Posts Tagged ‘DC Comics’

Hey Internet, boy am I glad to be back, but not nearly as glad (I’m aware) as you are to have me. It’s okay my children, my blessed waifs of the internet. Come. Gather round my internet fire, and let us all warm ourselves in the glow of one of our most sacred Thoughts We Might Have Had traditions: bold and centered font. And also:

Summer Questions 2017: Part 1

Number 1: Can Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 be a good follow up to the first?

The good news is that because my summer questions are a little late this year we’ve already got a real solid answer to this: yes. Yes it can. The reviews have basically all been positive and while it’s generally agreed that it’s not quite as good as the original, the original was VERY good and this just being “very good” is still pretty good! Or very good. Or something.

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It’s weird to say this but… this movie lived up to its potential!!

 

Number 2: Can King Arthur: Legend of the Sword be… I don’t know… anything more than just another Guy Ritchie movie about people running around doing vague things with quick cuts?

Probably not. I mean look, I like Guy Ritchie movies on the whole but they’re never really about much more than youngish people smash cutting around a city. I’m not saying this will be a bad movie, I’m just saying that there will probably be a lot more flash than there is substance to this one.

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Wait a second… is this our most attractive King Arthur??

 

Number 3: Will Alien: Covenant actually be a good Alien movie?

I mean statistically: No. It’s got all the earmarks of a bad movie: forced sequel to a mediocre movie, director who may or may not understand why people like this franchise (he seems to think we LOVE pseudo-space philosophy and characters making weirdly inappropriate statements about the value of strong women and not… ya know, actual strong female characters and Aliens), and plans to make several more movies in the series meaning that this one will probably not actually resolve. I mean look: it could be good. I hope it’s good! I like the good Alien movies… but this will probably not be one.

Number 4: How do people keep making Pirates of the Caribbean movies?

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Pirates of the Caribbean: You WILL like Johnny Depp. You WILL!!!

 

Look, here’s the thing: Pirates of the Caribbean 3, was a genuinely bad movie that brought that trilogy to a weird and confusing end. The whole “trilogy” thing just never really worked at all. That said: 1 and 4 were actually pretty good, so when the old PotC franchise has stuck to single story films they’ve done okay for themselves and this movie actually looks serviceably interesting. Honestly, the only thing that really freaks me out about it is the fact that apparently Orlando Bloom is back (Keira Knightely is as well but supposedly only in a cameo so whatever.) I feel like Pirates of the Caribbean is a great vehicle for good pirate movies, and we just sort of happen to put them all in the same universe, I get nervous that we’re gonna reach back and include things from earlier in the franchise cause that generally means some writer somewhere got locked in a room until he could work out twenty minutes of Piraty things for Orlando Bloom to do and that’s no way to make a movie, my friend. No way.

Number 5: Can Wonder Woman possibly somehow against all odds be a good movie?

Look guys… it’s just so dang hard to say. On the one hand: all the material for this has looked great. The trailers, the design, the cast, all of it. On the other hand: this is DC comics. DC has spent the last couple years selling us on trailers but then delivering bad movies with lazy writing and so many cooks in the kitchen that the soup morphed into a living amalgamation of death and disease that laid the world to waste. I hope Wonder Woman is good. Deep deep down past my layers of cynicism, bitterness, and toffee cream cakes I think it will be good. But I can’t honestly that it will be. I’ve been burned too many times man… by too many soups.

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Power!! X’s!!! Woman!!

 

And that’s where we shall leave things for today my inter-children. Be blessed. Be filled. Come back Thursday for more answers, more questions, and more vague cooking references!

So it’s late and I can’t sleep but am at a good stopping point for my “serious writing” projects… so guess what time it is??

Micah Goes Random!! 

Recently my wife and I marathoned our way through Downton Abbey. Marathon apparently doesn’t have a past tense so I made one up. I marathon, you marathon, he marathoned. Get over it. Marathoning (also not a word) is really the best way to watch TV shows. I hate waiting a week between episodes. It’s like watching a REALLY long movie but you have the advantage of having long breaks programmed into the movie every hour. All that to say that in a 48 hour period my wife and I watched however many episodes were in season 2. (Yes it was a weekend). Right in the middle of this Marathon we went and watched The Dark Knight Rises which led me to this conclusion: If I could pick one place on Earth where I would be the least likely to meet Batman, it would be Downton Abbey.

