Hey Internet, and welcome to the one post a year where I push down my grinch grinchclause nature and actually write a blog about Christmas! So let’s cut straight past the holly and the jolly and get write to that big ole’ present you’ve been staring at for the last month shall we? A present simply labeled:

Micah’s Off the Grid Christmas Movies 

Everyone knows to watch Rudolph, The Muppet Christmas Carol, and Frosty the Snowman around Christmas, but what are some other/newer/weirder Christmas movies that can you put you in the Christmas mood? Well here are 8 movies you probably haven’t seen before, or have seen before but didn’t watch them with that holly jolliness in your heart!

Number 1: Die Hard. 

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Best. Ornament. Ever.

This is a VERY obvious pick but I feel like it accurately represents what we’re going for here (at least with some of these entries.) Now, Die Hard doesn’t technically teach children about the magic of Christmas but it DOES teach children the importance of strapping a gun to your back before your final confrontation with one of the greatest acting treasureres of all time! (Consequently: PLEASE don’t watch this with your kids, you can teach them how to strap guns to themselves later.) Die Hard is LOADED with Christmssy things though, there are trees, presents, the value of families, it’s all right in here guys! Along with lots and LOTS of killin’… just so much killing.

Number 2:  Meet Me in St. Louis. 

See guys? It’s not all murder and gun-tape! Meet Me in St. Louis is a classic Judy Garland movie that tells the story of umm… I don’t actually remember anything that happens in this movie. At some point Judy Garland punches a dude though… so that’s pretty sweet. But Judy Garland full on sings “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” in this mess and if that’s not Christmassy than I have no idea what is… I may actually have no idea what that is guys. I mean there’s a decent chance.

Number 3: Rifftrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny 

Okay so, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is a TERRIBLE movie with some of the worst lip-syncing I have ever seen but when Rifftrax (the guys behind Mystery Science Theater 3000) spend the entire feature making fun of it, the whole thing becomes just gorgeous. It’s the kind of blend of Christmas spirit, and biting sarcasm that I feel Thoughts We Might Have Had can fully endorse.

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Oh yeah, he’ll eat your soul for sure. But Merry Christmas and stuff!

Number 4: Batman Returns 

Oh yeah there’s a whole Christmassy thing around this movie. I mean it’s not exactly Miracle on 34th Street or anything but at one point Batman and Catwoman talk a lot about Mistletoe… and than she licks his face… for cat reasons… I guess. I don’t remember much about this movie because Michelle Pfeiffer freekin’ terrifies me in a VERY real way, but there’s definitely Christmas in this. And Batman. What more do you want?

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Also: Christopher Walken!!

Number 5: Holiday Inn 

The obvious choice for a Bing Crosby Christmas movie is White Christmas, but if you’re looking for a stealthier Christmas option why not check out Holiday Inn, which came out about a decade before AND features the sweet magical feet of Fred Astaire!! You’ve got Christmas (Bing Crosby sings I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas for crying out loud), you’ve got Fred Astaire’s feet, and… well, there’s some blackface. Just throwin’ that out there… but it was the 40’s, we still thought smoking was good for you it… we’re not proud of it.

Number 6: The Hogfather

A classic Terry Pratchett book that was televised/movie-vised a couple years ago this movie isn’t technically about Christmas at all but it is very clearly HEAVILY influenced by it and features some awesome Christmassy moments including a brief and wonderful section where Death sits in for jolly old Saint Nick… or in this case the Hogfather. But whatever. It’s awesome. You should watch it!

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Now see that’s a Santa I can get behind! 

Number 7: Love Actually 

Okay guys let’s… let’s take a second here so I can brace you for something. Ladies can I… can I have a second with the men? Thanks, we’ll be right back.

All right guys so… here’s the thing: Love Actually, is a real bad movie. Like it’s terrible. It has good parts… though I can’t think of any right now, but it’s just… it’s a weird sort of back and forth movie that doesn’t really resolve most of it’s plots and a lot of the people in it are just… jerks. Like real bad people. But Love Actually is a very important movie for grown women around the holidays because it’s like their Die Hard. It’s a Christmas movie (sort of) but it’s for them, just like Die Hard is a Christmas movie (sort of) that’s for you. So let’s just give them this one huh? I mean I’m sure there over there having their own conversation on how Die Hard is bad because… umm… no that movies perfect. Anyway, let’s give them Love Actually okay?

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Though we can all agree this guy was a jerk right?? Like who goes to the house of his recently married best friend and confesses his love for the best friends new wife??? What?!?!?!?

Number 8: Rifftrax Live: Santa Claus 

Another Rifftrax entry, this one featuring a bizarre little piece of Mexican cinematography wherein Santa must spend all Christmas night not only delivering presents but also contending with the Devil… or a Devil. Or a mexican in tights who dances a lot. It’s hard to tell sometimes. This is a VERY Christmassy movie, all about the Christmas spirit and believing in miracles and all that stuff, but it’s also VERY bad and VERY funny thanks to Rifftrax! You should absolutely check it out!

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Also apparently Merlin is heavily involved in the Christmas process.

So there you have it guys! Seven Christmas movie to break you out of those dull Christmas doldrums! I won’t be posting on Tuesday of next week but I’ll be back in business Thursday and ready to jumpstart that sweet sweet New Year! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good week!

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