Posts Tagged ‘Brave’

Hey everybody, well here we are again, after another weekend and at the end of another Summer and just in time for the Official and totally not made up movie awards ceremony: “Totally Not Planned Out and Utterly Inconsequential Awards of the Summer Awards!… 2”!!! Just like Oscars, but nobody cares. Oh wait… nobody cares about those either? Well then… by all means.

Best Two Words of the Summer:

Puny god. (not blasphemy toward the God)

Also the only two words he speaks. Man that’s a win.

If you’ve seen the Avengers you know exactly what this is. If you haven’t seen the Avengers yet… see it. Literally the first time I watched this movie the crowd was laughing so loud at the part prior to this that I missed this line entirely. And yes I did see it twice. And yes my wife did come with me both times. Cause she’s awesome.

Best Tom Cruise of the Summer:

Ba ha ha. I’m kidding. Nobody wins with Tom Cruise. Nobody.

NObody.

Best Kids Movie:

Ice Age 4: No Seriously… It’s Ice Age 4

Okay the main competition for this was between Brave, Paranorman and Ice Age 4. I liked Brave a lot, and I thought ParaNorman was really good but in the end I’m giving it to Ice Age 4 because I was honestly very surprised by it. I know Pixar movies are going to be good, they’re Pixar movies. Pixar makes movies like I put up random pictures of muskrats.

See?

Ice Age 4 was a really solid movie that I didn’t think was necessarily going to be bad but that I wasn’t exactly flipping out about either. In the end it was just fun. Like a random picture of a muskrat.

In retrospect… they don’t actually look that fun do they?

Best Performance By a Woman Everyone Seemed to Hate for No Reason: 

Anne Hathaway

I’m not even an Anne Hathaway fan and I honestly hoped she would do well in this movie just because everyone on the internet pitched a hissy fit and screamed for their teddy bear as soon as the casting choice was announced. And speaking of bears…

Most Adorable Bears:

Brave.

Very little competition here.

Sequel I Most Didn’t Watch:

Madagascar 3

Can we all agree that the only redeemable parts from the first two movies were the parts where King Julien was hilarious? Not that I’m not a fan of incessant pointless talking and the EXTREMELY awkward section of the movies where a Giraffe is in love with a Hippo but… Oh wait yeah I’m not a huge fan of that and I hope I never watch this movie…. I’m sorry King Julien…

Movie That Probably Made Me a Better Person:

Amazing Spiderman.

No seriously. You know what I learned from Amazing Spiderman? That sometimes you’ve got to enjoy a movie. Sure I could debate the finer points of Tobey McGuire (I spell his name differently every time so if that’s not right just wait for it to come around again) vs. Andrew Garfield. Or Gwen Stacy vs. Mary Jane but ya know what? I don’t want to. I just want to relax and watch a movie. So there world!!

Movie I Surprisingly Didn’t Watch: 

Dark Shadows.

I was really excited about this movie originally but… I don’t know. Maybe it was the horrendous reviews or the fact that I feel like I’ve already seen Johnny Depp play this character or the fact that it seems to be less of a “Hey here’s a cool idea for a movie” and more of a “So what movie can we make that has Johnny being weird in it?”

Movie I Unsurprisingly Didn’t Watch:

What To Expect When You’re Expecting.

Hey look, it’s a ridiculously generic movie that I can’t relate to which stars a bunch of people I sort of hate!!! yay…

Let me just post the movie synopsis from IMDB:

A look at love through the eyes of five interconnected couples experiencing the thrills and surprises of having a baby, and ultimately coming to understand the universal truth that no matter what you plan for, life doesn’t always deliver what’s expected.

Ha ha ha…. That’s probably the funniest thing I will ever post.

Real Life Version of a Disney Character That Horrified Me The Most:

This person.

SOOOO creeped out.

Man Who Scared Me The most:

Bane.

Say what you want about Tom Hardy’s mask and not being able to really hear what he was saying but… man… the guy was horrifying.

And a return from last years column:

Pleasantest Surprise:

The Avengers

Here’s the thing. I really like Josh Whedon, I also really like Thor, Iron-man and the Hulk. I tolerate Captain America. But when was the last really good super-hero mashup movie that you watched? If you answered “never” you win. Honestly I was way too afraid The Avengers was going to be terrible to be too excited about it but then… well then it was awesome. And I believed in love again.

