Posts Tagged ‘Captain America Civil War’

Well hello Internet, and welcome to our 5th yes, FIFTH, annual Thoughts We Might Have Had Summer Movie Awards. The Awards show that rewards, excellence, creativity, and sharks. So let’s put on our finest outfits, toss back some alcohols, and get ready to remember all the good times, and try desperately to drink away the bad.

TWMHH: 2016 Summer Movie Awards

Biggest Goldblum Waste – Independence Day Resurgance


Oh Jeff, we hardly knew ye.


I weirdly watched a LOT of Jeff Goldblum movies this summer. I marathoned the Jurassic Park movies with my wife, and then jumped straight into the original Independence Day and you know what I realized? Jeff Goldblum is actually pretty dang talented. He’s really good. Charming, funny, easy to root for, I don’t believe he hasn’t been in more things honestly, so, needless to say, I was really excited to see him back in his old Indpendence Day roll, and he did really well… except he wasn’t actually in it that much. In fact he was barely in it at all. What?!?! I say to you again: WHAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!?!? Not only did you make a mediocre movie that felt like an 80s movie (but in a very not good way) you didn’t use what was inarguably your best asset?? Such a bluming waste.

Best kids movie – Finding Dory

Oh look, it’s a Pixar movie. And it was the best one of the summer. This award is just getting boring at this point. It’s the Simone Biles of categories, you know who’s going to win before you even start. Finding Dory was a brilliantly put together, well cast movie, that was both great for kids, and taught some excellent lessens to kids and adults. I mean, the third act kind of stumbled a bit towards the end and it wasn’t in the same category as Inside Out but it was definitely a great movie, and easily the best kids movie of the summer.

Most unnecessary sequel – Teenage Mutants Ninja Turtles 2

Another great year for this depressing category. I mean the competition ranged from Now You See Me 2, to Ice Age Whatever the heck number it is, to The Purge 3 (for some reason), and even tread into comedy with Neighbors 2. Just so much sequelage. That no one asked for. But TMNT 2 easily took the prize this year not just because it itself was terrible, but because it was the sequel to universally disliked movie. I mean… why? Who gives these people money?? WHY do they give them money? It’s just… why?

Biggest Meh: Warcraft

A movie that was supposed to finally get the video game to movie transition right, and ended up just being just another movie that couldn’t reconcile itself with its own larger world. A movie that was weighed down by its own video game lore, and by the large accrued by its cast.


For those of you wondering: yes, I have made that joke before.


Borringest name: Jason Bourne

“Who’s in this movie??”

“Jason Bourne.”

“Let’s just named it that.”

“Okay but… you see sir, we’ve named all the other movies with the whole ‘The Bourne: Something’ theme. Wouldn’t it be literally a million times easier for the audience, and more in line with the rest of the series if we carried on with that.”

“Nope. We’re calling it Jason Bourne.”

“Fine, but we’re gonna put more effort into the script and the story than we did the title right?”

“Sure… yeah… definitely.”

Most Unnecessary Caring: Ghostbusters

Look, I thought the backlash from this movie was stupid, unnecessary, and sad. I just wish it had been a better movie. It wasn’t a bad movie: it was fine. The cast made an unremarkable script better than it could have been, but they just didn’t have enough to work with. In the end I guess the good news is it seems even all the haters and internet types have moved on to something else and I’m sure they’ll find a way to ruin something else, but I just wish the movie had been great. But it was not.

Most Shark: The Shallows

The Shallows was a surprisingly good, very taught, well told movie. But the real shocker here is that somehow The Shallows stole the incredibly coveted (and not made up) Most Shark Award from Finding Dory. I mean… WHAT?!?!?!?!?


Fish are friends, she’s food.


Most Abs: The Legend of Tarzan

You can say that this movie was unoriginal, unimaginative, and bland but you can’t say it didn’t have sweet sweet abs.


I wasn’t gonna put a picture here, but I didn’t want to deal with the angry letters asking why I had turned down a chance to put ab to screen.


Least Surprises – X-men: Apocalypse

This movie even felt extremely unsurprised in this movie. The characters were characters we know just sort of… again. Magneto went on the same journey he’s gone on the last four movies, people had cool superpowers until it was convenient to the story for them not to have them, and Angel was a really stupid mutant with dumb powers.


Look out he might… wing at you… or something.


Even Apocalypse himself just sort of walked around and stared at things and talked incessantly about exactly what he was going to do, just in case the audience wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to do. The whole thing was just… predictable.

Movie No One Cared About – Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Sigh. I just… Nah. I’m not talking about this.

