Box Office Top Ten 8/2/2016

Posted: August 2, 2016 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , ,

Hello, friends, Internet, and creepy Uncle Ted’s and welcome back to the wonderful, frosting covered wonder that is Thoughts We Might Have Had. Today we return to that old favorite: The Box Office Top Ten, where we talk about the Box, the Office, and what you probably should never ever watch!! We’ve got ten movies to cover here, so why not just pull out our tiny crochet needles and make us some covers!!

Box Office Top Ten 8/2/2016

Number 10: The Legend of Tarzan

Look, if you haven’t seen the Legend of Tarzan yet, you probably won’t enjoy it. If this is your type of movie, with its shirtless men and it’s screamy gorillas, than you’ll probably enjoy it. But you’ve also probably already seen it. If this movie doesn’t look like it’s your kind of thing it’s really not good enough to change your mind. The plot is fairly generic, the characters are ones you’ve seen before, and you can go online at any time and look at pictures of shirtless men.

_B4B2657.dng

Good with the running… bad with the bathing.

 

Number 9: Finding Dory

This movie just keeps hanging in there on the top ten list and I’ve run out of things to say about it. It’s great. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. But you’ve seen it right? I mean what else are you doing with your time?? Ya nerd.

Number 8: Nerve

Not gonna lie, I have no idea what this movie is about. And I do not care. At all. Something something, teen movie. Don’t care.

Number 7: Ghostbusters

I’m so glad this movie is out and everyone seems to have stopped freeking out about it. It’s a movie guys, decent to pretty good movie starring a great cast with a script that never really entirely lives up to its full potential. It’s fine. It’s sad that this movie will be remembered mostly for all the controversy that swirled around it, but at least we can all find something else to do with our time now.

Number 6: Lights Out

A slightly above average horror movie with a monster that doesn’t want to come out in the light… ya know, like all monsters. Monster aside though, this movie manages to distinguish itself from its peers with a solid cast and some surprisingly intricate storytelling.

Lights-Out-Movie

This movie sponsored by Duke Energy.

 

Number 5: Ice Age: Collission Course

Look guys, Ice Age has had a surprisingly good run. One was great, two was kinda meh, but three and four were actually pretty good! That said: this is a REAL bad movie folks. Real bad. Just… please don’t watch it. Get one of the old movies (except for 2) and watch that… everybody wins that way. Except the makers of Ice Age: Collision Course, and those people should not win.

Number 4: The Secret Life of Pets

A perfectly acceptable kids movie about some pets. It doesn’t reach the emotional depth of Finding Dory, but neither does it really try to. It is, what it is, and it is fine. Good even, just don’t expect it to do your taxes or anything.

Number 3: Bad Moms

Look, you’ve seen this movie. Some moms get together and decide to do some very un-mom thing, only to learn that they love being moms (but also should indulge their wild side.) There. I save you ten dollars. You’re welcome, let’s move on.

Number 2: Star Trek Beyond

I was somehow SUPER wrong about this movie. I mean I was in no way excited for this, and thought it looked like just another sci-fi movie about some sci-fi stuff. Turns out Star Trek Beyond is a really great, fun entry in the series more along the lines with the fun, energy of the first movie than the more dour second one (which I really liked too.) Anyway, if you haven’t seen Star Trek Beyond yet, you really need to. It’s great… and I’m sorry I doubted you Star Trek. I’m so sorry….

Number 1: Jason Bourne

jason-bourne-2016-trailer-banner-matt-damon

You do know his name right?? We forgot for a while, seemed to think it was Jeremy Renner for a bit there.

 

Yeah, I know… it’s a dumb title. Watch this: The Bourne Resurrection. See how much better that is? See how it goes along with the rest of the series titles?? (The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Ultimatum etc.) The good news is that this bland, uninspired title, perfectly matches the bland and uninspired movie!! Look, there’s nothing criminally wrong with The Bourne Rebourning. It’s okay. There’s a decent car chase or two, and Matt Damon does well with Bourne (though Bourne has roughly the emotional range of a damp lint brush. But there’s really nothing here that does anything new for the series or the genre. It’s just more, slightly watered down Jason Bourne-ing.

So there you go guys, party on with your Donkey Kong, go see Star Trek and I will see you Friday!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s