Hello Citizens, and welcome back to part 2 in our annual, widely praised, and thinly waisted Summer tradition: Summer Questions… which is not a great name if you think about it… or at least not a super inventive one anyway. But why start inventing things now? Why strive to have cool fancy names like: Micah’s Summer Question Emporium, or Micah’s Quizzuical Query’s for your Summer Solstice? When you can just name it…

Summer Questions 2016: Part 2

1. Will Warcraft the movie be any good???

Meh. Look, it’ll be fine. It probably won’t be good, it probably won’t be terrible. It will be fine, stuff will get stabbed, that one big orc guy will probably get about 7 dollars from the tooth fairy for those big old canines of his,

warcraft

Tooth Fairy’s gonna need a Mack Truck to move those things…

 

and all of the big World of Warcraft gamers will either think it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen with their face-eyes, or absolutely the worst thing ever created. It’s how these things work. Judging purely on the trailers this is more The Hobbit, then it is Lord of the Rings. There won’t be anything egregious in it but it doesn’t seem like a movie that’s really gonna push any boundaries. It’ll be fine.

2. Will Finding Dory ruin my child??

It’s certainly possible. I mean, this is Disney we’re talking about and they basically have childhood nostalgia locked in that vault of theirs. That said the last “Do we REALLY need a sequel to that?” movie they released was Monsters University and while that movie was fine it certainly didn’t live up to the predecessor. That’s kind of what I expect to happen here, I think this will be a good movie, but I don’t think it will be in the same neighborhood as the original. We’ll just have to see what happens but my money wouldn’t be on lightning striking the ocean twice… unless we’re talking real life in here in which case I assume that happens all the time. Why don’t more fish die of electrocution?? Curse you science!!

3. Will Independence Day: Resurgance actually be a good movie??

Umm… it’s weird but I actually kind of think so. I mean I’m purely conjecturifying here but… those trailers have been great! That guy playing Will Smith’s son certainly doesn’t have any of Will Smith’s gravitas (did you lose Michael B Jordan’s phone number?) but that cast looks great and the trailers have had a surprising amount of great looking action. And that’s coming from someone who wasn’t a huge fan of the original, I mean I thought the original was fine but this looks REALLY good.

independence-day-new-poster-2016

In our defense, I had 21 years to prepare for adulthood and I had cold pizza for breakfast so… yeah.

 

4. Wait… they made another Tarzan movie?

Yes. Yes they did. And it looks kinda real bad. I mean it just looks like a movie that watched the Disney version of Tarzan and Tarzan 2 and said… “Oh we can do that.” Without taking into account the fact that those weren’t great movies. And no one really wanted another one. I mean how many Jungle people can we handle in one summer? And The Jungle Book is already making all the money so… I’m just not seeing   this being that great. Or even good. But man that one dude does look like Tarzan. If Tarzan was chiseled out of the most in shape rock ever. They had to invent new names for his muscles cause they just sort of kept popping out everywhere.

tarzan

Just look at that trapicuszoidable muscle.

 

5. Will Secret Life of Pets be better than Zootopia?

The short answer: Hahahahhaha no. Look, I’m not saying this movie will be terrible: but it might be terrible. It has put out some genuinely funny trailers but those trailers have all been more “Here’s a funny thing we thought of with pets” any trailers featuring the actual plot of this movie look… just tired. It’s a VERY familiar looking plot and while I’m sure there will be some funny moments, that’s pretty much all I expect out of this one. This is from the creators of the Minions franchise after all, a franchise that specializes in people saying “Well yeah, it’s not a great movie, but that one scene with that one thing is hilarious.” So yeah… watch Zootopia, wait for a “best of Secret Life of Pets” compilation on YouTube. You’ll thank me.

And there you go guys! Only one more episode of Micah’s Convivial Summer Questions Corner to go!! See ya Friday.

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