Well hey everyone and welcome to another classic (and increasingly ironically named) segment of: The Weekly Headlines. Starting with new on a movie that is, somehow, extremely controversial right now:

Weekly Headlines: 7/19/2016

Ghostbusters came out this last weekend and it was (in an earth shattering twist:) fine. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t terrible. It was fine. And for some reason the Internet has chosen this hill upon which to die. Look guys: it’s a movie. I don’t know what else to tell you. You can hate it, you can love it, have an opinion. But don’t hate the people who made something just cause you hate something, I’m about as bitter and sarcastic as they come and I’ve certainly made fun of my share of celebrities (Hi, Kevin James) but at what point did we cross the line to hating the people and not just the horrible movies they sometimes make? It’s just weird and sad.

Wow… that got dark. Let’s make with the jokes shall we?

‘The Secret Life of Pets’ continues to rule the box office. I mean ‘rule’ is probably a strong word… what do you call it when you run a place, but no one else really wants to run the place and you’re just kind of there by default?? Trump 2016???

Political Humor!!!

Seriously though: Secret Life of Pets is pretty good.

cat

I fully expect my epic: It’s pretty good, endorsement to appear on the back of the DVD.

 

A new trailer for the Magnificent Seven reboot came out this week and guys: I am in. I mean I was already in, but now I’m WAYYY in. I miss the golden age of the Western and I’m excited that this doesn’t look like they’re doing a weird gritty re-boot where everyone looks sad and hateful and drinks pond scum from horse prints or whatever. I miss the old westerns, sure they were ridiculously innacurate to the time period, but this isn’t the History channel, and I don’t care. Super stoked for that thing.

1461168127-the-magnificent-seven-trailer

My favorite character is: Adjusting hat man!

 

So guys… I have a confession: I was wrong about Star Trek: Beyond. It’s gotten fantastic reviews so far and I spend huge portions of the summer saying it looked generic and tired and like it was basically doing a poor imitation of Guardians of the Galaxy. Turns out though it’s a great return to the fun, almost episodic feel of the TV show and the cast and script both really make Beyond another worthy entry in (what my opinion) has been a super great Star Trek franchise! I mean, I loved Star Trek beyond despite all the ‘real’ Star Trek fans seething hatred because umm… Khan? I guess.

In other Star Trek news, the makers of Star Trek announced that Star Trek 4 will feature the return of Chris Hemsworth (Thor.) Yeah, you forgot he was in Star Trek 1 (the reboot) didn’t you?? In your defense he played Kirk’s dad and had roughly 2 minutes of screen time before getting all blowed up and stuff (or did he????) So he’s coming back. And you’d think if they’re announcing it this far in advance it’ll be more than just a cameo right? We’ve already seen time travel in this movie (most of the first movie in fact) but I hope this is the start of some alternate dimension stuff!! Maybe Chris Hemsworth comes from a dimension where baby Kirk and his mom died in the spaceship crash, but he lived and (just because) in that Universe Spock is EEEEVIL!!! Evil I tell you, WAHAHAHA. Ahem… Sorry. Got excited for a sec there.

The new Alien movie (Alien: Covenant) just finished filming!! What’s that?? You didn’t want a sequel to the slow, weird running Prometheus movie that didn’t make a lot of sense?? You wanted an Alien movie that actually had Aliens and moved the series in a positive direction?? Ha ha. No. You can’t have that.

Prometheus

Prometheus: Cause who needs sideways?

 

Fifty Shades Darker just started filming in Paris!! What’s that? You’re not interested in a sequel to the most horrifyingly made movie based on a book since The Host?? A movie that somehow offended both the book readers AND the non-book readers? Well… you’re getting one. Maybe don’t go see it this time huh? Cause at least SOME of you did. I know it was you Bobby!! I know it was you.

Hey, in positive movie news the Gunslinger (based on the Dark Tower series by Stephen King) continues to look awesome!! I mean look at this!

Lightroom (838A4668.JPG and 18 others)

That’ll work.

That said: this movie comes out in February of 2017. February!! Where bad and disappointing movies go to slowly deflate and died like the saddest balloon. But I mean, come on, you can’t mess up this book with this cast right? Right???

Did you guys know The Divergent Series: Allegiant comes out on DVD this week!?!?! Yeah… I didn’t care either.

Well there you go guys: them headlines!! Come on back Thursday when I open the old mailbag and answer some Star Wars fan mail!!

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