Movie I Saw the Least – Nine Lives


The real question is: How did they get Kevin Spacey to be in this train wreck??


Look, movies where uppity businessmen get turned into something (animals, family members… Herbie??) and then reconnect with their families are nothing new. This one had the slight intrigue of featuring both Kevin Spacey and Christopher Walken, but in the end (to the great surprise of no one) it was the worst, clocking in at a whopping 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. And thusly: I did not see it.

Biggest Unpleasant Surprise – Suicide Squad

The got me again guys. I really thought DC was gonna put out a good movie… and they didn’t. It was real bad. Certain parts of it worked, specifically the cast who all did very good work, but the script and the editing just slaughtered what could have been a really good movie. I was talking to a friend yesterday about DC’s almost mystifying inability to create even a decent movie. Like not even “yeah that was pretty good.” Which they really should be able to do, they’ve got interesting characters, and can obviously attract talented actors, so why can’t they make a movie that hits even a medium level of goodness??? It really is just bizarre at this point.

Biggest Pleasant Surprise – Star Trek: Beyond

Look guys: I was real wrong on this one. For some reason I just couldn’t really get into Star Trek: Beyond, but honestly it was super fun. I really enjoyed it from start to finish and the final battle was easily one of the best pulled off ideas I’ve seen. It was fantastic. The cast was great, the script was good, and it just felt like the big, fun, summer movie we hadn’t really gotten since May. It’s still in most theaters so if you haven’t seen it yet I HIGHLY recommend it.

Movie of the Summer – Captain America: Civil War

Civil War

As if it could be anything else.


Yep, it was the first real summer movie, and it was the best. The story, the acting, the visuals, the fight scenes. It was all here. And it was all great. I mean how can you not appreciate a movie that not only, is yet another sterling entry (and an argument could be made that it’s the best entry) in the anti-DC fun times Marvelverse, but also saves Spiderman!! I mean come on!

So there you go guys, another year, another set of summer movie awards. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you Tuesday for another reader mailbag so submit your questions to or in the comments below!

Well Internet, here we are! Our summer questions done, our movie reviews… reviewed… and things. So what say before we get whisked away by our next fun filled, sarcasm riddled, movie venture we check in with our local movie movie theaters and see where things stand in the great ladder of cinema?? Well, hopefully you answered yes because… that’s what we’re doing. Feedback is an issue on this one way website thing…

Box Office Top Ten 5/24/2016

10. Mother’s Day

Slinking in at number 10 like the last, ugliest slug in those famous Slug Parades of yore, is Mother’s Day. A movie that delicately balances the line between being horribly offensive to women, and being horribly offensive to humanity on the whole. Featuring a cast of uninteresting has beens, and a script based off of a dead pigeons vodka induced nightmare, Mother’s Day will hopefully be quickly swallowed by that sweet sweet embrace of movie death. Let’s never speak of it again.

9. The Huntsman: Winters War


Sure the mirror is great for questions and summoning’s but it’s the worst for applying makeup.


The Huntsman: Winters War is umm… Look: if you liked the first movie, you’ll probably like this. The visuals are interesting, the cast all deliver fairly solid performances, but the action and the script let the movie down. There’s nothing horribly wrong with Winters War, but there’s also nothing horribly right with it. If it’s in your wheelhouse you’ll probably like it, if not to quote that famouse city of New York “Fugget about it.”

8. Zootopia

Easily the best kids movie in theaters and the best one released this year. There are a couple other decent kids movies on the list, but if you haven’t see thing one: go see it.

7. The Darkness

6 Miranda Dr.

The cast of The Darkness reads the reviews of the movie.


Umm… So this is a horror movie. And it’s real bad. I’m submitting a formal request to Kevin Bacon to change his name after being in this movie. You’re a disgrace to the good named of ‘Bacon’ Kevin. I dub thee: Kevin Vegemite. Something that is maybe okay in small doses if used sparingly. It’s the perfect name.

6. Money Monster

A ‘meh’ action/suspense movie that wastes George Clooney and forgets that Julia Roberts stopped really mattering years ago. It also weirdly has message that boils down to “You probably shouldn’t take people hostage and wave guns around… unless you REALLY want to, and you REALLY think you’re right. Then I guess it’s okay.”

5. The Jungle Book

Another great kids movie/kind of adult movie currently in theaters. I’ve talked a lot about this and frankly haven’t seen it yet but by all accounts: it’s very good. I’ll see it at some point… maybe. I mean, let’s face it: I’m not even close to the target audience for this movie and while I might eventually rent it on DVD or something, The Jungle Book is a story I’ve seen before and don’t feel super motivated to see again just cause we threw a fresh coat of paint on it. I have nothing against it, but I also have nothing for it… or something.

