Posts Tagged ‘Downton Abbey’

Well hey Internet, sorry for the brief delay in posting yesterday (i.e. I didn’t) but here we are today, facing a new day… today. Specifically. Anyway, let’s just make with the headlines shall we ?

Weekly Headlines 3-2-2016

High School Musical 4 is officially happening guys. This is it. It’s the end.

High-School-Musical-Where-Now

And you thought Trump was gonna destroy America!… Politics!!!

 

In positive news, there’s a new Finding Dory trailer, and that looks great. A whole new generation of children can watch this movie hundreds of times and force their parents to buy them fish and then watch those fish slowly die, sad deaths. Thanks, Disney.

Leanardo DeCaprio finally won his Oscar award. A huge testament to rich, beautiful people everywhere, that if they really stick to their guns, make lots of money, and date super models, they too can win tiny golden statues and have everyone applaud them for it. Seriously though: congrats Leo. Way to not let that bear keep you down.

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He overcame so much!!… I guess.

 

Gods of Egypt was released this week. And it was exactly bad as we all thought it inevitably would be. Cause nothing says bad movie quite like a Scottish guy and aGgreek guy playing Egyptian guys in a movie released in February.

Meanwhile, Deadpool continues to reign mightily oe’r the box office, but lurking in the shadows like an adorably animated death Puma, is Disney’s Zootopia coming out this weekend. A movie that not only ticks all the “great kids movie” boxes but also currently sits at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. So enjoy this last week on your throne Deadpool, the children are coming!!!

Mad Max: Fury Road won 6 Academy Awards Sunday, making it the first movie to ever win academy awards while featuring a blind man, playing a flaming guitar, on top of a truck filled with speakers. I didn’t research that stat at all but… it feels pretty safe.

iOTA-Mad-Max-Guitarist

6 Oscars everone… 6.

 

Terrence Malick’s new film “Knight of Cups” comes out this weekend, all we really know about it right now is it’s gonna be REAL weird, and star Christian Bale.

Also being released this week: London Has Fallen, A movie starring a Scottish guy, pretending to be American, defending Britain. Yeah… we’re sorry Britain, this one got away from us. Please don’t stop sending us Sherlock just cause we did this to you.

Hit show Downton Abbey is about to air its final episode next week. Expert predictors have said: Something British will happen, and have confirmed that Mary married arguably the least interesting race car driver, to ever drive a race car.

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He’s sponsored by Z-Quil, Nyquil, and the Sheep Counting Federation.

 

In sports news: Spring Training has started, and me and all my nerdy baseball friends, excitedly gathered in our basements and started comparing stat sheets.

In other Oscar news Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu won the award for ‘Most Likely Person to Have Made Up Their Name.’ And Inside Out won for ‘Best Animated Feature’ and ‘Feature You Definitely Cried At.’

And there you have it guys! Check back in tomorrow for more Thoughts, more words, and more… basically of me… sayin’ stuff.

Hey everyone,  well now that the raw rancid excitement of our 300th postiversary has faded away like the stale smell of last month’s groceries let’s get back to doing what we do best huh? And when I say best I mean: moderately better than I do other things. Some people are all “raise the bar” “challenge yourself” and stuff like that but personally I just assume set the bar on the ground and take a nap on it. And so following that grand tradition here’s an article wherein I will make fun of something that millions of Americans are completely addicted to. Namely: Downton Abbey.

Downton Abbey Part 2: The Show that I Do Not Watch

It’s probably worth noting here that there are going to be a LOT of spoilers in the next few paragraphs. Especially for seasons 1-3 I haven’t watched season 4 (as you may have guessed from the title of this article.)

Series 1

I talked about Downton Abbey once before way back in the golden olden years of old (check it out here.) Back then I spent about a thousand words saying that Downton Abbey was basically just a well written soap opera. The characters were interesting, the setting was cool, and the time period worked really well for the material. The stories really didn’t change your life or even touch on anything deeper then “but who will I marry?” but they were interesting enough and Maggie Smith was awesome so hey, whatever. No harm, no foul. It was a fun little boat ride down a merry little British stream. It wasn’t a sweet trip down awesome rapids or a beautiful walk through epic scenery, filled with dinosaurs and poems to roses but it wasn’t too bad.

Maggie Smith folks: the only reason to watch this show.

Maggie Smith folks: the only reason to watch this show.