First off none of the people in this house can keep a secret to save their souls…

I just can’t picture Matthew Crawley walking out of the grand double doors of Downton and then having the camera pan up to reveal Batman wrapped around one of the pillars glowering down at him. Of course the fact that it’s the least likely place to find Batman probably means Batman has his underground lair right underneath it. After I realized that I spent the last four episodes looking for Batman… which is probably why he wasn’t there… Cause if I thought he was there, because I didn’t think he was there then… Man… I think I just broke my brain.

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Did you see that guy who blew that golf tournament? Yeah me neither. I heard about though which is just about the only way I interact with professional golf. I feel like we need to spice it up a little bit. What if we took the spectators and scattered them randomly along the fairway, then when the golfer’s golfed (why does that sound like something Dora the Explorer would yell?) they would not only have to try and get it in the hole, but they would have to try and avoid hitting innocent bystanders? Now THAT I would watch.

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My wife is an exceedingly wonderful woman who has to put up with a lot (namely me). Which (among other things) occasionally involves me wasting my time cavalierly saving people, who do not actually exist at all. Lately this has manifested in my playing of Amazing Spiderman (the video game). I’ll probably talk more in depth about this on Thursday but for now all you need to know is that last night I jumped off of the highest building in New York, swung on my web twice, and landed with hawk like precision on the shoulders of an unsuspecting mugger. Yup. I’m pretty sweet.

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Ya know how they used to have a secret red phone in the White House that was a direct link to the President of Russia, or whatever? I recently discovered a secret phone hidden in the maintenance closet. It’s brown. I’m gonna let your imaginations finish that joke.

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So they finally released a trailer for the new Superman movie. For those of you not in know (i.e. Normal people with social lives), this movie is directed by Zach Snyder who you might remember as that guy who directed 300. I don’t mind Snyder but let’s all remember that he also directed Sucker Punch a weird movie that somehow wasn’t awesome despite having a plot consisting mainly of  “hot, crazy girls fight robots using Samurai swords.”

Anyway, this might be the least informative trailer ever created as all I can surmise at this point is Superman is a hitchhiker and mind numbingly good looking. Also Russell Crowe says some inspirational things about mankind. Apparently Snyder also stole the soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings which seems like a really odd thing to do. I mean everyone knows that’s the soundtrack from the Lord of the Rings, right? Everyone?

One of these things just doesn’t belong… let’s see… which of us is wearing our underwear on the outside?

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Now that the Summer Comic book movies are over, where does DC Comics go from here?

Well… Nowhere good. Here’s the thing with DC there characters have never really taken off like Marvel’s (the other big comic book company) have and as such most of their characters are either dumb or super obvious rip-offs of Marvel characters.

For instance: The Justice League (DC’s attempt to be the Avengrers) primarily consist of: Green-Lantern (dumb), Superman (classic but… kind of dumb), Wonder Woman (sexist and dumb), Batman (awesome), and a bunch of other kind of lame Super-heroes that no one remembers. So when DC says “hey we’re totally gonna make a Justice League movie!!” You can see why I’m not exactly jumping for joy.

Anyway… right now DC is banking on Superman next summer, maybe a wonder-woman movie, maybe another Green-Lantern movie, and maybe some other movie about something else I probably won’t care that much about. I miss Batman.

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Now that the Summer Comic book movies are over, where does Marvel go from here?

Sequel land of course!! Spider-man, Ironman, Thor, Wolverine, X-men, and Captain America will all be having sequels in development as the next year or two go by. As far as new movies go they are making a… gulp… Ant-man movie… ew… I’m gonna go wash my hands. And a “Guardians of the Galaxy” movie. I googled “Guardians of the Galaxy” cause I had never heard of them before and google called me a nerd and tried to send me to match.com. Then I googled “Ant-man” and google threw up on my keyboard.

Ant-man is a hero who can grow or shrink at will and has a cont… yeah I don’t care.

Yeah… he’s that kind of dumb.

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Thanks for reading this randomnicity readers! I’ll see ya Thursday!!