Posts Tagged ‘Cruella De Vil’

Well hey Internet and welcome to another thrilling and chilling month of December. That’s right, December, the last month of 2016. And with all due respect to 2016: let’s just get this mess done shall we? Once Star Wars comes out I’m good with just skipping to the end of the year guys. Just beam me right up on our of here! But what better way to leasurely pass the time till then, than a heaping helping portion of:

The Weekly Headlines 12/15/2016

So first things first guys: Star Wars: Rogue One (A Star Wars Story: From Star Wars, and Stories) has gotten pretty dang good reviews!! That’s right fellow nerds and nerdettes, it’s safe. This isn’t Episodes 1-3 where you’ll go to a theatre and sit for 2 hours as your childhood hopes and dreams are crushed. It’s all okay. Fanboy/girl out!! We put George Lucas away, okay? He’ll never hurt you again.

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Apparently she fell asleep on a VERY uncomfortable pillow before this picture was taken.

 

The Cruella de Vil movie found it’s director in Alex Timbers this week. I mean… I’m still VERY wary of this because we all remember Maleficent, which was the last time Disney did a solo villain movie, and that movie was VERY bad. Just a train wreck of sight and sound. Hopefully this movie doesn’t feel the need to turn Cruella into some sort of tragically misunderstood villainess who… I don’t know… how exactly do you justify wanting to make a bunch of puppies into a coat and then stealing those puppies?? I mean all Maleficent wanted to do was… umm… what did Maleficent want? I mean she didn’t get invited to that party but… no that was it. Anyway, to summarize: this probably won’t be very good.

The next (and 8th) Fast and the Furious movie, “Fate of the Furious” or (and brace yourselves for this) “F8 of the Furious” released its first trailer this week. Look, I don’t understand why these movies keep getting made but at the same time they do maintain a certain level of “marginal watch-ability.” People drive cars, people punch things, people say things about family in growly voices. That’s basically the plot of every one of these movies except for “Tokyo Drift” which we all have universally decided to pretend never happened. But anyway, F8 of the Furious is happening, and I look forward to it’s inevitable sequel: “The Fast and the F9.”

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F8 of the Furious: Battle of the Balds

 

Oh hey: Moana is still number 1 at the theater. Disney basically has owned the box office since Dr. Strange came out at the beginning of November. Why do other people keep making movies at this point?

Oh other hey, remember how I said Office Christmas Party would be dumb and stupid despite its good cast? It is.

The first trailer for The Mummy starring itty bitty Tom Cruise came out recently and… I don’t know guys. It could be good? I’ve been fooled twice now by this “bring the classic monster movies” movement. The new Dracula and Frankenstein were both passable, but neither ever really reached super entertaining levels. So we’ll just see what happens with the Lady Mummy movie. Also: is Tom Cruise aging backwards somehow?? His face just looks… weird. Like they’re doing that CGI de-aging thing but hit the wrong button at some point. It’s downright unnerving.

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Is there Visine for that?

 

This has been a very un-Christmasy post so let me throw out some holiday cheer real fast: I still freekin’ hate the movie Elf. Sorry. It’s a long standing, deeply rooted loathing. It shall never be fixed. It shall never be sated.

Oh also: this movie is still happening!! So be excited about that at least!

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In less good news: you know how I said Collateral Beauty could be really good?? It really is not. Just throwing that info out there for everyone. It’s very not good, I’m sorry I talked about it so much. Frankly I’m sorry I’m talking about it right now. So I’ll probably stop at some point. Soon. Soon-ish.

In even other trailer news, Nicolas Cage’s new movie “Arsenal” and… OOOOHHH boy is it a fun train wreck of happenings!! I mean… just… the hair and the mustache and the complete and utter serenity to the great and ancient god of madness. He’s just… he’s just insane. Legitimately. Insane. And it’s wonderful.

Oh: also there’s a new trailer for Despicable Me 3… cause the gods apparently hate us all.

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WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????

 

And there you have it friends and countrymen! The weekly headlines! I’ll see you next week when I promise I will give in more fully to the Christmas madness.

 

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls and proud residents of the interweb: today marks Thoughts We Might Have Had’s two hundredth post! Happy Postiversary everyone! Knowing that this day was coming up for the last… ten minutes or so has really given me a lot of time to think. To ponder. To reflect on the true significance of me and my sweet sweetness. In the last whatever time it’s been since I’ve started this blog I feel like I’ve matured as a person, a printer, and a punctuater (ha ha). Usually bloggers mark important events in their blogdom with some sort of self-congratulatory post all about how cool they are, and how their feet are the biggest feet, or their bears are the largest bears. But not me, no, I don’t need to print it down to know how cool I am, I face that on a daily basis as I tumble muttering from my blankets and disentangle myself from my collection of solid gold, pretzel shaped, lemon-scented, trophies.