Series 2

And then someone took that little boat, filled it with bear traps, and lit it on fire. In season 2 the focus of Downton Abbey shifted from a long, somewhat boring story about moderately interesting characters placed in hilariously unfortunate positions; to a story about… well I have no idea what frankly. Someone gave the writer of this thing a bad batch of Earl Grey or something cause all the sudden the timeline, storyline, and umm… dateline of this story went berserk. And not only did Season 2 leak storylines from each of its tinty British orifices but none of those storylines actually went anywhere… at all.  Some dude showed up at Downton wrapped in bandages and spent a few epsiodes claiming to be the “HEIR TO DOWNTON” and then he just sort of… left. We spent three episodes watching Captain-Sir Grantham-face not have an affair with a maid only to have him (in a shocking turn of events) decide to continue not having an affair. The shows eight episodes also spanned a two year period so at no point in any episode did you know how long it had been since the previous episode. At one point I’m fairly certain Sybill took three months to answer Tom about whether or not she was in love with him despite the fact that they probably saw each other on a daily basis! I mean I know your british and its forbidden for whatever reason we’ve invented but… three months? What the hey???

My other big problem (and this problem has been with the show forever) is that no one in Downton Abbey ever shuts up. Every third sentence in this show is “well I shouldn’t tell you this but…” or “I promised not to tell anyone this but…” or “I swore to my mother I would never ever never tell anyone this but you seem to have two ears and a face so I guess I can tell you” it’s like these people lack the genetic predisposition to not say everything to everyone ever.

"Now listen babies, I've got a secret to tell you and it's an important part of this families livelihood that you tell this SUPER secret secret to NO ONE... unless you want to."

“Now listen babies, I’ve got a secret to tell you and it’s an important part of this families livelihood that you tell this SUPER secret secret to NO ONE… unless you want to… or your slightly upset with someones. Or it looks fun. “

Series 3

This season they at least did some things of consequence but they also seemed to fall in love (or perhaps I should say MORE in love) with heartfelt tragedy. Every fourth person in this season was either dead, dying, bankrupt, or in jail. Gibbs (easily the character in this show most grounded in reality) got shipped off to jail so that he wouldn’t be around to spout logic or common sense or any of that crazy stuff. Matthew and Mary get married (the start of a long drawn out campaign to make Matthew as wonderful a person as possible so we could kill him later.) Meanwhile the kitchen staff are involved in (by my count) the fifth different love triangle since the show started but this time we’ve mixed it up by making it a love Octagon between Thomas, Jimmy, Anna, Jeeves, and P.G. Wodehouse. A lot of things happen in here that didn’t have a point at all… some cousin or something gets drunk a lot, Edith keeps being super ugly and unhappy and annoying and whiny and dumb out everything, and Matthew continues his long, slow, smiling march to death. Bates gets let out of prison because of… something… and comes back to Downton to some controversy because some other guy was putting Lord Granthams pants on in the morning and apparently that’s something everyone wants to do. Anyway, this all of course culminates in a massive speech from Matthew to Mary all about how happy he is, and how wonderful life is, and how he’s so super glad that he isn’t going to die in a car crash!!!

"Man do I love being alive. It's a good thing I spent this whole season being a wonderful person and a supportive husband. Otherwise something bad might happen."

“Man do I love being alive. It’s a good thing I spent this whole season being a wonderful person and a supportive husband. Otherwise something bad might happen!”

And that’s pretty much all I’ve watched. I suppose at some point I may watch season 4 but the show seems to be desperately racing itself to see how bad it can be before people stop watching it. I’m not saying it’s a show no one should watch, I mean it’s not Once Upon a Time in Wonderland but neither does it seem to be Season 1 of its own run. With each passing season it’s gotten more “soap opera-ish” and less “well written look at British society.” But to  each their own, if you like Downton more power to you, hope you enjoy it!! If you like Once Upon a Time in Wonderland… actually no, don’t watch that show. Ever.

So it’s late and I can’t sleep but am at a good stopping point for my “serious writing” projects… so guess what time it is??

Micah Goes Random!! 

