Well hey Internet, happy end of September everyone, we’ve almost done it. We’re almost through with the sad sack of cinematic nonsense that was September, so let’s take a look at the slightly less sad, but no less sacky sack of sadness that will be Octobers movies… oh boy.

Umm… okay so… what say we broaden our search a bit and just do a fall preview shall we?? October is literally a wasteland of terrible, it’s quite possibly the least appealing month of movies since… well this month.

Fall Movie Preview

The Girl on the Train – October 7th Amway Trains sponsors this heartfelt movie about the magical journey of one young girl on a train ride through America!! Ha ha, no I’m kidding. There’s a murder and a girl and another girl and Luke Evans and… look everyone gets murdered or is a murderer  or thinks they’re a murderer. It’ll probably be a good movie in a “You’ll be convinced you’ve probably killed someone at some point AND that everyone is out to kill you” sort of way.

Shin Godzilla – October 11th Japan responds to our mostly fine but kind of dumb Godzilla movie with their own movie… that will probably be mostly fine but kind of dumb. On the plus side their movie will probably have more actual Godzilla in it, unlike ours that should have been named “Ineffectual and Confused Military: With Cameo by Godzilla.”

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Godzilla is apparently going through his “red phase.”

 

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back – October 21st Look, I really liked the first Jack Reacher movie but no one else but me has ever seen it, I’ve also really like the trailers for this movie but there has literally been 2 youtube views of the trailer and one of them says “This is was Tom Cruise” next to it so… I’m not exactly expecting Star Wars money here.

Inferno – October 28 – Wait wait… they’re still making these movies??? For those of you who don’t know this is the third book in the Divinci Code book series of which the first movie was kind of fine and the second movie was pretty bad. Of course those were good books, Inferno really isn’t. Not that it matters, this series is based on the premise of Tom Cruise staring uninterestingly at some puzzle box or something and then solving it because… the Church is a lie… or something. Didn’t the last one revolve around somebody trying to become the Pope by framing the Pope and all the little Popeletts for murder?

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It’s an Inferno!!! Of boredom…

 

See what I mean?? That’s October guys. 4 interesting movies, at least 2 of which will probably be real bad. Let’s move on to November shall we?

November 4th – Doctor Strange – And here it is ladies and gentleman, are reward for suffering through two months of cinema dribble. By all accounts this is gonna be a fantastic movie, with a great cast, and (hopefully) create some really cool new options for the Marvel cinematic universe with the introduction of magic. REAL excited for this and for the ever fantastic Benedicit Cumberbatch doing his best Hugh Laurie from house impression.

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Stranger Doctors.

 

November 4th – Trolls – Because you had to put out this movie sometime didn’t you?

November 4th – Hacksaw Ridge – this movie is basically the exact opposite of Trolls. Realistic World War 2 movie depicting the horrors of war from the perspective of a young medic (played by Andrew Garfield,) and then Trolls a movie that was made for kids… because we could.

November 11th – Arrival – This movie actually looks REALLY cool. Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner star in a movie about man’s first contact with an unknown alien species. I know that doesn’t sound very cool, but trust me: it will be.  Based on a super interesting short story called “Story of Your Life” but… I already did that one super nerd-out with Doctor Strange so I’m not gonna talk too much about this one… It’ll be great though.

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Attack of the bean… FROM SPACE!!!

 

November 18th – Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – I’ve thus far been pretty unimpressed by the promo stuff for this movie but the last trailer actually looked pretty good! It felt a lot more “grown up Harry Potter” than anything else has so far and it gave us a better feel for how good the whole movie could end up being. My interest-o-meter has gone from a 5 to an 8, so we’ll see how that goes.

November 23rd – Moana – It’s a Disney animated movie guys. It’s gonna be great. I mean, until they drop the ball on one of these that’s what we have to assume right? I mean this looks really good in and of itself anyway, but it’s Disney, when was the last really bad Disney animated movie?? I mean Brave wasn’t awesome but even it wasn’t bad. I fully expect this to be whimsical and entertaining and just a little bit deeper than I’m expecting it to be. All Hail Disney!

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Yeah, well tell the Ocean to leave a message would you?

 

And there you have it folks, all we have to do is survive October, and then it’s all sweet sweet cinema all the time! We can do it!!!… maybe.

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