Well hey Internet! And welcome to my very last movie preview of 2016!! And it is a VERY crowded slate, I gotta say. I mean even discounting this last weekend it is a packed house up here in December! So let’s get right down to that sweet sweet business we’re in: wild speculation and sarcasm.
December 9th –
La La Land
I did a big rant on this in my last post and got some choice words back from audience members so let me just say: I’m excited for this. It might end up being a little on the snooty “film for films sake” sort of side but there’s nothing wrong with the occasional bit of snoot right? Who doesn’t love a little snoot? I’ve ruined the word ‘snoot’ at this point. Too much snooting.
Office Christmas Party
Speaking of snootery here is basically the opposite is snoot. Just your typical comedy that got a bunch of people who are legitimately think are hilarious (especially SNL’s Kate McKinnon) and will proceed to waste their talents on low level humor and various holiday exploitations. I could be wrong about this: but I’m not. Have you seen the trailers? I’m very not wrong.
December 16th –
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
I’m very excited this. Honestly the only thing I’m not completely in on with this movie is Felicity Jones. Specifically her face, and voice, and ability to act. Granted, she’s the main character so… that’s kind of important. But are we sure she’s actually a good actress? Like what else has she been in? I mean the Theory of Everything I guess is her biggest deal and she was okay in that… it makes me feel a little better. And I am absolutely all in on everything else about this whole project so… yeah. All in on this.
The Founder is a biographical piece on the founder of McDonalds starring Michael Keaton. It’ll probably be fine/good in a way that a fairly boring biographical piece can be. I’m mostly putting it here because it’s Oscar bait and in a few months when everyone is pretending they watched it, I’ll be able to say “yeah I talked about that on my blog before it even came out!” Though I’ve written that out now so… hopefully the people I say that too aren’t reading this.
Will Smith stars as a grieving man who encounters Death, Love and umm… one other one… trash disposal? No… Oh Time. Yes. Time. Anyway, he has conversations with these sort of personifications of these characters and it honestly could be very good. Just to be clear: this is Oscar bait. But it could be good Oscar bait. Tasty. Tasty bait.
December 21 –
Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt team up for a movie about two people woken up early from their special space-naps who fall in love and also probably get almost dead. It’ll be a good movie but I think it’s gonna get largely eclipsed by Rogue One. Weird timing on the part of the people who pick the timing for such things, Lawrence and Pratt will be great though, so if nothing else it’s gonna be a fun one.
Michael Fassbender becomes the latest in a LOOOONNNGG line of people to try and make a good movie based on a video game. I mean, Assassin’s Creed is (if nothing else) a pretty good setting for a good action movie. Lots of stabbing, swords and assassinations and stuff like that. Much more sort of tangible than this year’s other video game movie “World of Warcraft” which was fine but definitely sort of lost itself in its own mythos. The nice thing about Assassin’s Creed is that the “mythos” of that series has never really made any sense anyway so hopefully the movie doesn’t feel too connected to it. We’ll see what happens but at the very least I expect sort of a fun action movie (though again: not a great time to come out.)
December 23 –
December 23rd or (as I like to call it ) Liam Neeson weekend!!! That’s right: not one, but TWO Liam Neeson movies! Strap on your good ears, Grandma!!
Look, this IS a Liam Neeson movie but… I mean it doesn’t look like it’s gonna be… ya know good. It’s basically the story of some monks (Andrew Garfield and Adam Drivers Weird Face) who go in search of their elder monk… is that a thing? Who is Liam Neeson. Now, as a Monk Liam Neeson probably won’t punch anything and he really probably won’t be in the movie a ton, but it is a Liam Neeson movie AND he’s re-teeming with Martin Scorsese so that’s good but… this movie will probably not be.
A Monster Calls
Now, this is the sauce. A movie that was supposed to come out in October but got pushed back because (you guessed it) Oscar bait. This movie features the silky smooth, chocolaty voice of Liam Neeson as the titular Monster who does the titular calling. It’s supposed to be VERY good and I’m super excited to check it out as it is based on a fantastic children’s book that you should very much check out.
And there you have it ladies and gentleman!! A very full December slate, but let’s all make it through and may you have a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy Holidays, I’ll see you Thursday!