The Weekly Headlines 10/13/2016

Posted: October 13, 2016 by Micah in Weekly Headlines

Well hey Internet, and welcome back to the thrilla in Manila. The throwdown in Motown. The hullabaloo in Timbuctoo! Welcome to: thoughts we might have had. And this week’s edition of: the Weekly Headlines.

(Also I’m sorry there are no images on this post… WordPress is bein’ on weird)

The Weekly Headlines: 10-13-2016

There’s a new trailer out for “Star Wars: Rogue One, A Star Wars Story, From the Star Wars” and it looks pretty danged fantastic guys. I’m excited to see the more down to earth, grungy parts of the Star Wars universe that we haven’t seen before. The new trailer gave away a lot more of the story than previous ones but I’m still very interested to see what’s going on with the rest of the story. The giant stompy feet of the AT-AT, the Death Star under construction, the closed door meeting where we all decide “Nah, let’s not patch that hole on the side, I’m sure no one will hit it with a bomb. I mean, seriously, what are the odds of that?”

There’s also a new trailer for the Power Rangers and it looks… like a movie. With some power rangers. On the plus side it doesn’t look terrible… maybe. But it doesn’t look overly good either. It’ll probably be fine, people will Ranger… in a kind powery way… and that’s about all I can promise on this one.

Oh and in real weird news we found out more about The Great Wall and that its principal stars are Matt Damon, Padro Pascal, and arguably the least Chinese person on the planet: William Dafoe. Now, a lot has been made about the “whitewashing” of this movie and while that has definitely happened the movie is being made by a Chinese production company so… that’s… better??? Maybe??? I think.

Overwatch (a video game) started their Halloween event this week and aside from the fact that Overwatch is awesome let me point out the word ‘Halloween’ in that sentence. Halloween retail stores!! It’s not evern Halloween, why am I seeing Christmas decorations?? It’s not even November yet. Slow your roll, have some pumpkin pie or something I don’t know. But chill.

Coming out on DVD this week: X-men: Apocalypse. A movie that so entirely phoned in its script, acting, and fight scenes that the only way to truly represent it’s mediocrity is with the follow word: bleh.

The Crown debuts next month on Netflix and for those of you who haven’t heard of it before it sounds fantastic!! It’s set right after Queen Elizabeth the Second takes over the throne in Britain. It stars Claire Foye, Matt Smith, and John Lithgow (who plays Sir Winston Churchill.) It looks absolutely great and I can’t wait… Seriously. Like there’s no joke here.

Speaking of not funny: The Girl on the Train took the top spot in the box office this week and that movie is REAL not funny. It’s not that good either, frankly, but if you ever feel like you’re life is too happy and filled with levity go watch this movie. It’s about as funny as someone stabbing you in the liver with a rusty spittoon… Spittoon is admittedly a funny word.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter continues to insist it’s the real final chapter. They know how the word Final works right?? They’ve been talking to the Final Fantasy people haven’t they? Cause those Fantasies aren’t even a little final.

Disney has recently announced that they’re making new live action versions of Aladdin and The Lion King to the surprise of absolutely no living person. Look, we knew this was coming and I at least sort of understand re-doing Aladdin, makes a lot of sense. But The Lion King??? There are no people in the Lion King! You can’t say you’re making a live action version of the movie because there will be literally ZERO live action. You’re basically just updating the animation. At least with Aladdin you’ll have people running around and havin’ vest sporting monkeys. The Lion King will just be… ya know, fake lions. Like it was last time.

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