Well hey Internet, and congratulations. We made it. We survived the horrors of Jefbruary. The empty theaters, the sad movies. The weeping faces of our children, the cries of our elderly, the beards of our peers. We made it.
And so we welcome March, like Creed would want us to, with arms wide open. And what does March hug us back with? What warm cinematic delights will be served on our barren plates? Let’s find out together.
The Marvelous Movies of March
March 4th –
Knight of Cups – Terrence Malick returns with Knight of Cups a movie about Christian Bale and… yeah I have no idea what this is about. It’s Terrence Malick though so… odds are I won’t know what it’s about after I watch it either. Something something ‘follow your heart’ something something ‘maybe the world isn’t so bad.’ Oscar nomination.
Zootopia – Take your kids to see this movie. I don’t know what else to tell you, if you don’t have kids, borrow someone else’s kids and take them… Or… ya know, just go. Avoid the criminal charges. It’s gonna be great. Of course it’s gonna be great, it’s Disney. They have literally copywrited ‘great.’
London Has Fallen – Nope.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot – Tina Fey stars in a movie about an American reporter in war time Afghanistan. Looks pretty solid honestly, good cast, decent looking script. I don’t think it’ll be anything to change your life but this looks like a nice, well thought out mix of comedy and drama. I mean I’d go see Zootopia first (cause Disney owns… ya know everything) but this looks really good.
Wow, look at March coming out of the gate strong. Thanks March, we missed you.
March 11th –
The Brothers Grimsby – Oh look it’s that guy from Borat and he made a spy movie… yay?? Oh wait no. It’s gonna be terrible.
10 Cloverfield Lane – Look, I wasn’t a huge fan of the original Cloverfield because I enjoy movies that look like they were filmed by professionals, and make sense. That said this looks… good? I mean if nothing else it’s impressive that up until about a month ago no one knew this movie existed at all. I’m gonna keep an eye on this, if the reviews are good I’ll probably check it out, if nothing else just to see that guy who voiced Sully from Monsters Inc. go completely insane. Nothing like slowly stabbing my childhood memories to death.
March 18th –
The Divergent Series: Allegiant – Wait these movies are still going?? Is this the third one or the fourth one?? Is Four still alive? Is his name still Four??
March 25th –
Get a Job – Anna Kendrick and Miles Teller star in a coming of age story about two college graduates who work a series of strange jobs and learn about… life?? I gues. Anyway, the movie also star Bryan Cranston and seems to be a pretty solid entry into a fairly saturated ‘Boy Life After College Kind of Sucks Doesn’t It?’ movies. It’ll be good, not sure about anything else but I’ll probably see it.
I Saw the Light – Tom Hiddleston (yes, Loki/British Tom Hiddleston) stars as country western star Hank Williams… Yup, Country Western. Tom Hiddleston. If nothing else you’ll see this cause your desperate to hear Tom Hiddleston talk in a DEEP southern accent for 2 hours. I fully intend to just pretend this is a weird sort of Earthcation for Loki for the entire movie and that may make this the best movie ever.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 – Sigh….
Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice – I know I’ve been kind of/incredibly cynical about this movie but now that its here I’m ready to try and put aside my concerns and hopefully just enjoy what happens on the screen. Look, this won’t be a great movie, but that doesn’t mean I can’t sit down and enjoy the parts of it that are good right?? The biggest problem with Batman v Superman (aside from the fact that it’s ‘vs.’) is that the Internet (myself included) has had two years to find things not to like about it. Granted, there have been some VERY poor decisions made by the promoters of it, but I think it’s time to set aside our past, and give Batman v Superman a chance to be good. Batfleck forever!!
So there you go guys! The cinema returns!! Dinner and a movie dates can come back!! Be at peace my inter-children!! Be at peace.