Posts Tagged ‘Annie’

Internet, welcome to a day where will boldly embark on a new adventure!! A quest to boldly go to several different web pages and find information that someone else has already gathered!! A quest to make arbitrary judgements without necessarily having all the facts. A quest to crown the greatest movie based on a comic strip ever!!

That’s right, we’ve talked a lot about comic book movies on this blog, but with the recent release of the Charlie Brown movie I sat down and thought to myself, ‘I wonder what the greatest comic strip movie ever made was??’ And I found that myself had no answer, no words of wisdom, and no pants… though that was admittedly a separate issue.

So anywhere here is my search for the greatest comic strip movie ever presented in Alphabetical order by this weeks sponsor, Alphabet soup, for when your children’s soup to be terrible AND accidentally teach them new swear words.

The Addams Family – Not gonna lie, I had no idea this was a comic strip originally. But sure enough, America’s fourth or fifth favorite family was originally put to paper in comic strip form way back in 1938. American’s enjoyed the mis-adventures of Uncle Fester, Morticia, that one guy who was a hand… maybe, and whoever else was in this show. Of course the strip was most famously a TV show featuring a lot of theme song related clapping, but it also made its way into cinemas several times in efforts that ranged from ‘uninspired but fine’ to ‘really terrible’ to ‘direct to dvd.’ So while the Addams family is more or less fine, it’s cinematic struggles definitely remove it from contention for greatest comic strip movie ever… probably. Not gonna lie, I have no idea what’s coming next on this thing.

The Addams Family: Grandma, Wednesday, The Boring One, Morticia, Uncle Fester, and the annoying one.

The Addams Family: Grandma, Wednesday, The Boring Guy, The Best Butler Ever, Morticia, Uncle Fester, and the annoying one.

Blondie – Okay so between 1938 and 1950 there were 28 different Blondie movies released. Goodness America in the 1940’s… you REALLY liked this guy didn’t you?? I mean I read Blondie when I was a kid but let’s bear in mind that the comic strip basically just boiled down to Blondie repeatedly running into the mailman and then eating large sandwiches. And before anyone corrects me yes I know Blondie is actually the wife’s name and Dagwood is the husbands name but that’s basically like the Zelda franchise being named not after that guy with the sword who you spend the entire game playing as, but after the Princess who gets kidnapped at the beginning and is never seen again till the very end. I’m just saying, Dagwood made all the money… also his last name was Boopadoop so… I’ll just leave you to think about that.

Dick Tracy – Legendary detective Dick Tracy is known mostly for wearing a yellow overcoat and a fedora… so he’s basically your weird uncle at this point. I mean if he traded in his Tommy gun and Madonna and got a monkey he’d all the sudden become the man in the Yellow Hat. Though I’d totally trade Madonna straight up for a monkey. That’s a win-win right there.

"No, really Dick, you're blending right in, I promise."

“No, really Dick, you’re blending right in, I promise.”

Garfield – Points to Garfield for perfectly casting Bill Murray as the voice of Garfield. I mean, that’s some clutch casting right there, minus ALL the points though for not knowing when to stop, I mean not only did they make Garfield 2: A Tale of Two Kitties (pretty sure just typing that dropped my IQ significantly) but they also direct to video released such cinematic hairballs as: Garfield Gets Real, Garfield’s Fun Fest, and Garfield’s Pet Force. I mean come on guys… no means no.

Palooka – Yeah, I just think it’s worth mentioning that between 1934 and 1951 somebody felt the need to make 11 movies heavily featuring ‘Joe Palooka.’ A good natured boxer who— I don’t even know what he did. One would assume, ya know, boxing but… can you really make 11 movies about a good natured boxer? I mean they’ve only made six Rockey movies and at least 2 of those are secretly kind of terrible.

Little Orphan Annie – Yup, everyones favorite red headed stepless, step-child got her start as a comic strip way back in 1924. It famously was made into a movie starring Carol Burnett and Young Tim Curry and then was somewhat infamously made into a really really bland and unnecessary movie in 2014. Still though that 1982 movie is probably our first real contender for the top spot.

We miss ya Tim... we do not, however, miss that tie.

We miss ya Tim… we do not, however, miss that tie.

Peanuts – The impetus for this whole article peanuts has had 4 full length movies made out of it (I’m not counting the Christmas/great pumpkin which were technically TV movies.) Probably the best of the bunch here is Snoopy, Come Home but it’s hard to go wrong with any of these. They all do a great job of capturing the feel of Peanuts and don’t fall into the trap of casting real people as the characters, something a lot of comic strips do, and almost none of them do well. Speaking of which…

The Phantom: There was a 1996 the Phantom movie that was just… just so weird… and bad. But somehow mesmerizing. If you ever feel like fully experiencing the 90s while also watching Billy Zane hop around in a purple onsie then this is definitely the movie for you… And also maybe don’t ever talk to me again. Ya weirdo.

