Okay guys… I’m back. Sorry for my absence, the times were trying, the brain cells were dying, and the babies were crying… I mean not my babies. But someone had a baby… and presumably it cried. Cause I’m pretty sure that’s what they do like… 90 percent of the time. But anyway: I’m back. And ready to break down some super bowl trailers.
But first… an important public service message. Guys, I tried to watch Grease: 3 times. And I never made it… I learned that I hate teenagers in the 50’s. I learned that high school is the worst place ever. I learned that “Grease is the word…” Whatever that means. I’m sorry, I’ve let you all down. I’ve dropped the ball. And I’m sorry. But I can’t watch Grease. I am physically incapable.
But on to movies I do care about!!
Independence Day: Resurgence
Okay two things: 1. I have only watched the original Independence Day once. And I was not super impressed. And yet fact 2: I’m weirdly excited for this movie. It looks great, what was the last really good “Aliens Invade Earth” movie?? The Avengers?? And that only barely counts, because it was a movie about the Avengers, and only a tiny bit about the invasion. I’m all in for this, Jeff Goldbloom looks great, the Alien spaceship looks huge, sign me up. I’m all down for that action.
Gods of Egypt
Yeah… I’m out. Sorry guys, it was fun pretending this movie might be okay. But I’m out. The weird lines, the tired sounding story, both the lead characters looking like they’re mostly asleep during their lines. At best, we’re looking at an ‘okay’ movie, but it will not be okay. It will be bad. Thanks for trying Gods of Egypt, but move along folks. Nothing to see here.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows
And speaking of nothing to see here… No, look. Let’s take a second and give Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the teensiest, tinesiest, bit of credit… it’s a kid movie. There. I did it. Of course, it’s gonna be kind of dumb, and immature and not make a ton of sense, we got spoiled by comic movies being primarily aimed at young adults and I think we expected the same from TMNT but (in their defense) they made a kids movie. I’m not saying it was a great kids movie, nay not even a good kids movie. But it was a kids movie, I’m gonna find something else to make fun of.
The Secret Life of Pets
This looks… fine. Given a choice between this and the Zootopia movie coming out later this year, I’m going Zootopia all the way. This looks like a movie with decent trailers that used up all its truly funny content in said trailers. I’m not saying it’ll be bad, but it won’t be great.
Captain America Civil War
Everything I watch from this movie makes me more and more excited to see it. The cast looks great, the storyline looks really solid, it’s not giving away too much/the entire plot *cough* BatmanVSuperman *cough.* I honestly don’t have much more than that to say… looks great… excited to see it. I will say, I hope we don’t see too much more from this movie. I’m good, thanks Marvel. I may go out of my way NOT to watch anything else from this movie, it looks really good, but I don’t want to know anymore. Make it stop.
Yeah… still have no idea what this movie is gonna be. Giant purple man, punching people. Still not convinced Jean Grey can talk with an American accent for a whole movie… hate that man with the angel wings though. Real weird that he’s got wings and then umm… that’s it. Like just wings. Given a choice of mutant powers wouldn’t you aim higher than ‘he can fly… cause wings.”
Look, I’m okay with Jason Bourne coming back… I mean the last James Bond movie was ‘meh’ and I guess there’s not really another good spy movie coming out next year… so whatever. Fine. Bring it on, Jason, let’s see what happens. Punch some people, stab a dude with a pen, seemed to work pretty well last time.
10 Cloverfield Lane
Well… no idea what this is about. Not sure I care. Got real tired of the original cause the camera was shaking and I couldn’t see anything cause whoever did the camera work was some rank amateur. Like the guy had no idea what he was doing, and I somehow was still expected to pay full price?? I think not.
I mean this looks fine, and nothing like the original Cloverfield, and John Goodman is a crazy man in a bunker. So what’s not to like?
The Jungle Book
Okay so this was really the only full trailer out there on this list and it was pretty good I guess. This will be a very interesting looking movie. The voice cast will be great, the story will be solid. I don’t know that it will be awesome. I’m not sure that the little underwear boy there can act, and while the voice work is great I find the whole animals mouth moving thing… unsettling. Maybe it’ll be fine over the course of the movie, maybe it’ll be a fun trip to the uncanny valley. We’ll just have to see what happens. Still though, I appreciate the full trailer, and not just a 30 second thing that doesn’t tell me anything.
Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice
So… this was real weird. Why does Turkish airlines fly to a city in mythological America?? And hey, I watched the Dark Knight Rises. I am NOT going to Gotham. Does Turkish Airlines serve Turkish delight??? Cause they should. Oh yeah, I should talk about what they showed from the new movie in this!! Oh, wait that was nothing. You think Zach Snyder heard all the backlash from that time he released the movies entire plot and thought to himself ‘Fine, not only will my next trailer show NOTHING about the movie but I will also use it as a not even thinly veiled money grab! Take THAT, Internet.’
Hope this other trailer is more informative.
Oh wait no, it was pretty much exactly the same. Well… this all ended on a downer didn’t it??
And there you go guys, the Super Bowl Trailers… which was really just one trailer and a bunch of 30 second clips that didn’t show anything. So yay… I guess? Anyway, check back in tomorrow for my first movie review of 2016!! Wherein I review the Cohen brother new movie: Hail Caesar.