 3) – Well Gone Girl does look good… in a horrifyingly terribly horrifying sort of way. Ben Affleck stands to be awesome in it. Just… ya know… horrifying.

Left Behind (Oct. 3) – Wait didn’t they already make a terrible adaptation of Left Behind?? On the plus side this one could’t be as bad as that one right? I mean that movie was terrible NOTHING could be as bad or less representative of the books they’re based on then that movie…. Wait, what? Nicolas Cage is in this?? Okay I take everything back: this will be worse.

Seriously though... do the people making this movie actually know who Nic Cage is? Have they seen any of his other movies?? Then again they also cast Jordin Sparks in this movie. Nic Cage even looks a little confused as to why he's in this movie... and wearing that wig.

Seriously though… do the people making this movie actually know who Nic Cage is? Have they seen any of his other movies?? Then again they also cast Jordin Sparks in this movie. Nic Cage even looks a little confused as to why he’s in this movie… and wearing that wig. Though it does apparently star a bizzaro version of my wife so… that’s something. 

The Book Of Life (Oct. 17) – Some people are super excited about this movie but… frankly I do not understand anything that is going on in the trailer. Anything. At all. Except it looks like someone threw up a bunch of semi-racist Mexican stereotypes on a film screen. Maybe it will be great… assuming someone can figure out what on earth is happening in it.

I can't shake the feeling that this looks like a racist version of A Nightmare Before Christmas.

I can’t shake the feeling that this looks like a racist version of A Nightmare Before Christmas.

Dracula Untold (Oct. 17) I am actually VERY excited about this movie.  Originally it looked like just another sad attempt to make some money off the corpse of Brahm Stoker but honestly this movie looks kind of awesome. I’m not guaranteeing it will be good (it might just be a very well disguised sad attempt to make some money off the corpse of Brahm Stoker) but it looks like it has some awesome ideas behind it and Luke Evans should be able to lend some gravitas to the film and bring the pain as young angry Pre-Drac Dracula.

Fury (Oct. 17th) – Brad Pitt has a tank. And shoots people. I don’t know what else you really need to know about this film. Consequently there are officially more interesting films coming out on this one day then in the entire month of September. So thanks for that, September. You suck.

Okay we’re gonna go ahead and cover November even though (technically) it probably is more winter then fall. But whatever, September let me down.

Interstellar – (Nov. 7th) I’m still very excited for this movie even though (to be entirely honest) I have no idea what it’s about. Something to do with space, and wormholes, and the world ending because of Anne Hathaways man-haircut. I’m not saying it makes a lot of sense, that just seems to be the general vibe. Still though it’s Chris Nolan and I am nothing if not a loyal follower of Mr. Captain Admiral King Nolan.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (Nov. 21) – So thus far all the makers of the THGMP1 have deigned to show us are some super weird videos that tell us nothing about the plot of the movie. Then again, this is a “Part 1” movie so far all we know this thing doesn’t actually have a plot. This is the less exciting half of a two part movie, not meant to be done in two parts. Harry Potter started all this nonsense when they split the last book of that series in two. Book 7 in the Harry Potter series is INCREDIBLE and even so the “Part 1” in that duelogy felt kind of long and boring and pointless. I have (for the most part) really enjoyed the Hunger Games movie but they’ve always struggled in the first half of the movie (the parts that weren’t the Hunger Games) so now we’re getting a whole movies worth of the first half of a book that has no Hunger Games in it??? Yeah… I’m a little afraid this will suck.

Penguins of Madagascar (Nov. 26) – This is gonna be awesome. Bring the wife, bring the kids, bring ffffffsomeone.

It's somewhat comforting to me that even as old and snooty as I am, I am still incredibly excited about a movie starring four talking penguins.

It’s somewhat comforting to me that even as old and snooty as I am, I am still incredibly excited about a movie starring four talking penguins.

So there you got it guys!! The fall. Grab some pumpkin spiced latte’s and head to a theater… just not in September.