4. The Nice Guys

Shane Black makes movies mostly for Shane Black movie fans. It’s an R rated action comedy movie starring a thoroughly off his meds Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling taking most of Crowe’s meds, The Nice Guys is actually a pretty fun ride. It’s nothing that’ll change your life or anything but it’s a genuinely fun movie starring two actors who have surprisingly good chemistry and throw themselves into things full bore.


Oh and the movie is set in the 70’s. Just in case you couldn’t tell from the everything in this picture.


3. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

It’s like that first Neighbors movie except umm… Women? As far as R rated comedy goes this isn’t bad, but it’s not especially great and lacks the originality that helped the first one along. Not much new to see here.

2. Captain America: Civil War

Ran a full review of this last week but suffice to say: this movie is awesome. The cast, the writing, the action, and the fighting are all top notch. It’s the best movie I’ve seen so far this year and tells a great, tight, story with characters that they’ve spent the last 5 years building. Also: Spiderman.

1. The Angry Bird Movie (for some reason)

angry burds

Why?? Why did they make this movie????


So basically Angry Birds is exactly what I thought it would be. It’s fine. It’s not great, it’s not terrible. It just sort of exists. It’s not a movie we needed or asked for, but it’s the movie we were given. And now it exists. You’re welcome, America.

All right Internet, first off: Sorry for the lack of posting this week. There has been sickness. Many. Much. Sickness. But I am slowly rounding back into form so here’s a review of Captain America: Civil War that I started way way back on Monday night, when I was moderately healthy, it’s a little on the short side but I’m a little on the dead side… so it all works out!… mostly.

Okay guys, it’s here. We made it. Captain America: Civil War, after the… let’s call it, mixed results… of Batman V Superman, can Captain America: Civil War actually live up to expectations? Can it surpass expectations? Can it pass the the corn like a human instead of just winging it across the table at me, Gary?!?! Can it?!?!?

Probably not so much that third one… but let’s find out about the first two.

Micah Reviews: Captain America: Civil War


Kind of puts “hot plates” into new perspective doesn’t it?


The Plot: So… this is tricky cause most of this plot is pretty spoilery   and it’s not a movie that should be spoiled. In summary: After the UN enacts a law demanding that super heroes work under a governing body of nations Iron Man and Captain America find themselves on opposite ends of not only the law but on a new, unexpected, attack against the UN.

Cap and Iron Man both must gather their strongest friends as lines are drawn and crossed between heroes.

Oooooohhh… that was fancy. And dramatic. I mean that’s like… a paragraph and a half wherein I didn’t make a single snarky remark or sarcastic fish joke. And yes I purposely left a comma out of that sentence. You’ll never know whether the fish itself is sarcastic, or if I was going to be sarcastic about the fish. That’s what you get for making me be serious for a paragraph Internet.  That’s what you get.


Race to the buffet!!


The Negatives:

Umm… I don’t know… I mean nobody gave me a hot dog or popcorn on the way into the theater. But beyond that I can’t really think of anything.

The Positives:

Basically everything. I mean look: This is technically Captain America 3, but in point of fact it’s an Avengers movie, that strongly features Captain America. So why not start with the cast: who are awesome. Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans headline and are their usual fantastic selves. The movie does a great job of focusing on the emotional dynamic between its characters, especially the two main characters. The Russo brothers (the movies directors) continue growing into the Universe by taking what they did in Winter Soldier and improving on it. You’ll see the same great close quarters fighting you saw in Winter Soldier, but they also expand on it in some incredible, super powered fighting in what is probably the best fight scene in the history of Marvel’s universe.

The special effects are top notch and (specifically in a few spoiler heavy areas I won’t talk about) really do get stretched.

The script is very tight and strikes an incredibly good balance between serious and humor. One of the main criticisms of a movie like Ant-man or (to a lesser extent) Age of Ultron was that the humor took away a bit from the movies gravitas, here it does seem much better balanced. Maintaining a really great fun feel, while not taking too much away from the drama.

The two major new characters Black Panther and Spiderman are both VERY well done. Both characters are introduced incredibly well and without having to derail the movie to go into a long explanation of their powers and origins. And without giving anything away I think it’s pretty safe to say that this is probably the best Spiderman we’ve seen so far? Granted it’s not a full length movie but he just feels a lot more like the comic book Spiderman and a lot less like the mopey/soap opera Spiderman we saw in the last two Spiderfranchises.


“Wait me and Winter Soldier are in the same movie?”


