Hey Internet, well guys, I’m not gonna lie to you… this time… It’s been a rough week. Rough seas. Rough hair. Rough bristles. Just rough. But not wanting to leave you entirely without my patented wisdom and sage council here’s a strongly abbreviated version of the Box Office Top Ten and what you should or shouldn’t be seeing this weekend.
Box Office Top Ten 4-6-2017
Number 10: The Zookeepers Wife
A woman who’s the wife of a Zookeeper who… fights the Nazi’s??? I think? But not in like a cool Dr. Doolittle of Death sort of way but more in a “this actually happened” sort of way… which is arguably better… arguably.
Number 9: CHIPS
This is the abbreviated version of the Top Ten so I’m gonna keep this short: don’t watch CHIPS. Ever. For any reason.
Number 8: Life
Not to be confused with the board game which teaches children all about how Life definitely won’t go. The movie ‘Life’ teaches us exactly how it would go if humans ever do find life on other planets! Namely: it will murder us all. Life is actually a decent movie with a great cast and you should check it out if you like the sort of ‘trapped in space, pseudo horror’ kind of thing.
Number 7: Get Out
Great horror movie. Go see it… unless you don’t like horror movies in which case: get out! (rim-shot)
Number 6: Logan
Great comic book movie. Go see it… unless you don’t like comic book movies in which case: get out!… hmm… something went wrong there.
Number 5: Kong: Skull Island
It’s hard to say whether Skull Island is good or not… I mean it’s got all the parts to a good movie, I’m just not sure if it puts them all together in the right order. If you’re a fan of the genre it’s definitely worth checking out and it COULD be really fun… but you might also think it’s slow and circular and doesn’t really give its great cast much to do… hard to say.
Number 4: Saban’s Power Rangers
It’s not terrible. It’s not great. It just exists. It’s the unbuttered toast of cinema… it just sort of exists.
Number 3: Ghost in the Shell
This movie looks great… but it isn’t great. Your eyes will be delighted… but your heart will be sad. Or bored. But you don’t hear about ‘the girl with the bored heart’ do you?
Number 2: Beauty and the Beast
It’s still a great movie. If you haven’t seen it, go to the theater and open thine eyes. Let the warmth of your childhood wash over you like a thousand clean linens and laundered doilies.
Number 1: Boss Baby
A kids movie for kids. Your kids will enjoy this but you will spend the entire movie on your phone trying to remember how to play soduko. It’s a fine kids movie, but that’s it.
So there you go guys, thanks for reading and thanks for sticking with us during these times. All should be back to normal for the website next week, and hey, why not use the time you saved by me only writing 500 words this week to check out my new podcast! Here’s the ling: http://www.thepsv.podbean.com thanks so much for reading!