Best Movie of the Summer:

Ohhh… yeah I can’t call it. I’m sorry… my heart is not strong enough. Dark Knight Rises, Avengers… this song goes out to both of you. May I one day own you on DVD….

Goodbye Summer… I knew ye not well enough…

*Sings softly into the full moon*

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Brave

Posted: June 25, 2012 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: , , , ,

Internet!! I’m back! Good gracious gravy it’s been like what? Years? Weeks? Lifetimes? Who knows really? If only there was some sort of time telling device thing conveniently located on my computer a mouse click away… but alas. There is not. Anyway though, regardless of our pasts, and the things that have driven us apart over the years… the things we squabbled over like: who would do the dishes and why you never paid me that million dollars I’m pretty sure we agreed you would give me. Here I am; standing strong and resolute and staring out into the vast untamable ocean of the future and wondering why the future is an ocean to begin with? Why not a meadow? Or a piglet? Or something.

But regardless of futuristic tiny pigs it’s time to stop tapping keys randomly as I long for the cool taste of an iced coffee and start doing that pop culture thing I do. Starting with…

Micah Reviews: Brave

Brave: The best thing to happen to red heads since Anne of Green Gables and Amy Pond.

The Plot:

Somewhere amongst the hills and plains of medieval Scotland we’re introduced to tiny 3ish year old Merida. A delightful Scottish girl raised amongst the hills and plains of medi… sorry. I like the hills and plans of Medieval Scotland okay? Shut-up. Anyway, Merida is the daughter of the King and Queen (yes that makes her a Disney princess. No I don’t care) and within mere minutes of the movie’s opening we’re introduced to what is bound to be the main villain of this movie: a giant killer bear of death.

If there’s one thing Brave does right; it’s adorableness.

Fast forward ten years… I think… maybe not that many. Fast forward some years and we’re introduced to a now teenage Merida and her three criminally adorable little brothers Flopsy, Mopsy, and Abednego. All is not well it would seem though in the house of whoevers house this is as Merida’s mother, Queen something or other, insists that Merida grow into the perfect lady rather than the red haired rag and muffins girl that Merida wants to be.

All of this comes to a head when the three neighboring tribes all show up and, in typical neighboring tribe fashion, burn everything to the ground. Wait no… I mean have a contest to see who gets to marry Merida.

Merida is (understandably I feel) against the whole idea and must choose whether to rise up against her fat or settle for  a lazy boy bound future filled with M&M’s and empty promises…. wait… I feel something went wrong somewhere in there… oh I mean fate. Rise up against her fate! That makes more sense and sounds far less horrible.

Merida must not only decide whether to rise up against her fate or settle for a life of sad marriagededness but also must learn to deal with the consequences of her actions. Oh and the big evil death bear comes back. If you were wondering.

The Positives:

There’s something to be said for a studio that has now popped out 13 consecutive movies that opened at number one. And that something is “May I have some money?” Brave is just another example of Pixar/Disney making a great movie that kids and adults can both enjoy. A movie parents can take their children to watch, and a movie that annoying high schoolers who sit two rows in front of me and laugh obnoxiously loud can go to without fear of me haunting their souls to the very pits of Shell gas stations… maybe.

I could really go on for a while here but frankly you can probably guess what I’m about to say if you’ve seen any other Pixar movie. The voice acting was solid and perfectly cast. The humor was great, the story was heartfelt, and the visual aesthetics were perfectly captured. The visuals won’t “ooh and ah” you exactly but at the same time there so beautifully and realistically portrayed that you can’t help but be taken away by it all.

Finally a special mention has to go to whoever was in charge of how awesomely Scottish this movie feels. From the majestic grassy fields, to the spot on accent work (very Scottish without being unintelligible (editor’s note: Here’s to Micah apparently running headlong into a dictionary tonight. “Unintelligible” now if only he could spell words like “cat”), to the beautiful soundtrack the whole movie just oozes down to earth Scottish awesomeliness.

I’m legally obligated to incorporate a picture of these adorable triplets into this blog. The amount of “Aws” in this movie have been equaled only by the sighs of adoration from teenage girls looking at shocks of Justin Bieber’s golden hair.

The Negatrons:

Ummm… not really much to speak of here. The movie feels a little generic but after 13 straight movies of greatness I guess you can accept some generic goodness. Like a heart healthy bowl of coffee ice cream Brave is another great movie even if it doesn’t really strive to do anything we haven’t seen Pixar do before.