In Conclusion:  

Captain America: Civil War is another great entry into the Marvel Universe. In fact, a strong debate could be made that this is the best movie in the franchise so far. I’m not having that debate today but we’ll leave it at: It’s definitely in the top 3 or so.

I give it 5 Sarcastic Fish jokes out of 5.

Well guys, we’re back. Back at the official kickoff of summer, summer movies, and my annual set of lengthy summer tanning expeditions… I mean questions. Summer questions. As a rule, I do not go outside. Ever.

Question 1: Can Captain America: Civil War live up to the hype??

Marvel’s first movie of the year has been the official start of the summer for a while now and after last years somewhat disappointing (though I really liked it) Age of Ultron, this years entry looks to build on with the Russo brothers as the official new Grand High Highnesses of the Marvel Universe.

Civil War

Oh yeah… it’s gonna be that good. And also in Spanish… apparently.


Honestly, everything I’ve heard about Civil War so far has been VERY positive. Great outing for Cap and Iron Man alike and a good balance between Marvel’s more lighthearted take on comics, and some increased drama as heroes face off. I’ve really been trying to temper my own expectations but as of now I think this thing is gonna be fantastic. Really looking forward to seeing how these events change things up headed into Infinity Wars and excited to see some good old fashioned hero faceoffs! Welcome back Marvel, we missed you!!

Question 2: Do we really need an Angry Birds movie?

Probably not. I mean I don’t think this will be a bad movie but I don’t expect it to reach anything beyond “decent kids movie” status. The trailers look fine, the story seems passable, and the voice cast looks good but I haven’t seen anything to show me that this is even TRYING to be anything more than a decent kids movie. Which is fine. Be decent. Do you. Bird Angry.

angry bird

So he’s flying… just like in that game you played two years ago… while you were in the bathroom.


Question 3: Do we need Alice in Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass even less?

Ha ha ha. Yes. Very much so. This thngs gonna suck real bad. And that’s not just me saying that, Disney thinks this thing is gonna suck. Why else would they bury it by releasing on the same day as X-men: Apocalypse? Disney doesn’t want you to watch this movie. They just green-lit it at some point because they have ALL the money and it was either make Alice in Wonderland 2, or enslave a small nation state in Europe.

Trailers have looked kinda sad and soulless, Johnny Depp looks entirely asleep, and Mia Wasichowski… well it’s really hard to tell what’s going on with her… what with that one facial expression and all.

Question 4: How Hilariously bad will The Trust be?

Oh. Oh it’s gonna be great. In it’s hilarious badness. I mean look at this poster!


It’s like they’re trying to make bad movies at this point.


Appreciate the Nic Cage Mustache. The Elijah Wood drug addict beard. Whatever is happening on both of their respective heads. I mean this is a perfect storm of wonderfully bad things.

Question 5: How will X-men Apocalypse measure up?

The X-men franchise has been… reliably good. X-men: First Class is still probably the best movie in the series but Days of Future past was pretty good. Apocalypse seems like it will be good. I’m not expecting greatness here, X-men tends to be a little heavy handed with the drama and a little soft handed with the character development… Soft handed is probably pretty weird huh? Gonna need to never say that again.


Alas Poor Yorick… I crushed him well.


Anywho, I’m waiting for this streak of good movies to end… I don’t think this is it, but I don’t think it will be awesome. I’m expecting a solid movie here. Nothing great, nothing terrible. I’ll watch it, I’ll enjoy it, we’ll all listen to Sophie Turner try really hard to do an American accent… and probably not do real well.

So there you go guys! Your first batch of Summer Questions for ye olde 2016!! Check back next week for more questions, and potentially FAR less answers.

Well hello Internet, friends, family, people who have accidentally clicked on this website and will be grossly disappointed by its contents. No matter what road you took to get here, or what road you’ll take to leave here, welcome to here. The place we call: “here.” And now: on to the headlines.

The Weekly Headlines 4/19/2016

So we now live in a world where this exists.


You’re welcome world.


Yeah, I’m in granted, it’s still not a great world. But I’m super excited for that mess. Denzel, Pratt, and Vincent D’Noff… that guy from Daredevil is in there too. The Magnificent Seven is supposed to hit theaters September 23rd and I am all in. I mean what was the last great Western?? True Grit?? In 2010? Yeah. I’m in on this like flys on a dead dog. Like a dead dog on a dead log. Like Abraham Lincoln on a log cabin. And other westernisms.

