Well Internet, we made it. It took us the better part of four years, an almost astonishingly mishandled trailer release, and about a billion pages worth of angry internet people spouting opinions into the cosmos. But we made it. There’s no cute little intro to this, no section where I talk about puppies and chicklets and list my favorite nonviolent dinosaurs. This is business, grim, nasty, somewhat unpleasant business… kind of like…
Micah Reviews: Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.
Over the years (yes yearS) since this movie was announced it’s mostly been bad news. I didn’t really like the title, didn’t like the constant “this Justice League member will be in it, oh and THAT one, and that one,” and really didn’t like the trailers. But a few weeks ago I decided to try my best to put all this behind me, and go into the movie with an open mind, an open heart, and someone else’s open bag of skittle (cause a guys gotta eat.) So, did Batman V Superman award my attempt at open mindedness, and light snack theft?? Meh.
So it’s about 18 months after the events of “Man of Steel” AKA “That Time Superman Destroyed That City and Killed A LOT of People.” Bruce Wayne/Batman is doing his thing in Gotham, Superman is doing his thing… kinda everywhere. But the two are set on a collision course where they will inevitably have NO choice but to fight each other… kind of. I mean if either of them had said I don’t know… three words?? Back and forth they could have cleared the whole thing up pretty easily but they were REAL busy making mopey faces at each other so you can see where they would have been too busy.
Meanwhile Lex Luthor is trying to destroy Superman and then umm… somehow benefit from that??? I guess. Look, I can’t go too much into this without spoiling things in the movie but for those of you who thought: “I bet Zach Snyder didn’t reveal the entire plot of the movie in that trailer” you were mostly wrong. There’s one or two things here that will moderately to slightly MAYBE surprise you. If you’re not paying attention to large parts of the movie. That said, I don’t want to spoil anything too much here so we’ll move on to the pros and cons section.
Okay so there are some things this movie does well primarily (kind of) Batman. Couple really cool action sets with Batman and on the whole I think Ben Affleck did a really good job with it. That said (and I can’t spoil anything here so I won’t be specific) Batman himself is someone horribly misportrayed here. He does a LOT of very unBatman things, which aren’t just concerning for this movie but for all the movies from here on out. You can practically see Zack Snyder running around a room painting Batman into a corner… it’s just… it’s really weird. And unnecessary… maybe we’ll talk about this more in a spoilers section down below. I enjoyed Batman here and I really did like Batfleck it’s just… you wonder if Snyder really knows who Batman is or what makes him and his villains (one in particular) intriguing.
The fight scenes are good. Batman vs. Superman itself is cool (though shorter than I thought/hoped it would be) and the fight with a certain person whose appearance was spoiled in the trailer is… fine. Kind of CG and hard to see exactly what was going on, but they were strong on the whole.
I thought the look of the movie was cool, like the costumes and the powers look good.
Really the cast does well. They don’t have much to do, but they do well.
This movie is… just a mess. The plot doesn’t make sense. The reason Batman and Superman fight each other is completely avoidable and the reason they stop fighting is literally laughable. Lex Luthor’s plot is really vague and even if he succeeds you’re not sure exactly what good it will do him. Wonder Woman just sort of flits in and out and while I liked her character she didn’t really add or subtract anything from the movie. She was just sort of there.
The world still doesn’t work for me. And not just cause it’s grim (as I’ve said before) I’m fine with a grim super hero world. DC shouldn’t just make other Marvel movies, they should do their own thing, and a more dark world could definitely work. This one doesn’t. Cause it’s not just dark it’s utterly joyless. The heroes mope and pout and growl at each other. A building explodes and Superman just kind of stands there looking grim at things rather than… I don’t know, doing something.
Lex Luthor (one of the things I thought could work in this movie) REALLY didn’t. Not cause of Jesse Eissenberg, who was fine, but because his character just didn’t work. He fell into that classic Marvel movie villain trope where halfway through the movie he just kind of went insane for no reason. Lex Luthor is supposed to be this charismatic character who beats people by outthinking them, and out inventing them. He’s dangerous because he’s so thoughtful and methodic. He’s not yet another Joker rip-off whose plan is basically “let’s do this thing and hopefully it will hurt some people, and benefit me somehow!!!”
In the end Batman V Superman is basically what we thought it would be. It’s basically Man of Steel with Batman. If you really liked Man of Steel, than you’ll really like this, and that’s fine. You do you. If, like me, you were underwhelmed by Man of Steel but not completely appalled by it, then that’s what this will do. I enjoyed BvS, but I didn’t enjoy it a lot. I thought it was fine, there was just enough cool comic book action to help me get over the blah world and characters. I certainly don’t regret watching it, but I probably will never watch it again.
I give it 2 Mopey Heroes, out of 5.
So there you go guys, it was a LOOOONG time coming. But we made it. And in the end… I guess it was worth it?? Maybe. And now one brief spoiler section on Batman so if you care about such things PLEASE stop reading here.
Seriously though, stop.
Here we go.
So… Batman kills people. Like a lot of people… with guns and bullets and things. WHAT??? Now look, Batman has always killed some people. I mean he punches people and drives a huge tank around after villains, invariably he will kill some people. He’s also killed some people VERY deliberately before. It’s something that has happened. But always at the core of Batman is the no kill rule (also no guns but… I mean let’s not get crazy with keeping true to the source material huh?) Batmans no kill rule is what makes him unique. Without that he’s just a rich guy, murdering dudes while dressed like a lunatic. It is also (and this is my main gripe) at the core of a lot of his relationships with his villains ESPECIALLY the Joker. The classic line from the Dark Knight about “an unstoppable force, meeting an immovable object’ is what Batman vs. the Joker is all about. If Batman is willing to kill people by say, murdering them with a chain gun mounted on the Batwing, or dragging their car behind the Batmobile like a Miley Cyrus wrecking ball, then him not just murdering the Joker and all his other villains is downright irresponsible. How can you make a Batman movie without that central internal conflict??? It’s just weird. And dumb. So I don’t know whether future Batman movies will just ignore all this and bring back Batman’s no kill rule, or whether they’ll try and somehow give us a weird reason Batman won’t kill the main villains but it just doesn’t make sense. So thanks, Zach Snyder, not only did you kinda ruin Batman V Superman, but you’ve succeeded in kind of ruining future Batman movies. Thanks a lot.