So I wasn’t really planning on doing a Weekly Headlines this week, because if I’ve proven anything in the last four hundred or so posts, it’s that I am a bastion of mislabeling and not meeting expectations, but kind of a lot has happened in the last week or so, and thus (against my lazyer angels) I present an actual weekly edition, of the weekly headlines.

The Weekly Headlines 3-9-2016

In our lead story everyone is freeking out because the new Ghostbusters movie released a trailer and it was (admittedly) not great. But seriously internet,: chill. This is what Hollywood does these days, they make mediocre to bad remakes of things you loved and (very rarely) actually do justice to something. In no way does the release of this Ghostbusters affect your childhood memories of the originals. This is just another thing. The backlash against this trailer has been massive and (as stated) it was not a good trailer, but the movie could still be good. It’s a very talented, funny cast and I still think they might pull it off, but even if they don’t, the world will spin on. You will still be able to watch the original Ghostbusters and can feel free to ignore this entirely. That’s your right, you person you. Feel free to not see this movie if you want to really not see it, but don’t go on YouTube and spew your opinion all over the internet to a film company that (let’s be honest here) doesn’t care at all about your opinion. They just want your money.


Unfortunately the Internet lacks a ‘chill the heck out’ button.


Also: people bought tickets to London has Fallen. Lots of people. Just– just why, guys?

In happy news Tom Hiddleston has thrown his hat into the 007 ring, as the old Bondilicious mashes the reset  button on Daniel Craig’s craggy face. Honestly, I think he’d be a great choice. The reason James Bond has lasted as long as he has is that the series takes a look around at what’s popular in the action genre, copies it, and throws in a dude in a suit and a girly drink. Craigs Bond was very clearly modeled after the Bourne movies, a gritty grit style of spy movie that favored harsh combat and heartfelt stares at the ocean. The new action movies though are leaning more towards big set pieces and senses of humor and if we learned anything from the mediocre pile of meh that was Spectre it’s that Craig was really not interested in injecting any fun into the franchise. Hiddleston though could definitely do that. So whatever, I think he would do awesome and I’m interested to see who they end up going with, just as long as that persons face isn’t all craggily and Craigy.

Mercy Street was recently renewed for a second season by PBS. Mercy Street of course is about umm… well it has to do with… Yeah, no one is watching this show.

Mercy Street

“Okay so… what is our show about again?”


Daredevil Season 2 comes out next week and early reviewers seem to agree that it’s basically pretty awesome, (which is good) though the pacing issues from season 1 are back, which means we can look forward to an episode or two where the characters sit on couches and explore their emotions and Daredevil spends a lot of time feeling bad about punching people,  before he continues to punch people.

At the box office this week Zootopia took the top spot and currently sits at a whopping 98% approval on According to critics it’s ‘delightful’ ‘deep’ and ‘thought provoking.’ According to the children who watched it, it was ‘funny’ and ‘there were some sloths and a fox and… some sloths.’ Stupid children and there children’s movie.


“Dang kids.”


Opening this weekend is The Divergent Series: Allegiant a movie that roughly four people will see… and three of them will be disappointed. Studies have shown that the fourth person, will be asleep.

J.K. Simmons was cast as Commissioner Gordon in the upcoming Justice League Part 1 Movie and that is potentially the best casting ever. Of anything. I mean Gary Oldman was great as Commissioner Gordon but J.K. Simmons takes great to whole new levels of great. Whole new mustache covered levels of sweetness. If nothing else good comes out of this movie, at least we’ll always have JK Simmons. Thank you, DC. Thank you.


Sure they stole him from Spiderman, but some things are just worth stealing.

And there you have it internet, an actual weekly version, of the weekly headlines. I know, the miracles never cease.

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