Netflix’s next new series: Iron Fist started production recently! Very excited to see where this goes and to watch some sweet sweet Kung Fu fighting. I had some questions about the Netflixiverse after Daredevil season 1’s pacing problems but a great Jessica Jones series and a really solid second outing for Daredevil has me back in. Excited for this and for Luke Cage and then the Defenders super combo series!! There’s so much to be excited for, the world is a magical place! Why am I filled with bitterness again?


James Cameron announced plans to make 4 Avatar movies. Oh right… that’s why.


Look James, I got the first movie, sure it was basically just Blue Pocahontas. But it was real pretty, so I guess that’s something. But 4 movies??? 4 movies based around the idea of “hey look at that thing.” And all of them featuring the semi-talents of Hollywoods “Oh he’s not as talented as we thought he was”  Sam Worthington? Thanks James, but no thanks. Maybe go back and fix the Terminator franchise or something, I don’t know, but let’s just leave the fact that Avatar is somehow still the highest grossing movie of all time and minimize our cinematic shame.

Captain America: Civil War (premiering May 6th) has gotten positive early reviews thus far. This needs to be taken with all the grains of salt though as most movies that let people watch them this early only let people watch them who they know will like them. I mean “Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Ignoring Character Building” got good early reviews and that movie currently sits at a whopping 28% on Rotten Tomatoes. That said, it seems to be a really solid movie and I am ALL the excited about it. ALL the excited. Oh and apparently (according to rumor) Spiderman is in it more than a lot of people thought, so that’s a win.

Suicide Squad released it’s last trailer last week and it honestly still looks pretty good. The trailer at least made it look like Batman is featured fairly heavily (always nice) and the movie really seems to be trying to distance itself from Batman V Superman which is a VERY good thing in this case. And hey, at least this DC product has released great trailers that haven’t given away the villain, the plot, and the twist at the end. They’re learning… slowly. But they’re learning.


What do you mean we shouldn’t give away huge swaths of the plot??


Jason Bourne (cause apparently we’re not putting a 4 next to that for some reason) is releasing a trailer this Thursday. The movie hits theaters July 29th and as far as we know we’re all ignoring that whole “Jeremy Renner is the new Bourne” thing that happened. Which is fine with me cause I certainly ignored that movie so why should I demand any more out of the company that spent millions of dollars producing it?


JasonBourne: Because numbers and spaces are for wimps.


The Jungle Book took the top spot at the box office this week, playing on the nostalgia of parents, childrens desires to see talking animals, and Disney’s desire to take over the world one dollar at a time. Batman V Superman has fallen all the way to number 4 just ahead of the wildly better (and also talkingly animaled) Zootopia. Behind Zootopia is “Criminal” a movie from the continueing extremely odd trend of old white guys trying to be Liam Neeson. Look guys, there’s only one Liam Neeson.  And he’s Liam Neeson. And he’s probably standing right behind you with a gun.

And in a late addition to this week’s Headlines, Warcraft released a new Trailer this morning. And guys… I’m mostly out on this being a great movie. It MIGHT still be good, it will probably be fun. But I think it’s definitely out on greatness. Just the acting seems spotty, and the more I watch the Orcs the more I think we won’t really be able to connect with them as characters. They just look kinda rubbery. And the story is basically Warcraft 3, which is fine, that’s about what I expected, but the acting has me concerned. I think it will definitely be a fun sort of nostalgic run through swords and shields and magic, but it’s not gonna have the gravitas needed to reach that Lord of the Rings kind of greatness.

And there you go fair friends, brothers and sisters of this Interconnected Web-like device. Fare thee well, until I see thee once more upon Friday.

Okay guys… I’m back. Sorry for my absence, the times were trying, the brain cells were dying, and the babies were crying… I mean not my babies. But someone had a baby… and presumably it cried. Cause I’m pretty sure that’s what they do like… 90 percent of the time. But anyway: I’m back. And ready to break down some super bowl trailers.

But first… an important public service message. Guys, I tried to watch Grease: 3 times. And I never made it… I learned that I hate teenagers in the 50’s. I learned that high school is the worst place ever. I learned that “Grease is the word…” Whatever that means.  I’m sorry, I’ve let you all down. I’ve dropped the ball. And I’m sorry. But I can’t watch Grease. I am physically incapable.

But on to movies I do care about!!

Independence Day: Resurgence

Okay two things: 1. I have only watched the original Independence Day once. And I was not super impressed. And yet fact 2: I’m weirdly excited for this movie. It looks great, what was the last really good “Aliens Invade Earth” movie?? The Avengers?? And that only barely counts, because it was a movie about the Avengers, and only a tiny bit about the invasion. I’m all in for this, Jeff Goldbloom looks great, the Alien spaceship looks huge, sign me up. I’m all down for that action.