So today I’ve decided to make all about you, and what you want! After all, if you weren’t reading this site I would have to lie to myself even more then I usually do, and nobody wants that.  So as I looked back through the annals of comments and PM’s and e-mails, I discovered that what you guys really seemed to like the most was when I talked about… Disney. Yup, I’m not proud of it but there it is. So I set about thinking up some way to write more Disney stuff, but after all let’s remember I already covered who was the best Princess (Yzma), Villain (Monstro), and Prince (Phillip) so really what else was there? Who else could I talk about? Where else could go, that I had not already gone? To what new heights could I climb?

The answer came to me in a flash, with a boom, and a chocolate Sunday; and here it is (like a rainbow) for everyone to enjoy.

Which Princess was Hottest!!!

Ha ha. No. We all know it was Jasmine, anyway. I mean would anyone else even run against her and the first bare midriff most of us were allowed to look at? I thought not.

Most of us scarcely knew what a midriff was before Aladdin.

Most of us scarcely knew what a midriff was before Aladdin.

So for real, here’s what we’re doing:

 Disney Song-off!!!!

Da Rules:

Each movie only gets to nominate ONE song. I’ll look at each of the movies choose their ONE song and then we’ll go back through and talk about each song in a more in depth manner before we choose the Best Disney Song Ever, and give it a free bacon. If you nominate a song MAYBE I will go back and add it to the list but remember that you will probably disagree with me and I will probably ruin your childhood. Just also remember that I do this for you!

Snow White and The Seven Dwarves

Okay, so the first song from this movie is the one where Snow White sings to herself at a well, and then a Prince with no pants comes. So it doesn’t count. (Arbitrarily made up rule # 1: Men in songs must wear pants.) Then there’s a song about whistling and working… And is that it? Is that the whole thing? That seems like awful slim pickings there Disney, of course let us also remember that this is the movie responsibly for corpse kissing and where the main villain disguises herself as one of the ugliest things ever on screen (non Amanda Seyfried category.)

The Winner: Whistle While You Work – winning this category is like winning a three legged race against a pebble and a starfish. I wouldn’t exactly put a lot of money on Whistle While You Work making a deep run at the champeenship (Homestarruner reference.)

Pinnochio

I’m gonna ignore this movie out of respect for Monstro who was robbed of his musical number “I’m a Whale and I don’t Care.”

Dumbo:

The only song I remember from this movie is the one Dumbo’s mom sings to him about how much she loves him and how she’ll hold onto him forever directly before the train takes her away from him and she’s never heard from again. Thanks Walt Disney. I’m gonna go eat some gallons of ice cream.

Pictured: The Death of my Innocence.

Pictured: The Death of my Innocence.

The Winner: Baby Mine from the Songs that Clinically Depress Micah Suite.

Cinderella

All of you Bippity Boppity Boo fans out there should probably just stay seated. It’s going nowhere. Any song that just typing the title makes me feel like less of a man, will not be moving on. Aside from that there was the song that Cinderella sings with a bunch of bubbles… and a cat interrupts her… but I don’t remember anything about the song. Then there’s the song the mice sing about “Helping Cinderella” and the one that Cinderella “sings” inside her head while making entire eye-baby nations with Prince Charming.

The Winner: Nobody. Nobody wins Cinder, I would say I’m sorry, but I am not.

I’m skipping Alice in Wonderland here because I have never actually watched it. I’ve watched other versions, read the book, watched other, other versions and feel no need to go back and see what the colored pencil wielding denizens of Disney did that Johnny Depp did not do. Sorry.

I’m skipping some things that were only half musicals like: Peter Pan (most of the singing was done by background singers which does not count according to Arbitrarily Made Up Rule # 2), Sleeping Beauty (there was just that one song that Aurora sang to her imaginary Owl friend who was kidnapped by Phillip without Aurora technically noticing) and 101 Dalmatians which had the– wait that was an awesome song!

101 Dalmatians

Cruella De Vil. Boy I’m glad I didn’t skip this. This is one of the great greats of greathood and not just because it is currently stuck in each and every one of your collective heads, though that’s a big part of it, but also because it was played by a guy who I’m fairly sure was a drug addict, dog owner, and a chain smoker! Woot!! Go Disney!

The Winner: Cruella De Vil

The Sword in the Stone:

In direct violation of my own rule (see Peter Pan and Arbitrary Rule #2 which I am validating under the authority of Arbitrarily made rule #3 (subsection fish) the “I can do whatever I like” clause) I’m nominating the opening credits song. I mean that’s one of the best songs ever, sung by a guy who had the best voice ever, standing in the best pudding filled wading pool ever. It’s that good.

Though I do still hope to look exactly like this one day.

Though I do still hope to look exactly like this one day.

The Winner: The Sword in the Stone Song

Well there you go, I feel like that’s a pretty good chunk to move ahead with then huh? We’ll call it a day here and I’ll see you all on Monday for Part 2. Thanks for sticking around for two hundred posts everyone, you’re the greatest!!

P.S. Super exciting announcement coming Monday of next week. I won’t give too much away but…. Pack a swimsuit.