Well hey Internet, sorry for the brief delay in posting yesterday (i.e. I didn’t) but here we are today, facing a new day… today. Specifically. Anyway, let’s just make with the headlines shall we ?

Weekly Headlines 3-2-2016

High School Musical 4 is officially happening guys. This is it. It’s the end.


And you thought Trump was gonna destroy America!… Politics!!!


In positive news, there’s a new Finding Dory trailer, and that looks great. A whole new generation of children can watch this movie hundreds of times and force their parents to buy them fish and then watch those fish slowly die, sad deaths. Thanks, Disney.

Leanardo DeCaprio finally won his Oscar award. A huge testament to rich, beautiful people everywhere, that if they really stick to their guns, make lots of money, and date super models, they too can win tiny golden statues and have everyone applaud them for it. Seriously though: congrats Leo. Way to not let that bear keep you down.


He overcame so much!!… I guess.


Gods of Egypt was released this week. And it was exactly bad as we all thought it inevitably would be. Cause nothing says bad movie quite like a Scottish guy and aGgreek guy playing Egyptian guys in a movie released in February.

Meanwhile, Deadpool continues to reign mightily oe’r the box office, but lurking in the shadows like an adorably animated death Puma, is Disney’s Zootopia coming out this weekend. A movie that not only ticks all the “great kids movie” boxes but also currently sits at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. So enjoy this last week on your throne Deadpool, the children are coming!!!

Mad Max: Fury Road won 6 Academy Awards Sunday, making it the first movie to ever win academy awards while featuring a blind man, playing a flaming guitar, on top of a truck filled with speakers. I didn’t research that stat at all but… it feels pretty safe.


6 Oscars everone… 6.


Terrence Malick’s new film “Knight of Cups” comes out this weekend, all we really know about it right now is it’s gonna be REAL weird, and star Christian Bale.

Also being released this week: London Has Fallen, A movie starring a Scottish guy, pretending to be American, defending Britain. Yeah… we’re sorry Britain, this one got away from us. Please don’t stop sending us Sherlock just cause we did this to you.

Hit show Downton Abbey is about to air its final episode next week. Expert predictors have said: Something British will happen, and have confirmed that Mary married arguably the least interesting race car driver, to ever drive a race car.


He’s sponsored by Z-Quil, Nyquil, and the Sheep Counting Federation.


In sports news: Spring Training has started, and me and all my nerdy baseball friends, excitedly gathered in our basements and started comparing stat sheets.

In other Oscar news Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu won the award for ‘Most Likely Person to Have Made Up Their Name.’ And Inside Out won for ‘Best Animated Feature’ and ‘Feature You Definitely Cried At.’

And there you have it guys! Check back in tomorrow for more Thoughts, more words, and more… basically of me… sayin’ stuff.

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