Gods of Egypt

Yeah… I’m out. Sorry guys, it was fun pretending this movie might be okay. But I’m out. The weird lines, the tired sounding story, both the lead characters looking like they’re mostly asleep during their lines. At best, we’re looking at an ‘okay’ movie, but it will not be okay. It will be bad. Thanks for trying Gods of Egypt, but move along folks. Nothing to see here.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows

And speaking of nothing to see here… No, look. Let’s take a second and give Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the teensiest, tinesiest, bit of credit… it’s a kid movie. There. I did it. Of course, it’s gonna be kind of dumb, and immature and not make a ton of sense, we got spoiled by comic movies being primarily aimed at young adults and I think we expected the same from TMNT but (in their defense) they made a kids movie. I’m not saying it was a great kids movie, nay not even a good kids movie. But it was a kids movie, I’m gonna find something else to make fun of.

The Secret Life of Pets

This looks… fine. Given a choice between this and the Zootopia movie coming out later this year, I’m going Zootopia all the way. This looks like a movie with decent trailers that used up all its truly funny content in said trailers. I’m not saying it’ll be bad, but it won’t be great.

Captain America Civil War

Everything I watch from this movie makes me more and more excited to see it. The cast looks great, the storyline looks really solid, it’s not giving away too much/the entire plot *cough* BatmanVSuperman *cough.* I honestly don’t have much more than that to say… looks great… excited to see it. I will say, I hope we don’t see too much more from this movie. I’m good, thanks Marvel. I may go out of my way NOT to watch anything else from this movie, it looks really good, but I don’t want to know anymore. Make it stop.

X-men: Apocalypse 

Yeah… still have no idea what this movie is gonna be. Giant purple man, punching people. Still not convinced Jean Grey can talk with an American accent for a whole movie… hate that man with the angel wings though. Real weird that he’s got wings and then umm… that’s it. Like just wings. Given a choice of mutant powers wouldn’t you aim higher than ‘he can fly… cause wings.”

Jason Bourne

Look, I’m okay with Jason Bourne coming back… I mean the last James Bond movie was ‘meh’ and I guess there’s not really another good spy movie coming out next year… so whatever. Fine. Bring it on, Jason, let’s see what happens. Punch some people, stab a dude with a pen, seemed to work pretty well last time.

10 Cloverfield Lane 

Well… no idea what this is about. Not sure I care. Got real tired of the original cause the camera was shaking and I couldn’t see anything cause whoever did the camera work was some rank amateur. Like the guy had no idea what he was doing, and I somehow was still expected to pay full price?? I think not.

I mean this looks fine, and nothing like the original Cloverfield, and John Goodman is a crazy man in a bunker. So what’s not to like?

The Jungle Book

Okay so this was really the only full trailer out there on this list and it was pretty good I guess. This will be a very interesting looking movie. The voice cast will be great, the story will be solid. I don’t know that it will be awesome. I’m not sure that the little underwear boy there can act, and while the voice work is great I find the whole animals mouth moving thing… unsettling. Maybe it’ll be fine over the course of the movie, maybe it’ll be a fun trip to the uncanny valley. We’ll just have to see what happens. Still though, I appreciate the full trailer, and not just a 30 second thing that doesn’t tell me anything.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

So… this was real weird. Why does Turkish airlines fly to a city in mythological America?? And hey, I watched the Dark Knight Rises. I am NOT going to Gotham. Does Turkish Airlines serve Turkish delight??? Cause they should. Oh yeah, I should talk about what they showed from the new movie in this!! Oh, wait that was nothing. You think Zach Snyder heard all the backlash from that time he released the movies entire plot and thought to himself ‘Fine, not only will my next trailer show NOTHING about the movie but I will also use it as a not even thinly veiled money grab! Take THAT, Internet.’

Hope this other trailer is more informative.

Oh wait no, it was pretty much exactly the same. Well… this all ended on a downer didn’t it??

And there you go guys, the Super Bowl Trailers… which was really just one trailer and a bunch of 30 second clips that didn’t show anything. So yay… I guess? Anyway, check back in tomorrow for my first movie review of 2016!! Wherein I review the Cohen brother new movie: Hail Caesar.