Popeye – Arguably the worst thing that has happened to movies or comic strips ever is the 1980’s popeye movie… just… just watch this trailer and then very quickly move on with your life. Try not to look directly at it though.

Red Ryder – between 1944 and 1950 there were 24 Red Ryder movies released. I mean just… just wow. No wonder the Red Ryder BB gun became such a thing, it was practically impossible to live during those 6 years and NOT see that rifle constantly. It’s worth mentioning that a 1945 movie was called Lone Texas Ranger so… I’m sure that’s just a coincidence.

And that’s kind of it guys. Apparently no one decided to make a Wizard of Id movie, and also somewhat shockingly no one has ever made a Calvin and Hobbes movie?!?!?! I mean come on people. Anyway, we now come to the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the crowning of the greatest comic strip movie of all time.

Annie – the good one. 

Congratulations Annie. Get a haircut.

Congratulations Annie. Get a haircut.

Sometimes you just can’t get away from the classics guys. Sure, the Peanuts movies were all pretty solid but they get overshadowed by their own TV movies and that took a lot away from them. When I started this article I honestly thought there would be steeper competition for this coveted/entirely made up prize, but apparently it’s hard to turn a three panel 1/20th of a page comic strip into a good full length feature film. Go figure.

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Well hey guys and welcome back to what will (hopefully) be the last week of our extreme lack of good movie-age. That’s right folks Dracula Untold looms on the horizon. Gone Girl opens in a few days, Left Behind will be terrible. September is nearly over, and good movies will be back soon! And so let us spend these last few days continuing to try desperately to distract ourselves from the futility of life, and the loneliness rooted in our hearts like a bunch of monkeys made of depression and onion dip, by talking about Netflix.

Coming to Netflix: October
(AKA: A Review of Gilmore Girls and then some other stuff)

Of course the big news for Netflix is that they have Gilmore Girls. And ya know what guys?? You could spend your time worse ways. I’m not saying it’s Firefly or the West Wing or anything but if you’re looking for a nice way to waste a few hours and make your girlfriend/wife/significant other typed person SUPER happy, this is the way to do it. Gilmore girls is (at its core) a show aimed at women, that said the writing is really good, and very funny. I have watched most of the episodes of this show and while I never got super caught up in the “but who will she marry” or “but will they ever be friends again” I did get caught up in the overall humor and the incredible addiction to coffee. So win there.

So many coffee jokes guys. So many wonderful coffee jokes.

So much coffee. So much wonderful coffee. 

The basic plot of the Gilmore girls (that “g” is little. I promise. Look it up.) revolves around the adventures of Lorelai (which is the hardest name to spell ever) and Rory (which is awesome and small… kind of like Rory.) Anyway, they have all sorts of weird hijinks involving men and the guy from Supernatural and coffee and… probably… other stuff. Let us remember I don’t really follow the plot of Gilmore girls, I (like may before me) am purely here for the laughs and 90’s references. Quite down. Yes, Lorelie and that dude from the Diner should have gotten married, and yes Jess was an obnoxious idiot who I hated but I was just there for the jokes guys. I swear.

Arrow Season 2 

If you liked Arrow Season 1 (which was admittedly not the BEST show on television) you will LOVE  Arrow Season 2. Season 1 got better as it went and was always dragged down by its awkward, clunky love triangle. Season 2 takes the show in a new much better direction though and (speaking of Firefly) Summer Glau makes some guest appearances!! It’s a really well done season that manages to build on what they got right in season 1 and add in some exciting new stuff that only makes things better.

Carrie

A run in the mill, unremarkable remake to a movie that didn’t need a remake, Carrie stars Chloe’ Moretz and Julianne Moore neither of whom really get very well utilized in what is a decidedly mediocre romp through a classic Stephen King book.

Romeo + Juliet

If you gave Shakespeare red bull,  five pounds of Sugar, and then hit him in the face with a rubber chicken you would get Romeo + Juliet. Frankly, this is not a great movie. Claire Danes (who plays Juliet) is very good but Decaprio’s Romeo is bland and the rest of the cast is bland and the movies tone is all over the place and makes for a very disjointed viewing experience.

Annie

Yup, the original Annie. Red curly hair, Carol Burnett, hard knock life. All that jazz.  As a random trivia fact did you know that Tim Curry is in this movie??? Yup. It’s a classic, ya can’t deny it. You can’t escape from it.

Hello, Tim. I want your hat.