Recently my wife and I marathoned our way through Downton Abbey. Marathon apparently doesn’t have a past tense so I made one up. I marathon, you marathon, he marathoned. Get over it. Marathoning (also not a word) is really the best way to watch TV shows. I hate waiting a week between episodes. It’s like watching a REALLY long movie but you have the advantage of having long breaks programmed into the movie every hour. All that to say that in a 48 hour period my wife and I watched however many episodes were in season 2. (Yes it was a weekend). Right in the middle of this Marathon we went and watched The Dark Knight Rises which led me to this conclusion: If I could pick one place on Earth where I would be the least likely to meet Batman, it would be Downton Abbey.

First off none of the people in this house can keep a secret to save their souls…

I just can’t picture Matthew Crawley walking out of the grand double doors of Downton and then having the camera pan up to reveal Batman wrapped around one of the pillars glowering down at him. Of course the fact that it’s the least likely place to find Batman probably means Batman has his underground lair right underneath it. After I realized that I spent the last four episodes looking for Batman… which is probably why he wasn’t there… Cause if I thought he was there, because I didn’t think he was there then… Man… I think I just broke my brain.

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Did you see that guy who blew that golf tournament? Yeah me neither. I heard about though which is just about the only way I interact with professional golf. I feel like we need to spice it up a little bit. What if we took the spectators and scattered them randomly along the fairway, then when the golfer’s golfed (why does that sound like something Dora the Explorer would yell?) they would not only have to try and get it in the hole, but they would have to try and avoid hitting innocent bystanders? Now THAT I would watch.

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My wife is an exceedingly wonderful woman who has to put up with a lot (namely me). Which (among other things) occasionally involves me wasting my time cavalierly saving people, who do not actually exist at all. Lately this has manifested in my playing of Amazing Spiderman (the video game). I’ll probably talk more in depth about this on Thursday but for now all you need to know is that last night I jumped off of the highest building in New York, swung on my web twice, and landed with hawk like precision on the shoulders of an unsuspecting mugger. Yup. I’m pretty sweet.

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Ya know how they used to have a secret red phone in the White House that was a direct link to the President of Russia, or whatever? I recently discovered a secret phone hidden in the maintenance closet. It’s brown. I’m gonna let your imaginations finish that joke.

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So they finally released a trailer for the new Superman movie. For those of you not in know (i.e. Normal people with social lives), this movie is directed by Zach Snyder who you might remember as that guy who directed 300. I don’t mind Snyder but let’s all remember that he also directed Sucker Punch a weird movie that somehow wasn’t awesome despite having a plot consisting mainly of  “hot, crazy girls fight robots using Samurai swords.”

Anyway, this might be the least informative trailer ever created as all I can surmise at this point is Superman is a hitchhiker and mind numbingly good looking. Also Russell Crowe says some inspirational things about mankind. Apparently Snyder also stole the soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings which seems like a really odd thing to do. I mean everyone knows that’s the soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings, right? Everyone?

One of these things just doesn’t belong… let’s see… which of us is wearing our underwear on the outside?

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Now that the Summer Comic book movies are over, where does DC Comics go from here?

Well… Nowhere good. Here’s the thing with DC there characters have never really taken off like Marvel’s (the other big comic book company) have and as such most of their characters are either dumb or super obvious rip-offs of Marvel characters.

For instance: The Justice League (DC’s attempt to be the Avengrers) primarily consist of: Green-Lantern (dumb), Superman (classic but… kind of dumb), Wonder Woman (sexist and dumb), Batman (awesome), and a bunch of other kind of lame Super-heroes that no one remembers. So when DC says “hey we’re totally gonna make a Justice League movie!!” You can see why I’m not exactly jumping for joy.

Anyway… right now DC is banking on Superman next summer, maybe a wonder-woman movie, maybe another Green-Lantern movie, and maybe some other movie about something else I probably won’t care that much about. I miss Batman.

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Now that the Summer Comic book movies are over, where does Marvel go from here?

Sequel land of course!! Spider-man, Ironman, Thor, Wolverine, X-men, and Captain America will all be having sequels in development as the next year or two go by. As far as new movies go they are making a… gulp… Ant-man movie… ew… I’m gonna go wash my hands. And a “Guardians of the Galaxy” movie. I googled “Guardians of the Galaxy” cause I had never heard of them before and google called me a nerd and tried to send me to match.com. Then I googled “Ant-man” and google threw up on my keyboard.

Ant-man is a hero who can grow or shrink at will and has a cont… yeah I don’t care.

Yeah… he’s that kind of dumb.

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Thanks for reading this randomnicity readers! I’ll see ya Thursday!!