This’ll come as a shocker to some of you out there in Inter-land but running this blog is actually somewhat difficult at times. Not… ya know, most times, but some times. Occasionally.  Particularly in September, February, and March when there aren’t many new movies, nothing is really going on, and I have to make up things about soy milk and kale and char and Nicholas Sparks movies and some other things that I don’t understand but sound real gross.
But then there’s January, a fantastic month where I get to basically just write about last year, this year, and some broad and terrible things that are awesome. Probably my favorite article of the year though is this one, it’s just exciting to look ahead at the year in movies and see what there’s gonna be! And this year was no exception!
Micah’s Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2016
Seriously though, there are WAY to many movies to be excited about this year. I really paired down my list this year and I still had three movies left over. So sorry, Jungle Book, Warcraft, Through the Looking Glass and Star Trek: Beyond. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for you… it just won’t be one of the top ten spots in my heart.
10. Deadpool February 12th
 I’m a big Deadpool fan and I think/hope this will be a decent movie. The trailers have looked pretty good (though R rated so be advised.) That said, it’s so easy for a movie like Deadpool to be too much, too many, and too often. If it’s done well, it’ll be great, but it’s hard to balance comedy and action and Deadpools own signature, self aware style. So Deadpool is at number 10 cause I’m trying to temper my expectations, hopefully it’ll be good… but if it’s not good it will be TERRIBLE. There’s no middle ground here.
9. Ghostbusters July 15th
 I’m excited for this one. Great looking cast, reboot of a good franchise that (unlike certain re-boots) needed a nice re-boot. The originals are great, but clearly the time for Ghostbusters 3 has passed us, excited to see what the new generation look likes!

I mean obviously it looks like this… but you know what I mean.

8. Batman V. Superman March 25th 
 Yeah, I was a little surprised this clocked in this low on the list. The last couple trailers have made me, if anything, less excited about this. That’s not to say I’m not excited, but it seems like the more info I get on this the less I think it will be anything more than decent. I think it will be decent, I don’t think we’re looking at a train wreck, just not a great movie. The action will be good, the story and the scripting will be meh. I’m still excited, just less so.
7. A Monster Calls October 14th
 Definitely, my wild card pick on this list. There’s just not a lot of info on this movie, but it’s based on a great book and features the low growly gravel growl voice of one, Liam Neeson. There’s not a great deal of info on this one, but I like what I’ve seen, I know what I’ve read, and I are what I eat.
Or something.

So you’ve cast Liam Neeson as that giant monster tree you say? Where do I sign up???

6. X-Men: Rise of Apocalypse May 27th
 So… I liked the trailer for this but… are we sure Sophie Turner can do an American accent?? Are we sure we’re not getting back into the X-men 3 range of just throwing too many mutants out there? I mean X-Men: Days of Future past was pretty good so it’s reassuring to know that Bryan Singer has done this before but… I don’t know. I mean I’m excited for this but… mildly concerned.
5. Suicide Squad, August 5th
This is very exciting. Love that we’ve finally got a movie centering around slightly reformed villains. Interested to see the new Joker, and to finally get Will Smith in a true comic book movie. The trailers have been solid, the cast looks great, I think this will be DC’s best movie of the year by a LONG shot.

Suicide Squad Prediction 1: One of those guys on the end will be dead within ten minutes. Mine as well just have them wear red shirts that say “Cannon Fodder” on them.

4. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Nov. 22nd.
Another movie that I know very little about, FBWFT has released one trailer that contained virtually ZERO information. But Eddie Redmayne looks great and it seems like he’s basically gonna go full Doctor Who in this which I am ALL about. Plus, it’s Harry Potter and JK Rowling and they’re nothing if not reliably wonderful!… Except for Deathly Hallows Part 1, or as I call it Harry Potter: Walk in the Forests and do Nothing.
3. Captain America: Civil War, May 6th
Ah, the big 3. This’ll be great. I’m excited to see where this movie goes and to watch Iron Man and Cap face off. This has such a good chance to brake out of the typical super hero movie story path and do something really cool and different. Interested to see Black Panther and the new Spider Man, this is all coming up win!!
2. Doctor Strange Nov. 4th
As excited as I am about Captain America though, I’m even more excited for Dr. Strange. Strange is (hopefully) a very VERY different Marvel movie. Thus far they’ve mostly ignored the magical aspect of the Marvel world even leaning Thor towards ‘what you call magic we call science’ excuses. But this is all magic, all the time AND Benedeict Cumberbatch stars as Dr. Strange so how can you not be excited about that?? That’s a big pile of excitement with extra excitement on the side and a wedge of excited cheese!

Thank you Marvel, may I have some more??

1. Star Wars: Rogue One Dec. 16th
Maybe it’s the Internets collective Star Wars fever but I’m super excited to see this new kind of Star Wars movie next year. As far as we can tell this’ll be sans Jedi and largely focus on the theft of the Death Star plans that led to the events of episode 4. Also: Alan Tudyk. I mean come on, it’s Wash, in Star Wars. Get on board.

