Box Office Top Ten 11-1-16

Posted: November 1, 2016 by Micah in Randomnicity

Hey guys! We’re back! And marginally better than ever… sort of. We’re roughly the same. Though I will say these last two weeks have been nuts and have changed me forever, in ways you can only imagine. In ways I can only imagine. In ways that will lead us to lands of pure imagination. But anyway, enough about Gene Wilder quotes and me talking about ch-ch-changes. Let’s get straight into the top ten!

Box Office Top Ten 11/1/16

Yup, the old box office top ten, like slipping into a warm, familiar coat, and the realizing that coat is made of movies… my metaphors are a little rusty… metaphorically speaking.

Number 10 – Ae Dil Hai Mushkill

Yeah… I got nothing for you on this one guys. That’s the movie that’s 10th at the box office. It’s a fact. I mean I could make a joke here but… that’d probably be pretty racist. And I could do some heartfelt research and really find out what this movie is about but… I don’t want to.

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But look, here’s a guy who is (assumedly) in this movie.

 

Number 9 – Storks

It’s a kids movie. It’s not exactly a reinvention of the wheel, but it’s a solid little wheel just… wheelin’ along. Don’ it’s wheel thing with its little wheel kids. It’s fine.

Number 8 – Keeping Up with the Joneses

Look, we all love Jon Hamm… for some reason. But this is a real bad movie. REEEEAAAAAL bad. Please don’t watch it. Zach Galifinakis (as it turns out) is not a funny person. I don’t remember why we started thinking he was… but he is not.

Number 7 – Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

I was gonna talk a lot about this movie but then I typed out that whole title thing going on up there and (frankly) I’m exhausted. Too long guys, keep it short, pithy, easy to spell. Why not just call it Miss P’s Home for Weirdo’s? Or Miss P’s Home? Or Miss P’s? Or just P. Oh, consequently, this movie is fine. It’s not great or anything but the visuals are great, and the storyline is good enough to make up for a somewhat lackluster script.

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“See this title I’m pointing at?? Way too long.”

 

Number 6 – The Girl on the Train

A girl gets on a train… and then just… just wow the whole world starts stabbing eachother. It’s real weird and depressing, and not that great a movie honestly.

Number 5 – Ouija: Origin of Evil

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Worst. Telescope. Ever.

 

A prequel to last year’s slightly above average horror movie “Ouija: The First One,” “Ouija: Origin of Evil” is a slightly above, above average horror movie. In a fall filled with utter nonsense in the horror department, Ouija: Origin of Evil is probably as good as it’s getting’.

Number 4 – The Accountant

Ben Affleck and Anna Kendrick turn in great performances in what is a largely pain by numbers action movie. It plays around a little with the special needs of its protagonist and there’s definitely some kernels of greatness in here, but in the end there’s really nothing to see here that you haven’t already seen.

Number 3 – Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

Yeah… if only Jack Reacher had taken the advice of his own title. Should not have come back for this one Jack… should not have come back.

Number 2 – Inferno

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Inferno: Cause when you sign Tom Hanks up for a franchise, you mine as well finish it.

 

Speaking of terrible sequels: here’s Inferno. The third in the “Davinci Code” series Inferno continues the rapid terrible spiral of horrible that this franchise has been on since the day some studio executive somewhere said “Let’s take those long boring books, filled with unnecessary exposition and page upon page of weird incoherent conspiracy theories and make a franchise out of them!!!”

Number 1 – Boo! A Madea Halloween

Look, there’s nothing surprising about A Madea Halloween. It’s a Madea movie. It’s fun and entertaining and a little emotional, but in the end there’s nothing super substantive here. It’s a perfectly respectable entry in a long running series, that is (apparently) just gonna keep on happening.

And there you go guys! We’ve returned!! Check back in Thursday for a big old preview of what’s coming in the next two months! It’s gonna be a party!!

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