Well hey guys, and welcome to another incredible episode of a series in which I make snap judgements about things, that I do not have all the information about, and into which I have put no research… so basically every post. This also marks the end of a week in which I posted twice (the right number of posts) but managed to do those two posts on other days then I am supposed to do them. This is a lot like doing the right thing for the wrong reasons except in this case it’s doing the right thing for the wrong reasons at the wrong time for the right purpose. So put that in your little hat and smoke it.

But enough useless extemporaneousing, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes of this blog: Wild and unfounded speculation.

Judging Covers 12-4-2015 

Captain America: Civil War

Ah, now see that’s just great. I’m very excited for this movie because (hopefully) it’s a VERY different direction for the Marvel franchise. This isn’t just another “Oh no someone’s trying to destroy the world, with an ancient weapon from the dawn of time and a spatula.” This is a real, personal story about a group of people with very similar goals but very disparate ways of achieving those goals… And also lots of  people punching each other. But mostly just that first thing.

This trailer also gives us our first look at the sweet sweet Black Panther costume, which is (as previously mentioned) pretty dang sweet. I’m gonna talk a little more about this trailer after I’m done with the next one so I don’t want to use all my ammunition early but this looks like a real solid movie. It has a very similar feel to Captain America: Winter Soldier which was really solid and just felt more ground level than Age of Ultron (which I loved) but for a smaller scale story, I think the Winter Soldier style fits a lot better. I’m very excited for this movie and this trailer only made me more excited. And now… for that other one.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice 

So… is it just me or is that the entire movie we just watched?? Cause I kind of feel like it was the entire movie. I mean… look let’s not get ahead of ourselves, this could still be a good movie. But… that was the plot of the movie. Batman and Superman meet they don’t like each other, they have different ideologies, here comes Lex Luthor who wants Batman to fight Superman, Batman fights Superman, they realize maybe they’re not that different and should have hugs and kittens and puppies and not fight, so Lex Luthor makes Doomsday and sends him to kill Superman… and then Wonder Woman shows up. Sooooo yeah… that’s the movie.

Look I hate that this blog always makes me sound like a DC hater and a Marvel… appreciater. But DC just gave away the entire plot of their movie and the one thing we weren’t sure was going to happen (Doomsday showing up) in like… the second trailer for the movie? Whereas Marvel just put out a great trailer that left a lot of things unanswered but highlighted the interesting and (hopefully) different plot points of this movie. None of that is to say BvS will be bad, or that Civil War will be good, these are (after all) just trailers. But isn’t it probably a bad thing that I just summarized what is 99% likely the plot of Batman vs. Superman after watching a 3 minute trailer? Sure, there could be some crazy twist in there that no one will see coming but… probably not. Maybe Aquaman shows up and kills Doomsday with Sharks or something I don’t know, but I kinda doubt it.

I mean, look, to a certain point every movies plot is fairly predictable; especially a movie like Batman 5 Superman. You can’t have Batman kill Superman with Kryptonite and then move on to found a successful line of Bat-bakeries. They’re going to fight, then they’re probably going to team up. But I’m pretty sure I didn’t need that 100% confirmed. At least leave me thinking you MIGHT mix it up.

I realize comic book movies mostly make money on the ways in which dudes punch other dudes (or dude-etts) in their various facial reasons but you’ve got to at least TRY and have an unpredictable plot right?? So maybe this will still be a good movie, and hey Eisenberg and Affleck really looked awesome in their respective new roles so I’m excited for that. Also, can someone explain to me why Superman seems to now have adopted the constant facial expression of a man who has too recently changed a dirty diaper?? I’m just asking.

Okay so those were the big trailers, and me writing long paragraphs about things that I probably have entirely misunderstood, but before we leave; before I send you off like babes into the wild wild world without these walls let’s just take ourselves a second and watch a VERY well done trailer for a movie for which I am VERY excited.

A Monster Calls 

Ah… wasn’t that great?? Doesn’t it just cleanse your pallet after listening to me gripe about ‘Batman 5 Superman: Let the Money Roll Over You.’ I’m super excited for this movie, and for spending a solid hour and a half of theater times covered in the smooth, dulcet, chocolaty, tones of Mr. Liam Neeson. Goodnight everyone, and God bless.

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