In Conclusion:

Brave is a great movie. Well cast, well visualized, with a great story, and a good mix of humor and heart. It won’t change the way you watch movies or make you any less afraid of giant death bears released from the very pits of Martha Stuart Living but then again it’s not really trying to. It’s just telling a great story the whole family can enjoy.

I give it 4 disgustingly cute Scottish childrens out of 5.

 

Hey everyone, so after a weird weekend full of business and me not sleeping, here I am laying in my room thinking about what in the world this blog should be about. But seeing as having no clue what I’m going to write about has never stopped me before I figure mine as well just start hitting keys and see what happens on this page… word document… thing.

Oh, this is the continuation of my “Summer Questions” blog that I’ve been doing. Just scroll right down this here page if you want to read the rest!! No idea why that happened in a Southern Accent. No idea.

Will Kristin Stewart ruin snow White and the Huntsman?

Someone explain to me how that isn't the symbol from Lord of the Rings on her shield?

I don’t really think so. Here’s the thing about Kristin Stewart: She’s not a terrible actress. She’s not a great actress, she’s probably not even a good actress, but she is also not a terrible actress. Kristin’s problem is that she has achieved fame by playing a character with all the emotional depth of a Kiddie Pool in the Sahara. That combined with the fact that she is (as previously stated) not a great actress have combined to make Bella Swan (her character from twilight for those of you mercifully spared from knowing these things) as interesting and compelling as an All You Can Eat Cardboard Buffet. Put Kristin Stewart into an interesting movie with an interesting cast and a character that has more problems than “Does he really truly wuv me?” and there’s a chance she won’t make me want to savage my brain with a statue of Walt Disney. I’m not saying that Stewart is the next Helena Bonham Carter, but neither am I saying that she’s the next Amanda Seyfried.

Will Brave be yet another heartwarming Pixar classic?

Pixar: Punching us in the face with adorableness since Toy Story.

Probably. I don’t know… I feel like Pixar just keeps running out movies with the same basic premise and life lessons and then waiting for the money of their adoring fans to fall from the heavens into their tiny outstretched hands. And it works. Every time. I really can’t fault them for doing it, I mean hey, once you find a formula that works you might as well stick to the formula. I don’t fault Fruit Loops for making delicious circles of power the same way year after year do I?

Can the Bourne Legacy continue punching people in the face without Matt Damon?

Never just one?? I feel like that's sort of a broad claim to be making there Move Poster.

Of course it can. Here’s the thing about action movies: Stories are secondary. Always. Why do you think James Bond manages to switch actors every ten years or so and no one notices? Why do you think Mission Impossible keeps making millions of dollars at the box office despite two extra large helpings of “Tom Cruise runs this way” in all of their movies? It’s cause we really just want to watch peeps get shot! In fact you could say that this is actually an upgrade for the Bourne series as they bring in not only the extremely awesome Jeremy Renner, but also the awesomely creepy Edward Norton who seems to be playing the villain this time around. Like when James Bond finally realized that Pierce Brosnan was someone universally disliked by the entire cosmos and decided to get someone with an actual soul to play James Bond.

Will Dark Shadows be just another run-in-the-mill awesome movie for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp?

Sure there are other people in this movie. But really: who cares?

Absolutely it will. These two guys just can’t seem to do anything wrong when they sit down in a room and say “So… what do we do now?” Add in Helena Bonham Carter as the Cherry on top of this proverbial Banana-awesome-Sunday and you get yet another movie that I will probably not shut up about for a very long time. Of course this movie looks a little different and a little weird but when has that ever stopped them from being awesome before? It hasn’t. Ever.

So there you go. A lot of questions, a few answers, and a weird Fruit Loop related analogy! See you all on Thursday! Where I will absolutely and definitely write about… something.

And here we are, gathered together once more to watch me talk about movies that I have not seen yet. That no one has seen yet, cause they have not been released. But will that stop me from opening up my old pickle jar and pouring some of my vaunted vaguely dill flavored sarcasm upon them? Not likely.

(As usual you can watch any of these trailers by going to http://www.apple.com/trailers )

The FP-

Ummm... These boots weren't made for dancing

So… this might be the worst idea ever for a movie.

