5 Big Questions for the Force Awakens

Posted: December 18, 2015 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , ,

We’ve almost made it guys. We’re almost to the Force Awakens and let me tell you it is getting harder and harder for me to pretend that I’m an actual, functioning adult. I mean come on gang, this is Star Wars!!! New and (According to Rotten Tomatoes anyway) good Star Wars movies!! It’s a pretty sweet time to be alive.

Okay so, in this my last post before that wonderful night when I go and watch the new Star Wars whatever shall we talk about? Shall we speculate completely wildly on the movie and probably make a colossal moron of myself just in time to act like a colossal geek in front of my wife when we actually go to the theater to see Star Wars?? Sure. Why not. It’s not like that second thing won’t wipe out any damage done by the first thing anyway.

It’s important to note here that none of these are not spoilers. I know literally nothing about these movies other then what was in the trailers. Heck, I haven’t seen all the trailers, just the two main ones. This is all just insane speculation. I actually took out a whole question and replaced it with another one cause I thought that I somehow stumbled onto the correct answer to a VERY plot centric question, so seriously, you have nothing to worry about here.

5 Big Questions for the Force Awakens

Question 1: Will this thing be any good anyway??

An obvious but VERY important question. Simply put: very probably yes. Look, this movie has thus far gotten great reviews and JJ Abrams is a known, quality director. Abrams has never made anything face meltingly good, but he also hasn’t made anything face meltingly bad, or anything that would stop one from being able to feel ones face when they were with him.  Abrams makes pretty good movies, the cast looks solid, and early reviews are great.

I’m not saying this will be the movie to forever change your life and heart and child’s diapers. I’m not even saying it will dethrone Empire Strikes Back as the best Star Wars movie, but it will probably be good.

Question 2: Who are all the new peeps?

Okay so we’ve got Ray, Fin, Kylo, and… Po?? As the new characters. Wait wait Po? You know the last time a group of four being were concluded by someone named Po????


So here’s hoping there’s not a ton in common there.


Well that’s… unsettling. But anyway the odds them being teletubbies is fairly low. But who are they? Well let’s start with the free agents shall we? I’m guessing that Po Dameron or however you spell his last name probably isn’t anyone’s son.

I mean I’m sure he’s someone’s son. Just not one of the big 3 from the previous series. Maybe he’s Wedge’s son or Porkins son, or Boba Fett’s great nephew or something I don’t know, but I think it’s a fair bet he’s not attached to any big lead characters.

I also really hope Fin is just a guy. I mean it’d be fine if he was Lando’s son but the fact that the one black guy in this movie, would then be the one black guy in the other movies kid is just…. weird. If we’re diversifying the galaxy a bit why not let their be at least the possibility of two different black males in it shall we?

Plus it’d be kind of cool to have him as just some random guy thrust into a crazy situation rather then being some destined child of Mace Windu or something like that.

That leave Ray (Daisey Ridley) and Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) left of the new big named characters to be the child of either Han and Leia or Luke and… whoever. Of course the weird thing there is Luke is married in the books and does have a kid but we threw out the books when we made these new movies and now Luke’s marital status is suddenly entirely unknown. My best guess (and this is a guess) is that Ray and Kylo are actually BOTH Han and Leia’s kids. It makes sense and continues Star Wars weird tradition of having siblings who don’t know their siblings. On the plus side it seems real unlikely that these two will be kissing. Thank goodness.

Question 3: Is Boba Fett still around? 

So you all remember Boba Fett, right? In the movies we knew him as the guy who had to specifically be told not to ‘disintegrate’ the people he was supposed to capture, got CRAZY lucky by happening to park his spaceship in such a way that it would get thrown out in the trash, and then succeeded in getting killed by a blind person, by accident. So not exactly a stellar resume’ as far as the films are concerned. That said, in the books he survives said accidental murders and comes back bigger and less clumsier then ever!!


He probably got that dent in his helmet from walking into a wall.


But the books don’t actually count anymore so does Boba Fett come back in the new series? In short: yes. People love Boba Fett, and Disney would have to be REALLY stupid not to use that to their advantage. Now, that doesn’t mean I think he’ll be in The Force Awakens, I really don’t. I do think somewhere in the movie though someone will drop a subtle hint or throw-away line that Fett is alive. Something like “Boy I’d love to sell you that sandwich, but I already told some funny looking guy in a green Helmet that he could have it, not sure what his name was, real slimy though, looked like he just crawled out of a sarlaac or something!! Ha ha ha.”

My guess is we see Fett in Episode 8, when our heroes have to team up with him for some vague reason. Even JJ can only open so many cans of worms at once.

Question 4: Will Hayden Christensen come back?

Good gravy I hope not. But it could happen, I mean cloning is definitely a thing and Kylo Ren (not exactly the poster child for mental stability) does have Vaders helmet…. but I mean come on. I spent HOURS having Star Wars ruined by Hayden Christensen’s stupid man face. SURELY JJ Abrams will keep Christensen’s mopey sad visage out of my Star Wars right JJ??? RIGHT!?!?!?!?!

Question 5: Do ANY characters from the prequels show up? 

Ummm… no??? I think. I mean most of them are dead right?? Yoda, Obi-wan, Anakin (PLEASE no JJ), even minor-ish characters like Bail Organa (Leia’s adoptive daddy who done got blowed up by that there Death Star) are pretty dead. I mean sure we never saw Jar-Jar die but there’s no WAY Jar-Jar is in this. No. Way. So probably not, which is kinda weird. I mean sure it’s been like 60 years of movie time since those things happened but you’d think someone would still be around in a space age future world wouldn’t you?? That said most of those characters died in those movies and the ones who survived were later killed in the 4-6. I mean I guess technically Boba is from the original trilogy but like I said I don’t think he’s actually seen here. And yes R2 and C3PO were in the prequels but they definitely don’t count. I mean, come on.


“It’s all right R2, he’s just jealous.”


So there you go guys, good times, at a great price. Now go out there, grab that toy lightsaber, and find a theatre to watch the Force Awakens at. It’s gonna be good times!!

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