Hello, Tim. I want your hat.

The Boxcar Children

Yeah, someone made a boxcar children movie. I mean it’s animated and stars no one you have ever heard of before but still. It’s the Boxcar Children! I read a Boxcar childrens book once, but it was boring and immaterial and no one got murdered or had lightsabers so I moved on.

Django Unchained

If you like Tarrantino movies you will like this Tarrantino movie, that said it’s nothing awesome. It’s typical Tarrantino runny and shooty and deathy and bloody but honestly there’s not a lot to be said for it beyond that.

Sleepless in Seattle

Cower in fear mankind. Your women can now watch Sleepless in Seattle whenever they want. Your life will never EVER be the same again.

This is your life now. Pensive Meg Ryan. Give into it.

This is your life now. Pensive Meg Ryan. Give into it.

So there you go guys! That’s the party that’s happening on Netflix this month. Wave at your local movie theater everyone, tell it you’ll be back soon!!

Hey America… and other countries, and welcome to Thursday. It’s been a while since I did a Judging Covers post but with all the new trailers dropping from the hands of the Movie lords I figured this would be a good time to wipe the dust off of my incredibly judgmental glasses and talk about some movies purely based on the stuff in their trailers. Per usual, all these trailers are available on youtube or the movie trailer watching site of your choice.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

That’s right folks: Transformers 4: Putting the Stink back into Extinction. I hung with the transformers series for a long time even after the dripping mass of dirty laundry and angry muskrats that was Transformers 2 I believed that Michael Bay could pull off something entertaining with Transformers 3… and the he did not. At all. The sad thing is that I really like Mark Wahlberg, but even the prettiest girl in the world would smell of old cheese after being thrown headfirst into a melted vat of Limburger. The trailer seems to hit all the “bad Transformers movie” checkboxes. Obligatory hot girl in short shorts who can’t act, FBI guy who is a villain (but probably joins the good guys by the end), Scientist who doesn’t think we need transformers, screamy shot of Optimus Prime, etc. Not only does this look like a bad movie, it looks like the same bad movie we’ve already seen twice.

Annie

A trailer that just came out yesterday, the new Annie seems to be poised to make all of our childhood memories well up inside us like emotional gastrointestinal problems!– ew. Sorry… no idea what happened there. Umm– Cameron Diaz as Mrs. Hannigan seems like an odd choice but at this point Cameron Diaz is an odd choice to play a non-speaking character in a Geico commercial, so I guess I can’t be to thrown by this. Jamie Foxx seems charming and the little girl playing Annie looks face punchingly adorable so this movie will probably be all the things we want it to be, even if we just want it to be a fun new take on a very old story.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier 

There are about twenty different trailers out for this movie and it is officially starting to get on my wife’s nerves. It’s hard to disagree with her though, I mean, we all know Captain America is the worst of the Avenger’s super-heroes but at this point it just feel like he’s standing behind the Hulk jumping up and down, waving his arms, and desperately begging us to give him some attention. I’m already at least somewhat intrigued by this movie but am unlikely to get more excited no matter how many times Marvel shows me an aircraft carrier on fire. Calm down, Marvel. It’s gonna be okay.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

Godzilla 

Godzilla’s first full trailer hit the internet last week and pretty much cleared up nothing at all about the movie. Godzilla will be big and will punch things, Aaron Taylor-Johnson is going to make an “oh no” face a lot, and then there’s some other guy who looks like a shaggy haired Robert Redford who seems to mostly be in the movie so he can over act really badly. I’m not saying Godzilla will be a bad movie (it probably won’t be) but it also isn’t really making me think it’s going to be a good movie. So far the trailers could be summarized by just saying “hey look at all this broken stuff!!!” And just having a bunch of cities get smashed doesn’t really make a good movie, right Man of Steel??? (glares at Superman)

Guardians of the Galaxy 

Ah, the sweet sweet scent of an awesome trailer. Guardians of the Galaxy looks like it’s shaping up to be an awesome new entry in Marvel’s already awesome universe. The movie just looks so distinct and seems like it’s going to land right in that sweetspot between “not taking itself too seriously” while also being a big action movie with a decent amount of heart. The cast looks great, the script seems sharp, and the action looks significantly big and explosiony. I’m pretty much all in on this one from here on out and (while there’s still a chance I’m wrong) this trailer only encourages my belief that we could be looking at something special here.

I was gonna put "your welcome" down here but Marvel already did. That's the kind of movie we're talking about here folks.

I was gonna put “your welcome” down here but Marvel already did. That’s the kind of movie we’re talking about here folks.

And there you have it guys!! Thanks for checking in and we will see you next week!