Miss you… you seem to be confused about how helmets work…

So there you have it guys, it’s gonna be another fun movie year!! Check back next Tuesday when I look back at the ten worst movies to come out in 2015!! It’s gonna be… probably pretty miserable.

Well hey guys, and welcome to another incredible episode of a series in which I make snap judgements about things, that I do not have all the information about, and into which I have put no research… so basically every post. This also marks the end of a week in which I posted twice (the right number of posts) but managed to do those two posts on other days then I am supposed to do them. This is a lot like doing the right thing for the wrong reasons except in this case it’s doing the right thing for the wrong reasons at the wrong time for the right purpose. So put that in your little hat and smoke it.

But enough useless extemporaneousing, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes of this blog: Wild and unfounded speculation.

Judging Covers 12-4-2015 

Captain America: Civil War

Ah, now see that’s just great. I’m very excited for this movie because (hopefully) it’s a VERY different direction for the Marvel franchise. This isn’t just another “Oh no someone’s trying to destroy the world, with an ancient weapon from the dawn of time and a spatula.” This is a real, personal story about a group of people with very similar goals but very disparate ways of achieving those goals… And also lots of  people punching each other. But mostly just that first thing.

This trailer also gives us our first look at the sweet sweet Black Panther costume, which is (as previously mentioned) pretty dang sweet. I’m gonna talk a little more about this trailer after I’m done with the next one so I don’t want to use all my ammunition early but this looks like a real solid movie. It has a very similar feel to Captain America: Winter Soldier which was really solid and just felt more ground level than Age of Ultron (which I loved) but for a smaller scale story, I think the Winter Soldier style fits a lot better. I’m very excited for this movie and this trailer only made me more excited. And now… for that other one.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice 

So… is it just me or is that the entire movie we just watched?? Cause I kind of feel like it was the entire movie. I mean… look let’s not get ahead of ourselves, this could still be a good movie. But… that was the plot of the movie. Batman and Superman meet they don’t like each other, they have different ideologies, here comes Lex Luthor who wants Batman to fight Superman, Batman fights Superman, they realize maybe they’re not that different and should have hugs and kittens and puppies and not fight, so Lex Luthor makes Doomsday and sends him to kill Superman… and then Wonder Woman shows up. Sooooo yeah… that’s the movie.

Look I hate that this blog always makes me sound like a DC hater and a Marvel… appreciater. But DC just gave away the entire plot of their movie and the one thing we weren’t sure was going to happen (Doomsday showing up) in like… the second trailer for the movie? Whereas Marvel just put out a great trailer that left a lot of things unanswered but highlighted the interesting and (hopefully) different plot points of this movie. None of that is to say BvS will be bad, or that Civil War will be good, these are (after all) just trailers. But isn’t it probably a bad thing that I just summarized what is 99% likely the plot of Batman vs. Superman after watching a 3 minute trailer? Sure, there could be some crazy twist in there that no one will see coming but… probably not. Maybe Aquaman shows up and kills Doomsday with Sharks or something I don’t know, but I kinda doubt it.

I mean, look, to a certain point every movies plot is fairly predictable; especially a movie like Batman 5 Superman. You can’t have Batman kill Superman with Kryptonite and then move on to found a successful line of Bat-bakeries. They’re going to fight, then they’re probably going to team up. But I’m pretty sure I didn’t need that 100% confirmed. At least leave me thinking you MIGHT mix it up.

I realize comic book movies mostly make money on the ways in which dudes punch other dudes (or dude-etts) in their various facial reasons but you’ve got to at least TRY and have an unpredictable plot right?? So maybe this will still be a good movie, and hey Eisenberg and Affleck really looked awesome in their respective new roles so I’m excited for that. Also, can someone explain to me why Superman seems to now have adopted the constant facial expression of a man who has too recently changed a dirty diaper?? I’m just asking.

Okay so those were the big trailers, and me writing long paragraphs about things that I probably have entirely misunderstood, but before we leave; before I send you off like babes into the wild wild world without these walls let’s just take ourselves a second and watch a VERY well done trailer for a movie for which I am VERY excited.

A Monster Calls 

Ah… wasn’t that great?? Doesn’t it just cleanse your pallet after listening to me gripe about ‘Batman 5 Superman: Let the Money Roll Over You.’ I’m super excited for this movie, and for spending a solid hour and a half of theater times covered in the smooth, dulcet, chocolaty, tones of Mr. Liam Neeson. Goodnight everyone, and God bless.