Random probably not overly intelligent person: “So I’ve got this idea for a movie! In a post-apocalyptic society, rival gangs fight each other not by using sword or guns or even their fists but by playing Dance Dance Revolution!! They put on these huge boots that look like they weigh roughly the same as a pregnant yak and then they dance and whoever loses dies!!…”

Studio executive: “This sounds like an idea I could get behind. Tell you what: take this money and go find the worst actors you can possibly get and we’ll start shooting this puppy tomorrow!!”

I literally spent this entire trailer waiting for that whole, ironic thing where an apparently serious movie turns out to be a comedy… but it never came. This movie takes itself, and what might be the most ridiculous premise ever for a movie, very VERY seriously. I’m officially gonna start pitching a movie idea where rival gangs in a post-apocalyptic universe settle their disputes by playing life or death games of tic-tac-toe… which actually makes more sense than the premise of this movie… I literally cannot come up with a more stupid idea… Maybe a post-apocalyptic world where rival gangs fight each other by life or death matches of hedgehog staring?? Nope… still not weird enough…

Brave

If you took out the words Brave in the background this could totally be the poster for the new animated Anne of Green Gables... which is a TERRIBLE idea...

So as much as Pixar wants you to believe it this is NOT a trailer. A trailer is a piece of filmary that gives you the idea of what the movie’s plot is about. This is a clip. A short chunk of a movie that lets you watch a small part of it. All I know about this movie right now is: there’s a very VERY large man in it. What’s her name the red headed girl hates dresses more then I hate the trailer for The FP, and this movie will, apparently, prominently feature men in kilts acting inappropriately. So Brave: a movie about tearing clothes, shooting arrows, and old man bums. Oh goody.

John Carter-

Yup… another John Carter trailer. I am SO excited that this movie is coming out because it means that Disney will STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO WATCH IT!! I would have watched it originally but after EIGHT MONTHS of trailers and clips and advertisements and commemorative fish shaped promotional Elk washers I am no longer going to watch it. I no longer care Disney. No longer.

I was going to put a picture of the poster for John Carter here but then I remembered I didn't care...

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Yes you read that title correctly. The major premise of this movie seems to be that Lincoln was secretly some sort of awesome vampire hunter person with an axe… Not really sure how I feel about this. Sure it’s kind of a weird idea but hey weird ideas have made great movies before right? Plus this movie has one major thing going for it in that it is a movie with vampires in it that isn’t Twilight. So… that’s always good right? Right? I actually have a great idea for a sequel for this movie called George Washington: Werewolf Hunter in which George Washington marches around killing Taylor Lautner.

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games continue to very much intrigue me and make me want to read those books a lot. That’s really all I have to say on the matter except that the woman who pulls that name out of the bowl has officially taken first place in my “Alive Person who Looks Most Like A Zombie” list. She overtook previous leader: Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman one of the most dead alive people I can think of.

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans: Are two heads really better then one?

The trailers for this movie look awesome. But the trailers for the last movie looked awesome too and the last movie (Remember the Titans) looked nothing like this and had Denzel Washington doing… wait… I mean Clash. Clash of the Titans… that makes more sense. The trailers for Clash of the Titans were awesome and that movie was kind of terrible… thus I remain dubious about this entire thing despite the fact that it appears to feature the first ever Siamese twin swordsmen.. or swordsman… hard to tell.

The Avengers

Avengers: Cause Photoshop Totally Works...

But enough of that frivolity. Let’s get to the real reason we’re here! Let’s talk Avengers. My reservations about this movie are well documented and can concisely be summed up in two words Fantastic Four. Or two other words: Ensemble Casting-never-works. But it seems with every carefully released piece of media for this movie I get more excited… Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, and that other guy who plays Captain America all seem to be pulling their weight very well and I’m definitely looking forward to watching Downey Jr. and Ruffalo play off each other. The trailer is just awesome and well put together and the script looks tight. Of course it’s only a trailer so who knows what’s actually going to be on screen but this trailer is certainly getting me more and more excited for May 4th to roll around so I can find out for myself.

And as an added bonus here are some movies I’m looking forward to that will be coming to a theater near you this March!!

Ummm…. uhhh…. Well there’s the Hunger Games!!! But I already talked about that. Also… ummm…. well there’s… Wrath of the Titans!! But I already talked about that too. Well then… I guess March isn’t exactly going to be a huge one for movies but hey just remember that this summer features: Batman, Spiderman, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, a new Bourne Movie, The Hulk, Iron-man, that guy who plays Captain America, and Thor!! Feel better?